Golf

The Short


Pros
- NES US launch game, and thus the first golf game on the system
- Looks decent, with interesting "3D" ball effects while it's in the air
- The first golf game ever to incorporate a "power meter," which has become standard ever since
- Took all the best concepts from it and put them into NES Open Tournament Golf later
- Mario is in it

Cons
- Only eighteen holes
- No music. At all.
- Doesn't assist in picking clubs
- Boring
- Putting is extremely obnoxoius

Time for some regular-ass golf

The Long

When the NES first came out in the US, it had already been around in Japan for quite a while (as was standard practice with games up until recently). So to usher in the US release, Nintendo picked the "best" games it could come up with to put out with the system, the famous "Black Box" collection. Odds are you've played at least one of these games (Read: Super Mario Bros) and maybe a few others (like Hogan's Alley or Donkey Kong). But amongst this collection was also a hefty amount of mediocre games (like Gyromite or Gumshoe), and there seems to be a curse with "G" name games, because Golf is right smack dab in the "mediocre" section.

It's almost as boring as real golf! Ok, that was rude, I apologize. 

Let's get one thing out of the way first: I don't mind my sports games being "realistic" or "simple" or "accurate" or whatever. Hey, I love Kings of the Beach and it's pretty much just regular-ass volleyball. But if you are going to keep stuff basic, you really gotta make sure you still make it fun. Golf doesn't even try on this front: it's just a golf game, and that's it. So let's give a rundown, shall we?

You have three options from the menu: play by yourself, play with a friend on stroke scoring, or play a match with a friend. Honestly, I hate games where the "multiplayer" is taking turns (read: hotseat games), and this game is so bland I wouldn't want to torture any friend to play it with me. So I usually just play Golf by myself. And by "usually play" I mean "played twice so I could remember how boring the game was and write the review."

RIVETING.

Golf is an eighteen hole game, and that's it. Your goal is...wait, why the heck am I explaining how golf works? I'm going to assume everybody knows how the sport functions.

You can pick your direction and your club (though the game doesn't suggest one, so you'd better know that "1W" means "1 Wood" and is used for driving, not sandtraps) and wind comes into play. You then get the only real innovation Golf provided, but even I have to admit it's a pretty big one: the power swing. Press the button once to start an arrow moving. Press it again to set your power, and a third time (trying to catch it beneath the white bars) to see if you hook or slice. Before this, no golf games have not used a power meter (the good ones, anyway) and it only started to go away thanks to the advent of motion controls in Wii Sports (and later Kinect Sports Season 2. Ugh).

So it's got that going for it, but that's about it. That's the whole game. Wee.

Mario is in it, wearing normal clothes and having gained a few pounds. 

Even at this relatively solid base, Golf still isn't fun. Mostly because it just...isn't fun. Or exciting. Or interesting. Nearly everything counts as out of bounds. Oh, you thought the black area around the edge was out of bounds? Well, guess what, the trees are out of bounds too (probably because programming trees would be too hard). I swear a good chunk of my shots always went out of bounds, which is really obnoxious when you have only a tiny bit of green to aim for. The aiming is also imprecise and the putting...ok, I'll talk about that by itself in brief. 

Ugh, the putting in this game is where I just want to quit. 

So how it works is it pans into the putting green when you get there, and then the little arrows indicate the slope and what direction. Fair enough. The problem is there is no real way to gauge exactly what you need to do to best approach the hole. You get to pick the speed of your swing at least, but I am never certain how hard exactly to hit the stupid ball. 

Not to mention since I don't know how much to overcompensate for in slope, I tend to always miss. Again and again. I guess there really isn't that much to say except the putting is probably the most frustrating part of the game, right next to 90% of the screen being "out of bounds."

Avoid that sandtrap, fat golfer Mario

Graphically the game is...ok. You get a nice picture of golfing Mario on the left, and an overview of the hole on the right. It's basic stuff, but suitable for the NES. The real issue is there is no music at all in the game. Seriously, golf games are already boring enough already, and then you had to not include any music? Why on earth would you do that? It only exacerbates the whole "holy cow I'm going to fall asleep playing this game" thing!

All in all, there isn't much more to say about Golf. It did pave the way for future golf games with its innovative power meter, and there isn't really anything fundamentally broken with the game. It just is completely and utterly uninteresting and dull, and the limited number of holes doesn't help.

I have noticed, however, that people tend to confuse Golf with a later Nintendo released golf game, NES Open Tournament Golf. This is unfortunate because NES Open is actually a pretty awesome game, expanding on the reasonably solid groundwork Golf set in terms of gameplay and adding real Mario characters, a story, and just generally being better overall. To help with this confusion, I've provided this handy guide, seen below:

Buy the one on the right, NOT the one on the left. 

