Castlevania: Legends

The Short

Pros

- Another handheld Castlevania game! Yay?

- Stars the first solo female protagonist in Castlevania history. And her hair is awesome!

- Magic system (replacing subweapons) is a pretty decent idea

- More control over jumps makes platforming a lot easier

- Has an easy ("Light") mode for those who suck

- Actually has...a plot? Whaaaaaaaaaa

- Attempts to mimic Symphony of the Night with its expansive levels

Cons

- "Expansive levels" is code for "lots of dead ends"

- Graphics look bad, especially character/enemy sprites

- Music also ranges from "just ok" to "my ears, my ears!"

- Auto-grabbing ropes is gone (why...?)

- Enemies frequently seem to have only the most basic of AI (walk off cliffs or target in on you and never leave)

- Entire plot was retconned out of Castlevania canon, because having the Belmonts be descended from Alucard and Sonia was a little too weird.

- Is like...$60 on eBay. WAY OVERPRICED.

Is it legend-wait for it....-dary?

The Long

So far we've had a catastrophic failure GB Castlevania game and a pretty damn good GB Castlevania game. So for the third installment, Konami regulated the game to a side-team, KCEN, who were also responsible for the (cancelled) Sega Saturn port of Symphony of the Night. That should be an unfortunate indication of where this review is heading already.

It's also worth pointing out that Castlevania: Legends was released after Symphony of the Night, which meant my comment in my review of Castlevania: Bloodlines (saying it was the last linear Castlevania game that wasn't a remake or a re-release) was wrong. So much for research, but I'm just gonna keep it that way. Why? Because Bloodlines is awesome and Legends is bad.

Whoops, getting ahead of myself. Let's break this down, shall we?

Sonia Belmont, retconned out of history.

The plot follows Sonia Belmont, and was meant to be a prequel to the series. She wields the first Vampire Killer whip (the one passed down the Belmont lineage for generations), and due to some weird plot things later it is implied that all the Belmonts are descended from Sonia and Alucard (?!). But that isn't super important. What is important is vampires need killing, and Sonia is the most badass person around so she gets the job done. She's also the first solo female protagonist in a Castlevania game (where Castlevania III: Drac's Back, Jack had Sypha and Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin had Charlotte, and also Rondo of Blood let you play as Maria with some unlocks), which is a pretty neat idea! I think it would be cool to have more badass female vampire killers in the Castlevania series, especially if their hair was as rad as Sonia's.

It's unfortunate, therefore, that the game she's in is pretty damn bad.

SPOOKY GHOST SPOOKY

Ok, "bad" might be a little much. "Bland and mediocre" might be more appropriate.

Castlevania: Legends looks at everything done in the previous Game Boy game (Belmont's Revenge) and says, "Eh, what? Auto-climbing ropes? Tight controls? Single-room challenges? Enemies that actually have patterns that make sense? Who neeeeeeeeds em?" and then proceeds to make a bloated mess of a Castlevania game. It is clear that they played Symphony of the Night and wanted to incorporate some of the "open world" style decision making in their level designs. But while this sort of worked in a linear game in Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse Hearse, here it's just an unmitigated disaster.

Levels have next to no thought put into them. Frequently, these "branching paths" will simply lead to dead ends, resulting in unnecessary backtracking. Further exacerbating this is the constant, reckless respawn time of enemies. Often an enemy will appear, you'll back up to land an attack and kill it, only to have it instantly respawn when continuing right. This happens constantly. 

And don't even get me started about the traps. Because I'm about to talk about the traps.

Pictured: Aforementioned "traps"

Sometimes (often at random but rarely as part of the "plot"), you'll whip a candle and instead of getting a delicious heart or coin, the floor will disappear beneath you. You'll then be trapped in a room with enemies you are forced to kill in waves (yes, wave based murder in a 2D platformer) until the room frees you. You get no reward for this, just the ability to continue your adventure. It's about as absurdly frustrating as it sounds.

