Game Dev Story

The Short


Pros
- Silly, addicting little game simulating running a game-making company
- Has a massive amount of variety, factors, and depth when it comes to making games
- While more a game than a simulation itself, the core things work wonderfully
- Seriously, you think you are going to play for five minutes, and next thing you know it's been four hours
- Allows you to start a new game with the (majority) of your upgrades intact
- Parodies of real-world consoles and development stages are entertaining and cute
- I made a "Bikini Kart Racer" on the Game Boy that sold three million copies and got two sequels on a Blu-Ray home system. Game of the year.
- Also, you can hire a monkey

Cons
- If you are Min/Max gamer, this game will ruin you
- Also, if you are not someone who plays games a lot, the complete lack of instruction can be annoying
- It hides most of its math, etc. behind the cute visuals, so it can be hard to know why a game succeeded or failed
- The first hour or so you only make games that suck, which can be discouraging
- Making your own console is so obscure I'm fairly certain nobody has figured it out without reading a guide
- Doesn't use the full iOS/Android screen, and doesn't have retina display support

Yes, I made a wrestling MMO called Wrestle Online. Game of the Year. 

The Long

Before I begin it's worth noting that my wife already reviewed most of Kairosoft's Games on her blog. She's played more of them than I have, and while I've spent at least a little time in all of them, all in all Game Dev Story is really the only one that I couldn't stop playing and spent enough time with to review. Point being: they make some excellent iOS and Android games, all in the style of the old "Tycoon" games, and are worth checking out if you own an device.

But Game Dev Story is my favorite. Here's why.

My game company, Hacktavision, making the big bucks. 

Game Dev Story is about as meta as at gets. A game simulating game making? How quaint! But beneath the colorful visuals and deceivingly simple interface, Game Dev Story is a deep and complex simulation game, one that does a damned good job of sucking all your time away when you least expected it to.

The point is simple: you have fifteen years to make the biggest game company in the world. You start of small in (what I assume) is around 1984-1985, with the NES being the newest big thing. You start with just four employees, but as your games get better and you start winning awards and getting fanmail you'll move to a bigger office and hire more people. All the while new game consoles are coming out (which are entertaining parodies of real-world systems; I always wanted to make a Virtual Boy game) so you have to manage licencing fees in order to keep up with the trend (protip: just build Game Boy games. Seriously, that thing was around forever and always relevant). 

It's funny because it's "Intendro"

So how do you make a game? Well, Game Dev Story streamlines the process. Essentially you start with a limited number of genres and styles, and you mix-and-match two (like "Bikini" and "MMO"), pick your game system, and start development. It always happens in three stages: design, graphics, and sound, where you can pick employees to give it "stats" boosts. Every game also has five key stats: Gameplay, creativity, graphics, sound, and bugs. The amount you earn during the allotted "design time" (no vaporware here; your games are always released on a deadline) depends on employees, and its always followed by bugtesting (or you can just ship the game buggy and take a hit to your scores). Then you sit back and watch the profits roll in! Or design your next game. Which would be smart. 

There's just so much to do in this game it's almost overwhelming. If you are low on cash you can just do side-jobs for other companies to earn the money to fund your next big project. Advertising is important, as you have to cater to both genders as well as a wide range of ages. Consoles rise and fall with market share, and putting a game out on the more popular ones is smart but expensive. Employees need to be trained and leveled up, earning access to new genres and types, but you also need to cycle through them in order to make the best team. Picking a right genre/type combination (like Action RPG + Fantasy) will level it up, earning you points to put into making your game have a niche appeal, be more accessible, etc. Sell well enough and a game can earn a direct sequel, boosting sales but if the sequel sucks the franchise dies. Lastly, you'll receive fanmail, be featured on various gaming magazines, compete to win various Game of the Year awards, and go to E3 every year. Yeah, all in a little silly handheld game. Nuts. 

Fantasy RPGs are expensive to develop, but can move a TON of units. 

It's extremely addicting, mostly because you are constantly being rewarded. While it is possible to screw up and run out of money completely, usually you are just teetering on the brink between financial success and ruin, making every game's sales absolutely necessary for your company to survive. But, seeing as it is smart to be designing your next game while the previous is selling, you'll be watching sales while working on Bikini Online 2.0 or Guitar Hero Space Shooter. It's very hard to stop making just "one more game," and this was the first iOS game I literally played from 100% battery life down to 0%. Hours and hours sitting in the BYU Library when I should have been studying. Whoops.

