Donkey Kong '94

The Short

Pros

- Essentially a sequel to the original arcade Donkey Kong

- Over 100 new levels done in the style of the original game

- New power-ups, features, and tricks

- Great music and challenging gameplay

- Smart save features and level sizes make this an excellent portable game

- Has one of the best Super Game Boy (SNES attachment) borders in the business

Cons

- Game still has some cheap deaths

- Controls may feel dated for those used to more modern Mario titles

He's finally back, to kick some tail.

The Long

You know what game I like? Donkey Kong. It's arcade classic in every sense of the word. Sure it's controls feel a little old now and at times it is maybe a bit cheap, but it's still a ton of fun and a great mix of skill, patience, and memorization that makes it great.

Now how do you translate a score-driven arcade classic to a portable system? Well, Donkey Kong on the Game Boy (also known as Donkey Kong '94, because they used the exact same name as the arcade game for some reason) makes the attempt. Do they succeed in making what is essentially a direct, portable, console-style version of one of the most popular arcade games of all time?

They not only succeed, they excel. 

This seems familiar.

The game starts off with a brilliant bait and switch. It has an intro similar to the original arcade game, complete with a height measurement and DK bending the floors. You then play through the four levels of the original arcade game, in order, in what is a fairly faithful reproduction. But after beating them and expecting a prize...psych! Donkey Kong learned from his mistakes and runs off again, this time with 97 (!!) more stages for you to try and beat. That's right Ninety-Seven! That's a freaking lot of stages for a Donkey Kong game!

You advance on a world-map style screen, moving from stage to stage until finally fighting a boss. The stage goals are usually simple: collect a key to open a door, collect Pauline's lost stuff (hats, shoes, etc) for more points, dodge baddies, yada yada. The trick is that, while this is clearly Mario, Donkey Kong rules apply here. Jumps require commitment and are delayed. Mario can't fall a long distance or he'll die. Movement is fairly slow and deliberate. Essentially, Nintendo made 97 stages that would have fit right in with the original Donkey Kong arcade game.

That's pretty freaking awesome.

Insert Gandalf's "I have no memory of this place." here.

On top of that, the game adds tricks along the way. Each new world introduces a new style or technique you have to master. Mario learns how to do a handstand into a high jump, requiring some precise timing but allowing for more mobility. Some stages have switches that have to be tossed or bridges that must be created. New pickups and other items are also available. The game does an excellent job of easing you into these new powerups, often having the first level of a world be there to explain the ability, then throwing it into the mix with the rest of them.

All these power-ups fit well with the previously established movesets and rules of Mario from the Donkey Kong game, and blended with the new stages it all meshes together perfectly. The only downside is the general trickiness of the later stages and the lack of checkpoints; die during a stage and you start it all over. But that being said, most stages are single screen (making good use of the Game Boy's limited real estate) puzzle and platforming rooms, so dying is often more the fault of you screwing up or having bad planning, not a fault of the game.

Small cutscenes at the start of each world explain new gameplay tricks.

The game looks fantastic. It manages to maintain the look of the arcade (granted, dumbed down for Game Boy) while still offering a ton of new graphical stuff, like new floors, enemies, and items. The music is also really fun, with classic songs showing up alongside new ones that fit right in. In particular, the game looks really good on either a Game Boy Color, or (the best option) a Super Game Boy for the SNES. This makes sense, as the game was marketed heavily when trying to sell the Super Game Boy (all the screenshots in this article are from that), which adds a really spiffy looking "arcade cabinet" style border.

Plus...LOTS O' LEVELS

If you loved Donkey Kong in the arcade, you absolutely must play this game. As an extension of the well-known classic, it not only succeeds at bringing a similar feel to a home system, but expands upon the idea in what is essentially a perfect handheld game. With stages being brief and challenging, as well as copious options to save, it's a great game to pick up and play for brief periods (or long periods, seeing as it's super addicting) and get some classic arcady feel that also manages to be fresh at the same time.

Of all the bajillion Donkey Kong games released, this one is by far my favorite. It's now available on the 3DS eShop for only a couple of bucks, and should be an essential part of your collection. Original carts are also pretty easy to find (I mean, I found one) should you prefer to play it super old school (or in your Super Game Boy, i.e., the best option). This game also inspired the Mario vs Donkey Kong games on the GBA and DS, which were good but just didn't match the originality and all-around awesomeness of Donkey Kong '94. 

Five out of five stars. 

Though why Pauline needs so many umbrellas is still beyond me.

Donkey Kong 3

The Short

Pros

- Decently fun arcade shooter

- Music and sound effects are classic

- Platform idea for a shooter is clever and adds some interesting twists

- Very faithful to the original arcade game

Cons

- The original arcade game wasn't that great to begin with

- Stiff controls, which worked for the first two games, falter here in a shooter

- The bugs' patterns are maddening to try and figure out

- Like...it's a game where you shoot Donkey Kong between his legs. That's the game. Why. 

