Final Fantasy Record Keeper

The Short

Pros

• A nostalgia trip down every single-player Final Fantasy game
• The Final Fantasy VI inspired sprites are a treat, particularly pixel-styled monsters from the later games
• All the original music is maintained, and it's great
• For a free-to-play game, you can get a lot of gametime out of it without spending a cent
• Great for short bursts of playtime
• Daily dungeons give you new stuff to try every day
• It's basically Puzzle and Dragon but with Final Fantasy. If you like that, you'll like this.
• Dr. Mog is probably not a real doctor, but that's ok.

Cons

• Horrible UI and constant load times mar the experience
• Not a whole lot of strategy until the dungeons get really hard
• To unlock most characters you have to wait for bi-monthly events
• Black magic is worthless until way later, and after you've invested tons of time into the game
• Mithril gets painfully scarce after the initial run. If you try and use real money, prepare to get ripped off.
• Not totally void of strategy, but the real meat of the game requires several weeks of playtime

Get yo nostalgia on.

The Long

Square-Enix sure likes to milk it's fans nostalgia for the Final Fantasy series. Starting with Final Fantasy IX, which one could argue exists as a nostalgic throwback to the I-V style of games, in more recent years the pandering fanservice has become more apparent. When not squirting out Final Fantasy VII spinoff games (or the upcoming remake), they've made a ton of crossover style games to try and lure old fans back into the franchise. Some of these are good (Dissidia) some are really good (Theatarhythm) and some are abominations (All The Bravest). With Record Keeper (which is an awful name, by the way), does Square finally hit pay dirt on the nostalgia train? In particular, do they finally release a new mobile game that isn't awful and/or completely overpriced?

On the surface, this looks a hell of a lot like the awful All The Bravest. However, if you only read one thing in this article know this: Record Keeper is NOT All The Bravest. It's much better (thank goodness). How much better remains to be said, but compared to that atrocity, Record Keeper looks like god's gift to video games.

So...does it stand on its own? Or is Record Keeper not worth recording? Or keeping? Puns? Read on.

I'm here to get nostalgic and play video games. And I'm all out of...well, neither.

There is actually a story to Record Keeper, albeit a stupid one. You are a record keeper (fancy that) named whatever you want to be named (so, "Barf") and apprentice to Dr. Mog, who is obviously a Moogle. Apparently all the stories from the Final Fantasy series live in some kind of Moogle archive in...space? The moon? Cocoon? The Esper Realm? Who knows. Point being, something happens and all the stories get screwed up, so it's up to you, Barf, to go back and fix them. How do you do it? By recruiting characters from the games and reliving the most poignant battle scenes and moments, of course! How ELSE?!

This is portrayed through text descriptions of events in the game, with a few screenshots. Unlike Theatarhythm, where you got little movies representing the stories, in here it's just badly granulated jpegs. The images they choose to use are also pretty baffling; Final Fantasy VI uses the SNES graphcis, but Final Fantasy IV's story screenshots are from the 3D DS remake (ugh) and Final Fantasy V's are from the RPG Maker looking android/iOS port (double ugh). While the pixelated stuff looks ok, the 3D stuff looks weirdly SD, even worse than it probably looked on the PS1/PS2. I dunno, maybe I'm being too picky, because I just skimmed the stories anyway. Point being: if you haven't played these games in a while, this does a decent job at reminding you of the general flow, and it's fun to unlock plot progression across multiple Final Fantasy games at once.

Limit break!

Gameplay is pretty much Puzzle and Dragon, except replace the monster fusing/sacrificing with doing the same thing for character equipment. If you haven't played Puzzle and Dragon, then I'm gonna explain it anyway, so don't freak out.

Basic gameplay is in the traditional ATB Final Fantasy combat, meaning you have a meter that fills for each character, you issue instructions, it takes a moment for that command to execute, and it moves on to the next person. In a weird twist that I actually like, spells and abilities are done more in the style of Final Fantasy I, with a charge system rather than MP. All abilities have to be crafted (more on that later), and have limited uses in a dungeon based on how much you've "honed" them. All these and your HPs reset after a dungeon run, so no worries there.

Essentially, you pick a realm (being the numbered Final Fantasy game) and then a particular event. In that event, you have 3-10 dungeon "events"  you have to do in order to complete the dungeon, with the last usually being a boss. Within each event you have 3-4 waves of enemies to fight. If you back out of a dungeon, you keep your loot but have to start at the beginning, same goes if you fail. So don't fail.

And there's quests. We'll get to that.