Like most Kairosoft Games, however, it has one rather big issue: the in-game tutorials are almost nonexistent. The game gives you the bare basics on how the game works, directing you in how to make your first game, but never bothers telling you how to make a game good or which stats are preferable for which stages of the design process or anything like that. So your first run you might fumble about for the first decade while trying to get your bearings, though it does make the game more intense when you are struggling against total financial and company-wide ruin. Most of your upgrades carry over to new games, so your second playthrough will almost always be better than the first. Just...don't try to Min/Max your stats in this, trust me. It's possible but extremely difficult and has a hefty amount of luck involved. It'll kill you. Seriously.

"Worked really hard?" For 1 Gameplay and 42 Creativity? Somebody needs a motivational poster!

There are a few other little niggles. You can only have one save aside from the autosave, meaning sharing the game is impossible. While it does try to cover a very wide scope of the video game industry, some stuff is neglected. Why, if I make a game console, do I not receive royalties from people making games from it? Why is the PC always the worst console throughout the whole game (if you want a bigger challenge, try beating the game only making PC games. It's hard!)? Why is the best console I can make only 64 Bit, when I can put a Blu-Ray player in there? Why can't I influence market share if I consistently put awesome, high selling games out on a failing system? How on earth did I sell 10 million copies of Ninja: A Noire Shinobi on my home console when I only sold 5 million consoles? While the little touches are what make this game, I couldn't help but think there should be more of them.

Graphics are also pretty unimpressive. On both Android (my Kindle Fire) and my iPhone the game looks blurry and blown up. It also is the only Kairosoft game that doesn't use the whole screen; it's just a rectangle in the middle. I understand these are ports of Japanese PC games, but it kind of looks bad. While it doesn't matter because the graphics are really just placeholders for the mad math going on in the background, it wouldn't have hurt to have updated it for widescreen and retina display. 

"Ponies vs Zombies" is going to sell out.

As it stands, Game Dev Story is fantastic. If you have any interest in the video game industry at all, this representation slash parody of the industry is hilarious and clever. But even if you don't, the core game here is so addicting and fun it's worth checking out regardless. It'll suck you in fast, trust me, and the minute you end you'll want to start over and do it again. Kairosoft is making a name for their fantastic tycoon games on mobile devices, and Game Dev Story is no exception.

It runs at $4 on iOS and $2.50 on Android normally, but every time a new Kairosoft game is put out (which is usually one a month) they tend to discount the previous ones, so if the tag looks a little high you can always hold out. I paid $6 for it when it was the only Kairosoft game on the market, and I don't regret it in the slightest. Fun, silly, and with plenty of tongue-in-cheek, Game Dev Story is downright fantastic.

Now port the second one, Kairosoft! Hurry up!

Four out of five stars. 

This pretty much sums it up. 

Zuma's Revenge

The Short


Pros
- Follow-up to the excellent and addicting Zuma game
- Adds many more levels, a handful of new powerups, and new game modes
- Adventure mode, challenge mode, gauntlet modes, and more make this a robust collection
- Stages have weird boss fights the fit the gameplay style (oddly enough...)
- Graphically superior to its predecessor
- Better learning curve overall, though it does get very difficult by the end
- Makes a fantastic phone/tablet game

Cons
- Core gameplay is identical to Zuma
- Still no actual mini-games aside from the boss battles
- Boss battles can range in difficulty from annoying and difficulty to extremely easy, seemingly at random

Yep. More balls.

The Long

So Zuma was pretty good, it just lacked variety. It also had an insane learning curve that turned some people away. Luckily, PopCap seemed to figure that out, because Zuma's Revenge pretty much fixes every issue I had with Zuma, and in the best way possible. So since this is technically the third review of games using this same gameplay mechanic, I'm going to try and be brief. 

Also, balls.

You know he likes it. 

So Zuma's Revenge is Zuma. You are a still a frog in the center of a long pathway of slowly-moving balls, and your goal is to make three or more balls of the same color match so they EXPLODE. Power-ups are randomly distributed throughout the chain and have to be gotten within a time limit or they fade from existence forever. Bonus points (in the form of fruit instead of coins this time) appear every once in a while in the corners, helping fill up your Zuma meter faster and ending the level. There's a boatload of stages to play with hardly any repeats this time around, which is excellent. So it's still Zuma. What's different?