Golf was certainly groundbreaking, but that doesn't make it a good game, especially today. I suggest you swiftly ignore it if you see it on a store shelf, considering how many other NES golf games were made and how the vast majority of them were better than this one.

One out of five stars. 

And screw putting!

Kings of the Beach

The Short


Pros
- Excellent two on two volleyball game from Ultra, the guys who did Skate or Die
- Up to four players can play if you have a splitter, but it's a perfect two player co-op game
- Ability to bump, set, and spike keep the game simple enough to pick up quick, but complex enough to keep you playing
- Variable difficulty levels and options make the game very customizable
- Tons of awesome small touches (fighting with the ref, hitting people in the face with the ball, etc.)
- In game tutorials
- Good music and graphics

Cons
- Can take a bit to fully understand how to play
- If you play without a friend, the game is considerably less enjoyable
- If you play with a friend, he or she had better be good or else you'll easily get frustrated
- The box/cartridge art is hideous

You know it's professional; it says so right on the title screen.

The Long

Oh, Ultra Games. Some games you make are awesome. Some games you make are Ninja Turtles. But I will say this: you can make some pretty good sports games. Skate or Die is an excellent skating game before Tony Hawk came along and just took over everything. It's sequel/spiritual successor Ski or Die wasn't that bad, either. But out of all the games Ultra Games has made, my absolute favorite has to be Kings of the Beach, hands down. Get it, hands? Because in volleyball you use your hands...ok, I got nothin'.

Anyway, Kings of the Beach is a two-on-two volleyball game, of which there were a hefty amount on the NES (the other main one being Super Spike V-Ball). At it's core it's a pretty basic volleyball experience, but once you start playing this exceptionally volleyball simulator (did I just called it a "simulator?" This blog is really going downhill...) you'll find it hard to quit. Ever. Until you are the KING OF THE BEACH!

Ok, this has been the worst intro paragraphs for a review in a long time. Let's just get down to it.

Ah, in game advertising. Ultra games, Electronic Arts, and..."Cola." Alright.

Kings of the Beach is exactly what it says it is: a "Professional" Beach Volleyball game. It's basic stuff: serving, spiking, bumping, and setting. This isn't Mario Volleyball or anything here. There are no powerups, no crazy attacks, and no slo-mo balls catching on fire. It's just volleyball. That's it. 

And it's amazing.

If you've played Skate or Die (or Ski or Die), this layout for the main menu looks very familiar. 

Despite having a lot of options in the above menu, Kings of the Beach really only has two game modes: a single Match or a multi-stage Tournament competition. The three other options above ("Bump," "Set," and "Spike") are actually tutorials on how to play the game. They aren't particularly fleshed out, but they at least give you the basics of how to best approach the game (though I found turning the game on "easy" and just mashing your way through it until you figured it out works just as well). 

You can also change your settings at the registration tent, and oh boy are there a lot of 'em. From difficulty to multiplayer options, it's got you covered. One of the coolest things about this game is the fact that you can have four people playing at once, though I've never actually done that since I don't own a splitter. However, that doesn't really matter, because the absolute best way to play this game is co-op with a friend against the computer. Which I will now write the rest of my review as if you were playing the game that way, because playing by yourself is boring.

Excellent volleyball pickup line: "Would you like to be the queen of the beach?"

Co-op is where this game truly shines. As you really only have three options when playing (again: bump, set, and spike) you'll have to master all three in order to score (as well as learning to not serve horribly, which was a handicap that took us several games to overcome). Figuring up how to best set up your partner for a spike is tricky, but extremely rewarding when you pull it off. Failing to block a pass or bump a scoring point can cause friendships to be strained, but the game is so fast and matches so easy to burn through you can't stay mad for long. Plus, the game is so much fun you'll forget your partner totally sucks at the game and instead devise strategies for how to best beat those dang pink-shirted jerks.

The game controls well. Unlike Super Spike V-Ball, where it will show an indicator on the ground were the ball will land on your side, Kings of the Beach you have to rely on the shadow to catch the ball. If it's going to land near where your character already is, the game will "nudge" you in the right direction, meaning it's important to not stand next to your partner. It can be tricky to judge when the game is going to auto-move you and when you'll have to manually line up, but after a few games you'll have it figured out. The question is: will your partner?

He'd better, if he wants to keep his head. 

