Final Fantasy Mystic Quest

The Short


Pros
- Easy "entry-level role-playing adventure."
- Graphics are decent, with enemies having multiple stages before dying
- Large variety of weapons that differ in use in battle
- Music is pretty great
- Ability to jump and interact with objects in the world with different weapons is unique to the Final Fantasy world to this day

Cons
- Extremely easy
- Also extremely tedious
- Dungeons can drag on and on
- Some dungeon puzzles are obscure and frustrating
- Story is boring and stupid
- Only have two people in your party at once, and playing with the AI is awful

It ain't Final Fantasy without crystals

The Long

Final Fantasy Mystic Quest's history is relatively well documented, so I'll only need go over it in brief here. Similar to Mario 2 back in the NES days, Square got the idea that Americans were dumb and couldn't handle actual hard JRPGs (similar to them releasing the "Easytype" Final Fantasy II/IV in the US as the only version), so instead of giving us Final Fantasy V with it's job system that was clearly over our heads, they released an "entry-level rpg" in an attempt to both bait newcomers into the genre and...make a really easy RPG, I guess.

But in the case of Mario 2 we actually got the better of the two options (screw Japanese Mario 2/The Lost Levels), so what about Mystic Quest? I mean, it's Final Fantasy, right? Does it live up to expectations?

In some ways, yes. Mystic Quest actually pioneered some neat concepts that were never seen again in Square's beloved series (though they did show up in some other games), but as a whole the game sort of collapsed on its "entry-level" design philosophy.

Choppin' down all the trees. 

At its core, Mystic Quest is an extremely simple turn-based RPG. Gone is the Active Time Battle of Final Fantasy II, returning to the core idea that nobody does anything until commands are issued. It's a tried-and-true concept, one that plenty of modern games (Final Fantasy X, Breath of Death VII, Lost Odyssey) utilize. You also get a wide variety of weapons that you can easily cycle through on the fly, as well as a rather large arsenal of magic to nuke your enemies with. Mana is done in original Final Fantasy style, with a set number of spells per category per day rather than the MP system of later games.

The variety in the weapons is actually the strongest point of Mystic Quest, if only for one key reason: you can use them outside of battle, and with varying effects. Axes can be swung to chop down trees or other small objects. Bombs can clear rubble from pathways to find secrets. Claws can be used to scale rock wall faces to reach other inaccessible areas. Also, when walking around the world, you can jump. I know! Since when has any Final Fantasy game since then allowed jumping? This allowed for a few unique puzzles and secrets, and is a really cool idea to mix up the boring "just walk around everywhere" idea. 

Battles are simple but have a distinct art style. 

Another neat idea is the fact that you can switch your character's weapons on the fly (your companions, who switch out frequently, are locked to their main weapon), which in turn offers more strategy. Some enemies are weak to certain weapons, so matching that weakness up can do fat damage. All weapons are broken into categories, and when you buy a new one it replaces your weapon in that category with a better one. There's no armor to equip or summons to...summon, so the game keeps itself simple.

So far you're probably saying "Hey, this sounds pretty good! The mechanics aren't deep but they're certainly there, with weapon swapping and jumping and all that. I bet this game is awesome!"

Well, unknown person who talks to himself (or herself) while reading this review, I have some bad news for you. All these mechanics are for not, because you never, ever have to use them. Because Mystic Quest is so much of a cakewalk your feet would be covered in frosting after the first dungeon. Yeah, the extension of that expression didn't really work, but bear with me here.

"Fireberg? Is this where the ice temple is?"

Mystic Quest is easy to the point of tedious. Nearly every battle (including bosses) can be beaten by simply spamming whatever attack is convenient. Enemies, while visible on the world map, are plentiful and offer lots of XP and gold, but in truth it only serves to make the game more boring. On top of that, losing in battle has no penalty whatsoever: you can simply hit "retry" and continue button mashing until you win again. While I appreciate the option to restart battles should you fail (hey, Final Fantasy XIII did it) rather than hard-loading my save, paired with the fact that no strategy has to be employed whatsoever makes Mystic Quest almost pointless to "play."

