Dance Central 2

The Short


Pros
- Keeps the same precise detection from the first game and makes it better
- Now you can dance with two players!
- Adds voice control/options from the menu
- A new career mode
- Gives you the option to remove that silly "freestyle" option
- Over 40 songs on disc, can import the 32 from Dance Central, and plays all DLC
- Improved Break it Down mode fixes the minor issues from the first version
- New characters and locales
- Difficulty levels are improved; easy is a lot funner and has more variation, while hard isn't just the same as previous difficulties with a few extra moves pasted in
- Changes to the scoring system are an improvement
- Improved sorting options for your song list, and you can now make playlists
- The things the dancers say are substantially less stupid

Cons
- Cut the Lady Gaga wanna-be character. She was my favorite! Well, besides Mo.
- Despite the things said being less stupid, they still are pretty dumb
- Career mode is welcome but hardly necessary or in-depth
- Justin Bieber? Whip My Hair? Why?
- Nothing is fundamentally different from the first Dance Central (except two player play)

Dance Central's back. And it brought friends. 

The Long

An easy review of this game could be this: Dance Central 2 is to Dance Central like Rock Band 2 was to Rock Band. Is there anything substantially different with the core mechanics between Dance Central 2 and the first game? No. Does it revolutionize anything the way the first game did? Not really. But Dance Central 2 takes many, many steps in the right direction, improving the already impressive framework established by Dance Central, and in so doing making what it easily the best game on the Kinect to date.

Graphically, not much has changed between games. I think the animations for the dancers are a bit smoother and easier to follow, the locals are better-looking and actually rotate between various versions of a scene (for example, you'll dance in a subway station, then on the subway, etc. during the same song). They axed a few dancers and put some new ones in, but as a whole the game still looks fantastic. They did make the character's outfits look a little less like plastic, which is appreciated. 

Angel's new sailor outfit makes him look like he'd be the entertainment at a bachelorette party. 

So instead of harping on what's stayed the same (since that's silly; read my Dance Central review for the fundamental mechanics of the series), I'm going to focus on the changes. And the first one is a big one and probably the main reason to pick this game up over the first game: two players. 

Yeah, this was kind of a big oversight in the first game, one I think I remember them saying they cut in some interview because of the pressure to release the game as a launch title. Well, they've made good and now you can dance two player, and as a bonus you can each dance on different difficulties. Let me just say: this doesn't sound like a big deal on paper, but it is huge. Remember the difference between Guitar Hero 1 and Guitar Hero 2? How they added the ability to play two-player in that? It went from being a game you played by yourself to a crazy party game (which was then doubled again when Rock Band added two more players to the mix). Adding another player to Dance Central 2 does this for this game as well, making the game more approachable for those shy friends ("You can just dance with me! It won't be as weird!") as well as just being more fun. 

Some new characters like Bodie (left) are surprisingly not obnoxious

The improvements in Break it Down mode are also worth noting. While it's still only a single player affair, you now have the option to skip moves you already have down (either because you've mastered them in this song or in another song), record yourself doing the move and watch it next to the actual performer to see where you are going wrong, work on just a specific section, and more. Considering the only way you'll get good at the hardest songs in the game is by breaking the moves down into pieces, this improvement is much appreciated.

Speaking of moves and difficulty, Dance Central 2 is much better than the first game with regards to picking moves for you to dance to. Similar to how Rock Band 2 had better musical charting when compared to Rock Band, Dance Central 2 adds tons of new moves. In the first game it was common to see a few moves crossing multiple songs, especially on Easy (where you basically just repeat the same 3-4 moves over and over. Boring!). In Dance Central 2 each routine is very unique, with very little crossover. This is both good because it adds variety, and bad because you'll have to learn a lot of new moves (which makes jumping between songs a little harder). Easy mode is also much better, with less repetition and instead mixing up handfuls of easier techniques. Hard difficulties before seemed like they took the framework in Easy and just swapped out harder moves in certain sections, but the dance was the same overall. Not so in Dance Central 2: Hard on most dances is a completely different beast. It's a little thing (I honestly don't think any other review online points this out) but it shows they put more time into figuring the moves out this time around.

It still goes all "neon" when the both of you hit a 4x multiplier. If just one of you has it, the associated player's avatar's hands will glow instead, which is a nice touch. 

There is also a career mode, though it seems...tacked on. Basically all the dancers in the game are paired up and put into "groups" (or "gangs," I guess), each with their own musical preference. As you can guess, Mo (aka the best character from the first game) has the best taste, with all the Daft Punk and techno/electric stuff, but the rest of the dances are good too. Baby's Got Back is just as raunchy and awful as it has always been, and the inclusion of Justin Bieber and Whip My Hair is really questionable. Luckily it makes up for it with more Lady Gaga (yeah...I think she's ok. Got a problem? Her dances are the best in the game, too) and a variety of other songs, so I guess it's forgivable. At any rate, career mode is just playing through a set number of songs to collect stars, then dancing a "boss" dance. Aka it's the same setup that we had back in Guitar Hero 1. We asked for a career mode, and they dropped back to the oldest setup in music games. Way to go, Harmonix. Do I have to wait for Dance Central 3 for you to add challenges and perfect the system like you did with Rock Band 3? Seems that way.

As stated, you have a good assortment of songs, made better by the fact you can export your entire Dance Central library into the game, as well as all your DLC. The DLC goes on sale constantly (I think we own all of the Dance Central 1 DLC, and got it all for around $30 total) so if you are aching for more songs this game has you covered. It's not as crazy as Rock Band's 3,000 song library, but it's still more songs than I'd ever want. 

