Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge

The Short

Pros

- A *gasp* good Game Boy Castlevania game?

- Takes elements from the craptastic previous game and makes them actually...good

- Some genuinely cool platforming ideas within the Castlevania universe

- World selection aped straight from Mega Man 

- Kick-ass music

- Looks fantastic

- Getting hit doesn't downgrade your weapon (unless getting hit by very specific enemies)

- Not just a good Castlevania handheld game, but a good Castlevania game in general

Cons

- Calling it Castlevania II is a great way for me to think it's Simon's Quest

- The last three bosses can be pretty cheap

- Level design isn't quite as good as the NES/Genesis offerings

- Password system instead of save, but that's better than nothing

- Controls are still a bit ridged at times

Belmont is back, and he's PISSED

The Long

Holy cow guys, I don't know if it's like...weird gaming rebound because I just came off the worst Castlevania experience in my life or what, but Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge is...good? Like...a good Game Boy Castlevania game? It exists? Whaaaaaaaa

Ok, sorry, getting a bit ahead of myself.

My expectations were pretty much dashed after playing Castlevania: The Adventure. I knew already that the Game Boy was an inferior piece of hardware compared to the NES, but I hadn't expected the translation of a classic franchise to have gone so poorly. And if Castlevania Legends  is any indication (cough spoilers for a future review cough), making a good, Castlevania-esque platformer on Nintendo's handheld proved a larger challenge than some expected. I went into Belmont's Revenge fully expecting crap...or maybe even something similar to Simon's Quest (seeing as they share a name).

Guess what? I was pleasantly surprised, so much so that I'd say Belmont's Revenge is one of the best platformers on the system. Yeah. It's pretty solid.

Plus it has MONKEY SKELETONS.

There is actual plot this time. Kind of. Christopher Belmont (the guy from the first game) is back, and his son has been nabbed by Dracula. Or joined Dracula. Or something. I'm not totally sure, there isn't exactly a lot of text in this game. But you're here for revenge, cause it's in the title. So off you head to four different castles named after different...elements? Well, the manual said elements, but I don't remember "Crystal" or "Plants" being elements.

The game here takes a page from Mega Man, allowing you to tackle any of the four castles in whatever order you choose. It doesn't really matter (you don't get any power-ups or anything from beating them), and after beating all four you have two final stages followed by the Dracula boss fight. Pretty standard Game Boy platformer stuff.

Insert "Rockman" pun here

Right off the bat you'll notice Christopher controls much better. Most annoyances from the first game have been fixed: his jump is a bit further, he auto-grabs ropes by just being near them (a fantastic addition), and gravity doesn't fluctuate randomly. Even better, when he powers up his weapon he retains the powerups even when hit, unless hit by a very specific enemy (and it gives a sound-cue letting you know). So far, so good.

I was originally dismayed, because Belmont's Revenge features tons of the same elements from the first game. Ropes still play a prominent part, as do vertically oriented sections. Enemies too, like the bouncy-ball spitters and sickle-throwers, have been kept over. But my dismay quickly turned to delight as I realized how much better things were this go around.

The game has been better adjusted to fit both Christopher's gimped jump as well as the Game Boy's capabilities. While some areas are continuous scrolling, most castles have each room be a self-contained challenge, and leaving it tosses you into another one. It's a smart use of the screen's limited real estate, and with better designed rooms leads to some really cool challenges.

This room would be hell in the first game. This time around, it's a blast.

Belmont's Revenge uses ropes in interesting ways. In the image above, the pairs of ropes switch directions (up vs down) every couple of seconds, leading to some interesting jumping challenges. Later it mixes it up by having these with enemies coming at you, but never enough to be impossible (no Medusa heads). The new grab and jump mechanics make this challenging but quite fun.

Another cool rope trick is spiders. Now, when spiders come from the ceiling, you can grab their threads and use them for platforms. Kill them, however, and the thread will end. You have to be smart as to which spiders to kill and which to use, again leading to some really fun platforming.

Explody Eyeball Bridge is also back, but actually fun.