In order to do dungeon events, you have to spend "stamina." Stamina is automatically generated over time, and you have a pool of it that can grow as you clear more dungeons. Stamina generation is actually pretty fair: you get 1 point every 3 minutes, and your starting pool is generous. Dungeons get more expensive the harder they get, but you usually have enough to do one or two dungons, then be done for an hour or so, then come back and play a little more. I imagine not having stamina would allow people to grind through the game in like a week, so it's understandable. I actually like this system, as it encourages me taking breaks.

Clearing dungeons gives you loot in the form of equipment, crafting materials, gil, and XP (and Mithril, but only rarely). There is a ton of equipment in this game, pooled from all the Final Fantasy games. To upgrade it, you "feed" other equipment into the equipment you want to level, destroying the food equipment and paying some Gil to make it happen. Max upgrade a weapon and you can combine it with one of the same name, upping the max level and quality. Quality ranges from one to five stars, with anything three and above considered pretty good. As you can guess, you get a ton of junk gear which you then use to feed your higher ranked stuff. Additionally, characters can only equip certain types of weapons, which I'll get to...right now.

You pick up characters along the way. Each world has at least one to get, tying into the game you are in. Just a word of advice: named character (Cloud, Cyan, Steiner, etc.) are way better than the generic FFI characters (White Mage, Black Mage, etc.). Dump those guys, stick with the named ones. Each character has their own unique limit break and a handful they can learn from elite/rare gear, as well as their own class (usually ranged fighter, melee fighter, red mage, black mage, with summoners and monks being included in some of those roles). There are a lot of characters to collect, and seeing as characters get giant bonuses in their own worlds, it's good to even out your party with a range.

Dungeons vary in length.

The downside is that most characters can only be collected during special events, which Square rotates through once every two weeks. These require both a beefed up party and a lot of stamina, so expect to be stuck with Cloud, Barf, Kane, and Wakka for a while before getting anybody really good (Cloud is good, at least). If you miss an event, too bad; better hope it comes up again if you want Sabin and Edgar from FFVI, for example. This is a little obnoxious but it makes me keep coming back, so it's got that going for it.

And...that's essentially the game. Doing realms and dungeons unlocks more realms and dungeons to battle in, which get progressively harder. You use crafting materials to create and upgrade spells, with the rarer components making the better stuff. Square does everybody a solid by having "Gil" dungeons come up on the daily randomized dungeon rotation, which are basically dungeons where you get a buttload of money (seeing as all upgrades, combinations, etc. require Gil, it's good it is plentiful if you know where to look), as well as crafting material dailies and more. It's surprisingly lenient considering Square's history of free to play games. This game is very easy to pick up, play for a bit, do some upgrades, and put it down for a few hours. Which makes it a great phone game...in theory.

Let's talk about what's bad now. Like this UI.

The saddest part to me about Record Keeper is that the game's biggest failing comes in completely technical ways. First off, the UI is a cluttered mess in every instance. From the confusing scrolling banner, to the non-centered navigation buttons on the bottom with huge icons, to there being buttons freaking everywhere and look like they were designed for a smartphone in 2009, this game's interface is bad. To be fair, you get used to it, but some streamlining would really help this game out a lot. But that isn't even the biggest problem, which is: the load times.

Now, I usually don't fault games for load times. I mean, I loved Fable and the Xbox version of that game had 30-45 second load times for every freaking area. But Record Keeper is a mobile game, designed to be picked up and run through fast. Instead, literally (and I mean the literal use of the word literally here) everything you do has a load screen. Switch menu options? Load screen. Go to a realm to check your progress? Load screen. Load the quests interface? Load screen. Load a dungeon layout? Load screen. Load a battle? Load screen. Results screen? Yep, it loads. Hell, it even has a load screen just to show the Square-Enix logo fade in and out at the beginning, and then loads again for the title. Like...what.

To be fair, I've only played the android version, maybe the iOS version is better. But still...damn. If this game were better optimized, it would be much funner to just bust through every couple of hours.

We gonna win.

Another problem is the lack of strategy. Early on (by that I mean the first month you play), you can probably beat most battles by having an all-melee warrior team and hitting "auto battle." Healers? Who needs em! Black magic? Are you kidding? Black magic is essentially worthless until it's honed (as you have two casts of Thunder per entire dungeon at the start), which means using gil and crafting materials, which you get from battles. So Terra can't be that godly black mage until you've played a ton, so just...pick warriors and auto battle. Which means most of the game (except bosses) you just watch your guys murder everything and do nothing. Fun!

