God of War: Chains of Olympus

The Short

Pros
- Faithfully replicates the God of War experience on the PSP
- Does well with its limited controls to streamline the experience
- Graphics look quite good for a PSP game
- Story is an interesting prequel to the first God of War that answers a lot of plot hole questions
- Well crafted through and through

Cons
- Too short
- Hardly any bosses
- Rolling, a crucial move, is mapped to the two shoulder buttons rather than a second analog stick
- Blocking has a weird slight lag that isn't present in the other games
- Story doesn't quite reach the same level of grandioseness as the previous games

It's God of War, on the go!

The Long

While I was burning through the console released games, I had no idea that the series had moved on to the PSP. I honestly regarded them as smaller spinoff games, thinking there was no way they could possibly emulate the crazy action of the original series with a different developer and made on a handheld.

I am pleased to say that I was very wrong.

God of War: Chains of Olympus was a game released after God of War II but before God of War III. Slated as a prequel to the first God of War game, it aimed to explore a bit of Kratos' past right before the start of game number one. So, did they somehow manage to pack the whole God of War experience into the PSP? You bet, though it isn't quite the slamming experience we've come to expect. 

This game has a great sense of scale, just like the numbered games. 

Kratos is trapped in the service of the gods, hoping that working for Athena will eventually earn the removal of the horrifying memories he earned murdering his family. Before asked to kill Ares, he was enlisted on other menial tasks, such as stopping a Persan invasion of Atticus. This is where our story beings: Persia invading Greece, and Kratos kicking their butts back to the stone age. After crushing their army and defeating the legendary Basilisk, this bit of the plot is completely ignored and never brought up again.

No, the real story is that Helios, the god of the sun (whom Kratos kills and uses his head as a flashlight in God of War III) has been taken and Morpheus, god of dreams, is putting a deep sleep over all of creation. For some reason Kratos is immune (while the other gods are not), and is tasked by Athena to bring the sun back and reawaken the world. 

While the story is unique (since it's one of the few where the end goal isn't to murder something), unfortunately most of the story beats don't really show up until the very end of the game. What does show up, however (when Kratos is, yet again, in the underworld) is actually quite good. Without too many spoilers I can say this game has Kratos' daughter as a key player (in the underworld), and unlike God of War III it doesn't feel tacked on at all. It also explains that big plot hole we've all been thinking: if Kratos loves his family so much, why doesn't he just kill himself and join them in the underworld? Chains of Olympus does well answering this question and providing a rather dramatic arch for Kratos, and also answering the question regarding how Atlas knew Kratos in God of War II. While the story isn't as strong as God of War, what little it has it uses much better than both God of War II and III combined. Again, the real pity is that it's all mostly condensed into the last third of the game. 

It seems there is, in fact, a reasonably tolerable place in the underworld.

Chains of Olympus in the gameplay department feels like a hybrid between the first and second game, if stripped down a bit. The Spartian Wrath ability (activated by clicking the sticks on the PS2 controller) has been removed due to buttons, and the magic and sub-weapons have also been decreased. Dodging, which was mapped to the right stick on the PS2, has been replaced by pressing R1 and L1 at the same time and a direction, which works decently though not quite as precise. All the combos, however, are all still here in full force, with the game running extremely smooth and keeping the same addicting feel of combat.

Honestly, the "God of War Lite" feel is actually an improvement. All three console God of War games have had several abilities and weapons that were completely useless. By removing a handful of them, Chains of Olympus actually feels a bit of a tighter experience. That is to say, I'm not crying over the removal of abilities, as it just means I used the ones I had more frequently.

You spin me right round, baby, right round

Perhaps the real weakness of Chains of Olympus is that of it being about 2/3 the length (or less) of a regular God of War game, and the fact that it doesn't quite reach the same majestic scale as the main games. The areas Kratos visits look fantastic but there's a lot of repetition, with only a few near the end really standing out. As for the length, I was able to beat the entire game on a slow Sunday, though it does have a substantial amount of replay value should you want to go off on the quest again.

"Lucy! I'm home!"

Graphically this game looks quite impressive for a PSP game, with Readyatdawn knocking it out of the park with some downright eye-popping visuals on the little handheld system. There are plenty of big, nasty enemies and some great effects and lighting. It isn't up to the scope of, say, God of War II, and at times the resolution can make everything appear a bit grainy, but as a whole this is one of the best looking PSP games you could get your hands on, and fulfills the series' promise of having their games be the peak visually on their platforms.

Sound and music is also quite good, though most of the music is recycled from the first numerical God of War games. Voice acting across the board is astounding and, when paired with the strong story, work well to convey a depth to Kratos' character and the world he resides in that isn't found in many other games of the series.

