Final Fantasy Record Keeper

The Short

Pros

• A nostalgia trip down every single-player Final Fantasy game
• The Final Fantasy VI inspired sprites are a treat, particularly pixel-styled monsters from the later games
• All the original music is maintained, and it's great
• For a free-to-play game, you can get a lot of gametime out of it without spending a cent
• Great for short bursts of playtime
• Daily dungeons give you new stuff to try every day
• It's basically Puzzle and Dragon but with Final Fantasy. If you like that, you'll like this.
• Dr. Mog is probably not a real doctor, but that's ok.

Cons

• Horrible UI and constant load times mar the experience
• Not a whole lot of strategy until the dungeons get really hard
• To unlock most characters you have to wait for bi-monthly events
• Black magic is worthless until way later, and after you've invested tons of time into the game
• Mithril gets painfully scarce after the initial run. If you try and use real money, prepare to get ripped off.
• Not totally void of strategy, but the real meat of the game requires several weeks of playtime

Get yo nostalgia on.

The Long

Square-Enix sure likes to milk it's fans nostalgia for the Final Fantasy series. Starting with Final Fantasy IX, which one could argue exists as a nostalgic throwback to the I-V style of games, in more recent years the pandering fanservice has become more apparent. When not squirting out Final Fantasy VII spinoff games (or the upcoming remake), they've made a ton of crossover style games to try and lure old fans back into the franchise. Some of these are good (Dissidia) some are really good (Theatarhythm) and some are abominations (All The Bravest). With Record Keeper (which is an awful name, by the way), does Square finally hit pay dirt on the nostalgia train? In particular, do they finally release a new mobile game that isn't awful and/or completely overpriced?

On the surface, this looks a hell of a lot like the awful All The Bravest. However, if you only read one thing in this article know this: Record Keeper is NOT All The Bravest. It's much better (thank goodness). How much better remains to be said, but compared to that atrocity, Record Keeper looks like god's gift to video games.

So...does it stand on its own? Or is Record Keeper not worth recording? Or keeping? Puns? Read on.

I'm here to get nostalgic and play video games. And I'm all out of...well, neither.

There is actually a story to Record Keeper, albeit a stupid one. You are a record keeper (fancy that) named whatever you want to be named (so, "Barf") and apprentice to Dr. Mog, who is obviously a Moogle. Apparently all the stories from the Final Fantasy series live in some kind of Moogle archive in...space? The moon? Cocoon? The Esper Realm? Who knows. Point being, something happens and all the stories get screwed up, so it's up to you, Barf, to go back and fix them. How do you do it? By recruiting characters from the games and reliving the most poignant battle scenes and moments, of course! How ELSE?!

This is portrayed through text descriptions of events in the game, with a few screenshots. Unlike Theatarhythm, where you got little movies representing the stories, in here it's just badly granulated jpegs. The images they choose to use are also pretty baffling; Final Fantasy VI uses the SNES graphcis, but Final Fantasy IV's story screenshots are from the 3D DS remake (ugh) and Final Fantasy V's are from the RPG Maker looking android/iOS port (double ugh). While the pixelated stuff looks ok, the 3D stuff looks weirdly SD, even worse than it probably looked on the PS1/PS2. I dunno, maybe I'm being too picky, because I just skimmed the stories anyway. Point being: if you haven't played these games in a while, this does a decent job at reminding you of the general flow, and it's fun to unlock plot progression across multiple Final Fantasy games at once.

Limit break!

Gameplay is pretty much Puzzle and Dragon, except replace the monster fusing/sacrificing with doing the same thing for character equipment. If you haven't played Puzzle and Dragon, then I'm gonna explain it anyway, so don't freak out.

Basic gameplay is in the traditional ATB Final Fantasy combat, meaning you have a meter that fills for each character, you issue instructions, it takes a moment for that command to execute, and it moves on to the next person. In a weird twist that I actually like, spells and abilities are done more in the style of Final Fantasy I, with a charge system rather than MP. All abilities have to be crafted (more on that later), and have limited uses in a dungeon based on how much you've "honed" them. All these and your HPs reset after a dungeon run, so no worries there.

Essentially, you pick a realm (being the numbered Final Fantasy game) and then a particular event. In that event, you have 3-10 dungeon "events"  you have to do in order to complete the dungeon, with the last usually being a boss. Within each event you have 3-4 waves of enemies to fight. If you back out of a dungeon, you keep your loot but have to start at the beginning, same goes if you fail. So don't fail.

And there's quests. We'll get to that.

In order to do dungeon events, you have to spend "stamina." Stamina is automatically generated over time, and you have a pool of it that can grow as you clear more dungeons. Stamina generation is actually pretty fair: you get 1 point every 3 minutes, and your starting pool is generous. Dungeons get more expensive the harder they get, but you usually have enough to do one or two dungons, then be done for an hour or so, then come back and play a little more. I imagine not having stamina would allow people to grind through the game in like a week, so it's understandable. I actually like this system, as it encourages me taking breaks.