The inclusion of kid dancers is weird, though. Mo, why you hanging out with that twerp? Almost everybody else at least got a lady partner. 

Everything else plays perfectly. The menues are still slick and very easy to navigate. The game's detection has actually improved between games (it was great before, but it seems even better now), which is good because the first game could never detect me right when I did moves that required me to walk around in a circle. It also seems to be more pickier on the harder difficulties vs the easier ones, which might just be my imagination but either way, I like it. There are some genuinely crazy dances in this game (though Teach Me How To Jerk from the first game is still the hardest damn song in the game...and Rihanna's Disturbia) and they cover a massive range of dance music (I'm really glad to see Daft Punk in here, and I hope they add more as DLC), so just about anybody will find something they like. The changes are subtle but really improve the experience, making this a game that, if you own a Kinect, you really have no excuse not to own. 

This is one of three game we bought last year on release date for the full $50 (though now that I think about it it was off Amazon...and it might have been $45...and I think they gave us a $10 Amazon credit...and $10 in MS points to export our songs from Dance Central...I love you, Amazon), but it fluctuates in price really weird. It was $15 on black friday along with Kinect Sports: Season 2, which is a freaking steal. If you liked the first game, grab this game at whatever price you find it at (it's $40 on Amazon right now). If you played the demo but are skeptical, I'd say $30-40 is still a safe point to test it out. It seriously is the very, very best reason to own a Kinect right now, and it's a total blast to boot.

A very deserving five out of five stars, should I be inclined to score it with stars. Keep making 'em like this, Harmonix, and hopefully other developers will stop making garbage Kinect games and follow your lead instead. 

Kinect Sports: Season 2

The Short


Pros
- Back with six new sports: Skiing, Baseball, Darts, Tennis, Football, and Golf
- Golf is pretty great and has a decent selection of courses
- Utilizes voice commands to get through the menues that actually works pretty good
- Still has the same "minigames break off from the main game" as the first one
- Graphics still look very nice, and your avatar is back for more SPORTS

Cons
- I swear somehow their body detection got worse between games
- While the first game had two duds, this game only has two good ones, and that's me really being lenient by putting darts on the "good" list
- Speaking of darts, despite being one of the best one the rounds go on for WAY too long
- The more traditional sports (Football and Baseball) are stripped-down versions that are...pretty bad.
- The annoying announcer is just as annoying as before
- Has ads integrated into the main menu screens. Seriously? Like a "Lite" version of an iPhone game? Was the blatant product from the first game (which is also in this game) some how not enough?

Kinect Sports is back, but not better. 

The Long

Here's a confession: I didn't play Kinect Sports Season 2 nearly as much as I played the first game. This is mostly because I don't think it's very good, but the point of me bringing this up is because this review will probably be more skimpy on the details than the first game's. So if you're wondering why I'm being lazy, now you know. 

Anyway, Season 2 has a handful of six new games to play: American football, tennis, darts, skiing, baseball, and golf. If half of these sound like they wouldn't really work with Kinect...well, you are probably right. Let's blitz (har har football jokes and I'm posting this on Super Bowl Sunday) our way to the endzone (two for two!) of this review by covering each sport individually to earn a...uh...I'm out of football jokes.

And here's some more footballz for you. Yay. 

Football is to actual American football what a home run derby is to baseball. As in, it isn't. You have four downs to clear the entire length of the field, meaning any strategy regarding getting first downs is gone. If you fail on your first three to score a touchdown you can opt to try for a field goal, and then it switches sides. That's it. How awesome.

Essentially what you have to do is squat down for the hike (always a family favorite activity), get the ball, and then the game will give you ideas on who to throw it two. The throwing controls are super wonky, so often you'll throw it badly, but on the off chance you do catch it you get to do more PowerPad running as fast as you can (knees up!). That's essentially the game. How fun. Next.

Hooray! I'm not in a Wii game!

Tennis should be a shoe-in, especially since they did table-tennis so great in the last iteration, but there's a weird disconnect between what you do and how the character reacts. It isn't too awful overall, but it certainly feels a lot more loose that the table tennis game or Wii Sports' iteration, which makes you not want to play it. Serving was fun (just like how serving in volleyball in the first game was fun), if I don't really understand how the Kinect registers it, but the whole thing just feels...too loose. Again, this is weird considering how tight-knit table tennis was, and I'd just assume this was essentially the same thing.

Back to the bad ones

Skiing isn't awful, it's just...boring. So boring. Basically you just squat down in front of your Kinect (why do all these games involve copious amounts of squatting?), and then make as if you are turning by sticking out your legs in either direction. You can slow down by standing up taller, and there are a few jumps on each course. 

As far as controls go, it works just fine. I had a few issues turning sharply on a whim, but overall once you get the hang of it it's fairly easy. The problem is that it's monotonous. You just crouch down as you circle through flags and avoid obstacles. The courses are really limited, and while its sort of fun competing two player, the experience is just bland. The sense of speed and air is there, it's just...really dull. 

Another game too complex for the tech

Baseball reminds me of football, which reminds me of soccer from the last game, in that they had to trim stuff down quite a bit for it to work. However, in this case they both trimmed and made it more complex. As the pitcher, there's a bunch of different styles of pitches you can pull of (I can't) that do different...things? It's weird. As the batter it was about as bad as hitting baseballs on Wii Sports was. Read: I'm not good at it. You have to actually run (knees up!) from bases to bases, which is fun I guess, but catches are practically automatic and as a whole the game just feels gimped. They also trimmed down the length, but in this case I'm glad. This would last forever if they didn't, which is the problem with the next sport I'm addressing.

