Guilty Gear X

Disclaimer: I am not a fighting game master. While I'd consider myself pretty good at some of them, I don't play competitively or know any serious level of strategy when it comes to the genre. These reviews are from the perspective of a beginner to intermediate level player, and thus I can't analyze them to the particular depth many fighting game fans would need.


The Short


Pros
- Gorgeous, fast-paced 2D fighting game from Arc System Works.
- Roster of characters is awesomely weird
- Music is killer
- Half-circle moves rather than full circles make it much more accessible to beginners
- Despite having a decent level of depth (including Dust Attacks, Overdrives, Roman Cancels, etc.) it is still a very easy game to pick up and get good at

Cons
- Ichigeki Hissatsu's ("One Hit Certain Kills") are still in the game, which can be frustrating
- Was never released on the Dreamcast int he US
- They do they whole "release 80 versions of the same game" thing that drives me nuts
- If you are going to pick up a game in this series, you might as well avoid this one and get the Xbox's X2 #Reload release, as it's the same game with more characters/options, etc.

Heaven or Hell, let's rock!

The Long

As the disclaimer points out, I'm a lover of fighting games but far from a master. Though I did get pretty good at the first Marvel vs Capcom as well as the arcade version of Vampire Hunter/Darkstalkers 2, I would hardly call myself a pro of the genre. However, similar to bullet hell shooters, it's a genre I can't seem to pull myself away from, despite my lack of skill. There's a weird draw that fighting games have for me, so I keep coming back to them (especially when playing against friends for some hot-seat tournaments). 

I actually heard of Guilty Gear X back in the early 2000s, though I never actually got around to playing any of the games until recently. I'd dabbled in the excellent BlazBlue series first, before finally going back to its predecessor on the Dreamcast. And after just a few rounds I was completely hooked: Guilty Gear X is an absolutely excellent fighting game, especially for beginners. 

Johnny, the samurai cowboy, is awesome. 

You could argue the Guilty Gear series is famous for two things: fantastic, high rez animations of their 2D anime fighters, and the totally bizarre roster of characters. With regards to the latter, while it isn't quite as bananas as the following games in the series (where we are introduced to the infamous Bridget), Guilty Gear X still sports a sizeable roster of misfits. One-armed samurai ladies cross blades with black-demon spawn, air pirates fighting with giant anchors do battle with weird tall guys with paper bags on their heads. The fourteen (expanded to sixteen if you include the bosses) character roster is filled with a plethora of both weird characters and differing styles, meaning you're guaranteed to find a favorite out of the batch.

Aside from the odd characters the game looks incredible, even now in the days of HD graphics. The Dreamcast is capable of punching out some serious graphics (640x480. Woo.), making both it and the PS2 release of this game appear almost exactly identical to the arcade version. While the star of the show is obviously the well detailed and beautifully animated character sprites (which look way better than anything else on the system, including the excellent Marvel vs Capcom 2), the effects are also top notch. Attacks are flashy and satisfying to pull off, and it all meshes well into the bizzaro anime theme they have going on. As something to look at, Guilty Gear X delivers and in spades. 

Plus, you summon dolphins on an airship! Wait, what?

On the actual fighting side (what matters in the end, to be honest) Guilty Gear X is both welcome to newcomers and has a decent amount of depth for the hardcore. For new players, the game works quite well for the button-mashers, with many combos being simple and simply requiring multiple buttons being pressed at once to pull of awesome moves. Most also only require a quarter-circle to do rather than a full half-circle, which also makes the game a bit more noob friendly. There's a heavy emphasis on both combos and juggle combos, with the whole game actually reminding me a lot of the SNK fighter Samurai Shodown (which I also love).

It's a bit sloppy, to be sure. When compared to more ridged fighting games like the Street Fighter series or Garu: Mark of the Wolves, Guilty Gear X plays fast and loose. However, I think this makes the game more fun. Since it's more accessible to beginners, the bar to entry isn't nearly as high as it would be in most other fighting games, and you'll feel satisfied with your playing after just a few matches. While there are some obvious noob-killer characters (Eddie/Zato-1 absolutely destroys beginners with his fast attacks and range), newcomers will at least have a chance against more seasoned players.

The one thing that really irks me to the point of frustration are the "Ichigeki Hissatsu" attacks. These are basically instant kill moves (!!!) that are difficult to execute but always end the match if they hit. While it's interesting to see something so risky in a fighting game, it's pretty much an unspoken rule that when playing against another person you don't use them. I mean, seriously, can you think of any faster way to ruin a friendship?

A girl who attacks with her hair? Getting Bayonetta vibes, here. 