Clearing dungeons gives you loot in the form of equipment, crafting materials, gil, and XP (and Mithril, but only rarely). There is a ton of equipment in this game, pooled from all the Final Fantasy games. To upgrade it, you "feed" other equipment into the equipment you want to level, destroying the food equipment and paying some Gil to make it happen. Max upgrade a weapon and you can combine it with one of the same name, upping the max level and quality. Quality ranges from one to five stars, with anything three and above considered pretty good. As you can guess, you get a ton of junk gear which you then use to feed your higher ranked stuff. Additionally, characters can only equip certain types of weapons, which I'll get to...right now.

You pick up characters along the way. Each world has at least one to get, tying into the game you are in. Just a word of advice: named character (Cloud, Cyan, Steiner, etc.) are way better than the generic FFI characters (White Mage, Black Mage, etc.). Dump those guys, stick with the named ones. Each character has their own unique limit break and a handful they can learn from elite/rare gear, as well as their own class (usually ranged fighter, melee fighter, red mage, black mage, with summoners and monks being included in some of those roles). There are a lot of characters to collect, and seeing as characters get giant bonuses in their own worlds, it's good to even out your party with a range.

Dungeons vary in length.

The downside is that most characters can only be collected during special events, which Square rotates through once every two weeks. These require both a beefed up party and a lot of stamina, so expect to be stuck with Cloud, Barf, Kane, and Wakka for a while before getting anybody really good (Cloud is good, at least). If you miss an event, too bad; better hope it comes up again if you want Sabin and Edgar from FFVI, for example. This is a little obnoxious but it makes me keep coming back, so it's got that going for it.

And...that's essentially the game. Doing realms and dungeons unlocks more realms and dungeons to battle in, which get progressively harder. You use crafting materials to create and upgrade spells, with the rarer components making the better stuff. Square does everybody a solid by having "Gil" dungeons come up on the daily randomized dungeon rotation, which are basically dungeons where you get a buttload of money (seeing as all upgrades, combinations, etc. require Gil, it's good it is plentiful if you know where to look), as well as crafting material dailies and more. It's surprisingly lenient considering Square's history of free to play games. This game is very easy to pick up, play for a bit, do some upgrades, and put it down for a few hours. Which makes it a great phone game...in theory.

Let's talk about what's bad now. Like this UI.

The saddest part to me about Record Keeper is that the game's biggest failing comes in completely technical ways. First off, the UI is a cluttered mess in every instance. From the confusing scrolling banner, to the non-centered navigation buttons on the bottom with huge icons, to there being buttons freaking everywhere and look like they were designed for a smartphone in 2009, this game's interface is bad. To be fair, you get used to it, but some streamlining would really help this game out a lot. But that isn't even the biggest problem, which is: the load times.

Now, I usually don't fault games for load times. I mean, I loved Fable and the Xbox version of that game had 30-45 second load times for every freaking area. But Record Keeper is a mobile game, designed to be picked up and run through fast. Instead, literally (and I mean the literal use of the word literally here) everything you do has a load screen. Switch menu options? Load screen. Go to a realm to check your progress? Load screen. Load the quests interface? Load screen. Load a dungeon layout? Load screen. Load a battle? Load screen. Results screen? Yep, it loads. Hell, it even has a load screen just to show the Square-Enix logo fade in and out at the beginning, and then loads again for the title. Like...what.

To be fair, I've only played the android version, maybe the iOS version is better. But still...damn. If this game were better optimized, it would be much funner to just bust through every couple of hours.

We gonna win.

Another problem is the lack of strategy. Early on (by that I mean the first month you play), you can probably beat most battles by having an all-melee warrior team and hitting "auto battle." Healers? Who needs em! Black magic? Are you kidding? Black magic is essentially worthless until it's honed (as you have two casts of Thunder per entire dungeon at the start), which means using gil and crafting materials, which you get from battles. So Terra can't be that godly black mage until you've played a ton, so just...pick warriors and auto battle. Which means most of the game (except bosses) you just watch your guys murder everything and do nothing. Fun!

Bosses provide a larger challenge, as they're usually way harder than the enemies leading up to them. Dr. Mog will give you their weaknesses before a battle, but often times just beating them to death works. Twice per dungeon you also get to summon another player's character for a free Limit Break, and often times these characters are in their 50s+. Which means a "roaming party member" can insta-gib a boss most of the time early on. Again, not much strategy.

The game does get more complex once you start playing Elite versions of old dungeons, as well as your party getting fleshed out and better equipped. But ultimately, it's just a time waster for long time, which may turn a lot of people off.

Death to ugly birds.

So how does Square make money off this? Well, there is the usual two "top tier" currencies, in this case Mithril (which you can earn slowly by clearing dungeons) and Coins (great name...you buy these). Essentially, you can use either to revive a party on death (it's a waste, don't do it), refill your stamina (waste) or gamble for rare items (do this). For 5 Mithril you get a three star or higher weapon, but for 50 Mithril you get eleven, which I'd suggest saving for. You can also pay $1 for one draw or $10 for 11 draws, which is a horrible deal and a waste of money. With me saving 50 mithril, I turned my weak party into diabolical killing machines really easily, so don't put money in. I never did, and I got fat fast. Just saying.

