WarioWare: Twisted!

The Short

Pros
- Same WarioWare concept, only now with more twisting!
- Specifically, twisting the GBA with the gyroscope included on the cart takes the place of the D-pad commands
- Another 200+ minigames that vary from "awesome" to "dumb"
- Same silliness in terms of story, progression, and gameplay
- Unlocks are easier and funner to acquire
- Adheres to the same strong formula set up in Mega Microgame$

Cons
- Some of the minigames seem virtually identical
- A few require some intense twisting that make it hard to see the screen
- Entire structure of the game is exactly the same; the only real innovation is twisting
- Some you feel would control better with a D-Pad rather than twisting

Warioware is back and weirder than ever. 

The Long

It doesn't take much to make a successful WarioWare game. Ok, it does take a lot of new microgames, but at its core WarioWare is fun when you have all the game unlocked and you blast through a random mix of them trying to see how far you can get. After a not-so-successful Gamecube offering, Nintendo returned the series to its GBA roots...with a TWIST! Rather than just serve the same game in new packaging, they added a big fat motion sensor (which also rumbles) to the bottom of the cart and made it so you twist your Game Boy Advance. Best idea ever, or stupid gimmick?

Well, it's a bit of both, but the point is that this is still an extremely fun WarioWare game, and could honestly be considered the best in the series. 

Twist the GBA to shave the dude!

There isn't much to be said about the basic gameplay that hasn't already been said in my Mega Microgame$ review. You blast through minigames that last around 5-15 seconds, quickly learning the mechanic only to be thrown into another one. The difficulty and speed ramp up the more you play, until eventually you screw up four times and that's it. It's a fun rush (especially since there are so many games and they are all weird) and perfect for someone who wants constant change and gratification.

So the main "hook" from Twisted is the twisting: the motion control on the bottom of the cart. Basically it only senses you tilting it left and right (it isn't a true gyroscope like one that's in the iPhones) and, while not particularly accurate for menu navigation, does well enough in minigames that require minimum precision. 

Not great for menu navigation, great for minigames. 

Essentially, Twisted just replaces all d-pad movements (left and right) with twisting, as the d-pad is completely unused in this game (including the menus). The minigames have been slightly adapted to better fit this (most are slightly easier, but that becomes moot when you play on the third level of difficulty) and the game really gets crazy when you have to twist and press A at the same time. It's a good way to mix up what they already did, even if it isn't that dramatic an improvement.

So how does it play? I've been a bit lukewarm in my review so far, but I can say that this game absolutely invokes the same frantic, addicting formula that Mega Microgame$ has. If anything, twisting only makes the game trickier, as you have to quickly physically move the game boy for the fastest, craziest games which makes it much harder. The minigames are well adapted for the mechanic and scale very well, the story mode teaching you all the mechanics before tossing you into some hard ones. 

Twist to block!

The only complain I might have is they are a bit too easy, at least compared to Mega Microgame$. Most are considerably simpler on the first run, probably to accommodate for the floaty twisting controls. Honestly, I'm fine with this, as the twisting adds enough of a difficult spin (pun intended) to make it still seem fresh and challenging, but I can't help but think as I'm playing these games how much easier they'd be if they just let me use the directional buttons.

All that aside, this game plays fantastic. The motion sensor rarely screws up (if ever, and only in the menus) and despite it being an obvious gimmick it fits the playstyle of WarioWare perfectly. So, in that regard, total success from Nintendo taking something they already had and putting a new spin (pun also intended) on it. 

Avoid the bird poo!

Graphically the game is pretty much the same as its predecessor. It doesn't quite seem to have the same weirdness of the first game (it's a bit more self-aware this time around) which loses a bit of the charm, but as a whole it works. I particularly like the 8-bit NES levels that are warped to work around the twisted mechanic. 

The sound is also fantastic, though it recycles most of the sound effects from the first game. Again, if it ain't broke don't fix it, but it does all seem a bit familiar.

WARIOMAN!

All in all, WarioWare: Twisted! is an excellent evolution of an already great formula. While it isn't quite the breath of fresh air that the first game was, it does well enough with it's fun twisting and silly microgames to merit a look if you enjoyed the first game. Fun, silly, and challenging with a TWIST?!, Twisted is absolutely worth any GBA owner's time. 

Four out of five stars. 

Still better than NES Golf. 

WarioWare Inc.: Mega Microgame$!