It isn't just ropes, though. Something the original game had was horizontal spike stakes that would come out of the walls. You'd have to use them as platforms to escape a room, but the game gave no indication when they'd stick out or retract. It became a case of trial and error, and was exceptionally frustrating. Belmont's Revenge fixes this with a simple design decision: the spikes flash just before they move. Such a simple thing, but it makes the room more about skill rather than dumb luck. Smart.

That isn't to say these changes make the game easier. In fact, Belmont's Revenge is quite tricky, though not nearly on par with Castlevania III: Dracula's Day Out. In particular, the final three bosses are super difficult, requiring some pattern memorization as well as quick reflexes. The final fight with Dracula is also very hard, though he only has one form this time around.

Drac's back, in the same room as last time.

You may note in the screenshots, but subweapons are back! Sort of! There's only two this time, the axe and the water, and they act exactly as they did in the rest of the series. Here's a Nathan Protip: Use the axe, ditch the water. Axe is so, so useful throughout. The exception is the second to last boss, where the water is actually better. But I swear Dracula is impossible if you don't have the axe, he's so hard.

So...yeah. While it isn't quite as tight as earlier Castlevania games, Belmont's Revenge's gameplay and design work exceptionally well given the limitations of the hardware. It's challenging, but really fun. My only major complaint is the four castles (which have branching paths, btw, which is also cool) are a bit long for a handheld experience. Nothing awful (and I'm glad for more content), they just seem to take a while. You still get ~2-3 hours of gameplay out of it, though (depending on how good you are), which is pretty dang good for a Game Boy platformer.

Like, you can beat Kirby's Dreamland in 30 minutes. Also, this boss is cheap.

Graphically, this game looks fantastic. The enemies have better death animations, with the eyeballs particularly having some 60 frames per second explosions that look great. The backgrounds (which were the one good thing about Castlevania: The Adventure) are even better this time around, and even though there aren't a lot of different enemies they all look great, especially the bosses.

When I first booted up the game and played Crystal Castle, my ears nearly exploded for joy. Ok, not really, that would be excruciatingly painful. But hot damn, this game has some rocking tunes. Seriously some of the best on the system, I have no idea how they made it work given the Game Boy's somewhat tinny sound chip. Really worthy of the series' legacy.

Seriously like...holy crap. LISTEN TO IT. 

Point being: Castlevania II: Not Simon's Quest, but Actually (Christopher) Belmont's Revenge is a phenomenal Game Boy game, and a really solid Castlevania game. Is it as good as the greats, like the original, Super, or Bloodlines? Well...not quite. But I will say I'd rather pick it up again than, say, Castlevania III. Or The Adventure. But I'd rather take a long dive off a short pier than play The Adventure again, so that isn't really fair.

I'm genuinely sad that I didn't have this game when I had a Game Boy growing up. It's a fantastic platformer and should be part of any Game Boy collector's collection.

I'd also like to point out that Castlevania: The Adventure is available on the 3DS eShop, but Belmont's Revenge isn't. If that isn't proof that Konami hates their fans, I don't know what is.

Oh wait. Yeah...

Four out of five stars.

When I'm comin' home, son, I don't know when, but we'll kill Dracula then, son, I know we'll have a good time then.

Castlevania: The Adventure

The Short

Pros

- A Castlevania game! On the Game Boy! Wooooow

- Music is pretty decent

- First and second levels are decent amalgamation of the most basic core Castlevania concepts

- It has giant exploding, never-ending, rolling eyeballs.

- The cover art is super badass

Cons

- Everything else

- No subweapons

- Platforming controls are somehow even more ridged than the original Castlevania

- Getting hit loses whip power-ups, in the worst design idea in the history of the series

- Four stages. That's it.

- Cheap deaths and beginners traps galore

- Level design and enemies are thoroughly uninspired

- Quite possibly the worst Castlevania game in the entire series

Oh boy, it's my ruined childhood.

The Long

I'm a Castlevania nut, it's no big secret. I rue the day I passed up Dracula X on the SNES at a local game store, and cringe every time I realize my DS Castlevania collection is not complete. There are few things in life I enjoy more than whipping things, specifically whipping things good. And yes, I know I've made that Devo joke multiple times before, but I ain't gonna stop now.