Probably the best change is the increased variety in stages. Some stages have multiple positions the frog can be in (see top screenshot), requiring you to "hop" between them quickly in order to get the best position to land a shot. These can quickly become frantic attempts to not die as you can only hit part of the chain from either position, requiring lots of movement. The other mix-up in variety is the Luxor inspired stages, where the frog is simple on the bottom of the screen and can go back and forth. It's a good change, incorporating the best bits of the games of this type, and it keeps stuff fresh.

Then you have...boss fights?

The game also inexplicably has boss fights, which...are actually pretty decent. Usually the goal is to get through a chain walling off the guy to smack him with a ball, though some require a bit more tactics (one you have to blow up explosive balls near him to damage him, which is a nice touch). They aren't particularly difficult, to be honest, and though they shoot stuff at you it only serves to disorient; you still die from having the balls reach the end of the stage. I found these diversions a fun thing to look forward to at the end of a section, but not particularly enthralling. So in short: good, but not world-shattering.

There's a handful of new powerups, and they axed all the crappy ones from Zuma

The game looks very good graphically. While this isn't pushing polygons or anything (it runs on my iPhone and my wife's computer, so anything can handle it) it has a very pleasing art style, even more so than the first game. It's got a hefty resolution, vibrant colors and effects, and the stages themselves look really good. I would argue this is PopCap's best looking game by a long shot, with tons of visual flair. It's just a colorful joy to look at, and leaves an impression.

Sound is also excellent, with all dialogue in text (but it's pretty witty). The music is good but unnecessary; I played most of this game on my phone with the sound off and still enjoyed at much as anything else. 

If there's anything frogs like, it's going to the beach to get a tan. 

While this has been a sort of brief review, let me get to the kicker: you should probably buy this game. You should especially buy this game if you own an iPhone or iPad, because that is by far the best version of this game. I had a copy of Zuma on my really old Windows Phone that used a stylus, and it was easily the most played game on it. Zuma's Revenge on iOS is absolutely fantastic, retaining everything from the PC original while having the added benefit of the sublime touch controls. It's extremely fun and an excellent time waster.

There's my plug. Because I really do think this game is awesome.

Plus it has the Zuma voice that goes "ZUUUUUUUUUUMA." 10/10.

Zuma was one of my favorite PopCap games, but Zuma's Revenge blows it out of the water. Again, at $2 on iOS that's a freaking steal, and $10 on PC isn't that bad either. It's easily one of my favorite PopCap games, and shouldn't be missed. If you enjoy your casual games to be secretly hardcore, with your puzzle games having a hefty chunk of action and a lot of difficulty, Zuma's Revenge will surprise and delight you. 

Highly recommended. 

Four out of five stars. 

And this'll be the last review about shooting balls for a while, I swear. 

Week in Review for 4/29/2012 - Doublin' Up

First off, my apologies for missing last week's Week in Review. I totally spaced it! So that's my mistake. It wasn't that busy of a week, but I've been doing this pretty regularly so it was weird to miss. So now you get DOUBLE the week reviews!

The past week had some craziness. At first I was just going to do casual games, and then I decided to do a bunch of fish games because...why not. Then we went back to casual games but I somehow never got to Zuma's Revenge or Bejeweled, which is...a weird oversight. Maybe next week.

In good news, next week due to my work schedule I will actually be doing more reviews (which, coincidentally, only happens when I'm scheduled more. Don't ask why; it's complicated and involves a spouse's work schedule). But anyway, I'm hoping to be much more consistant and charge through a TON of reviews to make up for April being lazy-town. So see that.

Currently I'm playing Age of Empires Online (still), as well as the Silent Hill HD Collection (gotta get the Dog ending...) and finally Mass Effect 3. Once I beat it I'll review all three games in a row, and while I'm loving ME3 I'm worried about the ending because...yeah. You know why. Lastly, I'm finally playing through Sword and Sworcery EP on my iPhone, after owning it for a really, really long time. I'm digging it a lot! It seems to be quite short, but hopefully I'll beat it tonight or tomorrow and get a review up of that as well. I'd love to do an iPhone themed week; maybe it'll happen?

Anyway, 15 reviews of the last two weeks (which averages about one a day, so not bad despite it all) bringing the total to 163. BALLIN. Wet was review 150 (whoops?) but hey...it's under-appreciated. Also we'll be hitting numero 200 soon, so who knows what that review will be of? Something good? Something horrible? A request?