Sophia controls decently. You don't downgrade your weapon ever (even when getting hit) which is nice, and she has the projectile-whip that Christopher had in the other Game Boy games. What's appreciated is you do have a slight bit of in-air control with the jumps this time around, though the game doesn't use this to make platforming any more interesting. In fact, most of the platforming is delightfully bland, making Simon's Quest's layouts look inspired. This is coupled with enemies (bats and ghosts in particular) who just straight up ram into you over and over with no escape. Imagine getting hit again and again but a crappy bat, whipping and trying to hit it but missing because it's sprite is literally on top of you. This is the enemy AI in Castlevania: Legends. Frustrating.

You also got this big doofus.

Which is interesting, because most of the bosses are cakewalks. Well, to a point. You see that "B" beneath your lifebar? What do you think that is? Well, if you've played any other 2D Castlevania ever made, you'll say "the stage boss's health bar."

Wrong. You IDIOT. 

The stage boss has no health bar. That's right, a Castlevania game with no boss health bar. You just kind of whip all over and hope he dies before you do. Great strategy.

Luckily, Sofia has this totally badass "light myself on fire so Ninjas can't get me" powerup that she can use once per stage. It makes her invincible and doubles her damage for a brief moment (you activate it by pressing all the buttons at once, thank me later). It's a cool idea, but pretty much you'll only use it for bosses, which makes an already easy boss fight even simpler.

Ceiling worms are the worst of her problems.

Lastly, subweapons are gone. Well, sort of. You can't get the traditional ones (well, you can find them, but they're just collectibles. Yeah, I don't know either. I picked up an axe and then couldn't use it, really intuitive). Instead, after beating a stage you get a magic, which you can then switch to as it is added to your arsenal. This is actually a decent idea (allowing you to switch up magics on the fly), but it means the first few levels are super-boring as you only have one (or none) subabilities. Cool in concept, bad in execution, like the majority of this game.

All together, the gameplay in Legends is a massive letdown after Belmont's Revenge. I appreciate the attempt to add more branching pathways and change the subweapon system, but everything just seems like a misstep. Tacked onto boring enemy placement, levels that have dead ends and backtracking, and super easy bosses, and you're looking at a subpar Castlevania experience.

Plus...the graphics. Just...ugh.

Castlevania: Legends looks bad. I honestly think it looks worse than The Adventure, which is the nicest thing The Adventure has had said about it since it was released. Everything is super thin but with a black outline, which leaves little room for any detail. Enemies have awful animations (especially after how good they were in Belmont's Revenge) and next to no detail. The backgrounds are sparse, especially when compared to the previous Game Boy games, with mostly just plain white rather than any detail. With the exception of the status bar on the bottom (where the slightly shaded health bar actually looks nice), Legends looks atrocious.

It also sounds really bad. While I appreciate some of the classic tunes showing up here, they seem bit-crunched to death when translated to the Game Boy's hardware. While Belmont's Revenge and even The Adventure managed to make do with the system's limitations, Legends seems like they just didn't care and shoved the songs in without even listening to them themselves.

I got Bloody Tears just listening to this. Ha ha ha! Urrrrgh...

I am now faced with a once-in-a-lifetime extremely difficult decision, a reverse Sophie's Choice if you will. I've been wrestling with this for a few days now, and I feel no closer to reaching a conclusion. Basically, the question is this: is Castlevania Legends worse than Castlevania: The Adventure, the same, or a little better? Believe it or not, this is actually where we're at right now. At least Castlevania: The Adventure isn't rare, so eBay carts are in the sub $10 range. Legends is now a "collector's item," which means you'd have to pay $60+ to get an actual Game Boy cartridge. That's just...insult to injury right there.

All in all, I'd probably give Castlevania: Legends a one and a half star rating, but we don't do half stars here. So because I liked the cutscenes (and the gameplay was too easy rather than Game Boy-throwing furious [with the exception of the trap rooms]), I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and round up. I still highly, highly suggest avoiding it unless you are some sort of collector. Besides, the entire plot of this game got removed from the canon when Castlevania: Lament of Innocence came out on the PS2, making what little relevance Legacy had evaporate. You could say it's Legacy was...not having a legacy.

Yeah, that joke could have probably used some work (much like Legends! Ha! Ok, I'll stop).

Two out of five stars. 

Sorry Sofia, your good Castlevania game is in another castle.