There really isn't much more to say about Kings of the Beach in terms of gameplay. If I made it sound extremely boring I apologize, because this game is a freaking blast with a friend. On multiple times (with multiple people) we've booted the game up, learned it together (or re-learned it, in my case) and played for well over an hour. There's a sense of elation the first time you actually line up a spike and score a point together, and that is only trumped when you win your first match. Then you think you are ready for the tournament, and get completely crushed, but together you know you can rise up and become the King of the Beach. 

Yes, this game is simple, but it is also incredibly well crafted. I think I've said enough...just know this game is fun. Certainly more fun than the volleyball mode in Kinect Sports, which is the most unrewarding and physically exhausting thing I've done in a video game in years.

Not pictured: me having to jump in front of my tv. Oh wait, it's not a stupid Kinect game, so I can just USE BUTTONS.

Graphically, Kings of the Beach doesn't have the visual punch it's competitor Super Spike does, but honestly I think it looks better. The animations are very fluid and everything is easily distinguishable. It also has a lot of nifty touches, from basic stuff like the ads and the giant inflated cola can, to guys kicking the sand in frustration when they just miss a pass and being able to spike a ball into a dude so hard he gets knocked over into the sand. Bonus when the computer players go up to the ref to fight over a point, only to get a red card. Ha! Suck it, pinkshirts! 

There is only one real song in the game, and I like it. I can't for the life of me remember what it sounds like when I'm not actually playing the game, but it's good background noise and completely inoffensive, so we'll take it. 

Tournament mode: taking all your hopes and dreams and punching them in the face. 

As it stands, Kings of the Beach might be my favorite sports game. As in ever. It's an extremely rewarding co-op experience, has perfect controls and excellent graphics, and a punishing difficulty curve that is still entirely manageable. As a learning experience with a friend it's an absolute hoot, and I could only imagine that playing four players competitive would be unbelievably rewarding. I need to get some NES splitters!

This is an extremely common and extremely cheap NES game (you're looking at $3-5), so if you have an NES and friends you absolutely must pick it up. Five out of five stars.

20+ years and oodles of technology later, and it still can't compete. 

Karnov

The Short


Pros
- Action game starting fat Russian fireball breathing crazy circus guy KARNOV
- Fight dinosaurs, monsters, eye...things, fish and...yeah, it's pretty awesome
- Feels kind of like Contra. If it starred a fat Russian dude
- Music is decent
- Use power-ups such as ladders and wings to find secrets
- While it may not look like much, Karnov is a lot of fun
- Infinite continues

Cons
- Controls can be a bit stiff, especially falling
- Levels and game are a bit short
- You use powerups to...get more powerups? Alright.
- Two hits and you're dead
- Dying loses all your attack powerups, which makes the game WAY tougher
- Game looks pretty ugly

Karnov: Dinosaur Hunter

The Long

I only recently heard about Karnov, but after watching some gameplay videos I knew I had to have it. I mean, seriously...what other game lets you play a fat Russian firebreathing circus/angel(?) who was sent by God to rid the world of a demon? I think that's the story, anyway. 

Karnov was apparently a character in a fighting game, Fighter's History, on the NeoGeo and was so popular (?) he starred in the sequel, Karnov's Revenge. Fighter's History was pretty much a blatant Street Fighter II knockoff, so it's really interesting to see that Karnov actually made his start in this game, originally in arcades and then an NES sequel. Yeah, he just sort of came out of nowhere and into existence in this game. Alright.

Anyway, on with the point: the actual review. Is Karnov on the NES worth considering? Or is it a fat ugly piece of crap? Well...a bit of both, but I still really like the game regardless.

Karnov scoffs at your pitiful bolders. 

Karnov is essentially an action platformer with minimal jumping and maximum shooting. That's right: rather than use all those muscles (and his fighting game pedigree) to punch stuff, Karnov blasts fireballs from...I don't know, actually. I think he breathes fire in the game? We'll go with that. 

The first thing you'll notice when you boot up the game is the awesome intro: Karnov always starts and exits a level by TRANSFORMING INTO LIGHTNING and teleporting on/off screen. A fat Russian circus angel who transforms into lightning and shoots fireballs? This might be the best thing ever.

The next thing you'll notice is the controls are...sticky. Karnov reacts like you'd expect a large Russian guy to: a bit stiff and a bit clunky.You can somewhat manipulate his jumps mid-flight, but falling from a ledge Karnov just drops straight down, no control at all. It's a little bizarre. The jumping is also a bit floaty, but when Karnov is on the ground he controls with precision. I guess that just says to keep his fat ass on the ground.

Karnov has survived the fiercest Russian winters. He cares not for this ice cave. 