Aim for the guy in the suit

Darts is one of the better games, if only because it's simple and actually feel like you are emulating the "sport." Basically you aim the dart, which gives a slight reticle hint as to where it will land. You then pull back and throw. It requires skill (if you know the real rules of darts, you'll know it gets tricky near the end. I won't elaborate here) but the issue is that it takes forever. You play three rounds, which each round lasting anywhere from 5-10 minutes. I'm sorry, but that's too long for just chucking darts at a board.

I thought it was funny that it asked me how my TV was set up relative to me, so that it would best emulate an actual dart board. This made me thing: why don't I just buy an actual dart board? It's pretty much the same thing, except that is real and probably a bit more fun. Regardless, darts is ok in my book. 

And we'll end on the best game in the bunch

Golf is golf. Plain and simple. You move your body to adjust the direction you are aiming, you pull back and swing. It still has that inherent Kinect problem with speed/strength based moves (ie: it can't gauge with a good deal of accuracy how hard you hit something), but it's forgivable because it isn't that bad overall. The game has a fair amount of courses (or fairway amount of courses, right guys? Guys?), the holes move along quickly, and the later ones require some actual skill. This game is actually kind of a blast, and I actually enjoyed playing it single player (unlike every other game in both Season 2 and the original Kinect Sports), so kudos to them for that. They made a very good golf game. Which the Wii did a billion years ago. But that's ok, I forgive you. At least this game mode wasn't a (sand) trap! (puns. The highest level of humor.)

Menues are much improved as well.

So that's about it for the events, let's quickly cover a few other changes. This game has full voice command, meaning you can navigate the menues just by yelling at your Kinect. To my surprise, it actually works really well. I mean, it's no Siri, but it's certainly preferable to holding my hand on a button for two seconds and hoping you don't slip off of it.

Something I don't like that's actually quite infuriating is that there are ads in the main menu, in the form of a sliver banner ad on the top (like you'd expect from an Android or iOS free game). Why the hell are there ads in a game I paid for? I can understand product placement (though I don't like it), but between this and the new Xbox's UI completely coated in ads (seriously: 75% of the home screen is ads. I'm not kidding.) I can only think Microsoft hates their customers. It's worth noting (though nobody at Microsoft cares about me or reads this review) that between this (which is a MS published/developed game) and the new Xbox I've been convinced to not buy their new system when it comes out. Ever. When I buy a laptop my Windows isn't covered in ads, and if it did we'd call that a freaking VIRUS. How this is acceptable on something that's already covered in branding, product placement, and much more completely baffles me. So screw you, Microsoft. You greedy bastards. 

Seriously. Look at this. That little box in the upper left is the game I have in the drive, and the lower left is quickplay.  Everything else on the whole damn screen is ads. It's completely freaking disgusting. 

Anyway, now that we've finished that tangent, I'm fully prepared to give Kinect Sports: Season 2 a bad review. I don't know how they messed up the motion controls in this one, or why they picked sports that anybody could have told them would translate poorly to the experience (remember soccer, Rare? Remember how that was kind of crap?), but I guess they just wanted more money and since the first one sold like hotcakes they had to get on that and cut a few corners. Thank goodness they didn't cut the ads out while they were cutting features, though. That would have been a nightmare.

I bought it on black friday for $15, and I don't feel bad about it because I really dig golf. The rest of the sports aren't horrible, they just aren't great, so you could probably glean some fun if you had some friends that didn't mind the Kinect tracking them horribly. As it stands, I say don't pay more than $15 for it. It's a mess, and they'll get a cut from the ads anyway, so no worries about them being underpaid. 

Two out of five. And again, screw you Microsoft. I hope it was worth losing a loyal customer over (it probably was for them, but whatever.).

Kinect Sports

The Short


Pros
- Six one to two player events: Volleyball, Soccer, Boxing, Bowling, Table Tennis, Track and Field
- Over a dozen minigames based on these events; minigames are 1-4 players
- Kinect system works well with nearly every sport, and especially well with minigames
- Uses your Xbox 360 avatar and looks good
- Can give you quite a workout
- Better than Wii Sports if only because you can use your feet/whole body in events
- Free DLC that gives six more fun minigames

Cons
- Like Wii Sports, it's a game you'll play for a bit and then only bust out at parties
- Soccer isn't great, and Bowling is inferior to the one in Wii Sports
- Track and Field involves a lot of running in place
- Volleyball (while a lot of fun to spike), is basically just "make sure your hand is in this spot at the right time"
- Game can be exhausting at times
- Announcer gets really annoying really fast
- In the end, is just another sports compilation

Get ready for MORE SPORTS!

The Long


It's pretty much par for the course now that when you make a new motion control system you have to make a sports game for it. The Wii had it, the Playstation Move had it (Sports Champions), and now the Xbox 360 Kinect has it. Made by Rare (who used to be famous for classics like Banjo Kazooie, Viva Pinata, Conker's Bad Fur Day, and Perfect Dark), Kinect Sports seems like just a cash-in on Wii Sports' success, and there is no denying that probably played a big part in its existence. However, digging a bit deeper we find a very solid sports offering, one boosted past Wii Sports because of one key change: the Kinect can detect both body position and legs, which is something the Wii can't.

The game has six events. So, like my Kinect Adventures review, I'm just going to blitz through each of them and then let you figure it out. Before that, however, let me say that the game looks very good graphically, with a clean interface and menues that aren't as easy to navigate as Dance Central, but certainly better than Kinect Adventures. You can use your avatar to play the games, which is a nice touch, and the sound-design overall is...decent. The voices of the announcers is extremely annoying, but all-in-all presentation-wise this game is certainly above average.