Castlevania: The Adventure (though the title screen looks like "The Castlevania TM Adventure") is famous for being the first and only Castlevania game that Konami hired a highly-trained team of spider monkeys to code. As a sort of an emulation of a Castlevania game it kind of works, being that on surface level one would confuse this game for a good game when looking at static images in Nintendo Power. But upon playing it the horrible truth becomes evident: this game is a disaster.

I am tired of these monkey-fighting eyeballs on this nine-to-five bridge!

As stated before, on the surface this appears to be standard Castlevania fare. You have a jump arch you can't cancel, all well and good. You have a whip you power up. You have a host of monster-style enemies. And the music is actually pretty decent. But other than that, everything about this game is bad. Everything.

You'll notice it in the first level. "Why is my character moving so...sluggish?" you wonder. "He was slow in Castlevania, but here it seems even more stunted." Then you spot the brown poop-goos dripping from the ceiling. "Why is there ceiling poo?" you think to yourself. "And why is it forming the shape of a...ooooh. Is that...an enemy?"

Yes. One of the five different enemies in the game (not even kidding), the first one is a dripping sky-turd creature. A great sign of things to come.

Cleanup on aisle three.

The first two stages are exceptionally tedious. Enemy placement is a joke, so much so it makes Simon's Quest seem inspired. The real frustration comes from the sluggish jumping and whip controls. Whereas before they added to the challenge, here they just feel tacked on to make you furious. Birds, which thankfully only appear in the first stage, are difficult to kill. Bats, which appear more often, are even more aggravating, with random zig-zag patterns that are randomized even with Save States. Yes, I used an emulator to replay this game, how do you expect I got screen shots? The Game Boy Printer?

Boss number one is a dude who just stabs at your crotch the entire time. If you have managed to keep your whip powered up, he goes down in a few hits. Boss number two is an even bigger joke; he's a collection of one-hit kill enemies that pop out of holes in the wall in a pattern. Should you have the third whip upgrade (which grants each attack a projectile), you'll off them easy.

Stage 3 is a nightmare. We'll talk about that in a minute.

Let's talk about your weapons for a second. Subweapons - you know, the core gameplay element in the original series that diversified enemy placement and helped alleviate the intentionally-frustrating jump and delayed-whip controls? - aren't in this game at all. Your whip, like most Castlevania games, has three stages of power up: base (which sucks), second (which is a little longer and does double damage) and third (where you get a weak projectile with every strike). Sounds decent, but every time you get hit you downgrade a single step backwards. Yep, getting hit twice from full power leaves you craptasticly weak. Whoever thought of this should probably have been fired.

This is only exacerbated by bad enemy placement (and the poor controls). In Castlevania (the good ones), getting hit was your own fault. Every challenge felt like if you took it slowly and timed things right, you could defeat it. Enemies didn't randomly appear, and if they did (like Medusa heads), you had fair warning to react.

This is not the case in The Adventure. In fact, the game is designed to be a massive beginner's trap. Enemies fire some projectiles that you can destroy, others you can't (the sickle-men). Towers fire randomly bouncing giant death balls that randomize even with Save States (yep) and never disappear, meaning at one point half my screen was full of bouncing suicide balls. Stage 3 has an area where it teaches you that platforms with enemies on them are the right way to go. But the final platform with an enemy on it is a trick, and by the time you realize it it's too late; you've died instantly. The whole game is like this.

This room can burn in hell.

Of the four stages, you'll be lucky to make it past 3, and even luckier if you attempt 4. Stage 3 has insta-death spikes appearing from both the floor and later the right hand side, meaning a single misstep and you're a good ways back (plus it has beginner's traps, as mentioned before). Stage 4 is even worse, with tons of platforming throughout with a controls that aren't well adapted for platforming...well, to be fair they aren't good for much of anything, but platforming especially. Learn fast that Simon doesn't jump off ropes when you hit the jump button, he just sort of falls off of them. And considering gravity physics in this game literally fluctuates (you fall much faster when stepping off a ledge vs jumping off), mastering it is almost impossible.

