Rolling Thunder

The Short


Pros
- Relatively faithful port of the arcade original
- Simple yet addicting game of shooting your way to the ending
- Really encourages you to be careful and take your time
- Unlimited continues
- Ten levels
- The art style is a bit bland, but I like the thin pixelated characters
- That box art is pretty freaking awesome

Cons
- Excruciatingly difficult, but doable
- Only two hits (really just one if they shoot you)
- Jumping controls (and shooting controls) are limited and clunky
- Music is lame
- The relentlessness of this game (coupled with cheap deaths) will put a lot of people off

Time to shoot multicolored hooded guys 

The Long

Ah, Tengen, you and your unlicensed Nintendo games. You brought us the best version of Tetris. You brought us Klax. And now you brought a port of Rolling Thunder, an arcade action game that reminds me a bit of Contra, though in truth it sort of is its own thing.

One thing is for sure, though, I hate their stupid off-brand cartridges. I'm guessing with a top-loader it wouldn't be a problem, but with my new tight pin connector it's impossible to pry their stupid cartridges out!

URRR I CAN'T GET A FREAKING GRIP!

Anyway, Rolling Thunder was an arcade hit way back in the day. The core concept was simple: you are Agent Albatross, and the bad guys stole your attractive female sidekick. Your mission (which you choose to accept) is to bust in and blast everything in sight, since this is before stealth games so spies just murdered everything that annoyed them. Kind of like James Bond. 

Aim for the face!

At its core, this game is incredibly simple. You kill the guys with bullets, and don't let them kill you. Most enemies are melee. Others take cover behind boxes and shoot you. Even more annoying ones lob grenades. You still gotta shoot them all, no matter what. 

The trick is the fact that your guy can defy gravity, and by pressing up and jump at the same time you leap super high to the floor above (Sunset Riders totally stole this idea for their game), and down and jump drops down. This allows you to dodge enemies and perform more strategy...to a point.

Going into doors gives you more bullets, or machine gun (MG) shots

There are two main things you need to be aware of before giving Rolling Thunder a shot. First, the game controls rather clunky. You have to be pressing a direction and then jump in order to jump forward/backward (meaning no in-air jump trajectory changes), which can take a lot of getting used to. You also can't shoot any direction but forward, and can't shoot in the air. Your only options are shooting while standing or shooting while ducking. Compared to games like Contra, this is very limiting.

The other big thing to be aware of (probably the biggest) is the fact that this game is very, very difficult. You are given two hits per life, but in truth they might has well have just not given you a health bar. Sure, enemy melee attacks take one hit off so you get two of those, but any projectile weapon (grenade, bullet, etc.) kills you instantly. Yeah.

Expect to see this a lot.  

I can actually sort of understand the idea here, if I allow myself a little speculation (that is probably incorrect). Ignoring this fact that this is clearly an arcade game meant to eat quarters, if anything this game is realistic. No, seriously. It's hard to aim accurately with any weapon while jumping, especially in the heat of combat (though I would imagine he could aim up, for crying out loud). Also, while you might survive a punch, taking a grenade to the face would pretty much kill anybody. Enemies in this game don't respawn, so if you play like an actual spy, moving slowly and carefully, your odds will be much better.

Granted, it's still stupid hard even if you think of it this way, but filing it under "realism" actually sort of works, and changed the way I played the game. It's more Castlevania than Contra, essentially. 

Between the levels you see the bad guys doing...uh...stuff to your captured agent. 

The game luckily provides unlimited continues, though its checkpointing system is a big obnoxious. I only found one checkpoint per level, and considering how frequently you die, you'll be probably doing the same segments over and over. Continuing drops you back to the beginning of the stage, but since the checkpoints are kind of useless they might as well just be lives. 

You also lose all powerups on death, but since all the powerup rooms recharge, it's just the matter of getting to them a second (or third, or fourth) time. Again, it can be frustrating, but I honestly feel this game has a level of fairness to it. You have to be perfect or else those bastard grenade throwers will ruin all your hard work, but if you are both quick and careful (and good at memorizing enemy placement) you'll walk through whole levels without getting a single hit. 