The eyes on that dude with the Hulk Hogan stash is freaking me out

Let's start with one I don't like: Soccer. Now, I have no problems with soccer as a sport, I played it a lot as a kid and it's one of the few real sports I'm actually decent at. However, it wasn't a very good fit for a motion control game, even one that can detect your legs. Essentially, you don't do much running, dribbling, or...anything. You kick the ball down field, your guys move automatically, and eventually you kick it towards the hoop and hope the AI sucks. It's...not wonderful. Maybe on paper this made sense, but as a full-fledged game it's quite lacking.

It does, however, have some good mini-games associated with it (like one where you kick balls and dodge shoes, or play goalie, or kick at targets in a goal for points), so it works on that front I suppose.

Xbox Avatars in sports bikinis is just...unnatural. Look at how big her head is!

I actually really like Volleyball, even though - like soccer - most of the movement is automated. Essentially you and the other team volley back and forth, which means an indicator will show up on your screen (your character will automatically move to the best position), and you just have to swing at the right spot at the right time. Often this'll pass it to a teammate, who will then pass it back to you for a spike. Spikes are why this one is awesome: you actually have to jump into the air and hit downward, like you were spiking a real volleyball. You can also do that when you serve if you want a power-serve. It's weirdly fun despite being simple, though spiking can get exhausting and volleys can last way longer than they ever do in actual volleyball games. I also never figured out how I adjusted the direction, power, or whatever on my spikes or hits; it just sort of happened automatically. Maybe it's timing based, I don't know. 

Volleyball also has a lot of fun minigames, including one that is ripped off from Fruit Ninja where you whack fruit and dodge bombs. Pretty good stuff.

Boxing is about as inane and unpredictable as the Wii Sports version

Now to one that's just...ok. Boxing sounds like it should work good in theory. The Kinect detects where your hands are (if they are guarding, etc) as well as where your upper body is (for dodges), and it can also detect your punches. Here's the thing: it really can't distinguish where I'm aiming on the opponent's body, and I can't figure out for the life of me what's open and what isn't. We have a friend who just flails about like a crazy person, and she always wins (hey, that sounds like Wii Sports too!). So while I guess there is maybe some skill involved, it can be overridden by sheer hyperactivity. 

I'm really actually disappointed they didn't make this game like Punch Out! on the NES. It would work, too: all that game had was high/low punches, blocks, and side dodges, which the Kinect is totally capable of. It isn't like Microsoft isn't below ripping off its competition. Make it happen, Rare. I'd pay for that.

It's minigames are just as inane and fruitless as the main game, so...avoid 'em. Though the one where like two punches KO a dude and your goal is to just beat the crap out of 100 people is sort of entertaining.

Ah, and here is a Wii staple

Bowling is actually pretty good, and has a lot of really fun minigames to go with it. It's basically exactly the same as Wii bowling only both more and less precise. You are probably wondering what I mean by this, so I'll tell you.

The game gives you indication of where you are currently pointing, and you can walk left or right to adjust. It also has fairly good detection on if you curve or spin a ball (thus ruining my chances at bowling, since I have an awful ball curve), which is good. The problem is that somewhere between when you pull back and release, the Kinect sort of goes a little crazy and (I'm assuming) guesses where you actually released it and the direction. This can lead to a ball in every six or so not going exactly where you want it to. It isn't bad enough to break the game or even make it less fun, but it removes that precision we came to expect from playing Wii Sports. It's minigames are great, though, including one where you use both arms and just fling bowling balls down the lane at rapidly approaching pins. 

I'd say Table Tennis was their answer to the Wii's Tennis, but Kinect Sports Season 2 has regular tennis in it, so I have no idea what is going on anymore. 

Table Tennis is also really good, though it's also really easy to throw your shoulder out. It's essentially Wii Sport's Tennis, except with one rather massive improvement: instead of your character moving automatically (like in the Wii iteration), you actually have to move to go get the ball. It's cool and transitions well into living-room play, though sometimes I thought I was hitting the ball harder than the game thought I was (sort of similar to the Bowling/Volleyball problem of the game not picking up the actual speed of my arm). The direction is also kind of weird, with a hefty amount of auto-aim tacked onto your movements. Still, two players is intense and really fun, so this one gets the stamp of approval.

It also has fun minigames just in case you haven't thrown out your shoulder during the main game. Kinect Sports really wants you to have to go see a doctor.

It's like being in the actual Olympics! 

Then we have Track and Field, which honestly feels more like a minigame collection than the rest of them (because essentially...it is). You have a sprint, a hurdles, a javalin run/throw, a long jump, and a discus throw. All of these except the discus throw require you to run in place, which also requires you to bring your knees up high so the Kinect knows what you are doing, which is exhausting. The fact that I'm stomping in place also reminds me of that World Class Track Meet game on the NES. You know, the one that needed that huge power pad? That was pretty awesome.

Everybody knows you just lean over and slap the buttons as fast as you can with your hands to win. 

There are a few variations that aren't just running. Javalin require you to hold and release it (like you were actually holding it) while running and without running out of bounds, which is actually sort of complicated. Discus throwing is one you just do in place, and is probably competing with the Table Tennis game as to which can dislocate your freaking shoulder. The running and jumping of the rest of them is pretty self explanatory, though again: it registers high knees better than actually running fast, so you have to run like a total idiot in order to win. Worth it? I dunno.