Kame...hame...ha!

Chains of Olympus is God of War Lite, but this is hardly a negative thing. In fact, it's quite a decent little God of War game. For those craving further adventures after finishing off the trilogy, Readyatdawn has crafted an excellent God of War game here whose only real limitation is it's bad story pacing and short length. Still, the time I had with it was quite a bit of fun, and I really do appreciate a more mature take on the nature of Kratos as a character, with some of the final bits of story being both clever, dramatic, and emotionally powerful.

It isn't one of the best God of War games, but I certainly liked it much better than God of War III. If you are a fan of the series, you should check this one out.

Three out of five stars. 

Plus you get a giant, goofy looking fist, so there's that. 

God of War III

The Short

Pros
- Finale in the fantastic action-game trilogy
- Possibly the most refined variation of the core combat to date
- Absolutely insane setpieces with some of the best graphics I've ever seen in any game to date
- Seriously, this game looks so good your eyes will bleed
- Fantastic voice work, sound effects, and soundtrack (as usual)
- Lengthy quest that takes you all over the place and back again

Cons
- The final nail on the coffin that was the sympathy for Kratos' character
- Not just a character failure, but the story itself is incredibly weak and convoluted
- Seriously, there's so many cliches, plot holes, and downright despicable moments it's hard to not fixate on them
- All the bonus weapons except the massive fists are pretty much useless. Just stick to the Blades
- Doesn't feel quite as good to play as the previous two games; the "weight" of the weapons felt off
- Seriously though, a little girl? A weird dream sequence? That ending?! Man, where did this series go so far off track?

Pushing the "M" rating to its limits

The Long

I think it's worth mentioning before I start this review: I really do like the God of War trilogy, probably more than it deserves. They just feel so...so good to play. Plus they have a sense of scale and dip into the wonderful richness of Greek mythology that I can't help but be engrossed (and grossed out) as I play through them. God of War was an absolutely incredible revelation, a complete package through and through that came out of nowhere. God of War II improved on the combat but began to lose sight of the original creative vision in terms of the storytelling. Despite this, both are two of my absolute most favorite games from the past console generation.

Which is why it hurts me to say how much I just didn't enjoy God of War III. 

God of War III is the end. It proudly pronounced this in all its advertising, trying to get a similar Halo 3 "Finish the Fight" vibe. This is the part where Kratos murders all the gods on Olympus and, at last, gets his revenge that only started in the second game. This is also the game where any hope I still had that this game would use the fantastic storytelling elements of the first game to build into something great was shattered, and when I got so upset with the series that I actually quit it for several years.

And on that positive note, let's overanalyze this, shall we?

Guess what. Kratos is still angry. 

Let me say one thing first: I get a bit annoyed when people dismiss these games as stupid, gory action games that have no redeeming qualities. I mean, you guys are right, but I would have to disagree when it comes to the first God of War (and Ghost of Sparta on the PSP). As stated in previous reviews, God of War used its gory, over-the-top awfulness to better convey Kratos' character in a way that actually tied in really well with the story. I saw his brutality as a man yearning for release, absolutely haunted and (frankly) destroyed by this mistakes of his past. His violence was all he had left, a mask to hide how completely and utterly ruined as a human being he was. Had they expanded on this original promise in the second and third games, these might have gone down as some fantastic pieces of storytelling, a downright modern Greek tragedy where the corrupt, arrogant hero gets his come-uppance and there's a life lesson to be learned.

This is not to be found in God of War III.

I'm going to try my best to not go on about this, I really am, because I don't want to bore people who don't care. But God of War III is (in terms of its story and character development) utterly and completely irredeemable, much like Kratos himself. There are just so many things that are done completely wrong here (and almost offensively so in how they poorly attempt to tamper with our emotions) that I could write whole essays on this, but instead I'll condense it to two key things: Kratos as a character, and the story upon which this series is based (and concludes) on. 

Kratos: maybe the worst person ever. 

I make mention that I felt Kratos was actually an excellent and surprisingly "adult" character coming out of God of War. Had they expanded on this original blueprint, he could have easily evolved into a three-dimensional, flawed, and very sympathetic character.

I was worried after the second game that they weren't taking Kratos in a good direction, removing what made him interesting (his suppressed humanity) and adding more of what made him boring (his generic rage and childish arrogance), but he wasn't completely ruined. I thought they could fix this in the third game, tying it all together and making it work (kind of what they did in Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones, even if it wasn't perfect). Hint: they don't.