So this doesn't turn just into an angry rant, I'll leave gameplay at that. While it has a decent (if boring) first impression, the first half of the game (it's only four stages long) is do-able by most. However, the second half takes the frustrating portions of the first half and cranks it up to eleven. It's bad game design in its purest form.

The man himself. His first form is actually a cakewalk.

Graphics are fairly mediocre, but it's an early Game Boy game so I can't fault it too much. It manages to avoid trying to have a lot of "darkness," which was a problem for a few early Game Boy games in terms of screen visibility (something the later Circle of the Moon on GBA had problems with). Backgrounds are faded and it's easy to tell platforms from background objects. Animations are fairly bad, but I found if you tap to move Simon instead of holding forward it never triggers the two-frame "stepping" animation, meaning you can play the whole game having him slide along like he's on roller skates. So that was pretty great.

The music is the only good thing about the game, aside graphical clarity. It isn't exceptional, by any means, but it maintains the spirit of the series on the Game Boy's tinny speakers. I didn't hate it.

 

For the Game Boy's first Castlevania outing, The Adventure is a disaster. Stripping the series of the core elements that made it good, it leaves only a flaky husk behind. While first impressions might lead some to believe this game is decent, extended platforming segments and unfair level design takes its toll fairly quickly. This is, hands down, the worst Castlevania game I've ever played. Yes, even worse than the Castlevania PC port and Castlevania 64.

And this is coming from somebody who enjoys bad games (and actively seeks them out). One out of five stars. 

Bonus: somehow this game ended up on the 3DS eShop, and even got a remake. But that's a conversation for another time. 

Dracula's final form is a giant bat, whose only attack is spawning baby bats. Yep. Great game.

Donkey Kong '94

The Short

Pros

- Essentially a sequel to the original arcade Donkey Kong

- Over 100 new levels done in the style of the original game

- New power-ups, features, and tricks

- Great music and challenging gameplay

- Smart save features and level sizes make this an excellent portable game

- Has one of the best Super Game Boy (SNES attachment) borders in the business

Cons

- Game still has some cheap deaths

- Controls may feel dated for those used to more modern Mario titles

He's finally back, to kick some tail.

The Long

You know what game I like? Donkey Kong. It's arcade classic in every sense of the word. Sure it's controls feel a little old now and at times it is maybe a bit cheap, but it's still a ton of fun and a great mix of skill, patience, and memorization that makes it great.

Now how do you translate a score-driven arcade classic to a portable system? Well, Donkey Kong on the Game Boy (also known as Donkey Kong '94, because they used the exact same name as the arcade game for some reason) makes the attempt. Do they succeed in making what is essentially a direct, portable, console-style version of one of the most popular arcade games of all time?

They not only succeed, they excel. 

This seems familiar.

The game starts off with a brilliant bait and switch. It has an intro similar to the original arcade game, complete with a height measurement and DK bending the floors. You then play through the four levels of the original arcade game, in order, in what is a fairly faithful reproduction. But after beating them and expecting a prize...psych! Donkey Kong learned from his mistakes and runs off again, this time with 97 (!!) more stages for you to try and beat. That's right Ninety-Seven! That's a freaking lot of stages for a Donkey Kong game!

You advance on a world-map style screen, moving from stage to stage until finally fighting a boss. The stage goals are usually simple: collect a key to open a door, collect Pauline's lost stuff (hats, shoes, etc) for more points, dodge baddies, yada yada. The trick is that, while this is clearly Mario, Donkey Kong rules apply here. Jumps require commitment and are delayed. Mario can't fall a long distance or he'll die. Movement is fairly slow and deliberate. Essentially, Nintendo made 97 stages that would have fit right in with the original Donkey Kong arcade game.

That's pretty freaking awesome.

Insert Gandalf's "I have no memory of this place." here.

On top of that, the game adds tricks along the way. Each new world introduces a new style or technique you have to master. Mario learns how to do a handstand into a high jump, requiring some precise timing but allowing for more mobility. Some stages have switches that have to be tossed or bridges that must be created. New pickups and other items are also available. The game does an excellent job of easing you into these new powerups, often having the first level of a world be there to explain the ability, then throwing it into the mix with the rest of them.