All in all, Record Keeper is a fun diversion if you are nostalgic for the Final Fantasy series. It has a lot of technical problems, as well as some tedious starting gameplay, but for those who burn a few weeks worth of stamina on it they'll find a fun and fairly strategic Final Fantasy battle game. It isn't quite as good as I hoped it would be, but it's a billion times better than All the Bravest, so if you have a smartphone and love these games, you might as well give it a shot.

Just don't get too pissed off at the loading screens.

Three out of five stars. 

Devcorner: Macros Are Evil

The joys of programming - hours spent scratching one's head whilst trying to figure out why the seemingly correct code does not produce correct results.

Hi, Charlie here. I used to post often.

Where was I? Ah, yes, this nugget of brain fudgery from the VDrift forums posted by NaN:

So I've spent some time today try to figure out why cars are still flying off in random directions when hitting curbs sometimes.

It turns out it is a bug in Bullet, to be more specific in the SIMD_DEGS_PER_RAD macro.

Code:

#define SIMD_PI           btScalar(3.1415926535897932384626433832795029)
#define SIMD_2_PI         btScalar(2.0) * SIMD_PI
#define SIMD_HALF_PI      (SIMD_PI * btScalar(0.5))
#define SIMD_RADS_PER_DEG (SIMD_2_PI / btScalar(360.0))
#define SIMD_DEGS_PER_RAD  (btScalar(360.0) / SIMD_2_PI)

The first one to spot it gets a virtual cookie.

For the answer visit the thread, I won't spoil it here. Instead, I'll post a screenshot, also sourced from said forums and taken by Stunt Rally author CrystalH.

 

For those who don't know, Stunt Rally is a friendly fork of VDrift.

Xonotic 0.8.1 released & related news

For those that are not keeping up to the latest development branch (via the autobuilds), the Xonotic developers have released a new version with various smaller changes and new official maps.

From the user "Antibody" (known for his duel commentary videos) comes this nice video overview of the new features:

(please note that due to video capture performance reasons the graphic settings are pretty low, and the game can look much nicer with different settings)

On the longer term horizon of Xonotic development, there is the very exiting news that they are currently porting their game to run on the same engine that Unvanquished uses. With this the future of Xonotic is indeed much brighter, as their current engine has not seem much development lately. See more details in this thread.

Oh and while we are talking about FOSS arena FPS: A short while ago Red Eclipse also released a new version. Changes include updated to the AI Bots and a build in universal updater to easily follow the latest releases.

Mini Sci-Fi Open Source Tower Defense Game

Purely by chance, I found an obviously abandoned but still fun to play mini tower defense with a skippable tutorial level and two playable missions, beautiful graphics and performance settings.

To be a master is to spam en mass

So you place towers and the shoot enemies that move towards your base. I know this! Being an impatient player type, I skipped past the tutorial and was annihilated in level 1.

Short enough messages in a hard enough tutorial level

The degree of my destruction was such, that I was thankful for the tutorial being there at all. Even though I did die in it, it taught me enough about the all-or-nothing early game (which some might refer as to "unbalanced") to get my strategy right.

Turn off for speed. Turn on for awesome!

You get 3 towers: that allows you to build more tower, one that allows you to shoot more and one that shoots. You can block paths and create mazes. There are no tower upgrades and that's okay.

All the plot. Space to continue. Take that non-skip-able intro video AAA games!

Mission #3 is not possible to win (prove me wrong) but it was a great experience to find that I was able to beat the tutorial mission after all. By deviating from the given instructions! If that's not freedom (besides being open source) then I don't know what is!

Yeah right...

Come to think of it, the ridiculousness of level 3 practically speaks "dear player, you should totally fork and make new levels!"

Made with love2d

The last commit to Turres Monacorum was in May 2014 and the game was made at a game jam. My experience dictates that this won't be picked up by the original developers any more but to any player with love2d installed, it will come as a wonderful, visually polished snack!

Love2D Tower Defense: Turres Monacorum

Download the mini tower defense game from the github release page and enjoy!

Five Nights at Freddy's 4

The Short

Pros

- The (actual) final chapter in the FNAF series

- Story does well tying up just about everything major while leaving a few good questions

- Yet another sequel just different enough to be considered unique

- New "nightmare" designs are horrifying

- Focus on audio cues was a clever move

- Less reliant on "random" jump scares than FNAF 3; jump scares are earned this time around

- Atmosphere is phenomenal, as usual, evoking a childhood "afraid of the dark" primal reaction

Cons

- Gameplay is even more routine

- Seriously, you just do four things over and over again until you either win or die

- Tutorials are now just text boxes rather than the clever "phone guy" calls

- Feels stripped down when compared to previous games

- Between level "minigame" feels out of place

- A bit too difficult (Night 3 onward is insane)

- Audio cues are (in the current version) a bit too quiet to feel fair

- Still running an archaic "engine" (i.e. no "back to main menu" option, ESC hard-quits, etc.)

Here we go again

Editor's Note: Seeing as neither FRAPs nor Steam overlay let me take pictures, the images in this review are from the game's Steam Store page. At least that means no spoilers, hooray! 