Master of Darkness

The Short

Pros

- Solid Castlevania ripoff on the Sega Master System (and Game Gear)

- Excellent music

- Large arsenal of weapons and sub-weapons

- Graphics look fantastically spooky, with some good animations

- The whole "Jack the Ripper Era England" time setting is woefully underused; glad to see it here

- "House of Wax" level is both creepy and inventive

- Gameplay is tight and controls are very responsive

Cons

- Pretty easy compared to Castlevania

- Sometimes dropped items downgrade your weapon. For shame!

- Level designs are a bit bland

- A bit obvious in its Castlevania pandering

- It can be hard to walk down on stairs for some reason

- Only five areas each with three stages each (15 levels total)

- SMS version only released in Europe! What's up with that?

Are you getting a familiar vibe?

The Long

You may have noticed a theme these past few reviews, the theme being Castlevania. Lots and lots of Castlevania. So why is this weird game showing up here? Well, because the Sega Master System (a system woefully underrepresented in my lexicon of game reviews) never got a proper Castlevania game, but it did in fact get this thing...Master of Darkness (also known as Vampire: Master of Darkness for the US Game Gear release). It's about as shameful a copy as you can get, but despite it's obvious...uh...let's say "inspiration" from the famous gothic platforming series, Master of Darkness still does some pretty cool things all its own, and is one of the best games on the Master System.

Too bad you have to import it (the SMS version was Europe only! Thanks Obama! Or wait, 1992...thanks...George Bush Sr? Bill Clinton?)

This looks really familiar.

Murder is afoot in ye olde England. Bodies have been turning up dead, and it's up to you, a stalwart gentleman and enforcer of the law (or something) to get out your cane and beat the ever loving crap out of the homeless. Or...zombies, I think they're zombies. But there's for sure guys with guns that you pummel to death in this game, which is fantastic.

What is cool about Master of Darkness is it actually tries to have a sort of thematic story. The first boss is Jack the Ripper (like, the actual one) who you find out is in league with Dracula to be all evil and stuff. At the start and end of each stage you get some cool text and graphics explaining where the story is going, which is more than any of the early Castlevania games gave you.

I also really dig the setting. If you liked Bloodborne or Dishonored, this is the same time period. The industrial revolution is just kicking off, and the streets are full of rats and apparently gross monsters. Did I mention the first weapon you get is a cane that you use to beat ghosts to death with? This is pretty much my dream game.

A duel it is, fine sir!

Gameplay-wise, Master of Darkness is Castlevania. You have monsters that move slowly, bats that fly, etc. There are stairs that suck to walk up and down on. You don't have as delayed attack as the whip with most weapons, but larger ones (the sword) do have a brief wind-up. Actually, let's talk about the weapons, because it's actually something Master of Darkness does that's different and cool.

Hitting floating white masks (which I guess are the "candle" equiviliant in this game) will drop powerups. Unlike Simon, who was tied to just an upgradable whip, our hero here can pick up a wide assortment of weapons. You start with a crappy knife (which is the only one that I feel is just bad all the time). You can get a dapper cane (fast, medium range, medium damage) a sword (slower, longer range, medium damage) and...a hand axe (short range, maximum damage). Yeah, the axe didn't really fit the theme, but whatever. You can swap whenever you find another powerup, but the game likes to be a jerk and drop the knife from time to time, so be careful to not pick it up.

You also have subweapons, though there's only three. Here, there are no "hearts," weapons just come pre-equipped with a set amount of ammo. You have a gun, which is basically the "knife," bombs (the "axe"), and the boomerang. The boomerang is supposed to be the cross, except unlike the cross it doesn't pierce (it just goes away on impact) making it substantially worse. Of all these, the bomb is really the only useful one, particularly against the final boss. Can you guess how you use subweapons? If you said "Up + attack," you know how video games work.

It ain't London if someone isn't getting gruesomely murdered.

The gameplay itself is pretty straightforward. There's five stages, each with three levels. After each level your health is restored (making this easier than Castlevania) and the last stage is always a boss. Bosses are actually pretty easy...truthfully, this whole game is a lot easier than Castlevania, but that's ok. The locations you go to are all pretty cool. My favorite is stage two, a wax museum, where frequently some of the wax dummies in the background come to life and attack you. That's a neat idea!