The Short

Pros
- Tons (200+) of short, fast paced micro games
- Game is addicting, quick, and perfect for short or long play sessions
- Only uses the control pad and one button. That's simplicity!
- Music and graphics are charming, with some games taking nods from old NES classics
- Insane number of unlockables, including a full version of Dr. Mario
- Story is absurd but fun, and the characters are charming
- Seriously, there's a nose picking minigame. How can this not be great?

Cons
- Some of the microgames are duds
- Being unable to skip story sequences for the first viewing was an oversight
- No way to compare high scores online/between systems
- Eventually you run out of games

In-game advertising at its finest

The Long

WarioWare Inc.: Mega Microgame$! is a game idea that I'm honestly surprised nobody has thought up before. Essentially a minigame (or "microgame") collection, WarioWare sounds like a simple, basic idea that would bore someone quickly. I mean, sure there's like a two-hundred games on here, but most of them usually only involve one button and all of the last no longer than ten seconds. How can this sort of ADHD game design work?

Well, it does. And WarioWare's absolutely brilliant blend of weirdness, speedy gameplay, and fantastic minigames makes it one of the best games ever released on the Game Boy Advance. And, truth be told, it could very well be my most favorite game on the system. 

Don't get stomped. Simple enough, right? 

The plot is hilariously self-aware. Wario, who is tired of being shoved to the side by Nintendo (despite having the honor of having the best Virtual Boy game as well as some great puzzle and platforming games along the way) decides to make his own game in order to rake in the cash. The problem is he isn't very good at making games that are very long, so he goes for a "quantity over quality" approach. Hence, the microgame.

The "story" follows between Wario and a cast of friends that (as far as I know) were invented solely for this franchies. Each has their own theme of minigames to grow accustomed to, and once you figure out their specific style you move on to the next one. My absolute favorite is the retro gaming kid, whose minigames are usually just segments cut straight from classes NES games, sometimes with Wario inserted for no reason. Absolutely hysterical. 

Nintendo: Drawing on their rich history for Wario's fun and profit. 

So what do you do in WarioWare? It's actually a very simple concept: you have four lives (or chances to fail, rather), and the game blasts you through a boatload of microgames. Some are simply timing a button press. Others require a bit of movement. And some require both movement and a button press. Yeah, advanced tactics here.

Each game is no longer than ten seconds, some shorter. A bomb at the bottom of the screen counts down, meaning you have to learn what to do in the games very quickly and then accomplish it at breakneck speed. Which, on the final stages, can mean even a fraction of a second's hesitation can ruin you. 

Shoot the duck!

As you continue the speed ramps up and up until you fight a "boss" stage. These are usually longer than the usual stage (sometimes reaching 30+ seconds) and are a bit more challenging. Beat them and you recover one life, the difficulty for all the minigames goes up a notch, and you are at it again. There are three levels of difficulty and who knows how many levels of speed (once you max out difficulty it just keeps getting faster and faster until you lose), turning it into a frantic, insane dash. 

The game works because of its brilliant blend of silly, nostalgic, and absurd all wrapped up with solid and addicting gameplay. Each microgame is so fast and instantly rewarding that failing out completely only makes you want to load it up again. High scores are saved and special unlocks are rewarded when you do particularly great. Unfortunately, there is no real way to share these scores unless you have a friend locally to show off with, but such is the days before the internet. Or WiFi, at least. 

Shake!

Eventually you'll get through all of Wario's friends, and this is where I think the best part of the game unlocks: the towers. Basically there are three infinite runs that cycle through all the minigames you've unlocked (you unlock them by playing and beating them across the various characters) but each has special parameters. None have bosses or the ability to recover lives. 

One starts you at the easiest speed and level, and slowly ramps up. Another stays on the easiest level but on max speed, making it absolutely frantic. And my favorite, the most difficult, puts it on the hardest difficulty, one life, and with the ability for the game to speed up. It's extremely taxing but quite rewarding when you beat your high scores. I probably sunk hours into these three levels alone, if only because they are such a fast-paced, intense rush.

You'll have most of the games memorized, but that won't mean you've mastered them. 

The game also has a plethora of unlocks, including full versions of Dr. Mario and a few other NES classes (though in this case it's "Dr. Wario."). There's also a ton of minigames that you can unlock that are specific to WarioWare, and while most are just throwaway jokes, several are quite addicting.

Graphically this game is delightful. Every game looks distinct and unique, whether it's using imported photographs, altering 8-bit NES games to put Wario in them, or simply having a style unto itself. You'd think it wouldn't mesh (with some anime themes going alongside a minigame where you have to catch a cat when it's blinking), but somehow the bizarreness fuses into a cohesive whole. I have no idea how it works, but it's brilliant.