The "minigames" associated with this are just the individual events without having to do them all in sequence. Which I recommend, since one batch of Track and Field is perhaps the most exhausting thing on the Kinect to date. Yes, even more exhausting than the entire exercise game I already reviewed.

Congratulations! You win the "flailed around insanely the best" prize!

As a whole, Kinect Sports is a solid offering. While it clearly was a cash-in at some point, Rare spent some time with it (and the Kinect technology) to make a game that both plays well, has a ton of variety, and actually uses the sensor to its advantage. Like Wii Sports, it isn't a game you are going to pull out and sink several hours into (Dance Central is the only Kinect game to date what my wife and I will play for more than an hour at a time), but Kinect Sports makes a fantastic party game, and since most of its events are unique from Wii Sports, even people who have played the Wii's version will find something new to try out. 

For a Kinect game, Kinect Sports is solid. If you can grab it for $20-30 I'd say you got a decent deal (though it depends on if you have friends that will come over and play it with you, because playing alone sucks). Where I to award it a star rating, it would be four out of five. 

Or you could just go buy a PowerPad, because apparently Nintendo already figured out the "run in place to win a race" technology almost twenty years ago. 

Your Shape: Fitness Evolved

The Short


Pros
- Lots of exercise options available
- Includes routines with and without weights
- Has a handful of fun games
- Has both yoga and kickboxing segments
- Can set a lot of personalization options based on the Kinect being able to actually detect your body
- Tracks overall calories, progress in specific activities, etc.
- Interface is clean and looks good
- Has both girl and guy trainers, which is appreciated
- Cheaper than a gym membership

Cons
- Kinect tracking is pretty awful, often mis-registering me when I'm doing exercises correctly
- Lack of a daily schedule is a huge oversight
- While there are a lot of exercises/techniques, the overall package seems a bit bare-bones
- As expected, an exercise routine like this is pretty much straight cardio, and only cardio
- Switching players/logins requires a total reboot of the game
- While it has fun games, there are only four, which really isn't enough
- Locks a good 1/4 of the game behind DLC (including the best one: BOLLYWOOD!)
- Takes a long time going through a routine in order to "advance" far enough for new moves
- Calorie tracker seems inaccurate
- U-Play "features" are stupid and just lock content out for no reason, until you unlock them after playing for a few minutes. Why bother?
- They pulled the "yearly" thing and released a 2012 edition already. Thanks, jerks.

Yeah, I'm reviewing an exercise game. Deal with it. 

The Long


The whole "motion controls" thing brought something else to the table other than just waggle and fake sports: the rise of exercise games. Again, pioneered by Nintendo with Wii Fit, they capitalized on all the moms who bought the Wii because it was a fad by offering the ability to exercise in your own home, with a video game! What a novel concept! We've never done this before!

Anyway, as one would expect, the Kinect leapt on this like a spidermonkey. It's often stated that that majority of Kinect games are either dancing games or exercise games, and they aren't lying: there are tons of these, most horrible, some decent, some good. This is one of the good ones.

Also, this review is probably going to be a little...different than the others. It's hard to judge this based on "gameplay," or whatever, since it's basically just a tool to get in shape. Since I have little to no experience regarding going to a gym (I did it a bit in High School...and gained no muscle at all because my body hates looking anything besides anorexic), my arguments might be moot points. But I said I'd review every Kinect game I owned, so that's what I'm doing.

I was actually pretty intrigued when they showed off Your Shape at E3 a few years back. After a wash of crappy looking Kinect stuff, this and Dance Central where the two games that really looked like they'd work well on the system. I was right about Dance Central, and while Your Shape is certainly a decent exercise tool, problems with the Kinect integration lead to a handful of obnoxious problems (which is probably why they made a 2012 version so fast).

I got some weights just for this dumb "game."

Your Shape is pretty much a "game" that makes you do a bunch of cardio exercises. The difference is that, unlike every other Kinect game that is secretly an exercise program disguised as a game, this is an actual exercise program disguised as an exercise program. The first thing that happens is it has you put your arms and legs out like that Da Vinci sketch of the man, and it magically scans you and tells you your height, arm length, etc. That's actually pretty cool, and kind of creepy. You have to tell it your weight, though. So much for future technology.

Then it asks you what you want to do with the program, which is actually totally redundant, since unless you say you are post-pregnant it always recommends the same things. If you are a guy, it recommends toning and the weight exercises. If you are a girl, it recommends cardio and stuff to battle butt/leg cellulite. If you are post-pregnant, it tells you to stop playing video games and take care of your newborn...just kidding, it tells you to do its "post-pregnant" routine (which I did, suck on that, game! It's just another butt/leg cardio thing with a few more ab workouts). Again, this is pretty much pointless, since after you go through their stupid thing all that changes is which exercises say "recommended" on them, but it lets you pick any ones you want. So...way to waste my time, Your Shape.

Surgeon's General Warning: Don't punch blocks in real life unless you are Bruce Lee.

After that it pretty much lets you do whatever you want. There's no daily program it sets up for you, no real progress indication minus saying how many calories you've burned or exercises you've done, nothing. The lack of a daily schedule was a massive oversight in my opinion. I'm bad enough at remembering to do this (which is why I haven't booted it up in months), but if it gave me a schedule where it varied exercises then I'd probably at least try and do it every day. That's kind of the point of an exercise program, right? To make you feel guilty when you don't do it? Heck, even Brain Age on the DS literally told you that you were getting stupider if you forgot to boot it up for a week. Why can't Your Shape have some sort of thing like that?