It gets even worse for the "Arena" events. Rather than an actual world map, you walk between areas in a straight line (kind of like the world map in Mario World or Mario 3) and then go into your location. I'm fine with this; saves me time running around or trying to find a Chocobo or Airship or whatever. But anyway, between most cities and temples are "Arenas," where you fight 10 battles to clear out the monsters. Which you do by mashing A. Fun times. 

"Windia? I'm SURE the fire temple is here!"

This tedium only escalates in later dungeons/temples. While the first are reasonably straightforward, the later ones are massive to a fault, with multiple levels populated with tons of weak, boring battles and lame puzzles. The worst part is that enemies (and treasure boxes, so it isn't all bad) respawn everytime you step out of the dungeon, so if you need to restart or accidentally leave, guess what? All the boring battles are back! Not to mention several dungeons (like the awful fire one, and the ice/crystal one with multiple floors) can take an absurdly long time to burn through with little or no reward. And don't you love it when games have you get to the end, fight a boss, and then have to walk back out? No? Well, my non-easytype RPG player, clearly you don't understand simplified JRPGs!

Your party is capped out at two, and the game decides who is in your party when, which is based on the story. You can have your companion fight automatically (the default) if you want to watch him/her waste all your spells, or you can manually control them. This only makes an already easy game easier, and since your companion is locked to a certain weapon there isn't really any strategy for them at all aside from mashing whatever weapon they have. Boooooring. 

This game loves its pallet swapping. 

I think my main issue is that its just bad design. Dungeons could have been made to be interesting and fun: you have a wide array of items that interact with the world, and you can jump. But instead they took the laziest possible route: make them long and tedious, because "time spent = value." The battles could have been complex and required on-the-fly weapon swapping to defeat certain enemies. Sure, that wouldn't have been deep or even that great, but it would have added some tactics. Instead, they just made hordes of easy enemies and put tons of them everywhere to waste your time, because "time spent = value." It's obnoxious, especially since the first few dungeons are actually quite enjoyable, albeit short, so they could have made this work. But instead they just got lazy. There's even some cool touches, like how enemies have a second image for when they are below half-health to show battle progression (a really neat idea that I wish they'd brought back for future Final Fantasy games) and bosses have 3-4 of these, but it's all moot because the game behind it is dull.

The story is on par with Final Fantasy. As in, the NES original. You know, the one with next to no story. The crystals have been blown up or stolen or something, and you have to go kill monsters to restore the land. Every city you go to has been wallowing in misery waiting for somebody to come fix their massive problems, so you go fix their massive problems (with your new companion) and then move on to the next (picking up a different companion). You are the "Chosen Knight" or something, which is also typical JRPG fare, proving once and for all Mystic Quest is completely phoning this one in. 

The boss song is one of my favorite boss songs in the series. 

That being said, Square's reputation of crazy production values is still in place here, at least...sort of. Graphics are in a similar vein to Final Fantasy IV, though the game is far less rich and colorful. However, the muted pallet grew on me, everything fitting a charming theme that, while never really making me think I was part of some bigger world, was substantial and looked fine.

The music is excellent throughout, with a few tracks being standout. You'll grow sick of the battle song after the thousandth easy battle, but the boss music is great and each town's song variate off of a same theme, which I thought was a cool touch.

Ah, here's the Sand Temple! Or..."SandTempl."

All in all, Mystic Quest isn't a bad JRPG, it's just a boring one. While there isn't anything fundamentally wrong with the game (indeed, the first couple of hours are a blast) it just has no ambition. In an attempt to streamline the JRPG to bring in a wider audience, Square inadvertently broke it down to such a level it revealed all of the genre's flaws. Level grinding isn't fun if you aren't also working towards something else, like an obvious stats boost or a enough money for new gear. Dungeons and battles aren't fun if there's no strategy and progression feel laborious. And if you don't at least give a compelling reason (aka the story) to push through all the genre weaknesses to the end, people are going to put your game down. 

Which is exactly what happened with Mystic Quest, so much so that both me and my wife tried burning through this game before quitting and playing something else (granted, she got farther, but I switched to Final Fantasy II/IV and she to Final Fantasy III/VI pretty shortly after). 