All these power-ups fit well with the previously established movesets and rules of Mario from the Donkey Kong game, and blended with the new stages it all meshes together perfectly. The only downside is the general trickiness of the later stages and the lack of checkpoints; die during a stage and you start it all over. But that being said, most stages are single screen (making good use of the Game Boy's limited real estate) puzzle and platforming rooms, so dying is often more the fault of you screwing up or having bad planning, not a fault of the game.

Small cutscenes at the start of each world explain new gameplay tricks.

The game looks fantastic. It manages to maintain the look of the arcade (granted, dumbed down for Game Boy) while still offering a ton of new graphical stuff, like new floors, enemies, and items. The music is also really fun, with classic songs showing up alongside new ones that fit right in. In particular, the game looks really good on either a Game Boy Color, or (the best option) a Super Game Boy for the SNES. This makes sense, as the game was marketed heavily when trying to sell the Super Game Boy (all the screenshots in this article are from that), which adds a really spiffy looking "arcade cabinet" style border.

Plus...LOTS O' LEVELS

If you loved Donkey Kong in the arcade, you absolutely must play this game. As an extension of the well-known classic, it not only succeeds at bringing a similar feel to a home system, but expands upon the idea in what is essentially a perfect handheld game. With stages being brief and challenging, as well as copious options to save, it's a great game to pick up and play for brief periods (or long periods, seeing as it's super addicting) and get some classic arcady feel that also manages to be fresh at the same time.

Of all the bajillion Donkey Kong games released, this one is by far my favorite. It's now available on the 3DS eShop for only a couple of bucks, and should be an essential part of your collection. Original carts are also pretty easy to find (I mean, I found one) should you prefer to play it super old school (or in your Super Game Boy, i.e., the best option). This game also inspired the Mario vs Donkey Kong games on the GBA and DS, which were good but just didn't match the originality and all-around awesomeness of Donkey Kong '94. 

Five out of five stars. 

Though why Pauline needs so many umbrellas is still beyond me.

Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins

The Short

Pros
- Another fun, weird Mario game on the Game Boy
- An overworld connects six unique worlds each with crazy new gameplay
- The Rabbit Ears are a fun new Mario powerup to go alongside the fireball
- Music is killer and graphics pop even on the original Game Boy's screen
- Three save slots make this the first handheld Mario game to save
- Enemies and worlds maintain the strangeness of the previous Mario Land game

Cons
- ...but aren't quite strange enough to really match it.
- Level difficulty is all over the place and completely random
- Coin system to "gamble" for extra lives is unique but not particularly memorable
- Has the same weird physics non Miyamoto Mario games seem to have
- "Star Zone" is hard to find if you aren't clever, and you have to run a level every time you want to go back

Mario is back and in your pocket again. 

The Long

It's well known I'm a fan of Super Mario Land. The game was absurdly weird, had really wonky physics, and basically followed the Mario formula in name only, but...that's what made it special. The consoles had their regular running and jumping Mario, and Game Boy Mario drove a submarine. Why not.

Three years later, and after the release of Super Mario World on the fledgling SNES, the original creators of Super Mario Land returned to their handheld game with a new installment: Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins. This time, however, they played it a little safer: an overworld (like Mario 3 and Land), traditional powerups (Fireballs aren't "Power Balls" anymore), and Mario looks more like Mario and less like someone sat on the NES Mario 1 sprite. They even introduced Wario (who Miyamoto later said he didn't like at all), who plays the primary villain in this game, instead of Bowser. But was a more traditional feel a good or a bad thing, and did Six Golden Coins lose it's unique flavor because of it?

Well, I don't think so, because this is one of my favorite Game Boy games of all time. But hey, let me explain why.

A much more "normal" Mario experience

Super Mario Land 2 takes place in not the Mushroom Kingdom...I think. My copy doesn't have a manual so I can't dive deep into the intricate backstory and character nuances of this portable game from 1992. But while there's one or two mushroom houses, the places here never appear again in another Mario game, so I'm going to bet this is another one-off adventure.