Bosses provide a larger challenge, as they're usually way harder than the enemies leading up to them. Dr. Mog will give you their weaknesses before a battle, but often times just beating them to death works. Twice per dungeon you also get to summon another player's character for a free Limit Break, and often times these characters are in their 50s+. Which means a "roaming party member" can insta-gib a boss most of the time early on. Again, not much strategy.

The game does get more complex once you start playing Elite versions of old dungeons, as well as your party getting fleshed out and better equipped. But ultimately, it's just a time waster for long time, which may turn a lot of people off.

Death to ugly birds.

So how does Square make money off this? Well, there is the usual two "top tier" currencies, in this case Mithril (which you can earn slowly by clearing dungeons) and Coins (great name...you buy these). Essentially, you can use either to revive a party on death (it's a waste, don't do it), refill your stamina (waste) or gamble for rare items (do this). For 5 Mithril you get a three star or higher weapon, but for 50 Mithril you get eleven, which I'd suggest saving for. You can also pay $1 for one draw or $10 for 11 draws, which is a horrible deal and a waste of money. With me saving 50 mithril, I turned my weak party into diabolical killing machines really easily, so don't put money in. I never did, and I got fat fast. Just saying.

All in all, Record Keeper is a fun diversion if you are nostalgic for the Final Fantasy series. It has a lot of technical problems, as well as some tedious starting gameplay, but for those who burn a few weeks worth of stamina on it they'll find a fun and fairly strategic Final Fantasy battle game. It isn't quite as good as I hoped it would be, but it's a billion times better than All the Bravest, so if you have a smartphone and love these games, you might as well give it a shot.

Just don't get too pissed off at the loading screens.

Three out of five stars. 

Five Nights at Freddy's 4

The Short

Pros

- The (actual) final chapter in the FNAF series

- Story does well tying up just about everything major while leaving a few good questions

- Yet another sequel just different enough to be considered unique

- New "nightmare" designs are horrifying

- Focus on audio cues was a clever move

- Less reliant on "random" jump scares than FNAF 3; jump scares are earned this time around

- Atmosphere is phenomenal, as usual, evoking a childhood "afraid of the dark" primal reaction

Cons

- Gameplay is even more routine

- Seriously, you just do four things over and over again until you either win or die

- Tutorials are now just text boxes rather than the clever "phone guy" calls

- Feels stripped down when compared to previous games

- Between level "minigame" feels out of place

- A bit too difficult (Night 3 onward is insane)

- Audio cues are (in the current version) a bit too quiet to feel fair

- Still running an archaic "engine" (i.e. no "back to main menu" option, ESC hard-quits, etc.)

Here we go again

Editor's Note: Seeing as neither FRAPs nor Steam overlay let me take pictures, the images in this review are from the game's Steam Store page. At least that means no spoilers, hooray! 

The Long

It's no secret I'm a big fan of the Five Nights at Freddy's series. People might argue I'm outside of the target demographic (being on the wrong side of twenty), but I find the somewhat simplistic gameplay mixed with the sort of primal childhood fears of animatronics and messed up toys weirdly captivating. Considering the games are cheap, short, and seem to come out every 3-4 months, they make for fun evening diversions for one or two nights before beating them and moving on (or digging around in fan theories on the internet). Plus, I remember going to Chuckie Cheese as a kid and being terrified of the animatronic band, so this whole series kind of hits a personal note with me.

It was widely speculated that FNAF 3 was the final one, given both the nature of trilogies and the fact that it wrapped up one of the series' big questions (the murders) fairly handily. However, with FNAF 4 the one loose thread (which I won't mention for spoilers) is finally addressed, essentially closing out the franchise. Scott has said this is the final game, though I doubt anybody believes him at this point considering the money he must be making.

FNAF 4 was scheduled for release on Halloween, then was pushed up to the beginning of August (with free DLC for Halloween). Then Scott was like "it's done, so why not review it?" and released it today (7/23) for funsies. I gotta admit, I like this guy's style; he's a maverick. He's like a reverse Valve, missing deadlines by releasing games earlier than expected.

So all this background aside, this is the final chapter. Is it good? Bad? Does it live up to the series' expectations? Has Scott finally run out of ideas? Well...yes and no, to all of the above.

Chillin' in my room, praying a satan nightmare bear won't eat me

In a rather stunning departure from the rest of the series FNAF 4 has no cameras. You are not a guy working at a pizza place or a horror house at night. You aren't in this for the paycheck. Instead, you are an unnamed and unknown child, awake in the middle of the night and convinced monsters are in his closet, in the hallways, and under his bed. Yep, Scott played Among the Sleep and decided he too wanted a creepy child teddy bear game. Your only weapon against these hordes of creepers? A flashlight, and being able to shut the door really well. Why he doesn't just shut all the doors and lock them is beyond me, but then there wouldn't be a game so whatever.