Anyway, you are pretty much on your own. You can pick from about a dozen activities (slim pickings) which are pretty much all cardio, with or without weights. The "dude" exercises do have some lifts with dumbells and stuff which is pretty decent, though the 30 minute one very nearly killed me. When you are doing the exercises, it does a decent job of giving you breaks, though I think it might give too many breaks. It pauses between each individual move to "give you a break" (which I'm pretty sure is actually the game loading), as well as giving you a longer break after a set of four or five. In my limited exercise experience, I at least know it's important to keep your heart rate up when doing cardio, so these mini breaks during loads are actually detrimental. I'm fine with the big break after, but the should have figured this out.

Your Shape now knows everything about your body. And just posted it to Facebook. 

Complaints aside, there are a lot of moves and it is actually a pretty decent workout. The "Advanced" workouts are nothing to scoff at (like the one that nearly killed me), while the easy ones are good for warming up. It's certainly better than an exercise DVD would be, seeing as it puts both you and your trainer up on the screen (then you mimic the trainer, just like Dance Central only without kickin tunes), and away you go. Another note: no custom music. The stupid elevator music actually has rhythm in time with the moves, so it won't let you put a custom soundtrack. Which is another important part of going to the gym that this game ignored. 

While the exercises are great and all, the game has one really big problem: the Kinect doesn't do a good job picking up your moves. While Dance Central somehow manages to pick up you doing some crazy things pretty accurately, Your Shape isn't so lucky. It scores you on individual parts of moves (which is a good idea in theory), but the problem is it has a lot of trouble actually realizing you are doing them right. If you wear baggy clothes (or any clothes at all...yes, I tested this. Sorry for that mental image) the game just assumes you are doing it wrong. I understand this was a release game, but it's already hard enough to get me off my couch and exercising. Having the game say I'm doing moves wrong when I'm clearly doing them right is not helping me want to come back and exercise later. 

Be one with the giraffes. 

In addition to the regular exercises, the game also has some more specific routines as well as four games. The routines are actually my favorite part: it has both a kick-boxing class and a sort of yoga/zen thing. It also has about three more things (Bollywood!) but they are locked as DLC. Thanks, Ubisoft. Anyway, I like these activities because 1. They are hard and have a sort of progressive point, as well as don't do the stupid "pause between each move" thing, and 2. They are tiered, meaning you have to do the early ones to unlock the harder ones. All the moves should have been like this. The yoga stuff is also pretty decent, though again...you really need the game to have good detection in order to pull some of these moves off correctly, and the game just doesn't have it.

There are four games, of which two of them are actually strenuous, and two are stupid. Hula-hoop is easily the hardest, where you sway around with an imaginary hula-hoop until your abs are killing you. Box smash is where you punch blocks as fast as you can (sometimes with kicks), which is a decent exercise though not great. Light Race is pretty much crappy DDR, except way lower key. And the Stack 'Em Up game has you "holding" a tray that boxes are being put on, and you...tip it into holes for points. I don't see how that one's supposed to exercise you, unless holding your hands above your head is difficult for some reason.

This "game" will mess you up. So exhausting. 

The game also looks fantastic, with a really clean interface and menus that are almost as good as Dance Central's. There isn't much to say beyond that. I'm glad it doesn't show my actual body and instead makes me an orange blob...I don't think I could take watching my actual self doing stupid exercise things.

Anyway, I'm getting too long winded for an exercise game, so I'll cut to the end. Your Shape was the best fitness game on the Kinect for a long while (yeah, the others were pretty horrible), but I'm going to assume the second one is better? The lack of the daily schedule really kills it for me, and the fact the Kinect thing doesn't work great is also a downer. That being said, there is a lot here, and if you have the self-motivation and the patience to do it on your own you really can get a good exercise routine out of it, with the bonus features the Kinect allows. 

You can get the game new for about $20, which I'd say is a fair price, though keep in mind the new version (which I know nothing about) is currently available. It certainly was the best Kinect exercise game on the market for a long while, so if you want in on that go for it. But mine is currently gathering dust so...yeah. Hope you are motivated. 

The problems make me want to give it a three out of five, but I certainly still recommend it if you are in the market for this kind of thing.

Plus Fitness Evolved reminds me of Combat Evolved, which reminds me of Halo, which makes me imagine a Halo exercise game where instead of punching blocks you punch aliens. Why didn't that make that? 

Child of Eden

The Short


Pros
- Gorgeous game with a totally unique art style
- Plays extremely well with the Kinect, better even than the optional controller support
- Combination of music, rhythm, and visuals make for an entrancing experience
- Can be played either simply (play just to complete levels) or with a surprising amount of depth (chaining combos with a rhythm, etc.)
- Each stage as a distinctly unique visual theme, enemies, sounds, and music

Cons
- Only five stages, with one being a "boss rush" stage, essentially
- Can beat the entire game in under 45 minutes
- Translucent, flashy colors can lead to some confusion

Child of Eden is a gorgeous game. 

The Long


Child of Eden is a game made by Tetsuya Mizugchi, creator of the other music/trance/shooter game Rez on the PS2 and later XBLA. That game was accented by its bizarre, unique art style paired with solid shooting and heavy high-score based gameplay. Rez was a fun, brief experience that I think fully reached it's potential as an XBLA downloadable game, as it added leaderboards, a more manageable price tag (vs a full disc release), and high def graphics.

Mizugchi's new game, Child of Eden, is similar to Rez in many ways. It's still a shooter. It still has a heavy focus on this very bright, florescent-esque art style that combines nature, technology, and urban themes with these bright colors. And, like Rez, it's a game that probably would have benefited from being a downloadable title rather than released as a full disc game.

This game may look like it has no rhyme or reason, but once you start playing it the game makes sense.