The ultimate goal is to blast your fireballs and murder everything. Unlike Contra, Karnov can't walk and shoot, so holding a turbo button won't help you. Along the way you get two sets of powerups: more fireballs which give you a double or triple attack (which is necessary on later stages) and expendable items such as bombs, ladders, and more. What's weird is most of these items (ladders especially) are really just used to get more items, which...um, sure. I'll use a ladder to get three more bombs, which I then won't use anyway. Cool.

You do get other powerups, like flight (which gives Karnov wings and might be the funnest thing I've seen on the NES in a while) and a useless boomerang and others. I commend Data East for trying, but really this stuff isn't all that necessary. If you have the triple shot, you'll slaughter everything.

You also pick up random "K"s in boxes, which I guess are this game's coins. Because that doesn't look out of place at all.

Don't pick up three "K"s, Karnov. Trust me on that one. 

Despite all these complaints, it still boils down to one important thing: Karnov is still a lot of fun. Yes, the game is just blasting through tons of enemies and trying to outsmart the stiff jumping controls. Yes, you only have two hits and dying makes you go down to one fireball (which sucks, let me tell you). And, yes, this game is ugly and the music is just "good," but I still really had fun with Karnov. I actually kept pushing through it again and again until I actually beat it (the day after I bought it, no less), and the final boss is pretty crazy so I'm glad I did.

Plus, one of the bosses is a freaking dinosaur. That's pretty great. 

It's worth noting that, if the difficulty weren't factored into the equation, Karnov isn't a very long game. Data East tends to have really short stages in their games (what I've noticed, anyway) and Karnov is no exception. You have nine sages in total and four bosses, and considering this game is pretty tough it'll take you a while, but it really boils down to memorizing enemy placement and being able to dodge small projectiles. Karnov just ruins everything with the triple shot (so satisfying), so the game becomes a goal to not die when you are powered up, and when you do you just want to quit and start over.

The first boss employs the traditional "Shoot, then jump" tactic found in most Mega Man games.

Graphically, Karnov is nothing to write home about. I love Karnov's sprite, but the world he inhabits is boring. My first cheap death happened when I didn't realize something was insta-death water (Karnov can't swim?) and I walked right down a hole. Awesome. Thanks for making your graphics so awful I got cheap-shotted out of it. The final boss looks pretty cool, but the rest of the game...yeah.

Music is catchy but not memorable. However, I feel it enhances the experience, which is my base level requirement for video game music, so it passes. It isn't Loopz (which I will keep referring to forever because the music was so bad). We'll say that.

Karnov vs sick final skeleton boss. 

As it stands, I heartily recommend Karnov, even with its sticky controls, short length, and hideous graphics. Despite all this, the game is a lot of fun, and considering you can usually find it for around $3 (if you can find it) it's absolutely worth it at that price. 

Plus, what other game lets you play as a fat Russian who throws fireballs at a T-Rex until it dies? NO GAME IN EXISTANCE EXCEPT KARNOV, that's which game!

Three out of five stars. 

Karnov

KARNOV

KARNOV!!!

Giga Wing 2

The Short


Pros
- Same crazy action with insane points and bullets from the original game
- Actually saves on the Dreamcast version! Novel concept!
- More ships with more features and options, as well as a new shield option
- Bosses are crazier and weirder

Cons
- Changing the medals from bright pixalated gold to pre-rendered looking things makes them much harder to see
- Looks uglier than the first game
- Game has way, way bad slowdown on the Dreamcast version
- Attempts to "flesh out" the story only made it even stupider
- Last few levels are just bosses, one right after the other
- Ships aren't as fun or interesting as in the first game
- Shorter than Giga Wing, and seems to be missing the draw that made me love the first game

Here we go again

The Long

I loved Giga Wing, so when I heard they'd made a second one I flipped out (read: yesterday. I seriously had no idea until yesterday). So now that I had a Dreamcast I had to grab the game, pop that sucker in, and see how much they'd improved over the original game. Unfortunately, I was disappointed. Giga Wing 2 isn't really that much of an improvement over its predecessor. In fact, it might even be a few steps back.

Hey, an actual Dreamcast screenshot. They don't call them "bullet hells" for nothing. 

The mechanics from the first game are here, relatively unchanged. Bombs still clear the screen, you still have an assortment of ships to pick from and each have different weapons types, and the reflect shield returns. However, in a weird change there's now Reflect Force and Reflect Laser, which I honestly couldn't tell the difference except I didn't like Laser. I think Laser does some lock-on thing with its reflects, while Force...bounces them back as usual (but doesn't seem to turn them into multiplier medals this time around). Either way, I just used Reflect Force because that's what I used before so WHATEVER.