The Long

It's no secret I'm a big fan of the Five Nights at Freddy's series. People might argue I'm outside of the target demographic (being on the wrong side of twenty), but I find the somewhat simplistic gameplay mixed with the sort of primal childhood fears of animatronics and messed up toys weirdly captivating. Considering the games are cheap, short, and seem to come out every 3-4 months, they make for fun evening diversions for one or two nights before beating them and moving on (or digging around in fan theories on the internet). Plus, I remember going to Chuckie Cheese as a kid and being terrified of the animatronic band, so this whole series kind of hits a personal note with me.

It was widely speculated that FNAF 3 was the final one, given both the nature of trilogies and the fact that it wrapped up one of the series' big questions (the murders) fairly handily. However, with FNAF 4 the one loose thread (which I won't mention for spoilers) is finally addressed, essentially closing out the franchise. Scott has said this is the final game, though I doubt anybody believes him at this point considering the money he must be making.

FNAF 4 was scheduled for release on Halloween, then was pushed up to the beginning of August (with free DLC for Halloween). Then Scott was like "it's done, so why not review it?" and released it today (7/23) for funsies. I gotta admit, I like this guy's style; he's a maverick. He's like a reverse Valve, missing deadlines by releasing games earlier than expected.

So all this background aside, this is the final chapter. Is it good? Bad? Does it live up to the series' expectations? Has Scott finally run out of ideas? Well...yes and no, to all of the above.

Chillin' in my room, praying a satan nightmare bear won't eat me

In a rather stunning departure from the rest of the series FNAF 4 has no cameras. You are not a guy working at a pizza place or a horror house at night. You aren't in this for the paycheck. Instead, you are an unnamed and unknown child, awake in the middle of the night and convinced monsters are in his closet, in the hallways, and under his bed. Yep, Scott played Among the Sleep and decided he too wanted a creepy child teddy bear game. Your only weapon against these hordes of creepers? A flashlight, and being able to shut the door really well. Why he doesn't just shut all the doors and lock them is beyond me, but then there wouldn't be a game so whatever.

While compelling, it's clear this game was made for fans. Those who have played the other three games will quickly figure out who this child is and how he fits into the overlying mythos, but anybody going in cold will be baffled. Part of the mystery is also what exactly these monsters are. Are they real? Figments of the child's imagination? I don't think people make animatronics with rows of razor-sharp needle teeth. Just saying. Probably against some international code.

Another downside to this is that, without a "phone guy" giving you tutorials in-world, the game starts with a bunch of overlying text boxes to teach you the ropes. Frankly, this is a big kick down in the immersion factor, which is so very important for horror games. Luckily they are only there on the first day (and you can dismiss them easily), but I would hope for a more elegant way to display that kind of information.

I love you, Freddy. (Spoiler: I don't love him, not at all)

Gameplay has been streamlined down to it's absolute core here. Previous FNAF games did well eliminating things that were less in tune with spooking you out and adjusting gameplay in unique ways. FNAF 2 removed power (save a flashlight) but also doors, FNAF 3 had only one animatronic but a crazy computer system going against you, and so on. FNAF 4's streamlining is a bit more extreme. Cameras, the Night Trap hold-over and staple of the series, are gone. Now, gameplay consists of two things: shining your light and closing doors.

There are four places monsters can get you. Two side doors, leading into hallways, a middle closet (where Foxie will sneak in starting on Night 3) and your bed, where the Freddy plush will turn into Satan if you don't look frequently enough (much like Foxie/Balloon Boy from FNAF and FNAF 2). The closet is pretty simple: shine the light in there, if Foxie is in there (often accompanied by a creepy noise) close the door until he backs off. The side doors are a little more complicated. Moving to them has you stare out into darkness. Should Bonnie (left) or Chica (right) be there and you shine your light on them, they kill you dead. You instead have to listen carefully for sounds, and if you hear movement/breathing/anything, shut the door until the noises stop.

It's pretty creepy, and a really novel concept for the series. FNAF 2 used sound as a sort of "early warning" for those observent (vents made noises, as did Balloon Boy), but for FNAF 4 it's required. Which was probably so that when you are scared, the screams of the attack blow your eardrums out. Seriously, the sounds of them outside are way too quiet, but I'm not cranking my volume just to get jumpscared into space here. That should probably be addressed.

All clear.

As you would imagine from Scott, he does clever things with sound. One hallway has a clock that will chime, throwing you off. The other has outside windows where you might spot things. You can also sometimes see them lurking in the background, moving out of the light as you shine it. It's genuinely creepy and evokes that feeling you had as a child, up late at night and worried for what might be in the dark corners of your room or hallways. Having to physically move (as you, the child, is very small) from area to area only adds to the suspense.

Unfortunately, it's with the gameplay that FNAF 4 falters. See, you really only do those four things, and you just do them over and over again. Check door, check closet, check other door, check bed. You could just make a circle over and over again. Sitting in the middle of the room gives you no indication of what to do next (unlike in previous games, where backing out of the cameras was often essential to survive), so you might as well just shuffle around the whole time. If you have good enough hearing, you can kind of play this game on autopilot. That isn't to say it is easy; the randomness of the jumps make it seem almost unfair in how quickly things can go from "nobody is around" to "Chica's Cupcake murdered you," but at it's core you just check four places, over and over, and that's the whole game.