There is so little to Kratos as a character in this game I think even calling him a "character" might be going too far. Kratos exists to do two things: scream bloody revenge at anything that moves and then kill said thing in a horrific way. Enemies, allies, gods, titans, innocents, those guilty; everybody. Kratos never once pauses to think of the damage his actions are causing (as the world falls to ruin as each god is slain) and never once shows any remorse for his actions. He also never seems to care about what happened to his family, the key driving force in the first game (though I guess the storywriters in II and III were too shallow to understand that his revenge was an effect, not a cause. The cause was the mistake, the effect was his desired revenge against Ares). Kratos exists simply as a mechanism to murder, which I think is a damn shame.

There is a small scene near the very end where we enter Kratos' mind and see a bit of the pent up remorse for all the awful things he'd done, and for a second I had hope that finally Kratos would realize what he'd become and succumb. But, nope, it just ends with an even more brutal, first person finisher of the final boss. Why did you even put this in the game? To tease me? You all suck.

Point being: this game was the nail on "Kratos as Character"'s coffin. I downright hated the guy after the first hour of the game, hating him so much it actually made it hard for me to continue playing.

Punch 'em good, Kratos. That's all you're good for. 

The story this character destruction is "woven" over doesn't fare much better. The second game at least knew it didn't have any story and thus didn't try to force any contrived scenes or out-of-place plot arcs on us. This game, however, isn't so lucky. Very quickly Kratos burns all his bridges and ends up back in the underworld (AGAIN. He seriously goes there in every single game except Ghost of Sparta, where he goes to the "land of the dead" instead. Much better, that.), swearing revenge on literally everything in creation. Athena, who died at the end of #2, is also somehow...back? And never really explained? If she can come back, why not Ares? Or all the gods Kratos kills, for that matter? Never mind; they needed someone to tell you what to do, so she's back. Great.

It just keeps falling apart at every turn. We are introduced to Pandora, a little girl who apparently opened the box (which we used in the first game to kill Ares), and now she exists to be sort of Kratos' humanity or something. But she is never used correctly, and when bad things happen to her, Kratos' reactions are so half-assed I have no idea what's actually going on in his head. They couldn't even use the bland little girl plot device effectively! How do you screw that up?

There's some contrived thing about needing the flame of olympus and Pandora's box to kill Zeus, which makes no sense because I almost killed him just fine with the sword of Olympus at the end of game 2, so much so that Athena sacrificed herself to save him and I doubt she would have if she knew he was in no real danger as this third game says, but whatever... continuity is for chumps. It basically just turns in to Kratos murdering everything for more are more obscure and contrived reasons until you get to the end.

WARNING: I AM GOING TO SPOIL THE END OF THIS GAME UNTIL THE NEXT IMAGE.

Ok, so the ending of God of War III is an unmitigated disaster on every front. In short, Pandora sacrifices herself (in what I'm guessing was supposed to be an emotional moment for Kratos and the player? Because it isn't) to bring "Hope" back. Except apparently Kratos...had "hope" from the start? Also it seems when Kratos opened the box it sent corruption and evil into the world, which is what made the gods all dislike Kratos. Oh...kay? So you are trying to justify my slaughter by saying all the gods were corrupt? I'm pretty sure they all hated Kratos because he acted like an enormous asshole and baby constantly, and the gods bicker all the time anyway. Also, if you introduce that at the end it looks phoned in (because it was) rather than actually, I don't know, MAKING SENSE.

So Kratos goes into his own psyche as stated previously and learns nothing because he brutally murders Zeus and thus all the gods of Olympus are dead, the world they kept in balance is completely destroyed (though in the other games when you killed the gods nothing bad happened. Um...ok?), and Kratos is left alone with the ghost of Athena who wants the power of Hope for whatever reason. That was like...her scheme this whole time?

Let me state something fast here: if it sounds like this is all just piling up at the end, it's because it was. None of this is foreshadowed, hinted at, or even mentioned during the course of the entire series or game. It's all just expositioned all over you during the final half hour or so. 

Anyway, to finish this off here, Kratos decides to give Athena the finger one last time and stabs himself in the chest, destroying hope and screwing the world over as well as any final glimmer of hope I had that he'd be a decent character. Except wait...maybe he isn't dead?! The post credits reveal hints at that, which also makes no sense because if he's still alive Athena could get what he wants.

This is the point: this is one of the worst endings of any game series I've ever played in my life, and it makes me wonder why this game didn't get so much flack for it like Mass Effect 3 did (which had a mediocre ending but this one is far worse). It basically just takes a huge dump on God of War and everything the first game stood for, leaving a sour taste in my mouth so bad it actually tainted my opinion of the rest of the series.

Ok, I'm done with the story now, promise. 