As a reminder: I'm always open to requests. I'll have to have played the game, of course, but I love reviewing what people ask. I might even do a "requests week" sometime if I can get enough feedback!

Lastly, this week doesn't have a theme, but I'm considering digging up my past and reviewing some really old PC games I loved as a child (like Odell Down Under was). This might make for some irrelevant reviews, but I'll enjoy myself so tough toasties. Also, my quest is to review every game I played ever, so...they'll have to get reviewed eventually.

Without further ado...the games of the last two weeks!

You Don't Know Jack - 4 / 5 Stars
Wet - 3 / 5 Stars
Magic the Gathering: Duels of the Planeswalkers - 2 / 5 Stars
Magic the Gathering: Duels of the Planeswalkers 2012 - 3 / 5 Stars
Kirby's Adventure - 5 / 5 Stars
Silent Hill HD Collection - 3 / 5 Stars
Luxor 2 - 2 / 5 Stars
Feeding Frenzy - 2 / 5 Stars
Feeding Frenzy 2: Shipwreck Showdown - 3 / 5 Stars
Odell Down Under - ? (4) / 5 Stars
Shark! Shark! - 3 / 5 Stars
Insaniquarium! Deluxe - 3 / 5 Stars
Peggle - 4 / 5 Stars
Peggle Nights - 4 / 5 Stars
Zuma - 3 / 5 Stars

See you on the flip side! Feel free to post requests in comments, at me on Facebook or on Twitter (@TheUselessGod)!

Zuma

The Short


Pros
- Fun ball-shootin' puzzle action game that's simple in concept but gets difficult
- Aztec/Mayan theme is appealing and looks bright and colorful
- Tons of levels and a variety of stages
- Power-ups are unique, helpful, and require still to obtain
- Can get stupid addicting

Cons
- Ends up recycling stages near the last 1/2 of the game
- Later levels have a difficulty level bordering on insane
- Very hard to play with an Xbox 360/PS3 controller
- No real bonus content to speak of

Another day, another game about balls. 

The Long

So in my Luxor 2 review I pretty much panned the game for ripping this one, Zuma, off. So you'd expect I liked Zuma more, and you'd be correct. While the core components between these two games are essentially the same, Zuma does it with much better skill, style, and polish compared to the inferior Luxor 2.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's just do this review for Zuma.

Frogs n' balls.

Zuma is essentially a puzzle action game, with further emphasis on "action" than "puzzle" as the game goes along. You are a spinning frog in the middle, and around you a winding trail of multicolored balls weaves. By shooting colored balls of your mouth, you insert them into the sequences, and if you make a match of three or more of the same color the balls explode. Your goal is to fill the Zuma meter at the top, at which point the balls will stop coming and you have to clear out the remaining ones to win. If they reach the mouth at the end of the stage you are done. And that's it.

Where Zuma works is not just it's obviously addicting formula, but it's well-designed stages paired with a difficulty curve that starts on "sleepwalk" to "absolutely infuriating." You start with only four different colors of balls, and after each chapter another color is added. Of course, the more colors mean the less combos occurring naturally in the chain, making it harder to get combos. While this is going on the required combos to finish a level goes up, the chain starts further out, and the game basically just gets much harder. By the end the game is straight up crazy, and I take no shame in saying it's one of the hardest casual games I've played.

I mean seriously. Look at this. This guy is so screwed. 

The game tips the balance in your favor with power-ups. Unlike Luxor 2, where just getting three matches in a row drops a random one (letting you "break" the game), Zuma distributes the powerups as special balls on the chain. Destroy them and you gain the power-up, be it area damage, lasers, precision shot (aka useless). But wait too long to claim them and they go away. This adds a sense of reckless abandon, ignoring long-term strategy in an attempt to get to that powerup explosion. It's a sense of risk/reward that Luxor 2 completely ignored and Zuma perfects.

Another risk/reward factor is the coins. Coins are often in the worst spots (see lower left of the above image) but add such a huge boost to the Zuma meter (especially on later levels) they can turn the tides quickly. So trying to get to those while managing powerups and the steadily-increasing difficulty makes Zuma stressful, in a good way.

Exploring ruins with a frog. It's like...everything I ever dreamed of doing. 

Zuma has excellent level design as well, again unlike Luxor 2. While Luxor's paths are just there, Zuma's are obvious from the start, and clearly planned around the spinning frog mechanic. There's also more of them, though they do repeat, but the repeats are so far distanced from the originals it never annoyed me.