I really freaking hate those grenade guys. 

Graphics look decent. They're a far cry from the arcade version, but that's pretty much to be expected. I actually kind of like the super lanky, almost stick-figure look of Albatross, and the enemies are color coded based on their attacks, which is helpful. 

Music is...really poor. It isn't obnoxious like Loopz, but there is a limited number of tracks and none are particularly compelling. This game could have done good with some serious spy music going down, but instead it's just kind of background noise. 

Seriously, the whole "almost raping the woman" thing between levels is a bit much, Tengen. 

With ten levels, Rolling Thunder will take a great deal of your time to beat. Despite my initial frustrations with the game (I was about ready to throw it against the wall, but I couldn't get the damn thing out of my Nintendo) I actually got into a sort of Rolling Thunder groove and really began enjoying it. Putting on the Mission Impossible soundtrack would probably help, but the fact of the matter is that, while the game certainly has its shortcomings, if you like old arcade-style challenges than this game is very much worth looking into.

Plus, I got it for $1.50, so I'm really not complaining. 

Three out of five stars, BUT if you are the kind of person who really hates hard games with somewhat clunky controls, feel free to knock a star (or even two) off the final score. 

At least it has a happy ending, even if she never does get her red sweater back. 

Mega Man 3: The Robots are Revolting (PC)

The Short


Pros
- Has the sad, sad honor of be the first Mega Man game I ever played
- Stages are actually sort of non-linear, which is totally different from all other Mega Man games
- Has a stage where you spend most of the time swimming, which is also kind of unique
- Actually isn't the worst thing ever if you've never played another Mega Man game

Cons
- Is pretty much the worst thing ever
- Graphics for robot masters ripped from other Mega Man games
- No music. At all.
- Looks awful in general.
- Sound effects are the usual "3 1/4 floppy DOS" fare. Read: Quant, but awful.
- Controls are abismal
- Seriously, I can't believe this is how I was introduced to Mega Man

This is NOT the Mega Man 3 you're looking for. 

The Long

Let's get something absolutely straight right off the bat: This is NOT a review of the NES version of Mega Man 3. That game is awesome. So before you go writing hate-mail in my direction, look at the picture above and realize you can't stick floppy discs in an NES. Ok, you can, but they won't do anything but rattle around.

Taken a deep breath? Let's dive into this. 

Shark AND Wave man? Two water themed enemies? 

So way back when I was a lad my parents only let me own a computer, because they hated video games. Fair enough, normal stuff I'd imagine. But as a young lad who only had a Windows 3.1 computer, I heard from all my NES owning friends about how awesome this "Mega Man" guy was. After some digging at a local video game store with a friend I discovered that, amazingly, there was a Mega Man game on the PC! (actually there was two, but I never found that one, thank goodness)

Keep in mind this was in the era of Commander Keen and that batch of DOS games, so I was starved for just about anything since I'd exhausted every Keen game known to man. So we got the game, fired it up, and looky what we were playin!

Oh sweet mother of mercy. 

That's right, fat-faced, ugly Mega Man 3 on your COMPUTER! Incredible! Starring Robot Masters totally ripped off from the NES Robot Masters of previous games! No, seriously, look!

It's like they didn't even try. 

So...what is Mega Man 3: The Robots are Revolting (seriously, that's the subtitle, though it only shows up on the back of the box) all about? What makes it tick? If you are a hardcore Mega Man fan who didn't know this game existed, do you have to boot it up to experience the full range of the Mega Man spectrum?

Well I sure hope you don't, because this game is freaking awful. And, though I hate to admit it, really, really endearing for me. 

If it looks like that boss isn't animated, it's because it isn't. Seriously. 

Ok, so first things first: this game is garbage. There are so many differences between it an actual Mega Man games it's almost impossible to cover them all, but what the heck: let's try.

First off, obviously this game looks like a DOS game rather than an NES game. It isn't that awful, to be honest, but fat-faced Mega Man is a little weird and not at all awesome like the original sprite. 