In an age where we have JRPGs coming out of our ears, Mystic Quest is an interesting bit of history but hardly worth playing anymore. There are decades of superior offerings available, and to be honest I'd rather play the original Final Fantasy, with all its flaws, rather than Mystic Quest again. If you really want and entry level JRPG, Final Fantasy XIII's thirty hour tutorial I'm sure has you covered. 

While collectors should probably consider it (or those with nostalgia), newcomers need not bother. Two out of five stars. 

Plus you can kill the final boss by just casting "heal" on him over and over, making all that leveling totally useless. 

To The Earth

The Short


Pros
- Light-gun game for the NES where you SHOOT SPACESHIPS
- The spaceships look kind of cool
- Also, more lightgun games are always appreciated
- Only four levels, but each level is quite long

Cons
- Game is boooooring
- Also it gets atrociously hard quite quickly
- There really isn't much to this game to critique, honestly

Hur hur "To Uranus" hur hur

The Long

So I actually own two light guns for some reason (both an orange AND gray one) and I specifically bought an old TV for my retro games just so the stupid guns would work (they don't work on modern, flat screen LCD or Plasma TVs), so I was pretty adamant on getting more games that the guns would work with. The only one I ever played growing up was Duck Hunt, which is a fine game but doesn't really have any variety (or challenge). So when I heard there was a space shootin' game, To The Earth, I went out and snagged a copy.

And...this is going to be a hard (and probably short) review because there really isn't much to To The Earth, to be completely honest.

You are fighting a war among the stars. 

Essentially you have four levels that involve you trying to get to certain planets, ending on Earth. All you do is shoot everything that shows up. You have unlimited bullets, and the stuff takes for-freaking-ever to show up during the first stage. It starts out as just ships flying by, but quickly escalates out of control. The ships fly by super fast so you'd better catch 'em quick or they'll be gone. They also shoot very fast homing missiles at you (which is the only way to die) and you regain life by shooting more down without taking damage. Easy enough, right?

Well, yeah, but that's the whole game. Staring at space, waiting for a tiny dot to appear in the distance, and frantically shooting at it hoping it doesn't zip past too fast.

I have to admit, though, that earth looks pretty good. 

The game has an extremely dull start (which you'll replay a lot because even the first mission gets absurdly difficult) and then the levels ramp up out of control. But while being a hard game, I still was bored. All you do is stare out into the inky blackness of space and wait for the slightest hint of movement before gunning it down. What's the backstory, here? Why was I hanging out in Uranus (hur hur) and now I have to go back to Earth? Who am I shooting, anyway? Aliens? People? People-Alien hybrids? Alas, the deep fiction of To The Earth is never revealed. I'm just going to assume it's a Star Wars prequel. 

This is also a hard game to find screenshots for. 

Graphically the game is also boring. The ships look fine, but they just zip past super fast so don't expect to see much of them. I do like the explosions, and the little hud at the bottom is cute, but that's really all you see. It probably took them like fifteen minutes to draw all this stuff. 

The music is also delightfully droll. Not bad, but certainly not interesting either. It just...is. Much like the vacuum of space, it's nothing to write home about.

An epic cutscene. 

Honestly, this game isn't bad, it just isn't memorable. At all. There were a limited number of zapper games, and in order to justify me owning two of the darn things I figure To The Earth is alright. I still boot it up when I want to shoot stuff down (having space ships explode is more satisfying than just shooting some ducks), but the lack of variety, game modes, and just about anything means it's really just a blasse experience.

Granted, every cart I've seen has been $2 or less, so if you have a zapper and a TV that supports it, you might as well get one. For the explosions. And shooting. I guess.

Two out of five stars, because I'd still rather play it than Loopz again.

To The Earth: "What? Graphics? Overrated!"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Short


Pros
- Lets you play as all four turtles, with their unique weapons
- Can switch between turtles at any time.
- Music is pretty awesome, and super catchy
- Lots of stages with lots of variety, and you can drive around in the turtle-van
- Has some classic bosses from the cartoon show

Cons
- Difficult, and in unfair ways
- Only Donatello and Leonardo have good weapons; Raph and Mike are garbage
- "Dam" level will forever be remembered as the stage that ruined my childhood
- Controls, especially for Donatello, are extremely obnoxious
- Doesn't look all that fantastic
- Plenty of cheap deaths and frustrating level design and enemy placement
- Why is everybody on the cover wearing red? Was it "Dress like Raph" day?