If Zuma has one major flaw it's that there are no tricks up its sleeve. Tactics mentioned above (going for powerups and coins) persist throughout the entire game, it just adds more colors of balls. And while you can shoot for high scores or par times (which those par times get nuts), other than keep on playing over and over there isn't much to offer. Sure, the core gameplay is extremely solid, it just lacks in variety. 

You can also cheat with Gap Bonuses if you are a sneaky player. 

Graphically the game looks pleasing throughout, even if the colors are a bit muted. I appreciate the "all pixel art" graphics vs. ugly pre-rendered backdrops that would look bad on the PS1. Effects are a bit underwhelming, though, and it would have been nice to have seen a higher resolution. Still, it's a fine looking game overall, with plenty of colors mixed with a good art style that ties everything together nicely.

Mobile versions look good, too. 

To be honest, Zuma's biggest problem isn't anything core (though it is a bit too simple for its own good) or even within it's control; it's that it exists in a world where Zuma's Revenge has been released. Zuma's Revenge (essentially Zuma 2) fixes all the issues I had with the first game with flying colors, adding more variety, stages, and zaniness that the series needed to stay fresh. Compared to it, Zuma actually comes off as stale. Again, no fault of its own, but it's more of a "testing the waters" game rather than a "refining a concept" game. 

As it stands, it's still worth getting if you don't have a platform that plays Zuma's Revenge (like if you only own an Xbox or a PS3 and no computer or smartphone). It's still a blast from beginning to end, just don't expect much to change (minus the difficulty. HARD.)

Three out of five stars. 

I always thought "Deluxe" was a weird word. Trying saying it. "Dee-lux." Weird!

Peggle Nights

The Short


Pros
- More Peggle, but at night!
- Still the perfect drug
- Attempt to mix things up by making the animals superheroes is cute
- One new animal, and her powerup might actually be my favorite over the dragon's (gasp!)

Cons
- Originally released at $20! What?
- Essentially just an expansion pack that does nothing new aside add a ton more levels
- Might ruin your life. Like Peggle.

This review isn't going to be very long. Just saying. 

The "Long"

So Peggle is pretty good, guys. And despite having a ton of content, like a drug-addict eventually you are going to want more. And PopCap, the ever benevolent dealer, has delivered in the form of Peggle Nights. While they've released a bunch of free expansions on Steam (and by "bunch" I mean "one"), this one actually costs money, and for good reason: it's essentially the same amount of content in Peggle, only at night. Which means it's just more Peggle.

This probably looks familiar. 

So the game is exactly the same, so read the Peggle review if you need to know about that. there are only two real changes: the aesthetic (which is at "night," where the animals are dreaming of their ideal careers) and one new characters, Tesla, who shoots a line of lightning that is actually pretty awesome. Other than that, it's the same addicting collection of minigames, puzzles, and random pinball shooting with crazy effects all over again.

Just listen to this song during the review. It pretty much covers it. 

Currently, you can get both Peggle and Peggle Nights combined for $15 on Steam (vs $10 each) which is a pretty sweet deal. Trust me: after getting Peggle you are going to want Nights. It's just how this works. It escalates. It's a gateway game; pretty sure you'll be playing JRPGs and level grinding on MMOs and wondering where it all went wrong. Trust me. It's a great feeling.

And Electroboltin'. 

For the cheap asking price and massive number of new levels, Peggle Nights is more than worth it for those looking for more. Which is everybody. So if you liked Peggle, might as well grab this too. Plus the Electrobolt power is awesome.

Now make a real sequel, PopCap, and have some actually unique minigames this time. Like Plants vs Zombies. Oh yeah, make a sequel to that, too. 

Four out of five stars. 

You are the perfect drug. 

Peggle

The Short


Pros
- Fun, addicting game that is both like pinball and plinko while being neither
- Has probably the best visual/audio feedback for winning in a game, ever
- Tons of different animals with a variety of powerups
- Large number of bonus stages after beating the main game
- Fantastic for a mobile iOS or Android device

Cons
- Heavily based on randomness
- Some stages can feel unfair due to random powerup layouts, ball behavior, etc.
- So addicting you might forget to do other things. Like eat. Or sleep.

It's time for another game about balls!

The Long

There's something about PopCap games that make you forget to do important things, some of which are necessary for daily survival. What, make dinner? I can just eat chips and dip; I'm sure I'll get hungry later. What, sleep? Eh, I wasn't going to fall asleep before 2:00 am anyway. What, breathe? Well, your skin absorbs some oxygen, I'm sure my lungs will figure something out if it's really necessary. And so on.