The music and sounds are also frantic and appropriate, with some actual voice work for Wario and his friends. It all sounds GBA tinny (and I swear I don't know what they are saying half the time because of it), but whatever...it doesn't hurt the presentation.

I love how bizarre this game is. 

WarioWare Inc.: Mega Microgame$! is awesome. For someone as ADD as myself, this is like the perfect game for me. Constantly moving, constantly changing, constantly challenging. Others will also enjoy it's frantic, breakneck pace mixed with the silliness of Wario's game choices. It is one of the few games I ever took the time to 100% (and believe me, that took a while) and, even with my extensive GBA library, is probably the game I sunk the most time into (with Final Fantasy VI Advance and Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow pulling in close).

Considering the game is currently available on the eShop for some price I couldn't bother to look up ($10 probably, or $5), I'd say if you have a 3DS you should absolutely go buy it right now. If you sport the DS Lite or GBA SP (like I do), then carts are pretty cheap too. It's addicting, fast, and fun. It also started a whole franchise (that, unfortunately, most installments don't live up to the original) of silly games, so it's got that going for it too.

An absolute blast, just don't expect to have time to catch your breath. Five out of five stars.

That cucumber still freaks me out. 

Metroid Zero Mission

The Short


Pros
- Remake of the original Metroid game for the GBA
- Same basic levels, areas, and bosses but with refined controls and abilities
- Manages to blend both nostalgia and modern conventions flawlessly
- Difficulty setting is appreciated (Metroid games tend to be easy...)
- Exploration, atmosphere, and music are all kept intact
- Can be sequence broke, which I missed from Metroid Fusion
- Adds a bit more backstory to Samus' origins, which is appreciated
- Another excellent 2D metroid game

Cons
- Introduced Zero Suit Samus, which I consider to be what essentially ruined this franchise
- Might be too familiar for those deeply rooted into the first Metroid game
- Seriously, the skanky pictures of Samus you unlock at the end? Is that necessary?

Everything's coming back to me. 

The Long

After successfully bringing the Metroid franchise back to life with Metroid Prime and Metroid Fusion, Nintendo decided to jump back to its roots with Metroid Zero Mission. Simply put, Zero Mission is a remake of the original Metroid on the NES. You know, the one that looks like this:

The similarities are uncanny!

Upped with modern controls, graphics, and an extra "bonus" stage at the end, Metroid Zero Mission took the original concepts that made Metroid such a groundbreaking game and brought it up to par with the more recent series offerings. Does it succeed? Well...yes, with one rather major drawback.

Kraid. You've grown. 

While Zero Mission is a remake, don't expect to find the same level structure here. Any similarities were obviously put in as throwbacks, but not as part of the actual level design. While there are a few familiar scenes, this is a new Metroid game in terms of maps, layout, powerups, and more. And it's for the better because of it. As much as I love the original Metroid, the game was confusing, long, and difficult to traverse. While modernizing the series certainly made it easier, the increased accessibility is greatly appreciated, and makes the game more fun.

The overwrought narrative structure of Metroid Fusion is gone here, and we're back to the regular-old "drop you off on the planet, good luck!" structure of Metroid games. So if you were a fan of Super Metroid, this'll be right up your alley. As with all Metroid games the goal is to explore your world, gain power-ups to access future areas, use those powerups to get more powerups, backtrack if you want for even more upgrades, and fight bosses and find secrets. It's a pretty classic formula, and this is it after years of refinement. It shines. 

Jumping on big bubbles: check. 

It also brings back sequence breaking, something noticeably missing from Metroid Fusion's linear, story driven style. For the uninitiated, "sequence breaking" is where, using some tricks and advanced gameplay techniques, a player can bypass gameplay gates (ex: doors requiring missiles, etc.) in attempts at speedrunning the game. It's a staple of Metroid games, and you can tell they designed Zero Mission with that in mind (some endings require runs to be under an hour). My best time was fourty-five minutes, and I used to boot up this game and play through the whole thing before going to bed every night in an attempt to shave off a minute or two. Good fun.

But all in all the gameplay is just there as an extremely solid (if not particularly groundbreaking) Metroid game. Classics like the ice beam, super missiles, varia suit, and more return. It's an absolute blast and a great throwback to everything that made this series so memorable and great.

And now that I've sung its praises, let's talk about the worst thing that ever happened to Metroid: the "Zero Suit."

Dammit, Zero Mission. You ruined everything.