I have a feeling this review is going to be very polarizing

The Long

Let me establish something here: I love the Ninja Turtles, and I played the crap out of this game as a child. It was one of the few games that both my two best friends and my cousins owned, so I got ample time playing it growing up. I have lots of fun memories switching off, assigning each friend a turtle, and trying to blast our way through this game. However, even at the time I knew something was off. The game didn't seem fair like most other NES games. Sure, it was hard, but it was also really frustrating. And that stupid level with the dam...

Anyway, years later and I had to get a cart of this, for obvious reasons. After burning through it for a bit by myself (which isn't nearly as fun), I came to a similar conclusion that I'd been just on the cusp of as a wee lad:

This game isn't very good.

Might as well restart your game now. 

At its most basic, TMNT is an action-platformer with the emphasis on "action." You have essentially four lives (being the four turtles), and each with their own health bars. You can switch out at any time if one of the turtles is looking like he's in trouble, because once a turtle goes down he's gone for good. So you'd better get good at switching before getting screwed over.

Each of the turtles uses their unique weapons, for better or worse. Leo has his badass sword, which has long reach and can hit low enemies directly in front of him. Raph is by far the worse, spinning his little knife...thing like a moron and only able to hit stuff when it's right in front of him. Mike is a bit better, with the nun-chucks having ok range but still a bit crap. Don is by far the best, but with one rather large handicap: the only way he can hit short enemies is to duck next to them and stab down. Which is...really obnoxious.

So basically you'll use Leo and Don as your mains, and Raph and Mike as your punching bags. 

You can fight on the overworld which...um...that's cool?

The game starts out ok, luring you into a false sense of security. Yeah, you're fighting bugs and weird...other bugs, as well as foot-clan that look more like ghosts, but whatever; it's NINJA TURTLES! Plus everything explodes with an awesome sound effect that still makes me happy when I hear it. And there's power-ups like ninja stars and stuff, just like games like Ninja Gaiden! This is gonna be awesome, right? Unfortunately, the game gets kind of crap quickly.

The problem with TMNT is it wanted to be a hard game without putting forth the effort in level design. Games like Castlevania and Batman are great games because, while being hard, you never felt cheated. Enemies didn't respawn in the absolute worst locations, they didn't block ladders (essentially forcing you to get hit), and didn't insta-kill you on the world map (freaking steamrollers). TMNT falls into a rather large trap that many NES games fell in: an obvious lack of playtesting, and the idea that "more is better." There are whole, extremely difficult stages where your reward is...a pizza. Awesome. And when hunting for the Technodrome at the end, you basically fight your way through tons of the hardest levels in the game hoping it's there. If it isn't, you go back and try another one. This isn't fun. At all. 

But what really killed me as a kid was the dam level.

Just looking at this makes me mad. 

 Essentially the only "swimming" level, you are tasked with finding and disarming a set number of bombs before the timer runs out. The problems is everything's in a maze, and in most instances the walls hurt you (stupid stinging plants!). So you have to both go fast and try and not let your best turtles die, and all with loose swimming controls. I never got past this stage as a kid. Not me, nor any of my friends or cousins. We just couldn't do it. Luckily since then I've gotten a little better at games and can actually pass it, but the point still stands: this game is really frustrating. 

Now, I'm certain plenty of people see this as a challenge, which is fine. However, excusing lazy game design as "challenge" isn't hardcore or neat, it's just excusing crap. I've already mentioned some games that are very difficult but still manage to still be fun and feel fair. TMNT is fun for a while, but seriously...have you played the inside of the Technodrome? That crap is totally impossible. 

Luckily the music is rad, even with no TV show theme

Graphically, the game isn't awful, but it isn't very good either. As stated, I like how all enemies explode, but most everything looks bland and generic. Worse, the game has the "sprites flashing in and out of invisibility" problem that a lot of NES games have, except for this one it's way worse for some reason. I've heard playing on a top-loader helps remedy that, but I only have the "toaster" NES so I can't argue it either way. In either case, having enemies disappear just helps to make the game more frustrating and annoying. Too much crap on the screen, Ultra games. Maybe tone it down a little?