Peggle might be the worst offender at soul-sucking time wasting out of all of PopCap's games. Yes, even worse than Bejeweled. Essentially a simple physics game with hardly any depth to speak of, Peggle still manages to suck you in with its colorful visuals, great sound effects and music, and the "one more try" or "one more level" problem that makes it so gamers forget to bathe. And eat. And breathe.

So...let's take a look at one of the most addicting games of all time. And no, I'm not talking about World of Warcraft.

They actually put Peggle IN World of Warcraft. As if you needed another excuse to never get off your computer. 

Peggle is a very simple game that pretends it has strategy, when really it requires a hefty dose of luck. Essentially, each level you are presented with a game board that has strategically placed pegs and blocks scattered about (usually in some form of artistic pattern matching a theme). Of these, a good chunk will be colored orange. Your mission (and you'll choose to accept it, until 3:00 in the morning) is to knock out all the orange pegs with the balls allotted. You shoot it from the top of the screen, and it goes bouncing around like the Plinko game from The Price is Right.

Drew Carry, your career has really gone downhill. 

It holds a few tricks. On the bottom of the screen is a container that goes back and forth; manage to land the ball in that and you get a free ball. The more orange pegs that are hit or gone increase a combo meter, which subsequently gives you more points and if you earn a set number of points with a single ball you'll earn another extra ball. Lastly, each stage has two green pegs that provide power-ups based on your character of choice. This can include improved targeting, making the container that moves around the bottom bigger, flippers like a pinball machine, etc. But you'll just always use the dragon's "Fireball" powerup, because it is easily the best.

You may have zen, owl, but you lack the dragon's firepower. Literally. Firepower. HA. 

This concept may sound stupidly simple, and that's because it is. Some pegs move about in set patterns, stages get harder quick, but overall the game's simplicity never changes. Orange and green pegs are randomized even on the same stages, meaning no two games are exactly the same. In time you figure out the physics well enough to calculate to the second or maybe third bounce, but after that it's all luck of the draw.

So how on earth does a game with such a random element work? Well...without dissecting it beyond what is necessary (read: at all) it's the mix of an illusion of control and belief that skill will sway the results along with the random results that keeps you playing. Being able to think you are actually improving (and you do...though you hit a ceiling after a very short amount of time) keeps you going, the new power-ups helping with that as well, but the crazy randomness gives you the idea that "next game will go better." If it were pure skill it would be stressful, and if it were pure randomness it wouldn't have a point. The mix here is a slippery slope, but Peggle pulls it off perfectly.

Then this happens. 

What sells the game, however, it its over-the-top, overly rewarding aesthetic. The game gives you bonus points for just about anything, from long shots to trick shots to just generally doing stuff that it thinks is cool. And by "doing stuff" I mean "having stuff happen randomly 90% of the time." The flashy, crazyness reminds me of the allure of well-made pinball machines, but all this pales when compared to what happens when you are down to the last orange peg. Every shot towards it will cause the camera to zoom in for a crazy slo-mo shot, way more intense than should be allowed for a game about shooting balls at pegs. If you miss a crowd goes "awww..." but if you hit the thing it EXPLODES and "EXTREME FEVER" blasts across the screen, on fire, while a wild version of "Ode to Joy" choruses into your ears. It's...totally bananas.

YOU WIN. CAN YOU TELL?

Honestly, even people who don't like Peggle (all four of you) remember this stage finale, that happens every time you win. While it's overexaggurated to the point of parody, there's no denying there's some sort of euphoric elation and sense of accomplishment every time stupid "Ode to Joy" starts swelling from my speakers. Like the massive amounts of positive feedback the game gives you, this game-ending blast of orchestration is so absurd yet rewarding you want to see each stage to an end, just to hear the song and see the rainbows and explosions again.

You got a lot of characters, but Cinderbottom is the only one you need. 

Seeing as this is a PopCap puzzle game, it is also loaded to the brim with bonus content. The single-player is reasonably long as you go through a variety of stages with all ten characters, each level tailored to their unique skills. After that you can replay any stage with a character of your choosing, making some much easier and others harder. You have challenges where they put more orange pegs on the same maps, as well as a handful of other levels that also include challenges. Duel mode allows you to play back and forth with a friend or bot to compete for score, though the addition of the massive bonus pool if you get Extreme Fever by hitting the last peg makes it kind of really unbalanced. 