Let's me just say this first: it was a shock to everybody in the first Metroid game when it turned out Samus was, in fact, a girl. It was a point they push further and further home with every subsequent Metroid games. When you die in Super Metroid, you get a flash of her suit exploding and seeing that there was, in fact, a hot chick inside. In Fusion she talks and you know she's a girl. Prime doesn't pander, but if you beat the game with 100% she'll take her helmet off.

But it was Zero Mission that ruined Samus' character for me, perhaps permanently. 

Without going too deep into this (we'll save it for a video rant in the future), here is my issue. Samus has always been regarded as one of the (few) women in gaming who are not viewed as just a pretty face. What made her always interesting to me as a character is that she was competent, strong, extremely intelligent, and just so happened to also be a girl. Usually it's the male characters who are doing all the work (Mario/Link) while the female character is useless and sits around (Peach/Zelda). Samus kicked that notion in the teeth by being extremely badass while not being a blatant sex object. And, to be honest, I thought she was incredibly attractive because of it (as attractive as a pixelated game character can be). She extremely likeable because she was so good at what she did (a writer's trick to gain sympathy) and was generally the biggest badass in the universe. She didn't need to flaunt her sex-appeal because we liked her enough already (like Alyx Vance from the Half-Life 2 games). What was probably the most important was that I respected her as an individual. The fact that she was an attractive girl was just a bonus.

And yes, I know there was a code in Metroid where you pranced around as her without the suit, but bear with me here.

I can't even begin to describe how mad this makes me. 

So after several successful games of having Samus as a strong, likeable female character who is appreciated by fans not because of her boobs or shots of her ass, what does Nintendo do? Strips her from her signature power-armor, gives her a skintight suit, and makes you prance around as her. Oh, and the cutscenes give you a fantastic view of her butt and busty self (as do the ending cutscenes).

Hang on, I'm getting so mad now I need to go for a breather. Be right back.

Still here? Ok. Now, let me say this about the final mission in Zero Mission, where you spend the first half of it without a suit: I actually kind of like the idea behind the gameplay. Stripping you down (hur hur?) to where you are even weaker than you are at the start of the game (all you have is a little stun-gun that has to recharge) and focus more on stealth was clever, especially since you dropped from super-godlike to pathetic. It made for a good switch in gameplay, and made it so when you did recover your powerups you felt even more empowered than ever before. It was an excellent switch in tone and a fantastic capstone to the mission.

So why the crap did she have to be sexied up for it? Why couldn't she look normal?

Pictured: what was once gaming's strongest heroine

Let me state that I am fully aware that the rewards for previous Metroid games (based on time) was showing Samus without her suit. I got that. But there is a distinct difference between showing her in a sports bra at the end of a game, verses playing whole levels (and changing her character) while prancing around in...that. You could argue Samus has always been sexy, but it was more of a tease. It wasn't blatant, and while I still don't think it was a good thing to begin with, I was able to look past it because I never really associated it with her character. Samus was the badass woman in the suit, not the badass woman in her underwear.

The Zero Suit was the beginning of the end for Samus as a character. Now that we apparently had free reign to brand her as a sex object rather than focus on the real reason why she was awesome, Nintendo put it in everything. She is the only character in all of Super Smash Bros Brawl whose ultimate blows her clothes off, resulting in her prancing around in the skintight body suit after she uses it. In Metroid Other M, Nintendo thought it would be a good idea to give the Metroid franchise to f***ing TEAM NINJA, the sexist douchebags who thinks making a game about fighting game girls in bikinies and using motion controls to bounce an underaged girl's massive breasts is an awesome idea. So of course she's constantly switching into her skintight, body-shaping suit every five seconds in that game. Once they opened the floodgates to Samus moving from someone to idealize to masturbation material, there was no turning back. Metroid was ruined, and this game was the start of it.

At least Retro kept showing restraint with the future Prime games. 

Now that I'm done with that little tangent, let's finish up this review. Graphically, Zero Mission looks great, with new cutscenes illustrating climactic and classic moments (and Samus' ass...) as well as just some fantastic stylized pixel art as well. I don't think it looks quite as good as the theme presented in Fusion (and putting these games side by side you'll see a huge difference).

Music is also fantastic, remixing classic tracks perfectly to evoke the same themes. While some aren't quite as atmospheric as future Metroid games are known for, they bring a sense of awesomeness and adventure that works well with the game. Overall, the new songs are great. 

This song still gives me chills.