Next, the sound design in this game is straight up DOS to the max. Seriously, it sounds so DOS I can't help but love it. The grainy sound effects, the weird reverb, the sounds that probably came from the computer instead of your speakers...it's bananas! I love/hate it! Also there's no music, but hey, since when has kickass music been a Mega Man staple? NEVER, OF COURSE.

They put Torch Man in a sewer, and his boss room is in water. No, seriously. 

Next is the actual gameplay itself. Aside from the controls, which are stupendously clunky, this game doesn't play like any Mega Man game ever made before or since. It actually plays more like the old DOS platformers, like Commander Keen. You have one massive, somewhat open-ended level that you have to traverse. There are no linking screens or linear pathways or bits of perfectly crafted level design. In fact, most of your obstacles are in the environment. Fire, oil drips, goo drips, etc.

Enemies, another unique staple of the Mega Man-verse, are simple as well. Regular ones usually just walk around doing nothing (again, reminding me of Commander Keen) hoping you'll bump into them. A few shoot randomly in directions, but that's it. Every single Robot Master except Bit Man has the exact same attack pattern, where they jump, fire their weapon, and land on the other side of the screen. Bit Man charges in the middle of his, because he's an overachiever. So there is no such thing as enemy AI in the game, whatsoever. 

Enemies are also harder and take more hits, and have no strategy for taking down other than mashing shoot. I'd say more on that, but I pretty much covered it, so PICTURE TIME. 

Based on his expression, Mega Man's making an oil stream in his pants. 

Weirdly enough, I kind of like the change in pace. I mean, it's awful and the levels are horribly designed, but having bigger ones that are all interconnected gives a different sense of scale. You never really went back in Mega Man on the NES, but in this one you'll see areas far off and work your way towards them. That's...sort of cool, I guess, if not like Mega Man at all.

You can also SWIM, and there are whole stages devoted to this. Which, again, never really happens much in Mega Man games, at least on the NES.

But he can't shoot through walls, which I'm pretty sure is important. I don't know why I bothered mentioning this, but I figured it should be noted because I noticed it. 

If he's a robot, wouldn't water be bad for him AW SCREW IT. 

Is there anything here that's Mega Man-esque? Well...a little bit. You still get powers from your enemies in the form of their super-lame weapons, though it makes the other Robot Masters a total cakewalk. Each one goes down in exactly four shots from their weakness's weapon, so once you figure the order out the bosses (who, remember, have no real attack pattern) are stupid easy.

You also get Energy Tanks which you can use (crazy, I know) and...uh...he's blue? You cna pick the order you are fighting the enemies in and after you beat them all you fight Dr. Wiley's stage, and you re-battle all the Masters (though with your power-ups they are all stupid easy...again) but...uh...yeah this game isn't really like Mega Man at all.

Oh, and all the enemies are just made up crap, nothing from the original games. Sorry, I know I said I'd so stuff that made this like the other games, but I ran out. 

Thought that sprinting, legged fish man might be my favorite enemy in any game ever.  Just...LOOK AT HIM!

What's really weird is this game is actually...hard. Enemies, as mentioned before, take a lot of hits and hardly ever drop any power-ups or health items. Because the jumping is so clunky and the shooting so poor it's easy to get overwhelmed or make stupid mistakes (especially since some levels require some crazy jumps or you'll fall and have to do the whole level over). Dr. Wiley's stage is also absurdly long with very difficult enemies and no health to be seen. So I guess they got the "difficulty" thing right, if in the most asinine way possible.

Like Shredder, Dr. Wiley rises from the goo. 

This was my first Mega Man game. And so, when I watch the extremely limited number of videos of it on YouTube, I still get that funny nostalgia feeling. Back in the days when DOS was the best we could do, when games were simple and in 256 colors (or less) and highly pixelated. Back when you could hear the floppy disc drive grunt and groan, and when floppy discs were actually floppy. When you'd have to type "dir" to find install files on discs in DOS, and remember drive names and commands to run programs. And when "Shut Down Windows" took you to a DOS prompt, where you'd have to hard-power down rather than have the system know to do it automatically.