As stated, the graphics and sound are cartoony and simple, but work because they are so visually appealing. It's hardly a graphical powerhouse, but the absurd levels of particle effects, explosions, and rainbows are enough to make your eyes bleed.

I am the king of Peggle.

Is Peggle worth looking into? Well, that depends on how much you hate having free time. Despite it's simplicity, PopCap continues to pander digital crack in the form of their casual games, and Peggle is no exception. It's out on pretty much everything (game consoles, phones, World of Warcraft, you name it) and due to its simplistic nature runs well on all devices as well. Considering the iOS version is only $2, I'd suggest picking it up on that platform personally, though the Steam version also has a tendency to go on sale.

While it's easy to dismiss Peggle as a stupid game, it is actually quite a bit of fun in an addicting, somewhat shallow way. Regardless, it's the packaging and the experience that totally sells it, so if you are ready to take the plunge hold your breath and dive in.

Just remember to come up for air. Literally.

Four out of five stars. 

Thanks, hippie.

Insaniquarium! Deluxe

The Short


Pros
- Raise fish to get money, get money to get more fish, all for pointless consumerism
- Unlock a collection of "guest" fish that will help you in levels
- Fight aliens (?!) by...clicking on them?
- After a while, this game really does become an insane aquarium. Or, dare I say, INSANIQUARIUM?!


Cons
- Why on earth is the Deluxe version of this game still $20?!
- The basic Java version/demo/whatever is just as good as the paid version, almost
- Those aliens are jerks and they eat my fish :(
- Also, why the crap isn't this ported to iOS yet? I had it on my ancient Palm Pilot and it was awesome.
- There really isn't much of a game here, but hey...whatever.

That fish's eye is really starting to freak me out. 

The Long

Are regular aquariums too boring for you? Are you tired of the soothing lights, the fish that just sit around and do nothing? Do you wish your aquarium was more INSANE?! Well, dear reader, I can't help you with that, since real fish are boring. But digital fish, however, can be totally bananas! And the game that lets them be totally bananas is Insaniquairum! Deluxe.

Insaniquairum is yet another PopCap game about fish eating other fish. I swear, somebody must have been hungry one day or something, I dunno. The point of the game is simple: have the most insane aquarium ever by raising fish, keeping them healthy, and harvesting cash money from them. Because, while in in the "Real World" fish don't poop gold and diamonds, in the INSANE AQUARIUM they totally do! Man, real life sucks.

This isn't insane! I want my money back!

So the game is pretty dang simple. You have unlimited food that you can drop into the tank, and the fish will eat it when they get hungry. After a while they'll grow, and then they'll start popping better coins. You use these coins to buy more fish, which you then have to keep fed, etc. You can also upgrade how much food you can have at the same time, buy better food to keep them fed longer, etc. It starts simple with just a few fish that just sort of swim around, but before long PopCap ups the ante!

HOLY CRAP IT GOT INSANE

Eventually you get fish that eat other fish, fish worth more money, etc. You'll have to work hard at keeping everybody happy or else they'll go bottom up, which will mean less money for you, fool! You unlock more fish by beating stages, which get harder as time goes along. Eventually you are just tapping/clicking the screen like a madman in an attempt to make sure everything is fed. Which is fine, I guess, but hardly fun.

You can also get special "helper" fish, unique ones that carry between levels, like a snail that gathers coins (the snail makes a return appearance in Plants vs Zombies) or the best one: a "pregnant" fish that makes baby fish every few seconds, which are good for both money and feeding the fish-eating fish. There really isn't much strategy here, to be honest, but hey...whatever. The goal is to just get enough money to buy the egg and then you win, and you do that over and over. But wait...stuff's about to get INSANE. 

WTF ALIENS?!

Yep, ALIENS. Apparently the aliens want your money-spawning fish, so they'll randomly show up. They float around and murder all your fish, so you have to click on them a boatload (less if you upgrade your laser gun) in order to fry them. OH YEAH, SUCK IT ALIENS. The Insaniquarium is like the Thunderdome: Two men enter, one man leaves. Except one of those men was an alien. Or something.

Anyway, that's the whole game. Buy fish, feed fish, shoot aliens. Repeat over a bunch of levels with more fish being added, and you are done. It's alright, I guess, in a weird addicting way (like all PopCap games), but this is hardly deep or anything. 