Standing on its gameplay conventions, Metroid Zero Mission is an extremely solid, well-crafted Metroid game. It's beautiful, looks great, and has a good deal of challenge (especially on "Hard," which is the best way to play the game), exploration, and adventure going for it. It isn't particularly long, but that can be said of all Metroid games. It's a thrilling ride, and an absolute blast to play.

It's just a pity that they had to do what they did to Samus' character. And seeing how Metroid: Other M was just a downhill drop from this one (and it sold awful and had horrible ratings), it could very well have been the thing that lead to the doom of the franchise. Let's be honest here: Nintendo hasn't announced any new Metroid games since Other M, and this is one of their flagship franchises. It could very well be that the awfulness of Other M (which I think partially stemmed from the "sexing and stupiding" up of Samus in Zero Mission) has killed the franchise.

Time will tell. Regardless, Zero Mission is still an awesome game, despite its setbacks.

Four out of five stars. 

I love you, Metroid. And you broke my heart. 

Metroid Fusion

The Short


Pros
- Brought Metroid back to its 2D Exploration roots
- Did something clever and unique with the Metroid formula in terms of combat and weapons
- Fantastic music and atmosphere, the staple of Metroid games
- A large space station to explore that opens up quickly
- Beautiful graphics
- The first Metroid game to actually have a "story" that was told to you rather than you making your own

Cons
- The story was a bit overdrawn and presented through long text scrolls
- Game could be a bit more linear than Super Metroid
- With the exception of one or two bosses, the game is very easy
- Often considered the "black sheep" of the Metroid series (though I think it is)

New ship, new suit, new Samus. 

The Long

A weird confession: Metroid Fusion was the first Metroid game I ever beat. Growing up we never had any home game systems, and it wasn't until I was a teenager that I managed to convince my parents to let me get a Game Boy Advance. With it I bought two games: Super Mario World and Metroid Fusion. I'd played a bit of Super Metroid on emulators, but had never really experienced a Metroid game before.

It absolutely floored me.

Imagine, if you will, somebody who has never played a Metroid game. Who has no idea how the map thing works, the exploration, and the atmosphere. It might have been the first time you booted up Metroid or Super Metroid, how that felt. It's a crazy thing when you load up one of these games and are just completely blown away by the atmosphere and tension the game throws at you.

Anyway, Metroid Fusion was essentially one half of the rebirth of Metroid, being released just one day after the 3D Metroid game, Metroid Prime. Fans had been clamoring for a new game since Super Metroid, and despite a cameo in Super Smash Bros. and Super Smash Bros. Melee, Samus had been absent. So...does this new mission and new take on the series bring things back to form?

New Samus actually monologues, though I'm pretty sure it's mostly just in her head. 

Metroid Fusion marks the final game on the Metroid timeline, and with good reason. It starts with Samus (who now works for the Space Federation) getting infected by an alien parasitic virus known only as "X" while on a mission. She manages to survive only by using a vaccine created by the deceased baby Metroid from Super Metroid. In order to save her, her power-suit (of which parts were grafted to her body) had to be removed, giving her a completely new suit, a new look, and the idea she was probably super mangled under there due to the disease.

I loved this intro, and love it more now that I've played Super Metroid. Fusion does one thing very well: incorporating the bits of Metroid we know and love (like the plot elements from Super Metroid) whilst simultaneously stripping them away. It's letting you know "Hey, we know the old games, but we are doing something new and we aren't afraid of it." It's a good "reboot" to the series, and actually a pretty cool plot twist in the timeline of things.

This game does get a bit chatty though. 

In terms of story, however, not all are for the better. Throughout the game you (as Samus) converse through an AI construct sent to guide you on your mission as well as unlock various levels on a space station Samus was sent to investigate. While some parts of this dialogue are interesting (and a twist reveals a surprisingly personal bit of Samus' backstory), most are too long-winded for their own good. May fans complained because the AI basically tells you where to go, removing the whole "explore everything with no hints" element from Super Metroid.

While I can agree that the chatting is a bit long (and not particularly well written...and slow to scroll through) I don't think it destroys that exploration element of the gameplay. Usually it just gives you a general idea of where to go, and your actual route ends up being quite different. Situations change frequently, requiring you to go off the beaten path and explore in order to continue. While Samus monologing for hours on an elevator is aggravating, I do appreciate they at least tried to flesh her out as a character. They certainly did a damn better job that that atrocity Metroid: Other M.

The game is gorgeous, especially for an early GBA game.