The music, like the balls-crazy combat, is also something you'll probably either love or hate. Consisting of a plethora of butt-metal and heavy riffs, it sounds more like it would be in a Devil May Cry game than a fighting game. It fits the absurd style well (and honestly there are quite a few tracks I really dig), and to be honestly I like it better than some of the weird jazzy music that Capcom puts in their fighters. It further pushes the already ridiculous, over-the-top insanity of this fighting game, and I love it for it.

I personally think this song is pretty kickin'. 

If there is one real fault of this game, it's that the Dreamcast version never made it to the states. It was eventually ported over to the PS2, but right before a "Plus" version of the game came out in Japan, so we pretty much got the dumpy version. Similar to their BlazBlue series (and doing what Capcom does with all its fighting games for some inexplicable reason), there's about twenty trillion releases of this game that all just expand on the original formula. If you are looking to pick it up, I highly suggest the Guilty Gear X2 #Reload version on original Xbox (it's one of the backwards compatible games for 360), as it's very close to the definitive version of these series of games. 

That being said, I love the Dreamcast version (if only because I think the Dreamcast controller is excellent for fighting games), and if you happen to have both a Dreamcast and somehow get an import copy (or just burn a copy off the internet...*cough*) it's a hell of a fun time. As an amateur fighting game dude who loves the genre but never got particularly great, Guilty Gear X is the perfect scratch to that competitive itch.

Plus, it's just so weird it's awesome, so there's that too.

Four out of five stars. 

That looks...painful. 

Baseball

The Short


Pros
- First baseball simulator on the NES
- Two players

Cons
- Only control the batter and the pitcher; outfielders are all automated
- Actually, like 90% of this whole game is automated
- Graphics and sound are dull and uninteresting
- Considering how many other baseball games are on the NES, you can do much better

Going back to the bare-bones NES launch sports games

The Long

I'll get this out upfront: I regard Baseball in the same category as Golf and 10-Yard Fight. So you can probably guess what the score for this game will be, and you can know to not go out and buy it. So yay! Review over! Good thing we don't have anything in this review format that abbreviates the review before this paragraph. Something that would say a thing along like lines of "The Short" and point out Pros and Cons...

Anyway, Baseball isn't very good, and here is why you should buy any other baseball game ever. 

THRILLS

Baseball is exactly as advertised: a baseball game. It's a baseball game. You can bat, pitch, and throw the ball to a base. And...that's it. Just like real baseball. You know, minus the outfielding, base stealing, having players with different stats, or pretty much anything that would add variation. Gee, this really is sounding like the other black box sports games. 

So let's get on to something actually interesting: what is wrong with Baseball. Since that would be much more fun for me to write about, and that I've pretty much covered all the good things in two sentences.

CHILLS

As stated you have very little control over the game. You can pitch, bat, and inch towards stealing (though I don't know if you can steal). The only other thing you can do is when your outfielders catch a ball (by themselves) you can direct them where to throw it. However, everybody throws perfectly, so every throw no matter what the distance will make it. So expect some difficult runs.

There isn't even a set of randomness. You can pick teams, but it's little more than different colors. There are no character stats to offer variety, no tricks, nothing. Just perfect throws, hits, and boring runs. Dull.

The epic team choice: "A" or "P"?!

The sound effects and lack of music only further add to the tedium, this whole game about as exciting as an hour long infomercial. While the graphics overall are tolerable, the small characters batting aren't great to look at. Pretty much everything is trumped by future baseball games.

Blech.

I'm really just mincing words here. There are a trillion other baseball games on the NES, and most of them are better than this one. If you have a baseball itch, Baseball Stars is my personal favorite, and the first Bases Loaded as well as R.B.I. Baseball are also enjoyable. This one, while having an accurate name, is not at the top of it's game. You could say it's a pretty base-ic game, and it doesn't really hit this one out of the park!

One out of five stars. 

MPH. Features. 

Super Metroid

The Short

Pros

- Perhaps the best space exploration game ever made

- Masterful use of sound and graphics create a simultaneous sense of dread and wonder

- Plethora of secrets and power-ups to find encourage replayability and backtracking

- Bosses are exciting and difficult

- Pitch-perfect pacing and level design that pushes you forward without ever actually telling you where to go

- Excellent story that uses less to tell so much more

- Decent length for a first playthrough, and sequence-breaking is easy and fun for replays

Cons

- Wall-jumping in this game is a major pain in the butt

- Weird "anti-piracy" systems can erase your save if your cart's connectors are dirty (even on a legit copy)

- If you don't know there's a "Run" button, you'll get stuck pretty quick.

The last Metroid is in captivity. The galaxy is at peace. 