You know, back when computers sucked.

Shark Man knows whats up. 

The point is, despite whatever idiotic nostalgia I might have for this hunk of crap, it still is just that: absolute garbage. Even when compared to other archaic platformers of its time, Mega Man 3: The Robots Are Revolting is...(wait for the easy joke)...REVOLTING.

Point being it sucks and you shouldn't play it. Or you should, if you can find it and get it to run, because it's just so amusing. Also it was made by two brothers and that's it so that's actually kind of awesome.

No, it isn't, this game's garbage. Childhood, like with Loopz before it, you again are nothing but empty memories and lies. 

One out of five stars.

And that one star was solely for nostalgia, I can assure you. 

Gradius

The Short


Pros
- Often considered the founder of side-scrolling shooters and, by consequence, the shmup genre
- Fun, difficult space shooter
- Decent graphics and a variety of power-ups and choices
- First instance of the Konami code
- Spawned a long line of great sequels

Cons
- Music was good but hardly up to the level of Lifeforce
- Doesn't have infinite (or any) continues and only three lives. What the heck, Konami?
- Can have frustrating checkpoints
- Can prove to be very hard, especially some early bosses

Are you ready to shoot in space?

The Long

When someone talks about horizontal shooters, chances are they are thinking about one of the Gradius games. Technically a sequel to Scrambler (Konami's first attempt at something similar to this), Gradius basically put space shooters on the map with its side-scrolling, power-up grabbing, enemy killing madness. It was obviously not the first of these games to do so, not by a long shot, but for most Gradius was their first real encounter with the genre. It spawned a load of sequels and spinoffs (including the fantastic Lifeforce) and has certainly cemented itself as a place in history.

Oddly enough, however, I never actually played this game until just recently. I spent a ton of time on Super R-Type on the SNES, and obviously Lifeforce among others, but the original Gradius seemed to slip by. After playing through the game quite a few times I found I really enjoyed it, but only to a point. While I can see the history here, and the gameplay is solid even to this day, Gradius still has some minor annoyances. 

You're gonna need that shield.

Gradius is your standard shooter fare. The screen scrolls to the left, bringing with it enemies and obstacles, and you have to survive to the end. This game solidified the series' "tier powerup" system, where each powerup bumps what you can get up a notch. You choose when to "cash in" at any time, from a simple ship speed boost to a powerful option (or three) that follow you around and shoot. It's a fantastic system that presents the game with a risk/reward type of deal, making one have to decide if it's worth diving into danger for the final powerup before getting another option or just leaving it be.

Gradius also has all the same powerups as it always has. Speed, split-Missiles for ground enemies, double (which is two shots, replaced by Wave in Lifeforce), a piercing Laser, Option, and a Shield. Again, the fact they reused these for almost every game to follow proves it was a good enough system, and I agree.

Missiles are necessary to survive. 

Gradius isn't a very fast-moving game, nor is it one to overwhelm you with bullets or enemies (read: it isn't a bullet hell). However, Gradius can still be quite difficult. You have to first strike a balance in your Speed Up power ups; not enough and bosses will move and shoot to quickly too dodge, too many and you'll move so quick you'll lose control. Another annoyance is that the game can be quite difficult; one single mistake and its over, be it bumping the ground or getting shot. 

But honestly, the thing that bugged me the most about this game is something I've complained about before: not having any continues. This is getting old, but it bears repeating: I bought the game. I'm not in an arcade, punching quarters in. There is no harm in letting me continue forever. Some games limit continues, which is annoying but at least it's an option. Gradius has no continues whatsoever. Three lives, and you are finished. This...is frustrating, to say the very least. You essentially have to one-coin the whole game.

THE WORLD HAS GONE CRAZY. Also, Easter Island heads!