Beneath that, you are looking at a fairly standard Metroid game, with a few twists. You still spend a good chunk of time exploring (despite the game nudging you to the right areas), seeing items you can't get until you have the right powerups, and killing a variety of space life. Despite the whole game taking place on a space station, it's split up into different sectors that have unique themes and keep it interesting. Perhaps one of the coolest parts is when you visit an area early one, and there are weird crawling caterpillars about. When you leave they've started to crystallize, and when you come back much later the husks are on the ground and these crazy hornet flying things are there instead. Revisiting areas after the X (or SA-X, a weird parasite Samus clone) have visited them is cool.

Exploration is limited, though, until really the very end of the game when you have enough powerups to go free-reign across all areas without restriction. But, to be honest, this has been true of Super Metroid as well, it just didn't wear it on its sleeve as obviously. Rather than tell you to go somewhere, Super Metroid just locked all the doors with power-up restrictions until you got them later. Yeah, it was less obvious, but the concept is still the same. 

That can't be good. 

So you spend most of the game exploring, finding powerups, using tricks to get to other powerups (though infinite bomb-jumping is gone, which sucks), and watching short text cutscenes. Like all Metroid games, Metroid Fusion has its share of awesome bosses, though Fusion seems to throw a boss at you before you can say "Power Suit." It's actually kind of like the Zelda games: if you get a power-up, expect to fight a boss who will require that power-up's use, sort of a trial-by-fire. At least, unlike Zelda, Fusion seems less blatant about it. 

There are a few other minor changes. Since Samus is infected with the Metroid vaccine, she now has a natural weakness to ice (what a cool touch), so you can't use the ice beam but now have ice missiles. Cold areas also hurt her much more than they did before, and she is susceptible to being frozen. She also looks completely different than in previous (and future) Metroid games, which I think is very cool. It's kind of crazy they took Samus out of retirement to so dramatically alter her appearance, but I think it was a move in the right direction and something the series needed (along with the 3D switch to Prime).

The music can't compare to Super Metroid, but it still is quite good. 

Of course, Metroid games are nothing without atmosphere, and Fusion fires on all cylinders here. Paired with the absolutely gorgeous pixel art is a sense of darkness and foreboding reminiscent of Super Metroid, in a good way. Areas are dark and creepy, some requiring Samus to turn on a light and only see a distance in front of her, and the X-mutated monsters are disgusting, creepy, and would fit right into a sci-fi horror movie. While it might be pushing its "look how creepy this game is!" a bit harder than most other games in the series, I think it works very well, and the X is a formidable and gross opponent. 

The music is also top notch, if among the weakest in the series (it's still better than Other M, though). But the weakest in a Metroid game is still leagues above others; it fits the atmosphere and adds to the creepy sense of dread. It could have been a little better, but for what it is we'll take it. 

The heat ripples are awesome. 

As it stands, Metroid Fusion is a fantastic game, despite being a bit chatty. It's a relatively quick run (probably due to its slightly more linear approach), and if you axed the cutscenes you could probably beat it in under an hour. My record was an hour and a half, blasting through all the text and missing most of the items. And while Metroid games scream "replay value," this one's overzealous story does tend to detract from that a bit.

All that aside, Metroid Fusion is still absolutely great, and if you haven't played it you should. While it can be tricky to find something to play GBA games on these days (you'll need either an original GBA, an original DS or DS Lite, or the GBA player on the Gamecube), the game HAS been re-released 3DS e-shop, so get on that!

As a 2D return to form, Metroid Fusion delivers. It's a crying shame that it's sequel, the 2D Metroid Dread slated for the DS, was scrapped. A real damn shame.

Four out of five stars. 

See you next mission.

Excitebike

The Short


Pros
- Fun, challenging dirt-bike action
- Simple controls combine with unique tracks to keep the game fun
- Race with or without other cars
- "Programmable Series" meant you could make your own tracks to race on!

Cons
- No multiplayer
- Only five tracks
- US release didn't have a battery to save your custom tracks; they erase when you turn off the system

The precursor to the Trials games

The Long

Excitebike is another of the "black box" NES games, the collection that was part of the original launch of the NES in the United States. It was one of three games out of the release batch (which included games like Hogan's Alley and Golf) that was in the "Programmable" series, the others being Wrecking Crew and Mach Rider. As I've pointed out before, the NES release library in North America was really hit or miss, with some being fantastic games while others have aged quite poorly. Where does Excitebike lie on this spectrum?

Excitebike is (for the two people in the whole world who don't know) a motorcycle racing game with an emphasis on course-related obstacles. The goal is simple: beat the time to get in first place, while not crashing constantly on the tricky courses. You have four "lanes" to choose from, which can be used to dodge either stuff left on the course (rough patches, etc.) or other drivers. It's a simple idea but one that can prove to be very addicting as you strive to beat old high scores. 