The Long

It amazes me that I brushed past Super Metroid the first time I played it. Back in my SNES emulator days I had the game, but after about five minutes I gave up on it (probably because the game plays awful on a keyboard). I found a new love for the series through games like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night and Metroid Fusion, eventually bringing me back around to Super Metroid after beating nearly every other Metroid game in existence.

Ho boy, was I stupid for overlooking this game. 

Now, I'm fully aware people "geek out" over games. Hell, I do it all the time. But considering I actually never beat this game until a few short years ago (and haven't played it since, which is weird considering how many times I replayed Metroid Fusion, Zero Mission, and Prime), I'd like to think I'm past the "geeking out" phase (especially since I didn't really like the game the first time I played it). After replaying about 75% of the game last Saturday (yes, in a straight shot, and I forgot all the secrets and even how to beat some bosses, so it felt like a fresh run) I can say this on absolute authority: Super Metroid is one of the finest games I've ever played. Ever.

Man, that sounded like geeking out to me. Let's get on to reasons, shall we?

This game has some phenomenal art design.

The story of Super Metroid is understated, but still worth mentioning. After the events of Metroid II (a little Game Boy game people tend to forget exist), Samus saved the last baby metroid in the galaxy, and turned the little chomper over to the galactic federation. Shortly after doing so, however, the station outputs a distress signal and Samus comes flying back just in time for Ridley of the space pirates to fly off with the metroid. Of course.

Samus flies down to the planet Zebus to pursue the space pirates and save the baby metroid. And that...is pretty much the story. Minus a rather fantastic plot twist near the end of the game, there isn't much story here. OR IS THERE?!

Without bleeding too much into the next review section, Super Metroid has excellent atmosphere, which in turn can be used to imply a story without saying it. As you revisit areas that are repopulated with new monsters or unlock future areas like a derelict ship or areas crawling with space pirates, you start forming a story in your mind. The game never really says anything, but the places you explore obviously have tales to tell. It's understated, and masterfully so, in a way that gets under you skin but still makes you feel like there is some sort of narrative going on. It's quite clever, assuming you have enough of an imagination to get sucked in.

You never get to fly Samus' ship in any of these games. That's too bad. 

Since there's so much I could say about Super Metroid (and so much that has already been said this review seems a bit redundant), I'm going to focus the rest of my gameplay comments on two things that I really think set this game apart and make it shine, even from other games in its own series. First is the absolutely perfect use of atmosphere, and second is the immaculate use of level design to direct the player forward.

Also the use of bubble design to show how many bubbles are in...this joke is over. 

The first will require a bit of hands-on reviewing. First, listen to this song below, and tell me what kind of feelings it invokes.

Fear? Dread, perhaps? Isolation? And when the piano track kicks in, maybe a trickle of hope? that booming bass is certainly ominous, but the rest of the song (especially the whistle) is absolutely harrowing. It's masterful, to say the very least.

These are the feelings Super Metroid wants you to feel. It drops you down on a planet with next to no background, no instructions (more on that later), nothing; just a world to explore and mysteries to uncover. Who knows what lies in the bowels of the planet (but based on Samus' track record: nothing good), but it is up to you and you alone to discover it. There is nobody to talk to, no dialogue, and no other people. The only other sentient creatures are enemies that never talk to you, and none of the old technology ever even conveys text. You are completely alone, fending for yourself on this planet.

It's incredible how well the mood works in this game.

Just you and a host of aliens. 

Rarely do games get under my skin, and when they do it's usually horror games (and ones done well, like Silent Hill 2), but Super Metroid is more ominous than most horror games I've played. It's crazy how well this works with the lights off at night, sitting in the glow of your TV blasting your way through dark depths. Lots of areas in this game don't even have enemies, just places to explore and soak in. It's a slower pace for a game, and one that lends itself well to the feelings they are trying to invoke. 

That, I think, is one of the main reasons people look back on Super Metroid so memorably: the game is damn impactful. While future titles are still excellent, they still feel more like "games" to me than "experiences." That might be a corny way of saying it, but Super Metroid is more about taking you somewhere than having you play a fun game. Yeah, the game beneath is still a blast, but it is never the first thing I think of when looking back at the game. I can't say the same for the other iterations in the series, no matter how good they were (though a few areas in Metroid Fusion, such as the shaft you have to go down after the elevator powers down, did a good job emulating the feeling Super Metroid gave).

Some rooms are almost completely silent. It's harrowing.

The other main thing I absolutely love about Super Metroid is how darn well they designed this game. Let me restate something I said earlier for emphasis: when the game starts, you are thrown into a "prologue" bit of gameplay where you go through the space-station, see Ridley, and evacuate. It's a straight linear shot meant to set up the story, nothing more. After that, the game drops you off on the planet, rain pouring down on your ship and thunder booming in the background.