Luckily, the game is one of the first uses of the Konami code. Pause during gameplay and punch it in (if you don't know it, I'm not typing it here for you) and you'll pop out all powered up (except double and laser), with three options, a speed boost, missiles, and the shield. The catch is you can only use this once per game, so screw up and your cheating days are over. Like most Gradius games, if you get fat enough early on the difficulty of the game drops tremendously, though losing everything can quickly turn it from a cakewalk to an impossible difficult task. It's this sort of difficulty spike that really bothers me about Gradius. To be fair, Lifeforce was similar (though I don't think the difficulty switch between fully equipped and naked was as stark) but with infinite continues and the Konami code giving tons of lives, I was fine with it.

Seriously. Missiles. 

Graphically, Gradius looks very good. It's a far cry from the arcade release, but it's still very solid despite having a hefty amount of slowdown when stuff gets crazy (like all shooters on the NES). I always liked the ship animations in the games, how it changed when you panned up and down. Really think that's always a great touch. 

Music is decent but I honestly don't remember any of the songs. Maybe it's because I only recently played through this game a lot, but I found other shooters (especially Lifeforce) to be much more memorable. It isn't bad, but it's hardly a revelation. 

The first boss is really obnoxious without options. 

To be completely frank, the lack of continues in Gradius really rubs me the wrong way. While I can certainly see the appeal in the challenge of beating Gradius without cheating and with only three lives (and I'm certain there are plenty who know the game well enough and can pull it off easily), I would have at least appreciate the option to continue (that wasn't a power-up pun. I promise.). Still, if you like a rather ruthless space shooter with a crazy difficulty jump, Gradius is certainly worth looking for. Though I personally prefer Lifeforce in almost every area. 

A classic that is still an extremely solid and fun game, if a bit frustrating. Three out of five stars.

STUFF IS GETTING CRAZY AGAIN. 

Klax

The Short


Pros
- Fun, unique arcade puzzle game involving stacking three-in-a-row blocks of the same color
- Lots of scenarios and switching objectives keep each level fresh
- Tight controls and two-player support make it very addicting

Cons
- Colors (especially on the NES version) can be difficult to tell apart
- The NES version is also hideous compared to other (Genesis, SNES) ports
- Game can get really hard really quickly
- Never got a modern re-release
- Music is pretty mediocre

Pokemon! Wait...

The Long

I love Klax. Unlike Loopz, where my nostalgia betrayed me, Klax is a solid action-puzzler that is arcade-fast and is still a load of fun to play. I originally played this at the same nickelcade that I burned so much time in Donkey Kong Jr. at, while this one I spent playing with my wife. The arcade unit for Klax had weird discoloration that made it almost impossible to play, but I still persevered because I liked the game so much. When I heard they ported the game to NES and Genesis, I had to give it a shot. After playing Klax on both systems, I'm ready to give an accessible (and a system comparison)

This is the arcade version of Klax. 

The overarching goal of Klax is simple: make three (or more) of the same color in a row. This can be done vertically, horizontally, or diagonally, with the latter two netting more points. Pieces of various colors always roll down from the top, and if you allow too many pieces to fall without catching them (five in the arcade, three on home consoles) you'll lose a life and have to restart the stage. 

The trick is, of course, that you can catch multiple tiles (up to four). You always have to flip off the last one you caught, meaning you can get overwhelmed if you don't plan ahead. You can also toss tiles back up the conveyor belt if things get too hectic on your catchy-thing, but they'll just roll back down in a few seconds so you have to act fast. 

Here's the Genesis version. Pretty faithful, yes?  The SNES version  is almost completely identical.

What makes Klax unique is it has stages with varying objectives. Some are simple point attack modes. Others require you to make a set number of diagonals. Other ask you to survive a certain number of tiles rolling out (basically a time trial), and so on. These varying objectives give a solid sense of progression, and also make it so the relatively simple concept doesn't get monotonous (again, look at Loopz for a bad example of this). 

Colors are added the further along you play, the game getting quite difficult after a while. However, the "learning curve" is near perfect if you start from the beginning, and the addicting quality of just "one more try" on a stage is extremely prevalent here. Because the concept is so simple, you just can't stop.