Yes, this is actually a real thing.

The Long

If your first reaction to seeing this review was "Wait, what? There's a Donkey Kong 3?" then you'd be in the majority. After the success of Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr, Nintendo decided to take the big brown ape on what would be his final arcade excursion in Donkey Kong 3: Galaga Edition. That's right, this isn't a platformer starring Mario or DK's lovable if somewhat dorky looking son, instead you're playing what is essentially a space shooter. And the enemy (aside from DK)? Bugs. Or bees, I guess, as they have hives. And little worms that block your path.

Really not swan song to end out on, guys.

DK summons pestilence from above, a sign of the oncoming ape-ocalypse.

In this game you aren't Mario, but Stanley. Stanley, as you can imagine, is very well known in that he hasn't appeared in a single game since Donkey Kong 3. Due to his purple hair and shoes I like to pretend that all the exposure to the toxins in the bugspray warped him, turning him into Waluigi, but that isn't confirmed by Miyamoto yet and he won't return my calls. So it's pretty much 100% fact. Hey, denial = proof. 

In Donkey Kong 3: To Bee or Not To Bee, you are charged with one simple task: shoot DK's...um...tender spot. His nether regions. Between his legs, so to speak. Stanley (looking straight up while firing, must be quite the view) has this big dumb monkey in his zoo or something and needs to get him out. So the logical solution is to blast him over and over until he crawls off the top of the screen. Yeah, ok, it isn't Mass Effect or anything but it gets the job done. 

DK's most embarrassing moment.

You can't reach him from ground level, as your spray has limited range. The game does, however, remedy this with it's feeble attempt at platforming. As in, there is a literal platform Stanley is standing on (and it's structure changes slightly between three variations as you play levels) and you can hop up or down it at will. Kind of different.

DK's end game (aside from reaching the bottom of the poles and murdering you viciously), is agitating nearby bees' nests. These bees are the size of a man and are way pissed off...but mostly pissed off at the flowers beneath Stanley. The bees'll try and make off with them, and Stanley has to murder the nefarious insects in order to recover the plants. Lose all the plants, you die. Get hit by a bee, you die. And, of course, DK can crush you because he's a monkey the size of Andre the Giant. 

A laff a minute in DK3

There's a few more tricks. Shoot DK enough and he might drop a spray power-up, which gives it max range and pierces multiple enemies. This also carries between levels if you still have time left on it, which is nice. There are also obnoxious caterpillars that will block your shots and are unkillable unless you have the upgraded gun. The goal is, obviously, to get a high score, as the game just cycles with more and more bees (and varying types) until you succumb to an awful, bee-infested death. 

Stanley, played by Nicholas Cage, in the film adaptation of DK3.

There are multiple problems with Donkey Kong 3 that made it far less memorable than it's predecessors. First, it isn't a platformer, and while it's a decent enough shooter the risk probably pushed most die-hard players away. Second, the bugs come off as unfair. Their patterns are only somewhat predictable, unlike most shooting games like Galaga where you can learn the patterns easily, and they're such small targets they can be hard to hit. Third, your weapon sucks, and having to constantly fight a war of attrition with an ever-lowering DK only makes this all the more evident. And lastly, the game's clunky controls don't work in it's favor at all. Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr.'s movement and platforming feel archaic compared to modern games, but it was clear the game was built and balanced around that. I got none of this in Donkey Kong 3. Most of my deaths felt cheap or unavoidable, whereas in the previous two games I knew my deaths were always my own fault.

Point being, it plays clunky, feels unfair, and isn't at all like the previous two games. And that was enough to doom it to obscurity (and essentially kill the franchise, save the Donkey Kong Game Boy game and later Donkey Kong Country games). 

Stanley's enormous eye might be my favorite part of the game.

Graphically it looks good, in both the arcades on NES. While I have very limited experience with the arcade version of Donkey Kong 3, the NES version felt just about arcade perfect, for better or for worse. Again, these machines are hard to find, so correct me if I'm way off track here, but it looks and sounds almost identical.

But it doesn't really mean much if the underlying game is just a monkey's worth of problems. While still technically mostly sound, Donkey Kong 3 feels like a chore to play and fighting for high scores just isn't as engaging. As an added bonus, the NES cart still doesn't save high scores, not that you'd be inviting all the cool kids on the block over to play some high-stakes DK3 anytime soon.

How the mighty apes have fallen, Donkey Kong 3 is a misstep in an otherwise perfect series of arcade games. Two out of five stars. 

He's the now-sterile member of the DK crew