Oh yeah, there's also a clock tower level, because "Castlevania did it." It even has swinging pendulums you jump on. Really.

SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS.

I guess the question is: is this game as good as Castlevania? To that I say, "not really." It doesn't have that difficulty factor, nor the super deliberate level design that set the best of the series apart from other platformers. That being said, Master of Darkness is still a ton of fun to play, even for a straight ripoff. The controls are responsive and tight (even if stairs still suck), there's lots of creepy enemies and themeing, and it's a bit easier for those who thought Castlevania was a little too rough.

Point being? It's one of the best platformers on the Master System, and certainly a great 8-bit platformer in genera. If you liked Castlevania, you'll feel right at home here, and probably enjoy the differences they stuck in.

Plus, you know, spikes n' stuff.

Graphically, I think this game looks fantastic. I've always enjoyed the way Master System games look, kind of a weird combination between MSDos games and NES games, though usually more colorful. I particularly like the England-cityscape backgrounds and the gritty look of the whole world. It's a great looking game on Sega's 8-bit system.

Sound effects are a little...drab. The getting hit sound is pathetic, though I do appreciate the good "thwack" sound when you beat a zombie to death with your cane. Music, on the other hand, is excellent throughout. While the first stage's song does get a little repetitive, it evokes the similar creepy feel that Castlevania games do. It's not quite as good as Castlevania's iconic tunes, but it comes pretty damn close.

As it stands, it's a crying shame we here in the west didn't get this game on our Master Systems. It's one of the coolest games on the systems, and a solid Castlevania knockoff with some great tricks of its own. We did get the Game Gear port, which is essentially the exact same game just with a slightly smaller field of view (the Game Gear and the Master System were almost identical tech, just one was a handheld), so it is possible to play the game without importing or emulators. However, if you can pony up the cash to import the PAL version (it'll play on an American Master System), I'd say it's totally worth getting if you're a collector.

Master of Darkness surprised me. I went in expecting a bland Castlevania knockoff, and left with it secured as one of my favorite 8-bit platformers. Few flaws notwithstanding (and honestly most of the flaws are borrowed from its source material), Master of Darkness is a great vampire-murdering replacement for those without NES system, at least until the Genesis came out and they got the best 16-bit Castlevania. 

Plus, I beat Jack the Ripper to death with a cane in an alleyway. Best game ever.

Four out of five stars. 

Suck it, Jack. Though I do like your stylish purple attire.

Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge

The Short

Pros

- A *gasp* good Game Boy Castlevania game?

- Takes elements from the craptastic previous game and makes them actually...good

- Some genuinely cool platforming ideas within the Castlevania universe

- World selection aped straight from Mega Man 

- Kick-ass music

- Looks fantastic

- Getting hit doesn't downgrade your weapon (unless getting hit by very specific enemies)

- Not just a good Castlevania handheld game, but a good Castlevania game in general

Cons

- Calling it Castlevania II is a great way for me to think it's Simon's Quest

- The last three bosses can be pretty cheap

- Level design isn't quite as good as the NES/Genesis offerings

- Password system instead of save, but that's better than nothing

- Controls are still a bit ridged at times

Belmont is back, and he's PISSED

The Long

Holy cow guys, I don't know if it's like...weird gaming rebound because I just came off the worst Castlevania experience in my life or what, but Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge is...good? Like...a good Game Boy Castlevania game? It exists? Whaaaaaaaa

Ok, sorry, getting a bit ahead of myself.

My expectations were pretty much dashed after playing Castlevania: The Adventure. I knew already that the Game Boy was an inferior piece of hardware compared to the NES, but I hadn't expected the translation of a classic franchise to have gone so poorly. And if Castlevania Legends  is any indication (cough spoilers for a future review cough), making a good, Castlevania-esque platformer on Nintendo's handheld proved a larger challenge than some expected. I went into Belmont's Revenge fully expecting crap...or maybe even something similar to Simon's Quest (seeing as they share a name).

Guess what? I was pleasantly surprised, so much so that I'd say Belmont's Revenge is one of the best platformers on the system. Yeah. It's pretty solid.

Plus it has MONKEY SKELETONS.