While compelling, it's clear this game was made for fans. Those who have played the other three games will quickly figure out who this child is and how he fits into the overlying mythos, but anybody going in cold will be baffled. Part of the mystery is also what exactly these monsters are. Are they real? Figments of the child's imagination? I don't think people make animatronics with rows of razor-sharp needle teeth. Just saying. Probably against some international code.

Another downside to this is that, without a "phone guy" giving you tutorials in-world, the game starts with a bunch of overlying text boxes to teach you the ropes. Frankly, this is a big kick down in the immersion factor, which is so very important for horror games. Luckily they are only there on the first day (and you can dismiss them easily), but I would hope for a more elegant way to display that kind of information.

I love you, Freddy. (Spoiler: I don't love him, not at all)

Gameplay has been streamlined down to it's absolute core here. Previous FNAF games did well eliminating things that were less in tune with spooking you out and adjusting gameplay in unique ways. FNAF 2 removed power (save a flashlight) but also doors, FNAF 3 had only one animatronic but a crazy computer system going against you, and so on. FNAF 4's streamlining is a bit more extreme. Cameras, the Night Trap hold-over and staple of the series, are gone. Now, gameplay consists of two things: shining your light and closing doors.

There are four places monsters can get you. Two side doors, leading into hallways, a middle closet (where Foxie will sneak in starting on Night 3) and your bed, where the Freddy plush will turn into Satan if you don't look frequently enough (much like Foxie/Balloon Boy from FNAF and FNAF 2). The closet is pretty simple: shine the light in there, if Foxie is in there (often accompanied by a creepy noise) close the door until he backs off. The side doors are a little more complicated. Moving to them has you stare out into darkness. Should Bonnie (left) or Chica (right) be there and you shine your light on them, they kill you dead. You instead have to listen carefully for sounds, and if you hear movement/breathing/anything, shut the door until the noises stop.

It's pretty creepy, and a really novel concept for the series. FNAF 2 used sound as a sort of "early warning" for those observent (vents made noises, as did Balloon Boy), but for FNAF 4 it's required. Which was probably so that when you are scared, the screams of the attack blow your eardrums out. Seriously, the sounds of them outside are way too quiet, but I'm not cranking my volume just to get jumpscared into space here. That should probably be addressed.

All clear.

As you would imagine from Scott, he does clever things with sound. One hallway has a clock that will chime, throwing you off. The other has outside windows where you might spot things. You can also sometimes see them lurking in the background, moving out of the light as you shine it. It's genuinely creepy and evokes that feeling you had as a child, up late at night and worried for what might be in the dark corners of your room or hallways. Having to physically move (as you, the child, is very small) from area to area only adds to the suspense.

Unfortunately, it's with the gameplay that FNAF 4 falters. See, you really only do those four things, and you just do them over and over again. Check door, check closet, check other door, check bed. You could just make a circle over and over again. Sitting in the middle of the room gives you no indication of what to do next (unlike in previous games, where backing out of the cameras was often essential to survive), so you might as well just shuffle around the whole time. If you have good enough hearing, you can kind of play this game on autopilot. That isn't to say it is easy; the randomness of the jumps make it seem almost unfair in how quickly things can go from "nobody is around" to "Chica's Cupcake murdered you," but at it's core you just check four places, over and over, and that's the whole game.

One might argue the other FNAF games are similar, and that's a bit true, but it did better masking it. FNAF 1 and 2 you had to keep tabs on where creepers were, so you at least had an idea of when they were coming and how close they were. FNAF 3 slipped a bit with the random scares, but I liked having only one Springtrap to keep tabs on (kind of like Alien Isolation). Here, it seems almost completely random. I died at 1 AM on Day 2 by glancing over to the right door (where I'd been checking and had no indication of change), shone the light, and got Chica'd. It felt almost completely random, and without any "overview" like what the cameras provided, the gameplay gets stale fast.

My, what big teeth you have.

The only final thing worth mentioning is the strange "minigame" between nights. Here, a toy Springtrap sits on a chair. Shine your light and you'll stop him from moving, but your goal is to "catch" him when he's standing on the X nearest you. There is no strategy here; it's completely random, and if you say "bollucks to you!" and just turn your light off, he jumpscares you. The reward for catching him is two hours shaved off the next night, which is not only a weird reward, but completely breaks the immersion of the game. How does this work in context of a terrified child hunted by his nightmares? It's a really strange inclusion, and honestly just felt like Scott wanted to stick Springtrap in the game somewhere, so we got this.