The addition of side-by-side multiplayer (where you just go through the same stages independently) is a nice touch, and since you aren't competing you both basically just go until your skill fails you and you run out of continues. 

And the NES version which...isn't quite as good looking. 

So, if you don't have this game in the arcade, which version should you grab? Personally, I've found the SNES and Genesis versions to be the most faithful home ports. They graphically look very similar, the colors are vibrant and the Klax are large and easy to identify. 

The NES port still works fine, but keep in mind the graphics are substantially downgraded. The Klax are also thicker for some reason (something with screen real estate) which doesn't seem like that big of a deal but kind of messes with my brain. It's still totally playable (and fun!) but if you have a Genesis or SNES, grab those versions instead. 

An issue across all three versions (except the arcade) is tile color confusion. It's by far the worst in the NES, with the small tiles and limited color pallet making it hard to discern them as they fall down the belt. The Genesis and SNES fare a bit better, but when you have the full array of colors dropping down it can be a bit difficult to discern similar shades. You'll get used to it after playing through it enough, but it can provide some initial frustrations.

Port this sucker to everything, guys!

It's a pity Klax has never seen a modern re-release, as the game remains one of my favorite puzzlers to date. With addicting yet simple gameplay, actual objectives (in a puzzle game! Gasp!) and a great aesthetic, sound, and music, Klax is certainly worth picking up if you own any retro home consoles. It plays even better with a friend, racing to beat objectives and high scores, and with most versions you can set the number of credits you have as well as run a sound-test mode (I love it when games include this) and everything.

It is no longer the nineties, but it is still time for Klax. Four out of five stars.

Just don't try and do that hand thing unless you have a double-jointed thumb. 

Joust

The Short


Pros
- Authentically replicates the fast-paced arcade game
- Simple in concept, nefarious in execution
- Can be played one or two players
- Stages quickly get tricky

Cons
- Game is a pain in the butt without a turbo controller (NES Advantage: recommended)
- While the controls are intentionally slippery, it does make the game difficult to pick up
- Lots of cheap deaths
- Doesn't save high scores (no battery)
- My cartridge is super picky for some reason

Ostrich on ostrich action.

The Long

Joust is yet another arcade classic that was released on just about everything known to man. Ported from Atari to there even being a release on the Xbox 360 now, Joust has proven to be quite popular. It was so popular that Hal even ripped it off to create their own Balloon Fight, a slower-paced version of what was essentially the same game.

So, looking at the NES version, is Joust worth looking back into? After such successful arcade port outings with both Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr., does Joust hold up?

Nintendo games and their black backdrops and no top score saving

First off, this is a damn near perfect arcade port. Everything from the sound effects to the controls and graphics are right on target. It doesn't have the annoying menu music from the arcade version, and it also doesn't save your high scores (man, life before saving and leaderboards was balls), but hey...you can't win 'em all. 

So since the actual porting is perfect, it boils down to the game itself: do you like Joust? Well, in my personal opinion...it's just ok.

While the concept of dueling ostriches is rad, I'm not a huge fan of this game. 

Joust's core concept is simple: flap your wings (either by mashing your A button or using a turbo controller) to make your ostrich slowly gain altitude, then ram yourself into the other birds when you are above them. Doing so will kill them and have them drop eggs, which you pick up for points. Kill enough and you go to the next stages, which get more and more difficult.

There are two reasons I really haven't gotten into Joust. The first is the control. The birds run extremely fast (which makes sense) and maintain that momentum when you get airborn, but changing direction from slow to moving while in-air is extremely slow. I understand this is basically the point of the game, but I could never grasp my brain around the controls which resulted in my dying in a lot of instances that I felt wasn't my fault.

My second reason is the awful "spawning." Frequently you'll die and then reappear with some stupid computer-controlled bird just above you, only to die a few seconds later. Again, I get it's an arcade game and if I had the "skills that paid the bills" I probably could have avoided turning into ostrich stew, but the point is the deaths in the game have always felt cheap.

I like the sound effects, though. 