The goal is simple: there's Six Worlds (Tree Zone, Space Zone, Macro Zone, Mario Zone, Pumpkin Zone, and Turtle Zone), and in these worlds is a boss holding one of Six Golden Coins (hey, like in the title!). In order to bust into the castle and kick Wario's butt, you need these coins to...open the door somehow. Why not, I guess. 

Six is the traditional number for Mario worlds, though Land 2 does skimp a bit on the levels, with each having around 4-5, and a few (Tree Zone) even allowing you alternate paths to cut that level count down even further. Despite that, while the game can probably be beaten in two or three hours, for a game made to be played on the go it still works despite not being overcome with content.

Easter Bunny Mario, we hardly knew you.

While the feel of an overworld, somewhat more normal jumping physics, and bigger/more detailed sprites may make this seem like a regular Mario game, it pulls back into the weirdness of the Land franchise with it's worlds. And they're fantastic, totally bananas and all over the place. Mario Zone is you literally on the inside of a giant Mario robot, having to climb up until you get to his brain. Space Zone has low gravity the entire time, making for some crazy jumps (and a level that's a nod back to the space shooter level in Land 1). Macro zone shrinks Mario down to tiny size and tosses him into an...oddly normal house. And my favorite zone, Pumpkin Zone, is an all out halloween themed level, complete with Goombas wearing ski masks with swords sticking out of their heads. Yes, really. It's kind of incredible.

2spooky4mario

The improved enemy graphics let them go all out with totally nuts enemies aside from the serial killer goombas, like a boxing shark, bull fish cow thing, those one-eyed umbrella things from Japanese folklore, witches, the three little pigs (yes, really), and much more. While I will say the ant enemies show up a little too much for my liking (being the primary guys in Tree, Mario, and Macro Zone), there's still enough weird enemy variety to keep it fresh.

The zoomed in perspective is much different that Land, meaning the levels feel smaller, but really I like it. It does slow the pacing of the game down a bit (since your field of vision is decreased), and makes vertically based levels a challenge because of the limited real estate, but overall I can't complain.

Jumpin' through jello, dodging...whatever that thing is. 

The game's two powerups are surprisingly unique and actually work better than most this time around. You have the normal fireball, and a "new" bunny ears. I put "new" in quotes because it's basically the racoon tail from Mario 3 only with a better ability to keep you airborn if you mash jump but unable to let you fly if you run fast enough. I just wanted to say this: kudos to the developers for having fireball and rabbit ears do two distinctly different things to Mario's hat, making it very easy on a monochrome screen to determine which powerup you have.

I think these two powerups are the best balanced powerups (or at least, really well balanced powerups) in the Mario games. Why? Because both have very distinct benefits and the levels are built around them. In most cases, people would just stick with the rabbit ears, as the ability to hover almost indefinitely is a skill you don't want to lose, and the enemies aren't as big a problem in this game as they are in other games (it's built Mario Land style rather than Mario 3, meaning the enemies are much more forgiving and there's less of them per capita) so fireballs are less necessary. But they counter this by making there be specific blocks you can only break if you have fireballs, which often lead to awesome secrets and even a few new areas. So deciding which one to use is actually important, which is something that rarely happens in Mario games (you usually just get one of them and go, like my "use the Cape all the time" strat for Mario World). 

Eye blocks are no match for FIRE

That being said, the game feels like a mix between traditional Mario and Land in it's controls. Gravity doesn't suck you down like a black hole now, but you do continue to move after being hit (rather than the game pausing to "downgrade" you, like in other Mario games). Other Land mainstays are here too: there's a "low" exit and a "high" exit for each level, allowing you for a chance at a bonus game for lives and powerups if you get the high one. 

A rather big change is how coins work. Rather than every 100 giving you a 1up, you can now hold up to 999, and then you go gamble them on a spinner that accepts payment of varying intervals. The higher you bid (at 500 and 999, for example), the better the reward chance. It's a neat idea but honestly a bit annoying to have to walk back to the gambling...hill (?) to cash out all my coins. 