Graphically, this is easily the best in the series. The designs for the nightmare versions of the animatronics we've all grown to loath are appropriately horrific. The complete pitch black of looking out into the hallways (though realistically the right hallway would have some outside light shining in) evokes a primal childhood fear in me, and even though I keep saying "just turn on the lights and close all the doors, dummy!" I really liked the idea of being a child haunted by nightmares. Powerlessness is a theme of these games, and FNAF 4 nails that better than any other in the series. It's just a damned shame you're stuck in that one room, doing the same four things over and over again.

There's a monster in my closet.

So...is it scary? It's certainly nerve-wracking. I had the same "I can't play more than a few minutes of this at a time" reaction that I had with all the games. I'd say it's the tensest since the first game (were I to rate them in terms of a "Nathan-Has-To-Take-a-Break-o-Meter," it would probably be 4, 1, 2, 3) and again, I really like the child theme. I also like how it ties up story bits with a fairly tragic and actually emotional side-story, presented between levels in the usual "retro graphics" style used in the previous games.

To be frank, however, I'm pretty disappointed. While the previous three games have been scary, I've still considered them fun to play. There was a sort of manic chaos that permeated them and exacerbated the already rising tension I felt at trying to not get murdered by Chuckie Cheese monsters. This time around, you can see the seams a little too much. The text tutorial, weird minigame, and routine gameplay breaks down what would otherwise be the best game in the series, at least tonally. The high bar of entry (you'll have to have played 1-3 to understand 4) and unfair monster movements just make the game feel like a chore, something FNAF 2 almost slipped into but just missed. It's a damned shame.

It's like all my childhood nightmares made flesh. Or...robot, I guess.

As it stands, this is the first FNAF game I'll only recommend if you already like (and have played) the other games in the series. It's a decent enough closing note, and its heart is certainly in the right place, and holy cow mad props to Scott for churning out four totally decent games in under a year. But I think the formula is finally starting to get stale, and it's a good thing he hung up his hat on a still (reasonably) high note. If you love the series, you'll still enjoy this one, but remember it's better to burn out than fade away. Also this game (like the rest of the series) I swear is funner to watch others play rather than play yourself. Which is probably why YouTubers love it to death.

I still wasn't ready for Freddy, but I'm sad to see him go.

Three out of five stars

(but if you haven't played or have no interest in this series, shave a star off).

Finally, an appropriate time to use "2spooky4me"

Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth

The Short

Pros

- An actual new, linear Castlevania game. In 2009. Whaaaa

- Graphics look appropriately 16-32 bit with some fantastic pixel art

- Gameplay feels shockingly familiar to Rondo of Blood/Bloodlines era of the series

- Multiple paths through levels encourage replaying

- Difficulty and continue settings make the game accessible

- A "classic" mode adds old jump controls (vs in-air control) and locks non-traditional sub-weapons

- Music is kick-ass and sounds exactly like it would if the Genesis and SNES had a love child

Cons

- Picking up a subweapon on accident doesn't give you the option to retrieve the old one. Come on!

- Game gets pretty damn hard starting on Level 3

- Only five stages and the final boss "stage"

- Split paths are cool but don't unlock anything like they do in Rondo of Blood

- Is tied in name to Castlevania: The Adventure, which was a really stupid thing to associate ones-self with

This whole experience has been shocking.

The Long

So, this game was supposed to be awful. It really was. It was a few months before Lords of Shadow came out, "rebooting" the franchise and ultimately killing it. Konami decides to release a Wiiware exclusive Castlevania game (maybe to make up for the fact that Lords of Shadow wasn't coming to Wii), and based on the title it sounds like a remake of Castlevania: The Adventure. You know? The worst Castlevania game ever made? Yeah. That one.

I only even gave this game a shot because I wanted my Castlevania review binge to be complete, and figured even a remake of The Adventure couldn't be any worse than the original. Well, I was right. It isn't worse. In fact, it's one of the best Castlevania games. No, really. I'm as shocked as you are. Maybe even more, actually. Because I'm pretty damn shocked.

Anyway, let's talk about this.

This looks a bit familiar.