And...that's it. That is literally all the direction you are given. Everything else from there is up to you; the game never tells you where to go, ever.

Though "into the lava" is not suggested. 

Now, a lot of people are a bit confused with how Super Metroid works. They use terms like "non-linear" or "open world," when really the game only gives the illusion of that. What Super Metroid does is gives you slight nudges in the right place to go, down a linear path, while never actually showing you that the line is straight. It does this in very simple ways: by gating your entry to certain rooms with powerups you haven't acquired yet, forcing you down the right passway to said powerup, and then allowing you to backtrack and figure out where you use your newly acquired ability to proceed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

But, like the atmosphere, it's this illusion that makes the game work so incredibly well, because the game never tells you where to go.

I guess it does tell you when to evacuate.

Think of Metroid Fusion. Every few rooms you'd stop at a data console and the game would put a point on your map of where to go next. Yeah, it was your job to figure out how to get there, but really the shot was linear (even if you had to go through vents or whatever). Zero Mission did the same thing with the Chozo statues: telling you where to go next. Super Metroid tells you where to go, but it does it with its gameplay and level design, which means you never break immersion. Let me give an example.

Kaboom.

As you are journeying into the depth of the planet, you stumble across this glass passageway that seems completely out of the blue; it even has its own map section. Above and below you see water and even a door, but you have no idea how to get out there. As you go back and forth across it, getting powerups and revisiting old places, you wonder what might be beyond there.

When you get the Power Bombs, you realize you can break the glass. Now, in any other game it would have been like "SAMUS! You got POWER BOMBS! They are powerful and can blow up glass and stuff! Do you remember any glass you've seen on your adventure? HMM? Maybe I should PUT A POINT ON THE MAP FOR YA!"

Not in Super Metroid, because you don't need it to. You've already ran back and forth through this passageway a half-dozen times, wondering what the heck it does. Of course you are going to go test the power bombs out on it. And even if you don't think of it, you'll at least try blasting it with everything else in your arsenal until you find something that works.

This game is so clever I can't stand it. 

The whole game is like this. You find doors or passages where you can't traverse them yet, but you know there's something beyond that because you can both see it in the distance and your map indicates an extension there (after getting the data from the map room). So every time you get a new powerup it's an exciting experience: now I get to go back and both get the items I passed by because I missed them, and I know where to go because I remember passing that door/passageway/grapple point two or three times and wondering "what's beyond there?" You almost never get stuck because the game guides you with its gameplay, not with a tutorial. How many games in this day and age trust a player enough to do that? Well, considering they are still teaching me to "Look with the right stick" after doing it for eighty trillion other games, I'd say...none of them.

Also I hate this boss. Unrelated to the rest of the review; I just wanted to point that out. 

All this is packaged together with tight controls, awesome gameplay, and excellent graphics. Really, the package here is complete. Though I guess if I had any complaints, it would be these two things: Wall jumping (essential for both sequence breaking and some tricky areas) is extremely difficult and counter intuitive. You have to spin into the wall, press the opposite direction, and then jump. If you press the opposite direction and jump at the same time (like, you know, any other game with wall jumping) it doesn't work. It's frustrating and annoying and BAH, though you do sort of get the hang of it in time.

The other thing is pressing select to cycle through sub-weapons is a pain. It's nice they had one button to deselect whatever sub thing you are on, but you can't ever have both x-ray and missiles equipped, which is kind of lame. I like how in the GBA versions they mapped that to the "R" shoulder button; made weapon swapping much quicker. 

Man that intro music is...chilling.

This review hasn't really gone into any depths regarding the gameplay or mechanics, but I don't think it has to. Odds are you've either played Super Metroid and come to hear me gush, or have never played the game but have at least heard of them. I will say this: Super Metroid is essential gaming. If you have any affinity for games that involve exploration, atmosphere, or platforming you absolutely must play this game. It is easily the top of its class in nearly ever category, and there is a very, very good reason fans still clamor to it after all these years. And, believe it or it, it isn't because of rose-tinted glasses.

It's incredible that a game of this quality has held up so well, and even more so that it outshines all of its sequels without so much as breaking a sweat. At only $8 on the Wii's Virtual Console, you have literally no excuse to not own this game. Seriously. Go get it, right now.

Five out of five stars. 

I love it so much I made this giant perler bead thing in my house. That metroid is bigger than my head!

Astyanax

The Short


Pros
- Fun action-platformer that reminds me a bit of Castlevania
- Big, good looking sprites and excellent background art
- Music is also quite standout
- Charging attack power is a cool idea that eliminates button mashing
- Game strikes a good balance of difficulty from beginning to end
- I dig the Greek-ish theme
- Has BUILT IN CHEATS!