The new ships are decent but some straight up suck, like the green one that's special power is shooting small green booger shots diagonally with no range. Upgrading slightly increases the rage (and the abysmal fire rate of the main gun) but...that ship is garbage. How can that compare with the red ship, where it's side-weapon has infinite range and locks on to enemies? Answer: it can't. And my magic blue pilot nun with lock on missiles is gone. Boo.

Points! And crappy looking explosions!

While I still like the core mechanics, they did a lot of changes that are...bad. The first one is changing the color scheme of the medals. In the first game they were a bright, flashy gold. They clashed well with everything else (including bullets) which made it easy to discern bullets from enemies from points. In this one all the medals are pre-rendered and a darker shade, which makes them blend into the backdrop. They're both harder to see and less exciting to collect, which sounds like a little thing but considering getting a huge multiplier is the point of this game, making it less fun is kind of a big minus. The powerup icons also look crappy.

Another thing is that the game is shorter than the first, but they pad the time by having tons of stupid anime talking heads explaining the "story." Now, the first game had a few story segments that I gleefully skipped over, but this one has lots more, and they last longer. Way to artificially pad your game time, guys. Not to mention the last three levels are just bosses that are stationary. No cool walking robot boss from the first game, no really long final boss; just three boring bosses. Again, cutting back on the stages are we?

Using your shield is still important, though I think this game is easier.

But perhaps the most offensive part is that the Dreamcast version has abysmal slowdown. Drop a bomb, the game chugs. Shoot a lot of shots, the game chugs. It's a lot worse in two-player, probably because of double the shots, but seriously? The game already looks like vaseline was smeared over it's decent looking pixel graphics, and it is no longer widescreen; couldn't you have optimized this better? Slowdown in a bullet hell game is killer! This isn't the NES anymore, dudes!

There is a save feature now (finally) as well as a few bonuses like a gallery if you couldn't get enough of those anime stills while watching the stupid cutscenes. The difficulty slider is back, as is the option for infinite continues and changing bomb/life numbers, which is always good for these games.

Red Ship = Best Ship. Also, the arcade version looks better. 

Despite me dissing this game, I did enjoy it quite a bit. The point was that it just didn't reach to the same heights I felt the first Giga Wing did. It's still a very good shmup, with plenty of bullets everywhere and lots of challenge for score-seekers. However, when compared to the first game this one just seems...soulless. They cut back on the stuff I liked and the style of the first game to try and make it more...something. Competent? Serious? Deep? I have no idea. Point being: it's still a good time, just not as a good time.

And so it gets docked a star from the first one, even though I still enjoyed playing it with my wife.  Three out of five stars. 

Wait, are we going to the moon? I dub thee: THE LUNAR WHALE!

Giga Wing

The Short


Pros
- Crazy bullet hell shmup
- Has INSANE SCORES. Like seriously, it just gets ridiculous how many points it gives you
- Fun Reflect Force mechanic makes the game a bit more manageable
- Four ships, and the levels slightly vary on order depending on what ship you pick
- Unlimited continues in the Dreamcast version
- Can also customize number of lives and bombs in the DC version
- One of my favorite shmups ever

Cons
- Isn't the best looking game, especially the cheapy explosions
- That would be the Dreamcast version. The arcade version is very crisp and not-blurry
- Story is duuuuuuuuuumb
- Even on the standard setting, the game just coats the screen in bullets
- My DC copy won't save. I have no idea why or if that's normal, but not saving high scores sucks
- Will encounter a fair amount of slowdown when compared to the arcade version

Most of these screenshots will be from the arcade version. Just sayin.

The Long

Giga Wing was my introduction into bullet hell shooters. Way back in college my friends and I all got hooked on arcade emulation, having Marvel vs Capcom tournaments and playing enough Metal Slug to make our downstairs neighbors think World War III was going on. It was through this I discovered the arcade version of Giga Wing, a name that clearly evokes thoughts of awesome explosions and airplanes. Giga Wing is a vertically scrolling bullet hell shooter from Capcom, and while you could argue it stays pretty rigidly to the genre's trappings it manage to strike that fine balance between "easy" and "impossible" so that even novice Giga....wingers will have a chance.

So let's get into this, shall we?

Believe me, this is one of the easier levels. 

Giga Wing's core concept revolves around Reflect Force, or Reflect Barrier, or "The magic bullet shield" or whatever you want to call it. As stated it's a bullet hell, meaning even if you crank the difficulty down to 1 it's going to punch you in the face on the later levels. Even on the default arcade setting (3 out of 9) the game gets pretty dang insane very quickly. The main means you have to survive is this shield. Holding down A for a second will activate a temporary sphere around your ship, causing all bullets to bounce back at enemies (dealing damage) and then turning into point-giving medals (that also increase your multiplier). This shield is on a recharge, so the game can quickly become surviving between recharges, which makes it frantic and fun.