Honestly, I vastly prefer Balloon Fight over Joust, even though the concept is the same. In Balloon Fight you have two lives instead of just one, can get lives back, and the game is a bit slower paced. While I appreciate how completely frantic Joust is, I have never been able to wrap my head around it. Though playing two player and just bouncing off the walls stupidly does lead to its own level of amusement. 

All in all, I'd still suggest checking out Joust if you like old arcade games, and if you have any history with it the NES version is certainly the one to pick up (and with the NES Advantage it's like playing in the real arcade!). For me personally, however, I don't tend to play this one very often. The lack of stages and variety, paired with loose controls (which, again, I understand that people can figure it out in time, but I never could) really make this one a dud for me.

Still, I can appreciate the fun concept here, and we did have some pretty great Joust competitions back in college, so hey...three out of five stars. 

As the stage crumbles around, you, will you be the last ostrich standing?

Donkey Kong Jr

The Short


Pros
- Wholly unique sequel to Donkey Kong, starring his son
- Similar focus on climbing and jumping, but more on the former than its predecessor
- All four levels are intact in the NES port
- A bigger challenge than Donkey Kong
- Remains the only game ever where Mario is the bad guy


Cons
- Jumping in this one feels unbelievably clunky
- Falling even a short distance kills Jr. Guy would die tripping over a rock.
- Again, original cart does not have a battery save function

Jr, mixing it up. 

The Long

After Donkey Kong made Nintendo truckloads of money, it was clear they needed a follow up that would pull that same kind of chowder. So in 1982, Donkey Kong Jr. showed up in arcades, mixing up the formula and switching up the gameplay. The most obvious change was that you were playing as Jr, rather than Mario, and in this one you were trying to save Donkey Kong from the nefarious Mario. Plot twist of the century. 

I have some serious love for this game. It was one of the few in a local nickelcade that was both fantastic and also actually worked (the thing about nickelcades...about half the machines have buttons or joysticks broken), and I recall pounding nickels into this thing as my friend and I would compete for the top spot on the high score list. This was one of the rare instances in my life when I was astonished and completely pleased when I had the epiphany that "I can play an arcade game at home!" The only other instance of this in the history of my life is Sunset Riders. 

Anyway, what makes Donkey Kong Jr. so different? And why is it so awesome? Read on, and you shall see. 

From jungles to electric shock...world. 

The basic concept is surprisingly similar to Donkey Kong. Through a series of climbing and jumping you get to the top of the screen, all the while dodging crap the enemy (in this case Mario) is throwing down at you. However, a rather dramatic shift has been made from jumping to climbing. While Donkey Kong was big on mostly jumping and a few ladder portions, Donkey Kong Jr. is all about that, and even mixed in some strategy in the climbing.

See, in many instances you can grab one vine and shimmy up that, or if two are close you can grab both to go faster. This has two key changes. First, Mario sends most enemies down the vines, so grabbing two makes you a larger target. Second, your speed shifts. When holding two vines, you climb up significantly faster, but down a lot slower. When on one you slide down very quickly, but up is slow. The levels are designed about knowing when to use what balance, being able to change your vertical position very quickly an absolute must. 

While different, both games still look similar, and fans of one can easily pick up the other. 

The decreased emphasis on jumping is evident because one of the biggest frustration is Jr. jumps like total crap. Luckily most of the stages don't rely too heavily on it, but the springboard at the start of stage two has been the cause of many inappropriate deaths. It can also be annoying to time when to drop fruit onto enemies (the only way to kill them now that the hammer is gone), seeing as even being remotely close drops the things. Ah well.

I personally found Donkey Kong Jr. to be tougher than Donkey Kong, but I suppose it's a matter of playstyle. I also enjoy Donkey Kong Jr. a lot more than the original, so you have that as well.

Suck it, Mario. 

Donkey Kong Jr. is a faithful adaptation of the arcade version, with all the levels, graphics, and sound effects being similar. As such it sounds and looks just fine, though it certainly is beginning to show its age, especially with the predominantly black backgrounds.