There is actual plot this time. Kind of. Christopher Belmont (the guy from the first game) is back, and his son has been nabbed by Dracula. Or joined Dracula. Or something. I'm not totally sure, there isn't exactly a lot of text in this game. But you're here for revenge, cause it's in the title. So off you head to four different castles named after different...elements? Well, the manual said elements, but I don't remember "Crystal" or "Plants" being elements.

The game here takes a page from Mega Man, allowing you to tackle any of the four castles in whatever order you choose. It doesn't really matter (you don't get any power-ups or anything from beating them), and after beating all four you have two final stages followed by the Dracula boss fight. Pretty standard Game Boy platformer stuff.

Insert "Rockman" pun here

Right off the bat you'll notice Christopher controls much better. Most annoyances from the first game have been fixed: his jump is a bit further, he auto-grabs ropes by just being near them (a fantastic addition), and gravity doesn't fluctuate randomly. Even better, when he powers up his weapon he retains the powerups even when hit, unless hit by a very specific enemy (and it gives a sound-cue letting you know). So far, so good.

I was originally dismayed, because Belmont's Revenge features tons of the same elements from the first game. Ropes still play a prominent part, as do vertically oriented sections. Enemies too, like the bouncy-ball spitters and sickle-throwers, have been kept over. But my dismay quickly turned to delight as I realized how much better things were this go around.

The game has been better adjusted to fit both Christopher's gimped jump as well as the Game Boy's capabilities. While some areas are continuous scrolling, most castles have each room be a self-contained challenge, and leaving it tosses you into another one. It's a smart use of the screen's limited real estate, and with better designed rooms leads to some really cool challenges.

This room would be hell in the first game. This time around, it's a blast.

Belmont's Revenge uses ropes in interesting ways. In the image above, the pairs of ropes switch directions (up vs down) every couple of seconds, leading to some interesting jumping challenges. Later it mixes it up by having these with enemies coming at you, but never enough to be impossible (no Medusa heads). The new grab and jump mechanics make this challenging but quite fun.

Another cool rope trick is spiders. Now, when spiders come from the ceiling, you can grab their threads and use them for platforms. Kill them, however, and the thread will end. You have to be smart as to which spiders to kill and which to use, again leading to some really fun platforming.

Explody Eyeball Bridge is also back, but actually fun.

It isn't just ropes, though. Something the original game had was horizontal spike stakes that would come out of the walls. You'd have to use them as platforms to escape a room, but the game gave no indication when they'd stick out or retract. It became a case of trial and error, and was exceptionally frustrating. Belmont's Revenge fixes this with a simple design decision: the spikes flash just before they move. Such a simple thing, but it makes the room more about skill rather than dumb luck. Smart.

That isn't to say these changes make the game easier. In fact, Belmont's Revenge is quite tricky, though not nearly on par with Castlevania III: Dracula's Day Out. In particular, the final three bosses are super difficult, requiring some pattern memorization as well as quick reflexes. The final fight with Dracula is also very hard, though he only has one form this time around.

Drac's back, in the same room as last time.

You may note in the screenshots, but subweapons are back! Sort of! There's only two this time, the axe and the water, and they act exactly as they did in the rest of the series. Here's a Nathan Protip: Use the axe, ditch the water. Axe is so, so useful throughout. The exception is the second to last boss, where the water is actually better. But I swear Dracula is impossible if you don't have the axe, he's so hard.

So...yeah. While it isn't quite as tight as earlier Castlevania games, Belmont's Revenge's gameplay and design work exceptionally well given the limitations of the hardware. It's challenging, but really fun. My only major complaint is the four castles (which have branching paths, btw, which is also cool) are a bit long for a handheld experience. Nothing awful (and I'm glad for more content), they just seem to take a while. You still get ~2-3 hours of gameplay out of it, though (depending on how good you are), which is pretty dang good for a Game Boy platformer.

Like, you can beat Kirby's Dreamland in 30 minutes. Also, this boss is cheap.

Graphically, this game looks fantastic. The enemies have better death animations, with the eyeballs particularly having some 60 frames per second explosions that look great. The backgrounds (which were the one good thing about Castlevania: The Adventure) are even better this time around, and even though there aren't a lot of different enemies they all look great, especially the bosses.