I am really bad at this claw game. 

Technically, Super Mario Land 2 is a marvel on the original Game Boy. I already mentioned the large sprites, but you really have to play the game to see how good they look (and the world map too looks phenomenal). And they mange to pull it off while still having enough contrast for everything to be visible on the crappy Game Boy screen (even "dark" levels, like Pumpkin and Space Zones). As a kid, this game's graphics blew my mind. 

The music is also phenomenal, though my bias might be in place here. I love it when games take a musical theme and variate on it across the game; it adds a sense of unity to a game that I feel ties it all together through sound (this is one of the reasons I like Banjo-Kazooie to this day, even if the gameplay itself hasn't aged particularly well). Mario Land 2 has a catchy theme that permeates nearly every level, and it sounds good in all of them. It's some of the best Mario music, to be sure.

Lastly, this game has a battery with three save slots (and the batteries last forever, unlike my Pokemon GB carts), and it autosaved constantly in the background so you could stop and go at any time. Great design.

I hope you like this song. You're gonna hear it variate a lot.

All in all, while Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins might not be as totally insane as it's predecessor, it marks a step forward for the Land series. By mixing the better elements of the console Mario games with the charm and just plain weirdness of the Land game, Land 2 is fun, polished, and an exciting Mario adventure. The varying worlds are great, the graphics and music fantastic, the gameplay tight, and the powerups and enemies a blast. Honestly the only real sucky part is that the final level (Wario's castle) is massive, has no checkpoints, and is absurdly difficult. But hey, the game isn't that hard overall (though it's difficulty is kind of...all over the place), so what's wrong with a tough final boss?

All in all, there's very little to not like about Super Mario Land 2. Even today I find myself shoving it in my Game Boy Pocket, clearing a save, and playing for an hour or two. It's also available on the 3DS eShop, if you aren't crazy enough to go get an actual gameboy and cart. 

I may be rose-tinted gogglesing like crazy over here (this was the first Game Boy game I ever loved), but what the hell...it's still great. 

Five out of five stars. 

Though Puppet Mario still freaks me out.

Pokemon Trading Card Game

The Short


Pros
- Successfully emulates both the trading card game and the regular Pokemon formula
- Lots of bosses/Gym leaders to fight, cards to unlock, and decks to make and manage
- The inclusion of RPG elements and unlocks help the game retain some replayability

Cons
- Looks kind of ugly
- If you don't like the Pokemon Card Game, you'll pretty much hate this
- No cards from Gold/Silver, despite coming out the same year
- Is basically just a bunch of boss fights you can repeat for more cards, until you get to the last boss

We are really getting in deep now

The Long

So...trading card games. Something I've always had a fascination with, but never got too deep into. Oh, I've had several decks of Magic: The Gathering cards. I also had two decks of Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and that Vs. Battle thing that had Marvel heroes or whatever in it (I've also played Killer Bunnies with all the expansions, which is nuts). For some reason these games fascinate me, but I don't get invested because it's too expensive, and eventually you'll hit that rich kid who bought all the best cards with his parents' money and then your life is over because you'll never, ever beat him (or her). 

Anyway, I'm exactly the kind of person who things like Pokemon Trading Card Game...the game appeals to. There are no boosters to buy, no rich punks to outwit, and if you hit an enemy who is too hard you can usually just keep fighting the weak guys until you unlock better cards, then get the sweet satisfaction of crushing him. All without having to spend $4-$5 on the chance you'll maybe get a rare card you need. 

This is also why I played Yu-Gi-Oh on the GBC, and am currently addicted to Magic 2012 on the Xbox 360/PS3, but I digress.

But he didn't have to buy it, and that's what matters. 