Mash buttons if you crash to climb back to your bike faster. 

You essentially have only two options, and neither of them are "brake." You have the gas, which you'll have to let off of for tricky jumps, and a "boost," which will give you a blast of speed so long as you hold it down but will also raise the "Temp" gauge in the middle. Max out the Temp and you'll overheat, which isn't a good thing. Also, going too fast increases the risk of crashing, unless you have the skills to handle it.

Directional controls are also simple. Up and down changes lanes, which can be used to shift over to jumps or avoid other racers. Forward and backward are the meat of the game: they'll control how your biker leans and are necessary to master if you are going to land jumps. That, in a nutshell, is how you play Excitebike.

Poppin wheelies for fun and profit. 

There are three modes in Excitebike. The first is just racing against the clock with no other drivers. While it's nice to not be constantly ran off the road, this mode is a little dull. The second is the choice to race with other motorcycles. Contrary to what you might think, you aren't racing against them; it's still against the clock (kind of like how the other cars in Rad Racer only exist to get in your way). This ramps up the challenge as you try to avoid the racers while not eating it on the course, and is probably the best way to play the game.

The final option is where the "Programmable" comes from. The game comes with its own course editor, meaning you can create some pretty insane tracks. The editor is a bit archaic but is still functional, and I was able to make some pretty zany tracks for my guy to crash constantly on. 

The biggest problem with the editor is that the North American release of Excitebike, for whatever reason, doesn't have a battery/memory backup to save the tracks, meaning once you turn the system off they are gone forever. Luckily, in both the GBA and Virtual Console re-release the game will save tracks, though the GBA version only saves one track. 

This is not gonna end well. 

So the main question remains: is Excitebike still fun? Well...yes, actually. Even with only five courses and no multiplayer, Excitebike remains a blast to this day. While you could argue that games like Trials HD or Joe Danger are essentially the evolution of this game (and they are, with one focusing on extremely difficult physics challenges and another more stunt-based), Excitebike still holds up as being a lot of fun. It's unfortunate that the fun is limited to either five tracks or the time you are willing to spend making your own (and then have them disappear when you turn off the system, if you are playing on the original cart) but the game is still challenging and fun even if it doesn't save.

It also still looks quite good, with the clean interface making it very easy to see what you are up against. The sound effects are also extremely memorable, with the engine grumbling as you blast it forward being a highlight.

On your marks...

I'd recommend Excitebike to this day. While I wish the Virtual Console version had a way to make tracks and share them over the internet (and have a wider number of save options), the original is still a blast to play. It's just solid all around, with its biggest issue being that you will get bored of the five tracks. When that happens, pick up one of the previously mentioned "spiritual successors" to continue the fun.

Three out of five stars.

A winner is you. 

Pokemon FireRed/LeafGreen

Pokemon FireRed/LeafGreen Versions

The Short


Pros
- Completely remakes the first Pokemon generation with added features
- Includes all features introduced in Generation II and III, such as abilities, breeding, held items, etc.
- Streamlined interface improves over both original and Ruby/Sapphire
- Can catch pokemon from all other generations after beating the game
- Included (when new) a wireless transmitter to trade/battle wirelessly on your GBA
- Improved music and graphics look and sound fantastic
- Tweaks in the story make Team Rocket more integrated into the overall plot

Cons
- Essentially the same game as Blue/Red, just refined
- Doesn't introduce any new pokemon
- No day/night cycle
- Unlike Yellow (which they didn't remake; boo!) you can't get every starter
- Doesn't change the formula at all, which can be good or bad depending on your opinion of the series

I ain't gonna stop. 

Note: I will not be going over the basic mechanics of the Pokemon games in this review, as I have covered these mechanics extensively in my Pokemon Blue/Red review. Instead, all subsequent reviews will instead focus on the changes made to the formula in any particular iteration. 

The Long

We've made it to 2004. It's been a while since that original pokemon game came out in the US in 1998 (1996 in Japan), nearly a whole decade in fact. So what better way to celebrate than by remaking and re-releasing the original generation on GBA hardware? Dude, why not? After how much I was disappointed by Ruby/Sapphire, I was more than ready for a new Pokemon game. And guess what? Nostalgia be damned, I really liked Pokemon LeafGreen/FireRed.

Ah, Professor Oak. It's been a while. 