When I first booted up the game and played Crystal Castle, my ears nearly exploded for joy. Ok, not really, that would be excruciatingly painful. But hot damn, this game has some rocking tunes. Seriously some of the best on the system, I have no idea how they made it work given the Game Boy's somewhat tinny sound chip. Really worthy of the series' legacy.

Seriously like...holy crap. LISTEN TO IT. 

Point being: Castlevania II: Not Simon's Quest, but Actually (Christopher) Belmont's Revenge is a phenomenal Game Boy game, and a really solid Castlevania game. Is it as good as the greats, like the original, Super, or Bloodlines? Well...not quite. But I will say I'd rather pick it up again than, say, Castlevania III. Or The Adventure. But I'd rather take a long dive off a short pier than play The Adventure again, so that isn't really fair.

I'm genuinely sad that I didn't have this game when I had a Game Boy growing up. It's a fantastic platformer and should be part of any Game Boy collector's collection.

I'd also like to point out that Castlevania: The Adventure is available on the 3DS eShop, but Belmont's Revenge isn't. If that isn't proof that Konami hates their fans, I don't know what is.

Oh wait. Yeah...

Four out of five stars.

When I'm comin' home, son, I don't know when, but we'll kill Dracula then, son, I know we'll have a good time then.

Castlevania: The Adventure

The Short

Pros

- A Castlevania game! On the Game Boy! Wooooow

- Music is pretty decent

- First and second levels are decent amalgamation of the most basic core Castlevania concepts

- It has giant exploding, never-ending, rolling eyeballs.

- The cover art is super badass

Cons

- Everything else

- No subweapons

- Platforming controls are somehow even more ridged than the original Castlevania

- Getting hit loses whip power-ups, in the worst design idea in the history of the series

- Four stages. That's it.

- Cheap deaths and beginners traps galore

- Level design and enemies are thoroughly uninspired

- Quite possibly the worst Castlevania game in the entire series

Oh boy, it's my ruined childhood.

The Long

I'm a Castlevania nut, it's no big secret. I rue the day I passed up Dracula X on the SNES at a local game store, and cringe every time I realize my DS Castlevania collection is not complete. There are few things in life I enjoy more than whipping things, specifically whipping things good. And yes, I know I've made that Devo joke multiple times before, but I ain't gonna stop now.

Castlevania: The Adventure (though the title screen looks like "The Castlevania TM Adventure") is famous for being the first and only Castlevania game that Konami hired a highly-trained team of spider monkeys to code. As a sort of an emulation of a Castlevania game it kind of works, being that on surface level one would confuse this game for a good game when looking at static images in Nintendo Power. But upon playing it the horrible truth becomes evident: this game is a disaster.

I am tired of these monkey-fighting eyeballs on this nine-to-five bridge!

As stated before, on the surface this appears to be standard Castlevania fare. You have a jump arch you can't cancel, all well and good. You have a whip you power up. You have a host of monster-style enemies. And the music is actually pretty decent. But other than that, everything about this game is bad. Everything.

You'll notice it in the first level. "Why is my character moving so...sluggish?" you wonder. "He was slow in Castlevania, but here it seems even more stunted." Then you spot the brown poop-goos dripping from the ceiling. "Why is there ceiling poo?" you think to yourself. "And why is it forming the shape of a...ooooh. Is that...an enemy?"

Yes. One of the five different enemies in the game (not even kidding), the first one is a dripping sky-turd creature. A great sign of things to come.

Cleanup on aisle three.

The first two stages are exceptionally tedious. Enemy placement is a joke, so much so it makes Simon's Quest seem inspired. The real frustration comes from the sluggish jumping and whip controls. Whereas before they added to the challenge, here they just feel tacked on to make you furious. Birds, which thankfully only appear in the first stage, are difficult to kill. Bats, which appear more often, are even more aggravating, with random zig-zag patterns that are randomized even with Save States. Yes, I used an emulator to replay this game, how do you expect I got screen shots? The Game Boy Printer?

Boss number one is a dude who just stabs at your crotch the entire time. If you have managed to keep your whip powered up, he goes down in a few hits. Boss number two is an even bigger joke; he's a collection of one-hit kill enemies that pop out of holes in the wall in a pattern. Should you have the third whip upgrade (which grants each attack a projectile), you'll off them easy.