Music, however, is fantastic. Most of these songs (especially the first level's song) are burned into my memories. The title screen song is super catchy as well, even if it doesn't use any music from the actual TV show. 

Want...to smash...controller...

As it stands, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the NES is a game I'll always remember fondly because of the memories I had with it, but replaying it now the game just infuriates me. What bugs me even more is that TMNT 2: The Arcade Game was so much better (and had actual co-op), but we had this Turtles game instead. Why did everybody buy this crappy game? Ugh. 

Anyway, there is still a...decent amount of fun to be had with TMNT, just know it's going to come at the expense of your sanity. I'm completely convinced every person who grew up on the late 80s/early 90s has some memory of this game, and considering you can get it for around $3-5 you might as well for the nostalgia. Just be aware: this game isn't great.

Two out of five stars. 

"Cowabunga," you jerks. 

Batman: The Video Game

The Short


Pros
- Excellent action platformer with BATMAN
- Music is kickass
- Use a wide array of bat-gadgets as well as your fists to punch your way to the Joker
- Excellent graphics, especially in cutscenes
- Wall jumping is fun and makes you feel really versatile
- Unlimited continues (with Konami code)

Cons
- Excruciatingly difficult
- Some very cheap deaths and hits
- Will test your patience and stamina
- My cartridge freezed right when I beat the third boss. Curse you, game!

I'm Batman. 

The Long

Ah, Sunsoft, you are so awesome. Famous for making incredible games that are hard as all hell (the exception being Fester's Quest, which was just junk), they are probably most well known for the game Blaster Master, the tank/car/person/shooter hybrid with open work exploration and multi-part stages. However, Sunsoft also did a bunch of licensed games, and one of these was Batman, based off the Tim Burton movie. 

And oh, is it one kickass game. 

Batman: Punching dudes in jetpacks since 1989

Batman plays very similarly to Ninja Gaiden, Tecmo's tough-as-nails NES platformer, though I personally find it most similar to Castlevania in terms of playstyle. You start with just your fists (or bat-fists), punching the crap out of thugs, robots, and whatever else gets in your way. Yeah, robots. This isn't very...loyal to the movie, but that's probably for the best.

Anyway, the tricks come in with both the gadgets and the platforming. Like Ryu from Ninja Gaiden, Batman can attach and leap from the walls, a "wall jump" essentially. This is required in a lot of areas, but in some areas you can actually use it to bypass harder sections if you are a skilled wall-jumper. Also, unlike Ninja Gaiden, where I found the wall-clinging to be a bit unwieldy, I never had any problems with it in Batman. You can determine how high you jump off a wall by how long you hold the jump button, which adds considerably more control when compared to his ninja counterpart. 

You can either fight your way up the right, or if you have the skills take that small shaft up on the left via wall-jumping. BRANCHING PATHS!

Another good feature is the gadgets. Essentially you start with a whole arsenal, you just have to collect power-ups to fuel them. Punching is free, but everything from batarangs to a splitting bat...thing and the bat...uh...gun (?!) costs powerup points. The game is, thankfully, very lenient on dropping powerups, meaning you'll usually be well equipped for every situation.

Which is good, because even the most basic enemies in this game are hard.

Guns are no problem for THE BATMAN 

From the first level you know this game's gonna chew you up, especially when you meet your first jetpack enemy. While you have a health bar (thankfully), you have a very limited number of hits, and while enemies do drop life it is extremely rare. So expect to die. A lot.

Coupled with that is some very tricky platforming. Remember that wall jumping that was so awesome? You'd better master that crap quick, because in stage 2 you have to pull of some insanely tricky jumps and kills. And it only gets harder, with conveyor belts and tons of tricky enemies that require specific gadgets to be equipped to defeat. It gets really crazy, really fast.