It's hard to say why this game was made. Part of me wants to think its for the fans, who had been playing Pokemon for ten years and were clamoring to see their original love done modern. Part of me thinks it's to make a cash-grab by releasing another Pokemon game without having to do much additional work. And part of me thinks they are trying to ensnare a new generation of kids to play Pokemon, and figured the best way was to go back to the original magic and let it do its thing.

In truth, it's probably some combination of all three of these things. But hey, as long as I know I'm being pandered to, it's ok for me to like it, right? The Scott Pilgrim philosophy? Guys?

SQUIRTLE I MISSED YOU. 

The concept behind FireRed/LeafGreen is simple: it's the original Blue/Red (and Green in Japan) games remade with improved graphics, all the new features that have been added to Pokemon, and some extra bonus content. Because of this, there isn't much I can say about it that hasn't already been said in other reviews. If you like Pokemon, this game is a dream come true. You get to pal around with old favorites like Pidgy, Ratatta, Pikachu, Caterpie, and all the rest of 'em as you still try to "Catch 'em All" with the original 150 pokemon. Yes, I'd like to do that very much, thanks.

It's running on the same Ruby/Sapphire engine, though the Pokemon themselves have a better art design

There are a few minor changes aside from backwards-implementing everything new into the original games' frameworks. Team Rocket, the original antagonists, have been given a slightly bigger role on the game's story. After you beat the game there's much more stuff to do, like travel to different islands and catch the legendary birds (which I guess you could do before), and the Elite Four will get "upgraded" with pokemon from newer generations after you do enough side missions. Double battles from Ruby/Sapphire are back, and as a whole it just feels...better. I mentioned the original game hasn't aged well (and it hasn't), but this goes a long way to fixing that. With the addition of all the new features, FireRed/LeafGreen plays more like a modern game (see the EXP bar in the screenshot? That's right.), but it also shows how well the formula had held up. Pokemon doesn't need gimmicks like a stupid fashion show or any crap like that. We just need to battle, catch, and level pokemon until we are the pokemon master. And breed. Lots of breeding.

That sounds really bad, in retrospect. 

There are a few noticeable absences from FireRed/LeafGreen though, specifically the fact that the day/night cycle still hasn't made its return since Gold/Silver. What the crap, Nintendo? That was like...my favorite feature! How the crap will I ever get an Umbreon if I can't level up my Eevee at night ever since night doesn't exist here for some reason? Your whole GBA lineup sucked in terms of realism. 

Yes, I'm again arguing for realism in a Pokemon game. Shut up. 

So, if this game is pretty much just a remake of Blue/Red but set in the Ruby/Sapphire era of the game, why do I like it when I didn't like Ruby/Sapphire nearly as much? Well, first it's that nostalgia thing, which Nintendo knew full well and is why they made this. I have great memories of playing Pokemon on the GBC, murderin' dudes with my Bulbasaur (and later Squirtle, when I realized Bulbasaur sucks), and because of that I'm willing to overlook the stupid things Ruby/Sapphire did in lieu of playing my first Pokemon experience over again.

Second is because this game is better. A lot better. Graphics look better (battle backgrounds are greatly improved), the world itself is more vibrant and clean, sprites (which were stupid tiny in Ruby/Sapphire) are bigger and better, the pokemon themselves are cooler-looking and not stupid, the list goes on. 

The music has also seen a boost up from the original tinny Game Boy sounds, though I'll admit the originals have a certain flavor that these remakes can't seem to quite recreate. They kind of go crazy on the "wah wah" horns for this remake for whatever reason, which sounds...weird. But hey, the original songs were all killer, so it's all good. 

WELCOME TO A WORLD OF POCKET MONSTERS

As it stands, if you liked Red/Blue, you'll love this. If you've never played Pokemon before and only own a GBA and not a DS, this is probably your best jumping-off point available (rather than Ruby/Sapphire). It manages to capture that same adventurous magic that made the first game great, while updating it with modern game design to keep things fun.

It doesn't do much to add anything to the pre-existing Pokemon formula, but I still think it works. Since Ruby/Sapphire didn't really live up to the full potential of the changes it made, FireRed/LeafGreen stepped up and filled in just nicely. It would have been nice to see a few more upgrades or changes, but I guess we'll have to wait until entering the DS generation to see if Nintendo finally switches up the formula on us.

An excellent remake (though it was dwarfed completely and utterly by another remake on the DS, but we'll get to that) and a competent Pokemon game. Four out of five. 

Except you jerks should have made ElectricYellow too.

I'm sorry, Pikachu. It was not to be.