One might argue the other FNAF games are similar, and that's a bit true, but it did better masking it. FNAF 1 and 2 you had to keep tabs on where creepers were, so you at least had an idea of when they were coming and how close they were. FNAF 3 slipped a bit with the random scares, but I liked having only one Springtrap to keep tabs on (kind of like Alien Isolation). Here, it seems almost completely random. I died at 1 AM on Day 2 by glancing over to the right door (where I'd been checking and had no indication of change), shone the light, and got Chica'd. It felt almost completely random, and without any "overview" like what the cameras provided, the gameplay gets stale fast.

My, what big teeth you have.

The only final thing worth mentioning is the strange "minigame" between nights. Here, a toy Springtrap sits on a chair. Shine your light and you'll stop him from moving, but your goal is to "catch" him when he's standing on the X nearest you. There is no strategy here; it's completely random, and if you say "bollucks to you!" and just turn your light off, he jumpscares you. The reward for catching him is two hours shaved off the next night, which is not only a weird reward, but completely breaks the immersion of the game. How does this work in context of a terrified child hunted by his nightmares? It's a really strange inclusion, and honestly just felt like Scott wanted to stick Springtrap in the game somewhere, so we got this.

Graphically, this is easily the best in the series. The designs for the nightmare versions of the animatronics we've all grown to loath are appropriately horrific. The complete pitch black of looking out into the hallways (though realistically the right hallway would have some outside light shining in) evokes a primal childhood fear in me, and even though I keep saying "just turn on the lights and close all the doors, dummy!" I really liked the idea of being a child haunted by nightmares. Powerlessness is a theme of these games, and FNAF 4 nails that better than any other in the series. It's just a damned shame you're stuck in that one room, doing the same four things over and over again.

There's a monster in my closet.

So...is it scary? It's certainly nerve-wracking. I had the same "I can't play more than a few minutes of this at a time" reaction that I had with all the games. I'd say it's the tensest since the first game (were I to rate them in terms of a "Nathan-Has-To-Take-a-Break-o-Meter," it would probably be 4, 1, 2, 3) and again, I really like the child theme. I also like how it ties up story bits with a fairly tragic and actually emotional side-story, presented between levels in the usual "retro graphics" style used in the previous games.

To be frank, however, I'm pretty disappointed. While the previous three games have been scary, I've still considered them fun to play. There was a sort of manic chaos that permeated them and exacerbated the already rising tension I felt at trying to not get murdered by Chuckie Cheese monsters. This time around, you can see the seams a little too much. The text tutorial, weird minigame, and routine gameplay breaks down what would otherwise be the best game in the series, at least tonally. The high bar of entry (you'll have to have played 1-3 to understand 4) and unfair monster movements just make the game feel like a chore, something FNAF 2 almost slipped into but just missed. It's a damned shame.

It's like all my childhood nightmares made flesh. Or...robot, I guess.

As it stands, this is the first FNAF game I'll only recommend if you already like (and have played) the other games in the series. It's a decent enough closing note, and its heart is certainly in the right place, and holy cow mad props to Scott for churning out four totally decent games in under a year. But I think the formula is finally starting to get stale, and it's a good thing he hung up his hat on a still (reasonably) high note. If you love the series, you'll still enjoy this one, but remember it's better to burn out than fade away. Also this game (like the rest of the series) I swear is funner to watch others play rather than play yourself. Which is probably why YouTubers love it to death.

I still wasn't ready for Freddy, but I'm sad to see him go.

Three out of five stars

(but if you haven't played or have no interest in this series, shave a star off).

Finally, an appropriate time to use "2spooky4me"

Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth

The Short

Pros

- An actual new, linear Castlevania game. In 2009. Whaaaa

- Graphics look appropriately 16-32 bit with some fantastic pixel art

- Gameplay feels shockingly familiar to Rondo of Blood/Bloodlines era of the series

- Multiple paths through levels encourage replaying

- Difficulty and continue settings make the game accessible

- A "classic" mode adds old jump controls (vs in-air control) and locks non-traditional sub-weapons

- Music is kick-ass and sounds exactly like it would if the Genesis and SNES had a love child

Cons

- Picking up a subweapon on accident doesn't give you the option to retrieve the old one. Come on!

- Game gets pretty damn hard starting on Level 3

- Only five stages and the final boss "stage"

- Split paths are cool but don't unlock anything like they do in Rondo of Blood

- Is tied in name to Castlevania: The Adventure, which was a really stupid thing to associate ones-self with

This whole experience has been shocking.

The Long

So, this game was supposed to be awful. It really was. It was a few months before Lords of Shadow came out, "rebooting" the franchise and ultimately killing it. Konami decides to release a Wiiware exclusive Castlevania game (maybe to make up for the fact that Lords of Shadow wasn't coming to Wii), and based on the title it sounds like a remake of Castlevania: The Adventure. You know? The worst Castlevania game ever made? Yeah. That one.

I only even gave this game a shot because I wanted my Castlevania review binge to be complete, and figured even a remake of The Adventure couldn't be any worse than the original. Well, I was right. It isn't worse. In fact, it's one of the best Castlevania games. No, really. I'm as shocked as you are. Maybe even more, actually. Because I'm pretty damn shocked.