The Reflect Force is also well designed as it takes a split second before it'll activate, meaning you have to plan for it rather than use it as a last ditch attempt to survive. One hit an you're down a life (and your multiplier), so it's important to quickly decide when is best to use the shield, taking into account your seconds of vulnerability during its recharge. Luckily, Bombs in this game last several seconds and wipe the screen of bullets, so for a really last ditch effort you can use those, but that's kind of cheap (and doesn't give you the massive score boots reflecting does).

Protip: You can't reflect THAT thing back...

As you reflect bullets and mow through enemies, golden medals drop EVERYWHERE. These serve as two purposes: they give you points (a given) and also up your multiplier. Because there are just trillions and trillions of medals on screen at a time (and bullets, yours and the enemies) your multiplier gets insane very fast, resulting in crazy scores. The high score for this game on the arcade is 2,954,296,261,700. THAT'S KIND OF A LOT OF POINTS.

Aside from the reflection mechanic and bananas scoring system, the game is pretty much standard fare. You collect powerups (up to three) that makes your ship better. You have four ships to choose from, though everybody should just pick the blue one because it has homing missiles which MAKE EVERYTHING EASY. Or easier, rather; this game is freaking difficult. Anyway, don't expect too many surprises here; you just blast and shoot your way through a steampunk shmup complete with weird anime story bits that make no sense whatsoever.

You show 'em, headband...guy

As stated, I originally played this game on arcade emulation and absolutely loved it. Yeah, I probably spent $100 in quarters doing a first run, but hey...I loved it. The game isn't particularly long with unlimited continues (you can beat it in around 20-30 minutes, tops) but the challenge, of course, is getting the high scores.

Which is stupid that my Dreamcast version won't save. I dunno if it's my disc or something, but the stupid thing doesn't seem to have any save options in the menues or whatever. If it doesn't save, what the crap is the point?

There are a few other points against the Dreamcast version (and a few for). Graphically, it looks considerably worse. It obviously isn't widescreen, but the bright and crisp arcade visuals are blurry and darker (though the medals are still golden and super shiny!). Explosions also look more pre-rendered than actually pixel drawn, which looks weird and kind of worse. The Dreamcast version also suffers occasional slowdown which wasn't present in the arcade version, which is weird because the Dreamcast is a pretty powerful system. Well, whatever.

In the Dreamcast's favor, you have the option to pick how many lives and bombs you get, a difficulty selection, as well as unlimited continues. This actually kind of makes the game...really easy, if you are lame. You can just bomb all five bombs you have, die, and bomb again. I suggest not giving yourself more than one or two bombs, least your ruin your experience.

Stuff just keeps gettin' crazier!

As it stands, Giga Wing is an excellent shmup, and since it was the first bullet hell game I ever played and really loved, I have a real affinity for it. I don't know anything about "high-tier" bullet hell play (I'm not particularly great at these games anyway) and I know games like Ikaruga did this formula better, but I still really, really like Giga Wing. When I heard it was out on Dreamcast I just had to grab it, and being able to play co-op with my wife only makes it that much more fun.

If you see it in an arcade, give it a shot (just be warned: you'll die. A lot). The Dreamcast version is inferior to the arcade port but is hardly bad, and is certainly worth picking up if you have even the slightest affinity for the genre.

Plus, the robotic "OK!" voice that plays when your shield meter has refilled is stuck in my head forever.

Four out of five stars. 

Floating continents! Sorry, inside joke. 

Chrono Trigger

The Short


Pros
- One of the most definitive JRPGs ever made
- Combines the talents of industry greats: Hironobu Sakaguchi, Nobuo Uematsu, Yasunori Mitsuda, and artist Akira Toriyama
- Beautiful graphics with a realized art style
- Excellent music throughout full of memorable tracks
- Unique gameplay system mixes the ATB system from Final Fantasy with combo tech attacks
- Charming and interesting story with some genuinely clever reveals
- Fourteen endings; introduced the New Game + system to tackle them all (DS version has seventeen endings)

Cons
- First playthrough is short; only 15-20 hours
- Game is exceptionally easy
- Adventure is linear until the very, very end
- Getting an original cartridge on the SNES can be a bit pricey
- Frog doesn't talk like a weird old English gentleman in the DS re-release. What the heck, guys?

You said it, Lucca

The Long

There is nothing I could say about Chrono Trigger that hasn't already been said, so I won't even try. Chrono Trigger is widely considered to be the definitive JRPG, and I am inclined to agree with that. Five out of five stars, review over. 