That being said, this (along with Castlevania) is one of the fairest NES-hard games I've played. One of the main reasons I actually prefer Batman over it's counterpart Ninja Gaiden is a simple one: you don't fly back when you take damage. This is probably my biggest frustration in most NES games, when you get hit and your character leaps back like two miles and falls down an insta-death hole. In this game, Batman's a badass and just takes is standing up, which helps make little mistakes more bearable.

Gah, just looking at this makes me want to snap a controller. 

It's more of a Castlevania type game when it comes right down to it. You have to take things slow and carefully, at times memorizing enemy placements and platforms on each stage so you can best get through while taking the minimum amount of damage. It's a classic challenge, common in old games, but Batman does it masterfully. The tight controls and wide variety of attack options (and mobility options) help make it more bearable, and actually beating a level without losing a life is extremely satisfying.

The music is also rad, like all Sunsoft games

The graphics, as you can see, look great (which is another Sunsoft staple). Batman's a bit...purple, but they used his color contrast with a lot of orange and red stages to make him pop out (kind of like a reverse Castlevania). The cutscenes also look incredible, showing some fantastic 8-bit Batman art.

The music, as well, is moody, exciting, and super catchy. It just all ties together into a very complete package. 

Remember in the movie when Batman fought the dude with the hair? No? Oh...right. 

As it stands, Batman: The Video Game on NES is a fantastic example of how games were done right on the system, as well as how the "Nintendo Hard" phrase is totally justified. The game is absolutely incredible and ball-bustingly difficult, so much so that when I picked it up from my local video game store he advised against it, because the last couple people who had bought it had brought it back in frustration. I have yet to bring it back (in fact I've even made it to the Joker, though I confess I haven't beaten the game) because this game is really good. Aside from the extreme difficulty, there's a ton to love here. As the first Batman game on the new wave of video game systems, Batman delivers. And considering you can pick the cart up for less than $5, it's absolutely worth buying. 

Not everybody will enjoy it (again, difficulty) but for me it's one of my favorites on the system. Four out of five. 

Batmans: ROLL OUT. 

Nathan vs Video Games: The Kickstarter

I'm doing a kickstarter!

Like Let's Play's? Curious what I'd sound like on camera? Want me to play some REALLY AWFUL GAMES (Like PK Out of the Shadows on Gamecube) with commentary? Want to SUGGEST an awful game and have me review it ON VIDEO?

All this can be yours if you just contribute a few bucks to my kickstarter! RAD.

GO GIVE ME SOME MONEY! 

In all seriousness, I've been wanting to do video stuff for a while. I have a ton of video editing software already (hence why the kickstarter doesn't have to be too expensive) but I'd love to get a really nice capture card and maybe some good microphones and do some delicious video content. I can't guarantee it'll be all quality right out of the gate (hey, it's a learning experience) but I'm determined to make some awesome stuff should this get funded, and if anything watching me swear at Donald Duck while playing that awful PK game will probably be worth a couple bucks (in my humble opinion).

If you are interested, PLEASE go donate! As another cool bonus, if you donate $15 or more you get a PERLER BEAD sprite of your choice! Pretty rad, huh?

Share this around and we'll see how it goes! Thanks for contributing; and expect tons more content coming up in the next few weeks!

Dragon Spirit: The New Legend

The Short

Pros

- Awesome top-down shooter where you play as a DRAGON!

- Powerups are cool and do neat things (give you more dragon heads, etc.)

- Both an easy and a difficult mode based on how you play the first level

- Infinite continues

- Two levels of fire like Xevious

- Nine stages (on hard) and all are a reasonable length

- Game plays extra-good on the NES Advantage with turbo on

Cons

- Easy, even on the harder difficulty

- Getting hit loses both a life AND your power-up. Lame!

- Graphics are pretty hideous

- Music is also ho-hum

- Guy on the box/cartridge art looks like a doofus

MIGHTY DRAGON SPIRIT!

The Long

There was no lack of shmup (or just "shooters" if you are normal) games on the NES. From Lifeforce to Gradius to the majority of crap on Action 52, the NES did it's best to compete with the arcade fads with ports of the popular titles. Dragon Spirit: The New Legend is a port of the Arcade (and also TurboGrafx-16) game Dragon Spirit, and while it isn't the best shooter on the NES, Dragon Spirit: The New Legend still manages to bring enough uniqueness to the board to be worth looking into if you have any fondness for the genre.