Anyway, let's talk about this.

This looks a bit familiar.

First thing to point out: this isn't actually a remake of Castlevania: The Adventure. In fact, the only thing that carries over is the eyeballs (but they don't explode anymore) and the fact that you can get a whip that shoots projectiles. Hell, they even cut the remixed song from Castlevania: The Adventure from the game (which sucks, frankly, because that song is awesome). Oh, and it's the same Belmont (Christopher), in what little story it presents.

Aside from that, Rebirth is a whole different beast. And thank god for that, because Rebirth is a phenomenal Castlevania game.

This is a linear Castlevania game. Unlike all the Game Boy Advance and DS titles, Rebirth is sticking with the basics, making this the first linear Castlevania game since Castlevania Chronicles on the PS1 (which was a remake of Castlevania 1). And as such, you traverse stages in a semi-linear fashion, gathering power-ups, hunting for wall-chicken to refill your health, and wishing the stairs were all gone (though they aren't as bad this time around). You gather orbs to power up your whip, and while getting a second orb grants you a ranged attack (like the Game Boy games), it is only temporary. I imagine this is in response to having sub-weapons in the game, but still provides a cool throwback to it's Adventure source. I like it.

Also, this game can get quite tricky.

Despite being released in 2009, I'm pleased to say Konami didn't skimp on the difficulty. While the game does have branching paths (the trickier they are to find, usually the easier they are to traverse), there is some mad difficult platforming and level design in this game. While it isn't perfect (the difficulty seems to fluctuate a bit, espeically considering how hard Stage 3 is), this sure feels a lot like old-school Castlevania. Not Castlevania III: Drac in the Box hard, mind you, but on par with Rondo of Blood or Bloodlines at the very least. I'm a huge fan.

If you aren't a huge fan (or were raised on the more lenient Metroid-vania offerings of the series), the game does have difficulty settings as well as life settings (up to 9, with unlimited continues). Easy isn't quite a cakewalk (since most of the later stages [stage 3, again] have more platforming challenges than enemy challenges), but it's certainly simpler than old-school linear 'vania's. Normal feels like a great fit, and there's even a Hard setting if you thought Castlevania III: This Joke is Getting Old was too easy. You masochist.

Also, there is a LOT of eyeballs.

The game plays great. The whip has appropriate wind-up, sub-weapons are essential (though, as always, the cross is the best). Item-crash or acrobatics (from Rondo) aren't here, and neither is multi-dimensional whipping (from Super). This is just a very by-the-numbers Castlevania experience, similar to Bloodlines. And ya'll know how I feel about Bloodlines.

One big difference is you initially have in-air control over your jumps, rather than the unalterable arch. Those who read these reviews probably know how I feel about that (I like my jumps like I like my significant others: dedicated yet uncontrollable), but after beating just one stage unlocks "Classic" mode. This returns the engagement-ring style of jumping, as well as removes all sub-weapons except the bottle and the cross (the only two you need, so no biggie). Brilliant touch, Konami. Those who like their Castlevanias this way can enable it should they desire, while everybody else can have their wamby-pamby, easy-mode in-air modern platformer jumping controls. WHO NEEDS IT?! 

3spooky5me

Stages are well built throughout is the point, and it can feel as classic or modern (or anywhere in-between) as you want. While Rebirth doesn't really do anything too crazy or that hasn't been done before, it just does it all so...well. I'd claim they were pandering to me if this wasn't exactly how I've wanted to be pandered to as they released game after game of Metroid-vania titles. Between the tricky platforming, familiar enemies (and some new ones!), obnoxious stair-climbing, and monkey skeletons on ropes (which you, sadly, can't climb anymore), this is about as Castlevania as it gets. I love it.

The only thing that feels under-utilized is the branching paths. While I appreciate them (obviously a nod to Rondo of Blood), in Rondo they often were more than just another route. Frequently they'd unlock entirely new stages, new bosses, or even new characters (Maria). This is not the case here: split paths are just for funsies, some harder and others easier than the "standard" route. It would've been cool to offer unlocks or something by going down these paths (like a Simon skin for Christopher, etc.), but alas, it was not to be.

Final gripe: picking up a subweapon doesn't let you change your mind and pick up the other one (i.e. you don't drop it, it just vanishes into space). This is especially obnoxious if you pick up the key before a boss (which does jack all ) and now...tough luck, nerd! Good job trying to key Dracula's car to death!

Oh, and the game is pretty short. I said the last gripe was my final one, but too bad. To be fair, the stages themselves are pretty freaking long (each with a mid-level boss as well as the final one), but the fact there's only five of them and a "final boss" stage is too bad.

Death is still a huge jerk.

I'm in love with this game's graphics. While it isn't the best pixel art around the board (some of the enemies look a little...bad, like the mermen), nearly every enemy has original sprite art (we finally aren't using the Medusa Head sprite from Rondo anymore! It only took seven freaking games!), and the game even tosses in a few brand-new enemies (and bosses) to test your mettle. Everything is hand-pixelated, without any of the pseudo-3D cheap tricks people like to sneak into their 2D (or 2.5D) platformers these days. Even when things are falling apart (like the bridge in the pic up there), the way it breaks into chunks looks very SNES/Genesis style of sprite manipulation. I love all of it; it all looks fantastic. If Shovel Knight was meant to emulate a NES, Rebirth perfectly emulates the 16-bit era.