Pokemon Trading Card Game (yes, that's the title, no colon or dash or anything) is exactly what it says it is: its the Pokemon trading card game that was all the rage in the late 90s/early 2000s. If you are unfamiliar with it you might just think this game is Magic: The Gathering, but it's actually its own beast (or pocket monster, right guys? Guys?). You draw creature cards (aka Pokemon cards), energy cards (aka mana or lands for the Magic: The Gathering crowd) and abilities (like spells or traps in Yu-Gi-Oh). Unlike Magic, however, where you tap from a pool, Pokemon's emphasis is on (not surprisingly) the Pokemon themselves. Instead of assigning mana to an overal group, you attach it to your pokemon (you get a team of six, as usual). You can also evolve your pokemon or use items to swap them in and out. Pokemon battle one at a time (again, like the actual game) until you've fainted six of your enemies, and then you win. It's essentially like Magic: The Gathering light, since the items are all free (don't cost energy), and you put energy directly on the pokemon themselves. Still, like the real game there's strategy to be had here (as well as the usual weaknesses), and while it isn't the best TCG, it's certainly a competent one.

For some reason, the main character reminds me of somebody from a Dragon Quest game. 

The plot is simple: you are on Trading Card Game Island (really. That's the name of the place. I'm not making this up). Here they have multiple Clubs (not gyms!), each devoted to a specific type of pokemon. You basically go and boss-battle your way through these idiots, getting more cards and building a better and better deck. After a while you get to fight the Grand Masters (not the Elite Four! Even though there are four Grand Masters!) and then the Champion (not the Champ - wait.). And then you are free to go fight against them again with upgraded cards until you own every card in the world and are KING OF THE PLAYGROUND HA HA HA.

I WILL RULE TRADING CARD GAME ISLAND WITH AN IRON FIST

It's a pretty shallow premise, but if you think about the actual Pokemon games they don't have much depth either. What's somewhat disappointing is that all you do is battle cards. There's no exploration, no feeling like you are on a quest, nothing. And while I'm all for stripping down the crap (see my hate-filled reviews of Ruby and Diamond generations with their awful pokemon dance parties and whatnot) it seems like they went too far.

They also didn't include any cards from Gold/Silver, which is too bad. I know Gold/Silver wasn't out for another four months, but then maybe you should have waited since everybody who bought this game felt dumb because they were missing both 1. New pokemon and 2. The two new element types (dark and steel). Thanks, Nintendo.

"It's time to duel!" Wait...wrong franchise. 

So...is the game fun? Well, if you like the card game then...sort of? I think the card game is fine, except the part where I have to buy cards and find someone to play with me (especially now that I'm 26 and all old), so hey...sign me up for Pokemon Trading Card Game the game! The "sort of" comes from two key things: the graphics are fugly (look up at that! It's like a giant brown turd!) and the UI itself is weak. They couldn't have like...put cards in front of you? They just show whichever one is battling, hiding the rest of your team. I guess that works because it's more like the real Pokemon games, but if you are going to alter your UI so it shows these giant images of the Pokemon, why the crap would you use such ugly ones? And what was wrong with the pictures from the original games? Those at least looked good!

Oh look, secret plot. 

The graphics outside of battle are ok. They look decent on the Game Boy Color, but this is no Pokemon Gold/Silver. It's clear they only put the minimal amount of effort into these things. The music is also just ok, lacking any real Pokemon flare but still being ok background noise.

Fat Pikachu returns. And wtf...GNAW? Gnaw isn't a Pokemon move!

So...my final thoughts. Well...if you like the Pokemon card game, this is really your own choice for a game version. A sequel came out in Japan, but I guess we were already over it so it didn't make it over here. As it stands it's an ok game, successfully emulating the card game, and the progression system is nice. But on the flip side it's ugly, simple, and not particularly enthralling if you don't like card games.

So it really boils down to this question: Do you like trading card games? And specifically, do you like the Pokemon card game? If so, pack your bags for Trading Card Game Island, because we've got a vacation for you. If not, don't bother.

I think the Pokemon card game is alright (though I haven't played it in probably a decade), and I like Pokemon a lot anyway, so we'll give this a two out of five for me. As a representation of a card game it's ok, but it could (and should) have been way better. If you like Magic but are on the fence, feel free to knock a star off. If you hate Pokemon, card games, or both, just take all the stars away and toss them aside. This isn't for you. 

Trading Card Game Island...good grief. And I thought some of the pokemon's names were dumb.