Still, Donkey Kong Jr. is great fun. Similar to Donkey Kong, you should pick it up on the Donkey Kong Classics combo pack, as you can get both games for a very low price point now. As an arcade classic it holds up very well, still proving to be very challenging while rewarding.

Just...learn to jump, Jr. And fall more than two feet without dying.

Four out of five stars. 

This is the one you want to buy. Not the originals. 

Donkey Kong

The Short


Pros
- Faithful port to the arcade classic
- Challenging and fun run for points, even to this day
- Everybody's seen this game before
- Start of Mario's (and Donkey Kong's) careers

Cons
- NES version is missing a level from the arcade version
- It's also missing the awesome opening movie, as well as the sense of progression (height) between levels
- Jumping and climbing controls seem a bit archaic in this day and age
- Original cartridge had no battery save for scores

A scene that every game should recognize. 

The Long


Ah, Donkey Kong. The arcade smash hit that got Nintendo a ton of fat cash, was ported to just about everything, and everybody has played. Like Pac-Man before it, Donkey Kong is one of those games that people think of when you mention the word "video game." It's a simple, yet exciting arcade game that helped set a foundation for future games.

This game was seriously released on like a trillion consoles (whether allowed by Nintendo or not), and since I'm not insane I'm only going to touch on the NES version. So...after all these years, does Donkey Kong still stand up?

Yep, menu screenshots. EXCITING. 

Well, after replaying it for a good hour as I kept trying to crush my previous scores, I'd say...yeah! It's weird because there's plenty to complain about this game, especially in this day and age. The controls, especially the jumping, is super sticky and has a weird delay, which screws you over frequently. Mario/Jumpman shuffles along about as fast as a turtle, which is a rather large annoyance. If he falls down the small cracks in the final stage where you are knocking out yellow pegs, that small fall kills him (awesome?), and when climbing down ladders it can be hard to tell when you've reached the bottom (and can then move left/right) because the game offers no visual cue. And, probably the most damning thing about the original cart, is it had no battery backup so saves were lost when you powered the game down. That...really hurts.

All this aside, Donkey Kong is still a very good game, even beyond what it did for the industry. The objective is simple (I can't believe I'm about to explain Donkey Kong...): get to the top of the stage by jumping barrels, dodging fireballs and springboards, or knocking out yellow pins to drop Kong down. Jumping stuff gives points, as does completing each level quickly, and when you run out of lives your run is over. Simple stuff.

The second level spices things up a bit, but I think it's lots easier. 

A bummer about the NES version is that for some reason it's missing the fourth level, with extending ladders that you have to climb to get to the top. Why it's omitted is beyond me; it didn't seem too complex for the NES to handle.

The NES version is still a very faithful port, for the most part. The awesome intro were Donkey Kong smashes the ground is gone, as is the "25 m" or "50 m" height progression between stages. Still, the sound effects and music are incredibly accurate for a port, and I personally found the game controls almost completely identical, especially when playing with the arcade stick on the NES Advantage. 

You can always grab the hammer and bash everything that annoys you. 

Despite this, one would argue against the length and general shallowness of the game. Again, with only three stages that cycle forever, you really aren't going to see much newness here. The controls will feel very clunky to those accustomed to Mario's future outings, and the lack of the battery to save scores is a really big hit. Even the re-released Donkey Kong Classics NES cart (which has both Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr) doesn't save the game, but at least then you get both games for a low price. So if you are looking for a copy of this game today, I'd suggest that version over all others.

You saved Peach...er...Pauline and won true love!

I am honestly surprised I enjoyed Donkey Kong as much as I did replaying it. I don't have any particular affinity to the arcade classic (honestly, all my good memories are with Donkey Kong Jr), but the blend of challenge with questing to beat my scores really put its hooks in me. It's crazy that, after all these years, Donkey Kong can still do what it was made to do: keep you playing. While it's clunky and very, very old, Donkey Kong is still a game worth trying, and I'd imagine playing with friends, switching off in attempts to beat high scores, this game could be a blast even today.

I'm going to give a deserved four out of five.

That's right, Mario. Collect those purses.