...in all seriousness, odds are if you are reading this review you've played or at least heard of Chrono Trigger. If you haven't, then you really need to get on the ball and play this game RIGHT NOW. There's a good reason why it's so revered by fans even to this day. Chrono Trigger is an absolutely incredible experience from beginning to end, and also serves as perhaps the best entry point for anyone into JRPGS. The only downside I could see with that plan is that if this is the first JRPG you ever played, it would be hard for anything else to even compare.

But enough of me rambling vaguely; let's get into gritty specifics. 

Rude, dude. 

Chrono Trigger's story is one part whimsy, one part post-apocalyptic, and one part AWESOME. Ok, I don't know how "awesome" could be a part, but the point still stands: Chrono Trigger has an excellent story. While you could argue it doesn't exactly reach the emotional depths of games like Final Fantasy VI, it's such a cleverly written tale you can't help but love it, and the fact it literally exhumes charm probably doesn't hurt either.

It starts out simple: while attending a millennial fair, you (the mute protagonist "Chrono" [or "Brono" if you are GiantBomb]) mess up your sciency friend Lucca's teleporter and TRAVEL BACK IN TIME! After screwing up the timeline in a plot somewhat similar to Back to the Future (except with less mother/son creepy incest stuff) you have to set things right, only for things to go wrong again. Eventually you discover a rather shocking truth: in the year 1999, a creature called Lavos emerges from within the bowels of the planet and essentially blows everything up. It's up to you and your time-travelling pals from throughout history to find the truth behind Lavos, his origins, and how to stop him before he blows up the world. Pretty good stuff, eh?

My name is Gato/I have metal joints/Beat me up/And earn fifteen silver points! 

As a whole, the overarching story is reasonably compelling, but where Chrono Trigger shines is in its little, character driven moments. Your cast of characters is as diverse as as it weird: you have three "normal" people from your time, but you also pick up a robot, a cavewoman, an anthropomorphic frog, and even an optional bad guy turned good. What makes Chrono Trigger fascinating is the fact that each of these characters have deep and interesting backstories, which are often explained as you time travel around the world. I don't want to spoil anything in particular (though seriously...everybody's played this game) but visiting one particular villain as a child and realizing exactly why he's such a jerk was one of the most rewarding and incredible twists in the game. Because of the time-travel element, you can actually visit moments from character's pasts, finally seeing things the characters allude to throughout the whole story.

And don't even get me started on Lucca's optional visit to her past. That's "Cyan and the Phantom Train" levels of emotional insides-pulling. 

Oh bugger.

If there's only one real complaint I can lobby against the story, its that the protagonist (Chrono) is woefully underdeveloped. They went for the "silent protagonist" route here, which is a cheap trick used to have the player project themselves onto the character, and it works out...ok here. I mean, Chrono has a nice mom, I have a nice mom. Chrono has a cat, I had a cat. I'm feelin' it. But when compared to the other characters, who feel exceptionally fleshed out and interesting (with maybe the exception of Magus, though you do get a large chunk of his past revealed), Chrono is completely stale.

Not to mention a rather large twist at about the 3/4 mark involving Chrono completely shatters the idea of self projection onto the character and makes me wonder exactly what they were thinking with him. I mean, I liked the twist. It was shocking and there was no way I saw it coming. But in terms of blending narrative, gameplay, and player experience...it felt a bit out of place.

All this aside, I will say this final bit about the story: it does the little things right. Frog talking in old English even though nobody else in his time period does, and even he didn't talk in old English before he came a frog is a hilarious touch that might have not been intentional, but I don't care. Having Ozzie, the comical villain who looks more than a little bit like Piccolo from Dragon Ball Z, be defeated by a cat. Leaving Robo, because he's a robot, four hundred years in the past and then simply zipping forward and picking him up after his centuries-long task is complete. There are just too many fantastic, little things about Chrono Trigger that make it charming, heartbreaking, and captivating to mention. It isn't really some sweeping, broad melodrama, but it doesn't have to be. It's more like if Final Fantasy had a baby with Mario RPG, and I love it.

Oh Spekkio, you have beaten me far too many times. 

Beyond the story, the gameplay mechanics in Chrono Trigger are a blast. The first thing you'll notice when engaging in a battle is that it doesn't fade out into some side battle screen; when you see enemies while running around, touching them engages in a battle then and there. Enemies wander around during the battles, and their positions relative to each other affect certain area-of-effect moves your characters can pull off. While this isn't exactly novel now in a world where western action RPGs are the norm, for JRPGs past and present this concept of a hybrid battle system is unique. 