Music is also on-point in so many ways. Every song is a remix, which I am all about. Even better, they chose to remix a few lesser known songs (the opening level is a Bloodlines remix, which means instant 10/10, perfect game). The midi mix they used sounds like a weird hybrid between the SNES and Genesis sound chips (though more of the latter) and I love it. I love all of it. They even remixed the best song from Belmont's Revenge, which I thought Konami forgot existed. Like, I'm gushing now, but this soundtrack is boss hog. 

This is my kind of Castlevania.

So color me completely surprised or whatever, but Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth is a damned fine Castlevania game, a wholly original linear Castlevania experience, and one that came out in freaking 2009. I'm still having difficultly fathoming this.

It has great gameplay, varying levels of difficulty to appeal to newcomers and hardcore fans alike, the graphics and music are phenomenal, and the levels are built smartly and are equal parts punishing and fun. It's a great Castlevania game.

If I had to force a gripe on it (aside from the small points I've mentioned already), it's that Rebirth, while solid, never quite reaches the heights found in the best of the linear Castlevanias. Maybe I'm rose-tinting here, but there's a tightness in Castlevania 1 and Bloodlines that this game is lacking. Barely. Also it doesn't really try anything new (aside from a handful of original enemies) or steal that might have been too controversial (Richtor's moveset, Bloodline's whip-swing, etc.). It's as basic as it can get.

And I'm totally ok with this. For a $10 downloadable WiiWare title, this game seems like a bloody miracle that it even exists. If you have any affinity for the linear Castlevania games, you must get Rebirth. I can't believe I'm recommending something associated (if only a little) with Castlevania: The Adventure, but there you go. Get it. Right now.

Four out of five stars. 

Also, shame on you Konami for not using this song! Shame, shame, shame!

Castlevania: Legends

The Short

Pros

- Another handheld Castlevania game! Yay?

- Stars the first solo female protagonist in Castlevania history. And her hair is awesome!

- Magic system (replacing subweapons) is a pretty decent idea

- More control over jumps makes platforming a lot easier

- Has an easy ("Light") mode for those who suck

- Actually has...a plot? Whaaaaaaaaaa

- Attempts to mimic Symphony of the Night with its expansive levels

Cons

- "Expansive levels" is code for "lots of dead ends"

- Graphics look bad, especially character/enemy sprites

- Music also ranges from "just ok" to "my ears, my ears!"

- Auto-grabbing ropes is gone (why...?)

- Enemies frequently seem to have only the most basic of AI (walk off cliffs or target in on you and never leave)

- Entire plot was retconned out of Castlevania canon, because having the Belmonts be descended from Alucard and Sonia was a little too weird.

- Is like...$60 on eBay. WAY OVERPRICED.

Is it legend-wait for it....-dary?

The Long

So far we've had a catastrophic failure GB Castlevania game and a pretty damn good GB Castlevania game. So for the third installment, Konami regulated the game to a side-team, KCEN, who were also responsible for the (cancelled) Sega Saturn port of Symphony of the Night. That should be an unfortunate indication of where this review is heading already.

It's also worth pointing out that Castlevania: Legends was released after Symphony of the Night, which meant my comment in my review of Castlevania: Bloodlines (saying it was the last linear Castlevania game that wasn't a remake or a re-release) was wrong. So much for research, but I'm just gonna keep it that way. Why? Because Bloodlines is awesome and Legends is bad.

Whoops, getting ahead of myself. Let's break this down, shall we?

Sonia Belmont, retconned out of history.

The plot follows Sonia Belmont, and was meant to be a prequel to the series. She wields the first Vampire Killer whip (the one passed down the Belmont lineage for generations), and due to some weird plot things later it is implied that all the Belmonts are descended from Sonia and Alucard (?!). But that isn't super important. What is important is vampires need killing, and Sonia is the most badass person around so she gets the job done. She's also the first solo female protagonist in a Castlevania game (where Castlevania III: Drac's Back, Jack had Sypha and Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin had Charlotte, and also Rondo of Blood let you play as Maria with some unlocks), which is a pretty neat idea! I think it would be cool to have more badass female vampire killers in the Castlevania series, especially if their hair was as rad as Sonia's.

It's unfortunate, therefore, that the game she's in is pretty damn bad.

SPOOKY GHOST SPOOKY

Ok, "bad" might be a little much. "Bland and mediocre" might be more appropriate.

Castlevania: Legends looks at everything done in the previous Game Boy game (Belmont's Revenge) and says, "Eh, what? Auto-climbing ropes? Tight controls? Single-room challenges? Enemies that actually have patterns that make sense? Who neeeeeeeeds em?" and then proceeds to make a bloated mess of a Castlevania game. It is clear that they played Symphony of the Night and wanted to incorporate some of the "open world" style decision making in their level designs. But while this sort of worked in a linear game in Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse Hearse, here it's just an unmitigated disaster.