Cons
 - Having a big sprite can lead to cheap hits
- Many bosses and mini-bosses can just be cornered and stuck in place
- Can be difficult to completely gauge hit boxes/distance your weapon reaches
- Some cheap pit deaths (World 4-1 I'm looking at you)
- Dying at any point in the stage starts you over. No mid-level checkpoints here!
- That cover art looks freaking terrible

Astyanax: The Quest to Legally Change Your Name

The Long

Astyanax is an action platformer. It's also the name of the main character, whose parents clearly hated him because they named him freaking "Astyanax." As he says in the opening cutscene: "It's Greek. I think." Way to go, dude. You have the weirdest name ever and you didn't even wiki it.

Turns out Astyanax is the son of Hector of Greek mythology, one of the key players in the battle of Troy (from the Illiad). So he's got that going for him, even though his name would be a pain in the butt to fill out on scantrons. 

Anyway, Astyanax as a game was one I never really played until very recently. I'd heard a bit about it before, and my local retro game store always seems to have like fifteen copies for some reason (always a good sign...). After a while I finally caved and picked it up, and after some initial frustrations...I actually kind of dig it. 

Purple skeletons? That's some Castlevania level crap right there. 

The story of Astyanax is pretty silly. Astyanax (the character, not the game) is just some regular anime high school freshman, chillin with his homies who I'm assuming also have weird names. That is, until a fairy named "Cutie" shows up and whisks him away to a magical world to save some hot princess babe from a guy who looks like a viking and his assistant, Skeletor. At least, I think this is the plot; the text scroll is so tediously slow during every cutscene it makes it hard to sit through. But hey, at least all the cutscenes look cool if they are insanely slow going.

The point being that Astyanax (again, the character not the game) turns into a Greek Warrior Badass™ and is given a magic axe that turns into other weapons to murder stuff with. And thus our adventure begins...

More like Ass-tyanax. Thank you, I'll be here all night. 

Astyanax (the game, not the character) is a fairly standard action platformer with only one...or maybe two real unique bits. Astayax (the character not that...you know what? You get it. Besides, I totally already did this joke before) first has a bunch of...really big sprites. As you can see from the screenshots, they are a bit chunkier than normal action platformers. Personally, I like it because it gives the game a unique style, but it also means enemies are bigger and you have less room to play around in. Can be a bit tricky.

The other gimmick is the "PW" bar at the bottom. Similar to Secret of Mana, after Astyanax swings his strength must recharge if he wants to do a full power attack. The longer you wait, the more damage it does, which means button mashing quickly becomes ineffective. It's a cool trick that works very well, especially since the hit detection in THIS game actually works (that's right, another Secret of Mana jab).

The game is colorful and distinct. I like how Astayanx "pops" out of the background.

In terms of gameplay, Astyanax actually reminds me a lot of Castlevania, if not quite as clunky as the original game. This is an action platformer were you are best rewarded by taking your time and being careful (as the PW meter helps push home) and accessing jumps and enemies before you. While it isn't nearly as hard as Castlevania, it still invokes that same feeling that you can "get better" at the game through patience, repeats, and memorization. The game can be pretty difficult at first if you just plow through it (again, like Castlevania), but to those who approach it carefully there's a lot of fun to be had here.

This is probably due to the relative leniency in the game's difficulty. To be honest, I made it all the way to the Stage 3 boss without ever knowing how to use my magic (labeled with an SP bar on the bottom) because I had no idea how to do it. Turns out it's Up+B (again, Castlevania). Way to fail at games, Nathan. 

Nathan vs Learning How To Play The Damn Game

Regardless, this game is considerably less cheap than many other "hard" NES games. The infamous "jump back" when you are hit that seems to permeate these types of games isn't nearly as awful (I didn't find it flinging me off pits too often), bosses have easy patterns that even a novice gamer will figure out through trial-and-error, and you are constantly rewarded with a satisfying explosion whenever you dice an enemy to bits. 

There are a few minor annoyances, the main one being the constantly spawning blob-amoebae things that seem to be in every stage. Seriously, they're like the Medusa heads only smaller and more of them. Luckily they are easy to kill but still...every stage seems to have tons of flying things.

Another minor gripe is the fact that the distance your sword reaches is hard to fully determine. To be honest, you actually swing a few pixels past his slashing arc, meaning you can be further away than you think you need to be in most cases. That's probably actually a good thing (the longer range the better), but the dissonance between the graphic and the attack threw me off for a bit. 