First thing to point out: this isn't actually a remake of Castlevania: The Adventure. In fact, the only thing that carries over is the eyeballs (but they don't explode anymore) and the fact that you can get a whip that shoots projectiles. Hell, they even cut the remixed song from Castlevania: The Adventure from the game (which sucks, frankly, because that song is awesome). Oh, and it's the same Belmont (Christopher), in what little story it presents.

Aside from that, Rebirth is a whole different beast. And thank god for that, because Rebirth is a phenomenal Castlevania game.

This is a linear Castlevania game. Unlike all the Game Boy Advance and DS titles, Rebirth is sticking with the basics, making this the first linear Castlevania game since Castlevania Chronicles on the PS1 (which was a remake of Castlevania 1). And as such, you traverse stages in a semi-linear fashion, gathering power-ups, hunting for wall-chicken to refill your health, and wishing the stairs were all gone (though they aren't as bad this time around). You gather orbs to power up your whip, and while getting a second orb grants you a ranged attack (like the Game Boy games), it is only temporary. I imagine this is in response to having sub-weapons in the game, but still provides a cool throwback to it's Adventure source. I like it.

Also, this game can get quite tricky.

Despite being released in 2009, I'm pleased to say Konami didn't skimp on the difficulty. While the game does have branching paths (the trickier they are to find, usually the easier they are to traverse), there is some mad difficult platforming and level design in this game. While it isn't perfect (the difficulty seems to fluctuate a bit, espeically considering how hard Stage 3 is), this sure feels a lot like old-school Castlevania. Not Castlevania III: Drac in the Box hard, mind you, but on par with Rondo of Blood or Bloodlines at the very least. I'm a huge fan.

If you aren't a huge fan (or were raised on the more lenient Metroid-vania offerings of the series), the game does have difficulty settings as well as life settings (up to 9, with unlimited continues). Easy isn't quite a cakewalk (since most of the later stages [stage 3, again] have more platforming challenges than enemy challenges), but it's certainly simpler than old-school linear 'vania's. Normal feels like a great fit, and there's even a Hard setting if you thought Castlevania III: This Joke is Getting Old was too easy. You masochist.

Also, there is a LOT of eyeballs.

The game plays great. The whip has appropriate wind-up, sub-weapons are essential (though, as always, the cross is the best). Item-crash or acrobatics (from Rondo) aren't here, and neither is multi-dimensional whipping (from Super). This is just a very by-the-numbers Castlevania experience, similar to Bloodlines. And ya'll know how I feel about Bloodlines.

One big difference is you initially have in-air control over your jumps, rather than the unalterable arch. Those who read these reviews probably know how I feel about that (I like my jumps like I like my significant others: dedicated yet uncontrollable), but after beating just one stage unlocks "Classic" mode. This returns the engagement-ring style of jumping, as well as removes all sub-weapons except the bottle and the cross (the only two you need, so no biggie). Brilliant touch, Konami. Those who like their Castlevanias this way can enable it should they desire, while everybody else can have their wamby-pamby, easy-mode in-air modern platformer jumping controls. WHO NEEDS IT?! 

3spooky5me

Stages are well built throughout is the point, and it can feel as classic or modern (or anywhere in-between) as you want. While Rebirth doesn't really do anything too crazy or that hasn't been done before, it just does it all so...well. I'd claim they were pandering to me if this wasn't exactly how I've wanted to be pandered to as they released game after game of Metroid-vania titles. Between the tricky platforming, familiar enemies (and some new ones!), obnoxious stair-climbing, and monkey skeletons on ropes (which you, sadly, can't climb anymore), this is about as Castlevania as it gets. I love it.

The only thing that feels under-utilized is the branching paths. While I appreciate them (obviously a nod to Rondo of Blood), in Rondo they often were more than just another route. Frequently they'd unlock entirely new stages, new bosses, or even new characters (Maria). This is not the case here: split paths are just for funsies, some harder and others easier than the "standard" route. It would've been cool to offer unlocks or something by going down these paths (like a Simon skin for Christopher, etc.), but alas, it was not to be.

Final gripe: picking up a subweapon doesn't let you change your mind and pick up the other one (i.e. you don't drop it, it just vanishes into space). This is especially obnoxious if you pick up the key before a boss (which does jack all ) and now...tough luck, nerd! Good job trying to key Dracula's car to death!

Oh, and the game is pretty short. I said the last gripe was my final one, but too bad. To be fair, the stages themselves are pretty freaking long (each with a mid-level boss as well as the final one), but the fact there's only five of them and a "final boss" stage is too bad.

Death is still a huge jerk.