Levels have next to no thought put into them. Frequently, these "branching paths" will simply lead to dead ends, resulting in unnecessary backtracking. Further exacerbating this is the constant, reckless respawn time of enemies. Often an enemy will appear, you'll back up to land an attack and kill it, only to have it instantly respawn when continuing right. This happens constantly. 

And don't even get me started about the traps. Because I'm about to talk about the traps.

Pictured: Aforementioned "traps"

Sometimes (often at random but rarely as part of the "plot"), you'll whip a candle and instead of getting a delicious heart or coin, the floor will disappear beneath you. You'll then be trapped in a room with enemies you are forced to kill in waves (yes, wave based murder in a 2D platformer) until the room frees you. You get no reward for this, just the ability to continue your adventure. It's about as absurdly frustrating as it sounds.

Sophia controls decently. You don't downgrade your weapon ever (even when getting hit) which is nice, and she has the projectile-whip that Christopher had in the other Game Boy games. What's appreciated is you do have a slight bit of in-air control with the jumps this time around, though the game doesn't use this to make platforming any more interesting. In fact, most of the platforming is delightfully bland, making Simon's Quest's layouts look inspired. This is coupled with enemies (bats and ghosts in particular) who just straight up ram into you over and over with no escape. Imagine getting hit again and again but a crappy bat, whipping and trying to hit it but missing because it's sprite is literally on top of you. This is the enemy AI in Castlevania: Legends. Frustrating.

You also got this big doofus.

Which is interesting, because most of the bosses are cakewalks. Well, to a point. You see that "B" beneath your lifebar? What do you think that is? Well, if you've played any other 2D Castlevania ever made, you'll say "the stage boss's health bar."

Wrong. You IDIOT. 

The stage boss has no health bar. That's right, a Castlevania game with no boss health bar. You just kind of whip all over and hope he dies before you do. Great strategy.

Luckily, Sofia has this totally badass "light myself on fire so Ninjas can't get me" powerup that she can use once per stage. It makes her invincible and doubles her damage for a brief moment (you activate it by pressing all the buttons at once, thank me later). It's a cool idea, but pretty much you'll only use it for bosses, which makes an already easy boss fight even simpler.

Ceiling worms are the worst of her problems.

Lastly, subweapons are gone. Well, sort of. You can't get the traditional ones (well, you can find them, but they're just collectibles. Yeah, I don't know either. I picked up an axe and then couldn't use it, really intuitive). Instead, after beating a stage you get a magic, which you can then switch to as it is added to your arsenal. This is actually a decent idea (allowing you to switch up magics on the fly), but it means the first few levels are super-boring as you only have one (or none) subabilities. Cool in concept, bad in execution, like the majority of this game.

All together, the gameplay in Legends is a massive letdown after Belmont's Revenge. I appreciate the attempt to add more branching pathways and change the subweapon system, but everything just seems like a misstep. Tacked onto boring enemy placement, levels that have dead ends and backtracking, and super easy bosses, and you're looking at a subpar Castlevania experience.

Plus...the graphics. Just...ugh.

Castlevania: Legends looks bad. I honestly think it looks worse than The Adventure, which is the nicest thing The Adventure has had said about it since it was released. Everything is super thin but with a black outline, which leaves little room for any detail. Enemies have awful animations (especially after how good they were in Belmont's Revenge) and next to no detail. The backgrounds are sparse, especially when compared to the previous Game Boy games, with mostly just plain white rather than any detail. With the exception of the status bar on the bottom (where the slightly shaded health bar actually looks nice), Legends looks atrocious.

It also sounds really bad. While I appreciate some of the classic tunes showing up here, they seem bit-crunched to death when translated to the Game Boy's hardware. While Belmont's Revenge and even The Adventure managed to make do with the system's limitations, Legends seems like they just didn't care and shoved the songs in without even listening to them themselves.

I got Bloody Tears just listening to this. Ha ha ha! Urrrrgh...

I am now faced with a once-in-a-lifetime extremely difficult decision, a reverse Sophie's Choice if you will. I've been wrestling with this for a few days now, and I feel no closer to reaching a conclusion. Basically, the question is this: is Castlevania Legends worse than Castlevania: The Adventure, the same, or a little better? Believe it or not, this is actually where we're at right now. At least Castlevania: The Adventure isn't rare, so eBay carts are in the sub $10 range. Legends is now a "collector's item," which means you'd have to pay $60+ to get an actual Game Boy cartridge. That's just...insult to injury right there.

All in all, I'd probably give Castlevania: Legends a one and a half star rating, but we don't do half stars here. So because I liked the cutscenes (and the gameplay was too easy rather than Game Boy-throwing furious [with the exception of the trap rooms]), I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and round up. I still highly, highly suggest avoiding it unless you are some sort of collector. Besides, the entire plot of this game got removed from the canon when Castlevania: Lament of Innocence came out on the PS2, making what little relevance Legacy had evaporate. You could say it's Legacy was...not having a legacy.

Yeah, that joke could have probably used some work (much like Legends! Ha! Ok, I'll stop).

Two out of five stars. 

Sorry Sofia, your good Castlevania game is in another castle.