You took the words right out of my mouth, Cutie. 

You have three available magics: a time-stop move, a fireball spread, and a room-clearing lightning. What's obnoxious is how you switch between them. You'd think it would be the Select button since, you know, you are selecting magic, but no...Select doesn't do anything at all. After experimentation I finally figured it out: You have to pause the game (which doesn't bring up a menu or anything; it just pauses it) and then press Up or Down on the D-Pad to change your magic. Alright?

You also have three weapon types you can get, which increase in power as you upgrade them, but in truth you should stay on tier 2 (the spiky sword). For some reason mana costs change based on the weapon you have, and the spiky sword (while doing middle of the road damage) makes all your magic super cheap. Time freezing enemies forever? You bet!

I'm gettin' some Capcom vibes from this tune.

As stated, I really dig the look of Astyanax. It has a bright, colorful pallet with excellent pixel art and big sprites, and I also like the Greek mythology theme it has going on. The music is also very good throughout, as are the sound effects. Overall, it's a solid package, and while only a few songs are memorable (like the one above), it still leaves a good enough impression as a whole.

Is that the demon from Demon's Crest? Also, that background is CRAZY!

I actually didn't have very high expectations going into Astyanax, but after playing through it a few times I really started digging it. It does have a few other things I didn't mention, like the fact that if you die anywhere on a stage it dumps you at the very, very beginning (even if you are at a boss...no checkpoints here!) and drops your weapon down a level. But it also has built-in cheats you can enter in the title screen, so no Game Genie is required if you are a lazy cheater!

But, to be honest, you probably won't need them. Despite a few difficult stages, Astyanax strikes a fair difficulty from start to end. And with unlimited continues and a fairly forgiving life bar, through practice this is a totally beatable NES game. It's easier than stupid Karnov at least. 

If you have any affinity for the action-platformers of the 8-bit era, Astyanax is absolutely worth picking up. I'm honestly surprised this game isn't as well known as its contemporaries, considering it is a completely solid game from start to finish. 

Four out of five stars. 

I was gonna end with a Golden Axe joke, but I got nothing. Insert your own humor here. 

10,000,000

10,000,000

Buy it here.


The Short


Pros
- Addicting fusion of puzzle and RPG elements, akin to Puzzle Quest
- Gameplay is extremely fast and gives constant rewards
- Upgrades, challenges, and perks further the push the "one more run" concept
- Charming music and retro 8-bit style (if that style is a bit overdone)
- No in-app purchases. Bravo!

Cons
- Can prove difficult at first, with runs only lasting a few seconds
- Endgame push to the finish can be a horrendous grind
- Music is enjoyable but extremely repetitive

Get ready to fuel your puzzle addiction

The Long

Plenty of gamers berate the advent of iPhone gaming, which has always baffled me. The iPhone has done two very important things for gaming in general: added tons more players to the mix (making gaming more mainstream than ever) and bringing on the rise of the $1-$5 game. It's an oft-spoke argument between gamers which is better: a $40 3DS game or 40 $1 iPhone games? And while it's true that most of the stuff on the iPhone App Store is a consumer trap, there are some absolutely incredible games hidden amongst the garbage.

One of these hidden gems is 10,000,000, a game cursed with both a stupid name and a horrible icon. However, once you get into this puzzler rpg, you might find it hard to quit.

Not quite ten million...

The goal of 10,000,000 is simple: do a dungeon run that earns you ten million points. In order to accomplish this lofty goal, you'll need to gain power and hone your skills. See, 10,000,000 is a fusion of an rpg, one of those "constant runner" games, and a puzzle game. While I admit to having an affinity to Puzzle Quest, I have yet to find a game that blends the two in such a way that I can't stop playing. Sword & Poker was decent but didn't really do it for me, and others have come and gone (the indie scene is full of 'em). 10,000,000, however, does it right: by mixing the best of both genres.

The gameplay is simple. Your character on the top of the screen will keep running until he runs into something (a chest, a locked door, or a monster). It is up to you to help him defeat/unlock said obstacle by matching the correct tiles on bottom (keys for locks, wands and swords for enemies). Some enemies are weaker to magic attacks (wands) and others to physical (swords), so it's important to keep an eye out for that. When he runs into something it slowly pushes him backwards, and if he reaches the far left side of the screen your run (and score) are done.

The game is complex but has a good tutorial.

Matching blocks is identical to PopCap's Chuzzle (this is not a Bejeweled clone, unlike 99% of the app store). Rather than switch pieces you instead slide rows or columns until three of a kind (or more) are lined up. It's a simple idea that worked great in Chuzzle and works better here, because it has a point.