Child of Eden actually has a story, one that it presents at the start in an unskippable chunk of text. Basically, after a point in time the internet has become a really big physical place...or digital place...I think? Anyway, a child is born of the internet (now titled "Eden") and is attacked by viruses! So you, the latest version of Norton Internet Security, have to break into the internet and blast some viruses that look like whales that turn into phoenixes in order to save the titular "Child of Eden." This is also literally how real antivirus software works. They are like the Navy SEALs of the internet.

Control in the game is simple. With your right hand you can brush a targeting over the screen, "painting" up to eight targets before releasing a lock-on shot by jerking your hand back. Or you can use your left hand to shoot a constant, rapid-fire barrage of shots on a small point. You can't use both at the same time. Raise your hands above your head to us "Euphoria," basically a screen-clearing bomb, and...that's pretty much the game. These types of games on Kinect tend to work best with the tech: you have quicker, faster precision than a controller, and you feel like you are in Minority Report.

I think I need to lay off the drugs. 

It does have a few minor Kinect issues, though. I tried to play the game sitting down and, unlike The Gunstringer, Child of Eden had lots of problems confusing my legs with my hands, which messed up the control. It's a minor thing, but expect to be standing for most of the experience.

The game is a simple one, that isn't particularly difficult overall. The real challenge comes in trying to get high scores and 100% runs. There's a trick to the game where if you paint the maximum amount of enemies and then shoot them in time with the rhythm, the game gives you either a "Perfect" or "Good" bonus. Chain multiples of these together for insane multipliers and boost the crap out of your score. While there's no score indicator on screen, it can be pretty strenuous in some of the later levels to both try and kill everything but doing it with the beat. It's another layer on the game the hardcore score-o-philes will enjoy.

Ok, I lied, I have no idea what is going on here. 

My biggest issue with the game is its length and value. Don't get me wrong, the experience is fantastic. The graphics, especially now that they were made for HD, are absolutely stunning, and they fuse with the music and sound effects to really get you involved. Combining this with Kinect, which makes you feel "in" the game more than a controller does, you get really entrenched and entranced by the whole experience. The problem is that this experience is way too short.

The game only has five stages, with the last stage of those being mostly just a bunch of bosses. While each stage is amazing and completely unique (each is themed around a different style, such as nature or urbanization), they are usually only about 10-15 minutes long, meaning you can beat the entire game in around 45 minutes to an hour. Keep in mind this was a full priced Kinect release ($50), which is still $10 less than a regular Xbox 360 game, but still feels extremely overpriced. This game (like The Gunstringer, which came out after it) was originally planned as an XBLA game but was later given a full disc release. I think The Gunstringer learned from this game's mistake, by dropping the price another $10 and throwing Fruit Ninja in to sweeten the deal. While I really like Child of Eden, I just wish it was longer. I mean...five stages? Five stages? That's it?

I like you, Giant Space Phoenix, but your game is too short

I still completely recommend Child of Eden as an experience. It's beautiful, immersive, and plays perfectly with Kinect. That said, the lack of stages and options really brings this game down. If it had released as a $15-20 XBLA title, it would be much easier to recommend (though still too short, honestly). As it stand, considering the game is still in the $30-$40 range, I can't recommend it until another price drop. 

Still, you should totally pick this game up if you have a Kinect. Note that I heard the Playstation 3 version (which uses Move) is also pretty good, but I don't have Move so I can't attest to it either way. 

Overall, a solid three out of five. Just make these games longer! Or add a bunch of stages as DLC. Or something. 

Dance Central

The Short


Pros
- Full body dancing game with real moves
- Actually works well on the Kinect. 100% as advertised
- Doesn't throw a huge fit if you stand outside of its range
- Has the best menus of any Kinect game (the way they do it has quickly become standard)
- Excellent soundtrack of dance music, spanning many decades
- "Break it Down" mode is superb at teaching you advanced routines
- Graphics look fantastic
- UI and systems are intuitive and work well with the Kinect technology
- Songs expandable through DLC
- You could maybe actually learn to dance from this. Maybe.

Cons
- Only one player
- Characters are annoying stereotypes, and their voices are so obnoxious
- No actual career or single player...though this actually isn't that bad
- Progression via a "leveling up" system seems tacked on and pointless
- Could have really benefited from a "challenges" system like Rock Band 3 has

Get ready to dance some Lady Gaga with this Lady Gaga lookalike

The Long


I'm pretty sure it's a known fact now that the best Kinect launch title was Dance Central, hands down. Despite Microsoft pushing the crap out of these things, they haven't really released a whole lot of software for it, making the pickings slim and the quality games out of these slimmer. Which is why Dance Central is such an anomaly: it not only was released with the Kinect (it's well known that release games for new consoles are generally garbage), but it was the best and remained the best Kinect game until Dance Central 2 came out. It also was one of the few games that really made me feel like I'd finally bought technology from the future, because in it the Kinect worked. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's "Break it Down" for you (that's a Dance Central pun. If you'd played the game, you'd be laughing so hard right now you'd have to take a break because you'd be physically incapacitated by glee).

This dude's got style 

The idea behind Dance Central is a simple one. The game will put on some popular music (like Lady Gaga or Soulja Boy) and you are expected to dance to it. A character will dance the moves perfectly on the screen, and you have to mirror his or her actions. Dance good, get points. Dance bad, fail hard and get less points. You can't actually fail out in Dance Central, which is good, but if you get one or two stars your dancer will generally tell you that you suck.