Stage 3 is a nightmare. We'll talk about that in a minute.

Let's talk about your weapons for a second. Subweapons - you know, the core gameplay element in the original series that diversified enemy placement and helped alleviate the intentionally-frustrating jump and delayed-whip controls? - aren't in this game at all. Your whip, like most Castlevania games, has three stages of power up: base (which sucks), second (which is a little longer and does double damage) and third (where you get a weak projectile with every strike). Sounds decent, but every time you get hit you downgrade a single step backwards. Yep, getting hit twice from full power leaves you craptasticly weak. Whoever thought of this should probably have been fired.

This is only exacerbated by bad enemy placement (and the poor controls). In Castlevania (the good ones), getting hit was your own fault. Every challenge felt like if you took it slowly and timed things right, you could defeat it. Enemies didn't randomly appear, and if they did (like Medusa heads), you had fair warning to react.

This is not the case in The Adventure. In fact, the game is designed to be a massive beginner's trap. Enemies fire some projectiles that you can destroy, others you can't (the sickle-men). Towers fire randomly bouncing giant death balls that randomize even with Save States (yep) and never disappear, meaning at one point half my screen was full of bouncing suicide balls. Stage 3 has an area where it teaches you that platforms with enemies on them are the right way to go. But the final platform with an enemy on it is a trick, and by the time you realize it it's too late; you've died instantly. The whole game is like this.

This room can burn in hell.

Of the four stages, you'll be lucky to make it past 3, and even luckier if you attempt 4. Stage 3 has insta-death spikes appearing from both the floor and later the right hand side, meaning a single misstep and you're a good ways back (plus it has beginner's traps, as mentioned before). Stage 4 is even worse, with tons of platforming throughout with a controls that aren't well adapted for platforming...well, to be fair they aren't good for much of anything, but platforming especially. Learn fast that Simon doesn't jump off ropes when you hit the jump button, he just sort of falls off of them. And considering gravity physics in this game literally fluctuates (you fall much faster when stepping off a ledge vs jumping off), mastering it is almost impossible.

So this doesn't turn just into an angry rant, I'll leave gameplay at that. While it has a decent (if boring) first impression, the first half of the game (it's only four stages long) is do-able by most. However, the second half takes the frustrating portions of the first half and cranks it up to eleven. It's bad game design in its purest form.

The man himself. His first form is actually a cakewalk.

Graphics are fairly mediocre, but it's an early Game Boy game so I can't fault it too much. It manages to avoid trying to have a lot of "darkness," which was a problem for a few early Game Boy games in terms of screen visibility (something the later Circle of the Moon on GBA had problems with). Backgrounds are faded and it's easy to tell platforms from background objects. Animations are fairly bad, but I found if you tap to move Simon instead of holding forward it never triggers the two-frame "stepping" animation, meaning you can play the whole game having him slide along like he's on roller skates. So that was pretty great.

The music is the only good thing about the game, aside graphical clarity. It isn't exceptional, by any means, but it maintains the spirit of the series on the Game Boy's tinny speakers. I didn't hate it.

 

For the Game Boy's first Castlevania outing, The Adventure is a disaster. Stripping the series of the core elements that made it good, it leaves only a flaky husk behind. While first impressions might lead some to believe this game is decent, extended platforming segments and unfair level design takes its toll fairly quickly. This is, hands down, the worst Castlevania game I've ever played. Yes, even worse than the Castlevania PC port and Castlevania 64.

And this is coming from somebody who enjoys bad games (and actively seeks them out). One out of five stars. 

Bonus: somehow this game ended up on the 3DS eShop, and even got a remake. But that's a conversation for another time. 

Dracula's final form is a giant bat, whose only attack is spawning baby bats. Yep. Great game.

Donkey Kong '94

The Short

Pros

- Essentially a sequel to the original arcade Donkey Kong

- Over 100 new levels done in the style of the original game

- New power-ups, features, and tricks

- Great music and challenging gameplay

- Smart save features and level sizes make this an excellent portable game

- Has one of the best Super Game Boy (SNES attachment) borders in the business

Cons

- Game still has some cheap deaths

- Controls may feel dated for those used to more modern Mario titles

He's finally back, to kick some tail.