But where the game gets crazy is in the amount of things you earn. Killing enemies earns you XP. Opening chests earns you gold. Other things you match include stone, wood, item bags, and shields. Stone and wood are accumulated to repair your castle to buy better upgrades. Item bags have a random chance to give you expendable items to help your run. Shields are used to protect you from enemy hits because, rather than having health, enemies just push you further to the far side (and the end of your run) if they land a hit. Storing shields is essential for late-game runs.

Home, sweet home. 

There's more. XP can be spent on passive perks that permanently improve your character (ranging from more XP, more points, and additional ways to add time to the clock such as matching 5-in-a-row or opening chests). Gold is spent on the plethora of upgrades: swords, wands, armor, and shields all need to be upgraded. Each shop also has it's own level-up mechanic, which you pay wood and stone to unlock further tiers of weapons.

Yes, it's a game that plasters you with resources and rewards your every move, and that's why its so addicting. On top of that system, every run you have a set of three challenges you can accomplish for bonus gold and fame. These start easy but soon get very tricky, requiring some skillful (and fast) play in an already fast-paced game. But it gives runs more to strive for other than "get more resources," which just intensifies the addiction.

There are plenty of upgrades to obtain. 

There is a load of content here for you to dig through as you shoot for that ten million sweet spot, and while the ride is a fun one there are a few hangups. The music, while a catchy 8-bit style, only has about 3-4 songs for your runs and quickly gets repetitive (even if runs usually only last between five seconds and a minute). It is charming at first and then quickly is grating, so turn the sound off.

The other bigger issue is the late-game. While you can use "alteration tonics" to change the game so you don't get resources you don't need (turn your gathered stone and wood into gold, for example), it still comes down to having to grind for gold during the final few tiers. It's frustrating and a bit obnoxious, especially since the pace up to that point offered just the amount of rewards over time to keep you going. I seriously played this game for something like six hours straight, only stopping because I had to sleep. It's a pity the end degenerates into gold farming. 

Kill the uglies!

Despite that minor complaint, 10,000,000 is a fantastic and addicting iPhone experience. Getting better at the underlying puzzle directly correlates with in-game progression, so you get that sense of accomplishment as you become a master at row and column sliding. Because of the limited number of resources chains come easily, and are satisfying to watch and make you feel awesome when you crush an enemy in one move. While the underlying rpg elements are particularly deep, they are good enough to make you actually have to decide how to build your character. Spend the gold and make a glass cannon, or save up and upgrade your armor? Or just grind and GET IT ALL?!

At the insultingly low price of $2, 10,000,000 is absolutely worth getting if you own any iOS device. The app is even universal, so both iPhone and iPad owners can play the game at the low price. I hope this game becomes a big hit (there's been plenty of buzz about it these last few days), as it is a thrilling, fast paced puzzler that is absolutely worth your $2. If only the ending didn't break down into monotony. 

Four out of five stars, but considering the price I'd absolutely recommend everyone pick it up. 

Suffer not a pixelated beastie to live. 

The Legend of Kage

The Short


Pros
- High-speed action game where you can be a high-flying ninja/warrior/guy
- Fast, with responsive controls, crazy maneuvers, and high-octane arcade action
- Extremely satisfying once you "figure it out"
- Has the whole "one more round" thing going on

Cons
- Has proven to be extremely polarizing
- Music and graphics aren't particularly great
- Extreme difficulty (and some cheapness) will turn many off
- Only four stages that just cycle over and over
- No explanation of goals on the first world can prove confusing

It is time to become the ninja.

The Long

I absolutely hated The Legend of Kage the first time I played it on a friend's NES. I thought the graphics were bad, the music was annoying, the controls were different and the game was hard. I also had no idea what to do and was pretty much overwhelmed. I didn't play it for very long before quitting.

Years later I decided to pick it back up because, why not, and actually give it a fair shot rather than just a few minutes. After a few runs of frustration I found something weird: despite being cheap, hard, ugly, and awful sounding, The Legend of Kage is...really fun? And really addicting? How did that work out?

Yes, dear reader, I had a complete change of heart, but I know this won't be the same for everybody. Let me explain why I think The Legend of Kage is a good game, and why you might be convinced so as well. 

I am the ninja. 

The Legend of Kage takes a good deal from the genre that spawned such awesome wire-heavy martial arts movies like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. As Kage (pronounced "Kah-Gay", not "Cage"), your lady is snatched up by some jerk ninjas, and since you are clearly not one to tolerate that you go on a ninja-murdering rampage on a quest to rescue her. Pretty standard stuff. 