Go forth, mighty DAG-RON. 

Let's just cover a few important things first: this game, at its core, is pretty mediocre. The graphics, aside from the absolutely awesome dragon transformation cutscene at the beginning, look abismal. They are cluttered and grainy, and it can be very hard to see what you are shooting or even what is in the foreground and what is in the background. The animations are dull, and aside from a few graphical tricks on a couple of levels, the game just looks like a mess.

The other thing not worth writing home about is the music. While not bad, it certainly is far from catchy or memorable, and just serves as basic background noise. Instead, why not listen to some Dragonforce while playing? It'll make you play better, I promise. 

Fight dragons with dragons. 

That aside, there's actually a lot of fun to be had with Dragon Spirit: The New Legend. First off is the idea that you are a dragon who was once a dude. Basically, the game opens with a simple "starter" level where you play as the original dragon transformer guy. In a rather clever trick, if you lose on this first level, the game lets you play as a different, easier character for the rest of the game (with fewer stages and a "bad" ending) while as if you win you unlock the harder character and the full nine stages. After the first stage the original dragon-dude settles down and has two kids, and if you sucked you play as the girl (sexism!) and if you did well you play as the guy. Both cases you get the most awesome dude-->dragon transformation sequence ever.

By the end of this review, this dude will be a dragon. 

Then it's off to actually play the game. The story doesn't really play any other role until the ending, so you can politely pretend it doesn't exist.

The game plays like your usual top-down shooter, with a few chinks. First, you're a dragon. Second, power-ups actually change the way your dragon looks. You get multiple heads (up to three!) which increase firepower, invincibility, rapid-fire fire, and more. What sucks is that when you get hit, you lose most of your powerups (similar to Legendary Wings) and also lose a hit (out of three if you are the blue dragon, six if you are the gold). It's double punishment (in Legendary Wings your powerups were your life, and maxing out gave you three hits before being downgraded) which can be kind of obnoxious, but it just makes you play much more carefully.

Another neat trick is the Xevious style shooting. Similar to that game, you have button for shooting enemies in the air, and the other for carpet-bombing stuff below. Multiple heads mean multiple bombs, and unlike regular shots these have no limit to the number on screen (meaning a turbo controller is your friend). Switching back and forth is fast and frantic and quite fun, though you can't shoot both the air and the ground at the same time. Keeps it strategic.

You don't want to wake the dragon. 

The stages themselves with regard to gameplay layout aren't particularly unique, though it does throw a hefty amount of (easy) enemies at you, and you start shooting dinosaurs in the prehistoric time (awesome. Dragons vs Dinosaurs) which is pretty rad. The game itself isn't particularly hard; you'll probably get at least half way through before having to continue, even if its your first time playing the game. The best feature is the game has unlimited continues (the only downer being you have to start the beginning of the stage over) as well as mid-stage checkpoints, though the checkpoints aren't as frequent as one might like. 

The bosses are also relatively cake. You can do the common Lifeforce exploit of sitting right next to their weak point and holding a turbo button (or mashing fire) and shooting an insane number of shots into it for a quick kill. But they do try to spice things up, including a boss that can only be hit with the ground-level bombs, but shoots out air-level enemies (that you'll have to dodge or shoot down) and requires some strategy. Again, not to difficult, but difficult enough to be satisfying.

Protip: If a sword talks to you, always do what it says. 

As it stands, while you could argue Dragon Spirit: The New Legend pretty much plays it by the book, there's a lot to love in this game. The slightly easier difficulty curve made it more accessible and a lot more fun for me to just pick up and play, and the goofy premise and the fact I got to yell about dragons every time I got another head (or lost one) was also pretty amusing. As it stands, while this isn't the best shmup/shooter on the NES, it's a solid one, and if you haven't played it before I suggest picking it up and giving it a shot.

Just...squint a little and play some Dragonforce or Rhapsody of Fire while you do so.

Three out of five stars. 

I warned you! "I mean...he was a dragon man..."