I'm in love with this game's graphics. While it isn't the best pixel art around the board (some of the enemies look a little...bad, like the mermen), nearly every enemy has original sprite art (we finally aren't using the Medusa Head sprite from Rondo anymore! It only took seven freaking games!), and the game even tosses in a few brand-new enemies (and bosses) to test your mettle. Everything is hand-pixelated, without any of the pseudo-3D cheap tricks people like to sneak into their 2D (or 2.5D) platformers these days. Even when things are falling apart (like the bridge in the pic up there), the way it breaks into chunks looks very SNES/Genesis style of sprite manipulation. I love all of it; it all looks fantastic. If Shovel Knight was meant to emulate a NES, Rebirth perfectly emulates the 16-bit era.

Music is also on-point in so many ways. Every song is a remix, which I am all about. Even better, they chose to remix a few lesser known songs (the opening level is a Bloodlines remix, which means instant 10/10, perfect game). The midi mix they used sounds like a weird hybrid between the SNES and Genesis sound chips (though more of the latter) and I love it. I love all of it. They even remixed the best song from Belmont's Revenge, which I thought Konami forgot existed. Like, I'm gushing now, but this soundtrack is boss hog. 

This is my kind of Castlevania.

So color me completely surprised or whatever, but Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth is a damned fine Castlevania game, a wholly original linear Castlevania experience, and one that came out in freaking 2009. I'm still having difficultly fathoming this.

It has great gameplay, varying levels of difficulty to appeal to newcomers and hardcore fans alike, the graphics and music are phenomenal, and the levels are built smartly and are equal parts punishing and fun. It's a great Castlevania game.

If I had to force a gripe on it (aside from the small points I've mentioned already), it's that Rebirth, while solid, never quite reaches the heights found in the best of the linear Castlevanias. Maybe I'm rose-tinting here, but there's a tightness in Castlevania 1 and Bloodlines that this game is lacking. Barely. Also it doesn't really try anything new (aside from a handful of original enemies) or steal that might have been too controversial (Richtor's moveset, Bloodline's whip-swing, etc.). It's as basic as it can get.

And I'm totally ok with this. For a $10 downloadable WiiWare title, this game seems like a bloody miracle that it even exists. If you have any affinity for the linear Castlevania games, you must get Rebirth. I can't believe I'm recommending something associated (if only a little) with Castlevania: The Adventure, but there you go. Get it. Right now.

Four out of five stars. 

Also, shame on you Konami for not using this song! Shame, shame, shame!

Master of Darkness

The Short

Pros

- Solid Castlevania ripoff on the Sega Master System (and Game Gear)

- Excellent music

- Large arsenal of weapons and sub-weapons

- Graphics look fantastically spooky, with some good animations

- The whole "Jack the Ripper Era England" time setting is woefully underused; glad to see it here

- "House of Wax" level is both creepy and inventive

- Gameplay is tight and controls are very responsive

Cons

- Pretty easy compared to Castlevania

- Sometimes dropped items downgrade your weapon. For shame!

- Level designs are a bit bland

- A bit obvious in its Castlevania pandering

- It can be hard to walk down on stairs for some reason

- Only five areas each with three stages each (15 levels total)

- SMS version only released in Europe! What's up with that?

Are you getting a familiar vibe?

The Long

You may have noticed a theme these past few reviews, the theme being Castlevania. Lots and lots of Castlevania. So why is this weird game showing up here? Well, because the Sega Master System (a system woefully underrepresented in my lexicon of game reviews) never got a proper Castlevania game, but it did in fact get this thing...Master of Darkness (also known as Vampire: Master of Darkness for the US Game Gear release). It's about as shameful a copy as you can get, but despite it's obvious...uh...let's say "inspiration" from the famous gothic platforming series, Master of Darkness still does some pretty cool things all its own, and is one of the best games on the Master System.

Too bad you have to import it (the SMS version was Europe only! Thanks Obama! Or wait, 1992...thanks...George Bush Sr? Bill Clinton?)

This looks really familiar.

Murder is afoot in ye olde England. Bodies have been turning up dead, and it's up to you, a stalwart gentleman and enforcer of the law (or something) to get out your cane and beat the ever loving crap out of the homeless. Or...zombies, I think they're zombies. But there's for sure guys with guns that you pummel to death in this game, which is fantastic.

What is cool about Master of Darkness is it actually tries to have a sort of thematic story. The first boss is Jack the Ripper (like, the actual one) who you find out is in league with Dracula to be all evil and stuff. At the start and end of each stage you get some cool text and graphics explaining where the story is going, which is more than any of the early Castlevania games gave you.