The Long

You know what game I like? Donkey Kong. It's arcade classic in every sense of the word. Sure it's controls feel a little old now and at times it is maybe a bit cheap, but it's still a ton of fun and a great mix of skill, patience, and memorization that makes it great.

Now how do you translate a score-driven arcade classic to a portable system? Well, Donkey Kong on the Game Boy (also known as Donkey Kong '94, because they used the exact same name as the arcade game for some reason) makes the attempt. Do they succeed in making what is essentially a direct, portable, console-style version of one of the most popular arcade games of all time?

They not only succeed, they excel. 

This seems familiar.

The game starts off with a brilliant bait and switch. It has an intro similar to the original arcade game, complete with a height measurement and DK bending the floors. You then play through the four levels of the original arcade game, in order, in what is a fairly faithful reproduction. But after beating them and expecting a prize...psych! Donkey Kong learned from his mistakes and runs off again, this time with 97 (!!) more stages for you to try and beat. That's right Ninety-Seven! That's a freaking lot of stages for a Donkey Kong game!

You advance on a world-map style screen, moving from stage to stage until finally fighting a boss. The stage goals are usually simple: collect a key to open a door, collect Pauline's lost stuff (hats, shoes, etc) for more points, dodge baddies, yada yada. The trick is that, while this is clearly Mario, Donkey Kong rules apply here. Jumps require commitment and are delayed. Mario can't fall a long distance or he'll die. Movement is fairly slow and deliberate. Essentially, Nintendo made 97 stages that would have fit right in with the original Donkey Kong arcade game.

That's pretty freaking awesome.

Insert Gandalf's "I have no memory of this place." here.

On top of that, the game adds tricks along the way. Each new world introduces a new style or technique you have to master. Mario learns how to do a handstand into a high jump, requiring some precise timing but allowing for more mobility. Some stages have switches that have to be tossed or bridges that must be created. New pickups and other items are also available. The game does an excellent job of easing you into these new powerups, often having the first level of a world be there to explain the ability, then throwing it into the mix with the rest of them.

All these power-ups fit well with the previously established movesets and rules of Mario from the Donkey Kong game, and blended with the new stages it all meshes together perfectly. The only downside is the general trickiness of the later stages and the lack of checkpoints; die during a stage and you start it all over. But that being said, most stages are single screen (making good use of the Game Boy's limited real estate) puzzle and platforming rooms, so dying is often more the fault of you screwing up or having bad planning, not a fault of the game.

Small cutscenes at the start of each world explain new gameplay tricks.

The game looks fantastic. It manages to maintain the look of the arcade (granted, dumbed down for Game Boy) while still offering a ton of new graphical stuff, like new floors, enemies, and items. The music is also really fun, with classic songs showing up alongside new ones that fit right in. In particular, the game looks really good on either a Game Boy Color, or (the best option) a Super Game Boy for the SNES. This makes sense, as the game was marketed heavily when trying to sell the Super Game Boy (all the screenshots in this article are from that), which adds a really spiffy looking "arcade cabinet" style border.

Plus...LOTS O' LEVELS

If you loved Donkey Kong in the arcade, you absolutely must play this game. As an extension of the well-known classic, it not only succeeds at bringing a similar feel to a home system, but expands upon the idea in what is essentially a perfect handheld game. With stages being brief and challenging, as well as copious options to save, it's a great game to pick up and play for brief periods (or long periods, seeing as it's super addicting) and get some classic arcady feel that also manages to be fresh at the same time.

Of all the bajillion Donkey Kong games released, this one is by far my favorite. It's now available on the 3DS eShop for only a couple of bucks, and should be an essential part of your collection. Original carts are also pretty easy to find (I mean, I found one) should you prefer to play it super old school (or in your Super Game Boy, i.e., the best option). This game also inspired the Mario vs Donkey Kong games on the GBA and DS, which were good but just didn't match the originality and all-around awesomeness of Donkey Kong '94. 

Five out of five stars. 

Though why Pauline needs so many umbrellas is still beyond me.