Loopz

The Short


Pros
- Fun, extremely simple puzzle game
- Simply make complete pathways to earn points
- Piece complexity quickly ramps up
- Difficulty settings help keep it fun

Con
- Absolutely atrocious color scheme
- Equally atrocious music; ugh.
- "Easy" will never end; it's way too easy
- Never adds anything particularly unique to the formula

Are you ready to LOOPZ?!

The Long

Apparently Loopz is "the most addicting game ever." Weird, I thought that was Diablo 3, but what do I know? 

Anyway, I originally played Loopz on some weird game compilation disc that came with our 486-66 computer way back in the day. I've been searching for the name of this game for years since, and only recently finally found it out. Considering the PC version won't run on anything anymore, I opted for the NES version, ready to relive classic memories of making LOOPZ. 

Alas, while this was the game I played rather studiously growing up, it seems twenty years will do a lot for one's opinion.

This is really the best color scheme they could come up with. 

The concept of Loopz is actually simple but quite addicting (the box didn't lie!). Essentially, you have a small grid which to put pieces on. The game randomly gives you various pieces (and there is no "next piece" like in Tetris) and your goal is to make a complete "loop" out of them (read: a complete connection). Partial connections just clutter up your space, until eventually you run out of room. On the bottom is a timer to place each piece. If you fail to drop a piece in time, you lose a life and it goes to the next one. Lose all your lives, and you're done. Simple enough, right?

If this sounds simple it's because it really is. The pieces get weirder and more complex, adding to the challenge, but Loopz never "throws you for a loop" (ha. PUNS.). It's just the same thing. Which, considering this is just a simple puzzle game (and you can get this game for like $2), I'm fine with that. It actually is pretty addicting, and having a loop-in-progress plan come into fruition can be very satisfying.

It's just too bad all the packaging for this fun concept is utter garbage.

All these screenshots are gonna look really similar...

First off, the game looks pretty freaking hideous. I mean, look at it. Ugly dark green, lots of wasted black space, and that weird tan/red for placed pieces. Way to be. What is far worse, however, is the piece placement. It colors the pieces a weird purple/magenta and white, which not only contracts putrid, but on the smaller pieces the shading is so bad it takes a while to figure out exactly which direction the corner is. Spinning it doesn't help, so at first you'll get a lot of messed up pieces. Luckily your brain eventually adapts to the awful graphics and it becomes fun, but seriously? The PC version I played had a gray/white background with very crisp brown pieces. I never had any issues knowing which way pieces were going.

Whatever you do, don't listen to Tune A (first on this sound collection). It's so...bad. 

The music is also pretty obnoxious. Tune A (the default song) is absolutely, ear-bustingly obnoxious with its high-pitch whining. The other two songs are ok (I like that Tune C is super catchy), but still are a far cry from the Tetris theme. Just make sure you change the song. Again, the PC version sounded much better in my recollection.

Lastly, the game just...has no sense of progression. Essentially you can pick your game mode at the start (all three are almost exactly the same), your music (don't pick Tune A), and then your difficulty level (0-9. Don't pick 0). The only difference in difficulty level is the time you have to drop a piece. The main issue is that, while you do get more complex and harder pieces as you advance, you can never bump up to a new difficulty stage. You know how in, say, Tetris the better you play the harder it gets until you finally lose? That's a good idea; it keeps you from being trapped in easy level limp. Loopz is easy level limbo. Once you master the difficulty level you are on, it's over. You'll never die. The only way to quit is to turn off the NES or throw the game. No sense of challenge.  

Also, "A" is spin piece and "B" is place, the opposite of like every other game in the world. Way to go, Mindscape. 

The lack of being able to see which piece is next also axes a lot of strategy.

Do I still recommend Loopz? Well...yes, actually. While the core gameplay is repetitive and the game looks like ass, it's still...decent. I dunno. Maybe I'm being influenced here because I was so excited to finally find out the name of this game and then find a copy for cheap that I'm trying to justify its existence.

Eh, screw it, this game isn't very good. It's a few minutes of mindless puzzle fun but really it's just shallow and dull. While I'd still suggest grabbing it if you can find it for $2-3, don't go out of your way or anything.

One out of five stars. Curse you, childhood. 

Ah, PC version. With actual progression. You look...actually not much better. My childhood is a lie!