I also really dig the setting. If you liked Bloodborne or Dishonored, this is the same time period. The industrial revolution is just kicking off, and the streets are full of rats and apparently gross monsters. Did I mention the first weapon you get is a cane that you use to beat ghosts to death with? This is pretty much my dream game.

A duel it is, fine sir!

Gameplay-wise, Master of Darkness is Castlevania. You have monsters that move slowly, bats that fly, etc. There are stairs that suck to walk up and down on. You don't have as delayed attack as the whip with most weapons, but larger ones (the sword) do have a brief wind-up. Actually, let's talk about the weapons, because it's actually something Master of Darkness does that's different and cool.

Hitting floating white masks (which I guess are the "candle" equiviliant in this game) will drop powerups. Unlike Simon, who was tied to just an upgradable whip, our hero here can pick up a wide assortment of weapons. You start with a crappy knife (which is the only one that I feel is just bad all the time). You can get a dapper cane (fast, medium range, medium damage) a sword (slower, longer range, medium damage) and...a hand axe (short range, maximum damage). Yeah, the axe didn't really fit the theme, but whatever. You can swap whenever you find another powerup, but the game likes to be a jerk and drop the knife from time to time, so be careful to not pick it up.

You also have subweapons, though there's only three. Here, there are no "hearts," weapons just come pre-equipped with a set amount of ammo. You have a gun, which is basically the "knife," bombs (the "axe"), and the boomerang. The boomerang is supposed to be the cross, except unlike the cross it doesn't pierce (it just goes away on impact) making it substantially worse. Of all these, the bomb is really the only useful one, particularly against the final boss. Can you guess how you use subweapons? If you said "Up + attack," you know how video games work.

It ain't London if someone isn't getting gruesomely murdered.

The gameplay itself is pretty straightforward. There's five stages, each with three levels. After each level your health is restored (making this easier than Castlevania) and the last stage is always a boss. Bosses are actually pretty easy...truthfully, this whole game is a lot easier than Castlevania, but that's ok. The locations you go to are all pretty cool. My favorite is stage two, a wax museum, where frequently some of the wax dummies in the background come to life and attack you. That's a neat idea!

Oh yeah, there's also a clock tower level, because "Castlevania did it." It even has swinging pendulums you jump on. Really.

SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS.

I guess the question is: is this game as good as Castlevania? To that I say, "not really." It doesn't have that difficulty factor, nor the super deliberate level design that set the best of the series apart from other platformers. That being said, Master of Darkness is still a ton of fun to play, even for a straight ripoff. The controls are responsive and tight (even if stairs still suck), there's lots of creepy enemies and themeing, and it's a bit easier for those who thought Castlevania was a little too rough.

Point being? It's one of the best platformers on the Master System, and certainly a great 8-bit platformer in genera. If you liked Castlevania, you'll feel right at home here, and probably enjoy the differences they stuck in.

Plus, you know, spikes n' stuff.

Graphically, I think this game looks fantastic. I've always enjoyed the way Master System games look, kind of a weird combination between MSDos games and NES games, though usually more colorful. I particularly like the England-cityscape backgrounds and the gritty look of the whole world. It's a great looking game on Sega's 8-bit system.

Sound effects are a little...drab. The getting hit sound is pathetic, though I do appreciate the good "thwack" sound when you beat a zombie to death with your cane. Music, on the other hand, is excellent throughout. While the first stage's song does get a little repetitive, it evokes the similar creepy feel that Castlevania games do. It's not quite as good as Castlevania's iconic tunes, but it comes pretty damn close.

As it stands, it's a crying shame we here in the west didn't get this game on our Master Systems. It's one of the coolest games on the systems, and a solid Castlevania knockoff with some great tricks of its own. We did get the Game Gear port, which is essentially the exact same game just with a slightly smaller field of view (the Game Gear and the Master System were almost identical tech, just one was a handheld), so it is possible to play the game without importing or emulators. However, if you can pony up the cash to import the PAL version (it'll play on an American Master System), I'd say it's totally worth getting if you're a collector.

Master of Darkness surprised me. I went in expecting a bland Castlevania knockoff, and left with it secured as one of my favorite 8-bit platformers. Few flaws notwithstanding (and honestly most of the flaws are borrowed from its source material), Master of Darkness is a great vampire-murdering replacement for those without NES system, at least until the Genesis came out and they got the best 16-bit Castlevania. 

Plus, I beat Jack the Ripper to death with a cane in an alleyway. Best game ever.

Four out of five stars. 

Suck it, Jack. Though I do like your stylish purple attire.