Hur, "deep." Fish jokes. I LOVE 'EM.

At least they mix up the tanks. 

The "Deluxe" version is basically like the free demo you can probably find online, with a few more features. More fish are available, more levels, and the option to make the game run as a screensaver (OH BOY!). However, for some unexplained reason this game is STILL $20?! Speaking of insane, is PopCap? How the crap could this game be worth that much? Answer: it isn't.

I mean, the game looks ok and all (though very much like a flash game) but come on. To be honest, I'm really surprised they haven't just ported it over to iOS as a $1-$3 app. I had a copy of this game's demo on my really old color Palm Pilot (that I only used to play this game and then swiftly lost) and it worked really good with touch controls (stylus, but whatever). So PORT IT OVER, POPCAP. I'LL BUY IT. BUT NOT FOR $20. 

Buy more crap from a really scary mermaid. 

Anyway, I'd just suggest either playing the free hour demo or the online Java version you can find around. It isn't a bad game, and it's a great time waster (or if you hate fish you can buy them, not feed them, and watch them die). However, for $20 that's...way too much. WAY too much. Actually I just found out it's $10 on Steam, which I guess is a little better, but paying more than $5 feels stupid. I'd probably grab it during a pack sale on Steam (they were selling all of PopCap's games for like $40 the other day), but other than that...stick to the demo.

But seriously...put this on iOS and Andorid. It's a perfect game for it, and those platforms thrive on time-wasters like this.

Three out of five stars. WHAT AN INSANE SCORE.

HOLY SHIIIIIIII

Shark! Shark!

The Short


Pros
- Eat fish to get bigger
- Dodge sharks, or bite their tails for bonus points
- Eventually you will rule the ocean

Cons
- Score based (like most old games), so that's basically it
- When you die you lose your size
- Feeding Frenzy totally ripped this game off. Not even kidding.
- You don't actually play as the shark. How can you have it twice in the title and not give that option?

I only have three screenshots, so this review's gonna be fast. 

The Long

So the Intellivision is actually before my time, but weirdly enough I remember playing this game at some point. I don't remember why. It's also currently available through Xbox's failed experiment Game Room, where I kind of want to buy it now for some stupid reason (even though that would be dumb). Point being: if you got all excited because I'm reviewing an Intellivision game and think I'll be reviewing Atari games or something: I'm sorry. My gaming experiences really started with the NES, so this will probably be the last really old game I review (until I buy an Atari. Which won't happen).

Anyway, Shark! Shark!, aside from having an awesome title, is literally Feeding Frenzy. Or Feeding Frenzy is literally it, since this game came way earlier. Also, Odell Down Under, while I'm referencing games I've reviewed that are just fish eating each other. 

Shark! Shark! is easy enough. You start as a tiny fish, and can only eat other tiny fish. The more you eat, the bigger you get (and more points!). You can also bite the named shark's tail for more points (a tactic blatantly ripped off in Feeding Frenzy 2), which is awesome. 

HE IS GROWING. 

The controls are worth mentioning. You tap a direction with the D-pad and the fish will dash in that direction. He'll keep going in that direction until you tap it another way, clearly accurately simulating how to really control a fish in the treacherous ocean. You can also press A to dash in the current direction you are going, so long as you don't have the D-pad pressed. So it isn't 1:1 stick controls, which makes the game a bit more difficult and fun!

An annoying thing is that, when you die, you lose all your size. So you keep your score but basically have to start over. That straight up sucks, so don't die. 

Sound effects are what you'd expect from an ancient Intellivision game, and they are fine overall. There is only this one screen you see above, so I hope you like it. Since this is an old points-based arcade-esque game, I guess whining about not having multiple stages is stupid, but seriously...there isn't much to this. 

KING OF THE OCEAN. 

In a really simple way, Shark! Shark! still remains a bit of fun to this day. It also has an awesome title (it just sounds exciting) even if it's stupid that you can't play as the shark. Though it does get massive after 100,000 points, which is great.

Anyway, it's like $2 on Xbox 360's failed Game Room, so if you like eating fish, go buy Feeding Frenzy 2 instead. This game was actually massively popular back in the day, but now it's just...you eat fish. That's it.

Giving this game a score is stupid, but hey...I still liked it better than the original Feeding Frenzy, so it gets Three out of Five. Suck on that. At least it doesn't look like a Flash game.

Skip to 6:44 for some Shark! Shark! action.