The system plays a lot like the SNES and PS1 Final Fantasy games: you have a bar that gradually fills (based on your Speed stat), and when it maxes out that character can take his or her turn. The enemies also have bars (which you don't see), so executing commands quickly and skillfully is key. The trick here is that while in most Final Fantasy games you have to order commands one at a time for each character, taking turns. Not so in Chrono Trigger! The other unique twist is the idea of Duel- and Triple-Techs. Essentially combining magic moves, as characters level up and learn new abilities they also learn ways to combine these abilities with those of other characters. For example, while Chrono and Frog will both learn moves involving slashes, having both characters ready to go at the same time will allow a combined X-Slash for much more damage. Things really get crazy with Triple-Techs, where all three party members unleash devastating magics/skills at the same time. Pretty cool.

Arial robot strike!

Perhaps my only complaint regarding the battles are that they tend to be too easy. If you aren't a MP hog and know how to ration it out (and use items to decrease costs), you can easily breeze through this game with your powerful abilities. I only died once during my playthrough, and that was against an optional boss that I hadn't bothered leveling for (or even equipping the right party members). While for the JRPG newbie it might provide a little difficulty, any vet of the genre will easily breeze through Chrono Trigger.

Another complaint one might lobby is the fact that Chrono Trigger is incredibly linear the first playthrough. Now, I'm not saying you don't have freedom. Yes, you technically can warp around time and do some weird stuff, but in truth the game is designed to send you down a straight path all the way until you get the flying time machine ship...thing. Once you hit that point there's a limited selection of side quests you can do right before the final dungeon. It actually reminded me a lot of how Final Fantasy X is set up, with the game nudging you along the right path until you get to the end and saying "Oh, right...nonlinear. Here, have some sidequests."

I'd normally complain about this (especially because Final Fantasy XIII does it poorly and it drives me crazy), but I really...can't. This is because Chrono Trigger is such a tightly designed system around its linear(esque) pathway. Story beats hit at exactly the right moment, the pacing such that you feel rewarded at exactly the right intervals with a big plot reveal or event. It's immaculately timed from beginning to end, fusing it's solid (if easy) gameplay with story elements to keep things rewarding. I really can't hate on it at all, because as an experience it's solid. And if a game is linear but the experience solid, then it worked. Chrono Trigger works. 

And oh man...the soundtrack...

Graphically, Chrono Trigger is delightful. Akira Toriyama (the artist behind Dragon Ball Z and the Dragon Quest games) is at his best here, with wacky and charming character designs that are translated perfectly into their 16-bit sprites. The game has a warm color pallet, even in the darker areas, and everything blends together exceptionally well. And while it does use some Mode-7 trickery, it never looks corny or forced (even the "space-car race"). It's rare that sprites can have both a wide range of emotions and look unique and great doing it, but Chrono Trigger is a cut above the rest in that department. 

If I only have one complaint it's that Ayla's character design looks a little stupid, but she's a cavewoman so...I guess I'll survive. Besides, Frog's general awesomeness makes up for it.

More music!

The soundtrack is exceptional, to say the very least. Many consider it the best video game soundtrack ever; I personally put it just inches behind Final Fantasy VI, but that is hardly an insult. Every song on the soundtrack is memorable, which is something you can rarely say for any album, video game or otherwise. What I especially enjoy is the shift in tones between time periods. In the prehistoric period the music is more chaotic and drum reliant, while as you travel forward in time it fits the unique themes of where you are, all the way up to the funky kickin' rock beats of the future. I just...can't describe it any more. Go find a playlist on youtube and listen to them all. Seriously. It's incredible. 

Yes, more. Get over it. 

Chrono Trigger is a bonified masterpiece. There's just no question about it. Even today, where JRPGs are a dime a dozen, Chrono Trigger still stands out amongst the throng as the definitive JRPG experience. I replayed it on my original Super Nintendo cart a few months ago in preparation for a review, just to see if it really held up when compared to modern games. Guess what? It absolutely does. There's a reason they can keep re-releasing this game on the DS and PS3 and Wii Virtual Console and even the freaking iPhone without making any changes: Chrono Trigger is solid to this day. And not just solid, fantastic.

As I said before, if you haven't played Chrono Trigger and you are reading this blog...what is wrong with you? Clearly you love video games, how on earth did you miss this game?! Run (don't walk) to your local gaming store, or to your PS3 or Wii or iPhone or whatever the heck you own and get this game. Seriously. You will not regret it. 

I already gave a star score, but what the heck...here it is again: FIVE OUT OF FIVE STARS. 

I liked it so much I made this awesome perler bead creation for my wall. See more at my wife's blog. 

Bonus: The most badass scene in the game.