The Legend of Kage was originally an arcade game, and it shows. Kage is absolutely merciless in its difficulty. Right from the start you'll notice it: three lives, one hit, no continues. You die, you start over. It's a quest for a high score (which the game doesn't save...I hate old NES games without batteries), and saving the princess is just icing on the cake. But hey, it worked for Donkey Kong, and that game didn't even have ninjas!

Ninjas climb like monkeys.

The core idea of the game is to fight your way to the girl, and this is accomplished with two weapons. A fires shurikens (of which you can have two on the screen at any given time), and B flaps around a rather pathetic looking sword. The sword, despite having awful range and only killing stuff 50% of the time, is essential because it can deflect incoming ninja stars from the other ninjas, who want you dead. But most of your killing will be done with the ninja stars.

Where this game gets kind of crazy is the jumping. As stated, this game is like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, in that holding up will send Kage leaping through the treetops with the greatest of ease. While up there he can still throw ninja stars in any direction he wants, though you are still limited to two on the screen. You are also completely committed to the jump while going up, no redirection or adjustments allowed, which can be a pain. While going down you are still committed, but if you pass a tree you can grab it to stop the fall. I have no idea if that was intentional or not.

You'll see this a lot.

Climbing and jumping off trees aside, the game also drops random powerups from enemies. You have the usual glowing balls which are absolutely essential to survive. Not only do they make your ninja stars more powerful (and change the color of your outfit), but they also give you one extra hit before you die. That's right, one mistake and you're out a life. It's quite merciless. 

Other powersups include a scroll that kills everything on screen for about thirty seconds (which is useless since all the enemies are infinite anyway), and some weird...ocotopus things that sometimes cross the screen in the air. Grab them and you'll get points and sometimes invincibility, the option to shot stars all around you, and so on. All the power-ups are extremely rare, so you'll have to master the game without them.

As you progress the seasons change, which is a nice touch. 

The game only has four stages. In the first, you travel left murdering everything until three fire breathing monks arrive. The game doesn't tell you this, but after you kill those three you'll move on to the next area. Stage two is rather short: you are fighting in water and after killing a set number of ninjas you move on. Stage three requires you to leap up as fast as possible and is extremely difficult; the red and black ninjas are a pain and can take you down easily. Lastly, you fight your way inside a castle until you reach your lady, slice her bonds with your sword and achieve sweet victory. 

Well, for about five seconds before she's snatched up again and you start the game over. At least the seasons change between playthroughs.

The gameplay in The Legend of Kage will either appeal to you or you'll hate it. I won't beat around the bush: this game is extremely cheap when it comes to deaths. Sometimes I'd spawn between enemies who would throw stars, and if I didn't react quickly enough I'd be dead in less than a second after reviving. Since you are committed to your jumps you'll sometimes end up being dropped right into a projectile (though you can deflect it with your sword), and since enemies are faster than you they can jump down, get a star off, and jump away before you can react. It can be extremely frustrating (especially since continuing requires watching the stupid opening cutscene every single time), but I really started to like it. When I'd beat even the first stage (which I think is one of the harder stages) I'd get a great sense of accomplishment, even if it took me five runs just to get that far. And while I wish there had been an option to pick how many lives you started with (five would make this game much funner), it still worked for me. 

Oh man, those graphics are hurting my brain. 

What doesn't work for me is how sub-par the graphics and music are. The original arcade game wasn't great to begin with, but this NES iteration is just...boring and ugly. While I kind of like the trees (and I really like jumping off of them and hitting my head against the...sky? Ha!) and the palace level, the rest of the game is quite hideous. It wasn't bad enough to make me quit, but it was pretty bad.

The music is completely inexcusable. While I will admit the one single track that plays the whole game isn't completely horrid, it isn't exactly Mega Man 2 quality. But the fact that it's the only song (not counting the opening jingle during the cutscene) that plays, it gets on my nerves pretty quick.

If you make it to winter, I applaud your skills. 

All things considered, you will either love this game or hate it, but either way I implore you to at least give it a fair chance. I was convinced it was the worst game ever a few years back, and now I'm really enjoying booting it up and playing a few rounds. It's punishingly difficult (Ninja Gaiden's got nottin' on this), pretty ugly, and has the most annoying song ever, but if you can survive the taxing gameplay there is a good deal of fun and satisfaction to be found here. It spawned an NES sequel (Demon Sword), and after playing it I really want somebody to make a modern version of this game. Leaping through the trees, murdering ninjas mid-air with swords and ninja stars like a badass? Sign. Me. Up.

But for now, The Legend of Kage still works just fine. Assuming you are not on the side of the fence that hates it. Then...you should probably not play it. Just sayin'. 

Three out of five stars. 

Upside-down ninjas and a weird goomba thing in the sky? Man, this game is awesome.