How you know what to dance and when is dictated by flashcards that appear on the right side of the screen. They have a bunch of moves with silly names and the part of your body that is going to move first highlighted in white. It gives you a few more in advance so you can prepare, and that's basically the game. It's difficult to just "sightread" the cards at first, but the game also features an advanced "Break it Down" mode (see? Get my joke now?) where you can run through all the moves in a song before you dance it, teaching you everything.

The menues have style and are actually easily navigateable, unlike 90% of Kinect games

There are hundreds of moves in this game, ranging from simple side-steps to crazy arm swings and spin-arounds. Learning them all could take you a very long time, and there is only a little overlap between songs. You can pick difficulties from easy to hard, which basically just means the hard ones have less move repetition and a few select, more difficult maneuvers. Since the easy songs are stupid easy (again, Poker Face is just walking back and forth and clapping), even if you have no dance moves whatsoever you can basically start from nothing and work up. Which is exactly what I did because I, unlike my wife, am an under-coordinated klutz. I'm actually pretty proud that I could sight-dance 90% of the songs in Dance Central 2 on Medium and still get five stars, which proves this game didn't just make me healthier (and give me style), it also helped me with my coordination problems (which I've legitimately had since birth. Seriously. Doctors said I'd never walk. Now I dance, suckers!).

The biggest thing about I'd like to point out is that even if the game hadn't ended up being super-fun (which it is, believe me, especially at parties) it actually works. You are doing some pretty advanced body-flailing, and the Kinect picks it all up. Not only that, as you mirror the dancer their arms or legs will turn red if that specific limb is off the dance. At first I thought it was just being super-lenient and generalizing. Then I did some of the harder moves. Then I thought the game was a huge jerk, being overly critical and not working. The I figured the moves out. Now I've accepted the fact that: yes, Dance Central uses the Kinect to do some amazing stuff, and yes I dance like a brain-dead monkey.

The characters, while great dancers, are also extremely obnoxious

I should probably devote a paragraph to describing just how awesome this game is, and I was totally determined that I'd hate or at least just mildly tolerate it. It's made by the guys who make Rock Band, who we've already determined make the best music games. This is why I shouldn't have been so surprised when the game was crafted extremely well and was really polished: it's pretty much par for the course for Harmonix. I guess I was probably more worried about the Kinect not actually working, but somehow they made it work. Dancing is fun and the game (despite not having many songs) has a wide range of music in a wide range of difficulties. If you are stuck on a song, Breaking it Down is an easy solution to learning all the moves and getting them perfect. Harmonix knew that 1. People, when they are being forced to look like idiots, are very impatient and 2. Getting frustrated because they can't dance or get stuck makes them impatient. The learning curve for this game is smooth, it has tons of tools to help you, and once you get over the initial fear of looking like an idiot you can actually have a really fun time with Dance Central. Seriously, nobody cares if you dance like a stiff metal robot. You got five stars! You're a dancing queen!

Goggy McGoggles here is getting his groove on

The game also looks amazing, and has tons of great touches. A circle under the dancer's feet slowly fills as you do a move, where varying levels of fill (associated with color) determine your rank on the move. It's easy and if you see it not filling up you'll know to try harder. The dancers moves very smoothly and are extremely easy to follow, except maybe on the stupidly-complicated moves. When you get a 4x multiplier, your scene changes from just dancing in a regular place to a DISCO RAVE PARTY (see picture above), which is also a pretty cool touch. The characters remind me a lot of the Rock Band 3 style of characters (except more limber) which I'm fine with.

What I'm not fine with is the retarded, obnoxious things these characters say before and after songs. I've watched some developmental interviews; Harmonix went so far as to make backstories for these tards, backstories we'll never hear or care about. I get it they are "street savvy" and "sassy" or whatever, but it comes off as them all being giant douchebags. Luckily they only talk before or after dances, but it still is just freaking obnoxious.

Moe is the least annoying, even though his hat looks like a giant Trojan cond...nevermind. 

The game also feels a bit stripped down. It's clear all the care went into developing the actual game to work with Kinect and have a bunch of moves, which I'm totally fine with. But it also is lacking in some areas. There are only 32 songs to dance, which is actually a decent amount (unlike Rock Band, you actually have to work to figure out these songs, and each difficulty requires a substantial time investment to learn) but still could have been more. There is no single player "career" mode, you basically just have quickplay. Sure you have modifiers like marathon (dance a bunch of songs in a row), exercise (it counts calories), and the option to turn flashcards off (proving you are boss hog at dancing), but really it's just variants on quickplay. You do get points for beating songs which "level up" your dancer...which means literally nothing. At all. So...ok then?

Learnin' how to dance with **ANGEL**. Sparkles mandatory. 

Despite being a bit bare-boned when it comes to features, Dance Central is still one of the very best games on the Kinect, and is still a great game in general (because saying a game is better than most Kinect games isn't really saying much). It only has one rather big problem: it now exists in a world where Dance Central 2 exists. Dance Central only allowed one dancer at once, which was another one of those "stripped down features" I talked about. Dance Central 2 (which added two player as well as a boatload of extra features) completely blows this game out of the water. Since you can export the Dance Central songs and dance them in its sequel, there is really no reason to own this disc unless you really can't afford Dance Central 2.

Still, it's worth getting if you want to try it out (though that's what demos are for), and as a product it is certainly high quality. Before Dance Central 2 came out, this was an easy five out of five. However, since that was then and this is now, I'm going to knock a star off, giving it four out of five. Hindsight is 20/20, Dance Central, and your little brother is way better.

Plus the sequel had Brodie, who is a character that isn't obnoxious, thus rendering Dance Central completely obsolete.