Back to using a god's head as a flashlight.

Combat wise, God of War III fares a lot better. Most of the combos are still carried over from the first two games, with a few minor exceptions, all for the better. The triple Triangle (aka ultimate heavy attack) has been retimed and animated so it's much more useful, but the best improvement is the fact that they finally figured out what to do with the L1+Square button combo. In previous games it usually did a useless, unbreakable combo, but in this game it's like a grapple move. Kratos shoots his chains out at whomever you are targeting and slams himself into them, closing the distance and doing a good deal of damage. It's great for getting close to dodging enemies for finishers, and while it does make the game a little too easy, it's the best use of that button combination to date.

Another great improvement is the magic, to a point. The "generic ranged" ability now takes energy from its own, regenerating bar rather than your magic meter, meaning ranged attacks are a much more viable option. Magic is tied to the new sets of weapons you get, which is also a great idea, though of the three replacement weapons you get only one is worth using ever, the heavy punchy fists. The other two are just variations on your chain swords that aren't as good as your chain swords, so screw 'em. 

Boom.

The pacing is still quite good, though I will admit it felt a bit slower at times when compared to the non-stop action of God of War II. While it's still better paced than most games, God of War III is certainly amongst the weakest in the series, where I did get a bit bored a few times. It also has some really annoying puzzles, which draw back from the fun as well, but overall it isn't enough to make you straight up stop playing.

I also felt the weapons didn't feel as...heavy as they did in the first two games. They really felt like they were making a solid impact when I struck guys in the first game, and this one they feel a bit more wispy. Maybe it's the new blood graphic or new sound effects or something, but I felt that none of the weapons has the same amount of punch. Still, it's an extremely solid action game with some of the best combat in the series (and certainly the most refined), so on that front I really can't complain.

Kratos has a new kite. 

This game is a graphical marvel. I still don't know how they got Kratos' muscles to look and move so realistically, and that level of detail carries over to the enemies, bosses, and landscapes. And man...the landscapes! You start the game fighting on the back of a giant, moving titan amongst other moving titans as they ascend Mount Olympus, every tree on her back rustling as she climbs, all in real time. It's absolutely staggering to watch.

The lighting is also worth mentioning, as it looks better than what most movie studios can pull off with a wide range of rendering software. Every bloody, gory bit is meticulously recreated in some genuinely stomach-wrenching scenes, so those of you who are gore-averse should seriously avoid this game. It was easy enough to tolerate in the first two games as the graphics made everything feel a bit less realistic, but this one doesn't hold back. There's some really nasty stuff here.

Music and voice work is stellar all around, even if the script is an abomination. The tunes aren't quite as good as the rest of the series, but they are certainly booming and catchy. The soundtrack for the whole trilogy is all on my computer, and I do listen to it frequently.

Kratos doesn't share trees.

Despite the horrific abomination that is God of War III's story, it's hard for me to be so quick to critique the rest of the game similarly as it is, still, extremely solid. I will admit it was getting a bit familiar at this point (mix up the combos once, why don't you?), but it all felt so tight and was set to such crazy action that I was willing to forgive. As far as action games go, God of War III is very, very solid, and tied with some incredible and unforgettable visual sequences.

That being said, the destruction of Kratos' character was so off-putting to me I found it hard to enjoy the game. Watching him brutally cut the legs off of Hermes wasn't interesting or enjoyable, it made me feel like an awful person. I was willing to forgive (and even revel; I'll admit it. Good stress relief) in these atrocities in the first two games because I felt the actions were justified. In this one, I felt like Kratos was the villain and everybody else was the good guy, so forgive me if hitting buttons to rip people to pieces makes me feel a bit bad. And yeah, I know what an "antihero" is, but Kratos is not an antihero. He's a psychopath who is completely unlikable, so much so that it completely taints the violence-glorifying game he's inserted into.

Games exist so that we can go places we can't in real life, either as ourselves (in terms of games with silent protagonists or with first-person views) or as other people. But when our eyes into this world become something we don't want to be, do we really want to continue? This medium is so unique and powerful, it really can be used to convey a whole new dimension of storytelling. God of War III squanders and, frankly, abuses this privilege. And for what purpose? Did this really sell more copies, turning off all mature players of your games? I understand I'm judging a God of War game by a higher standard, but it really should be judged that way. God of War was so good, and God of War III is so very, very far from that game's mark and vision. It's a damn shame this is how it ended.

I was torn between two and three stars, but I'm going to round up and give it three out of five, but the star rating shouldn't matter. My opinions on this game are absolutely clear. If you are capable of turning your brain off and just slaughtering tons of mythological things, this game will be perfect for you. But if not, expect a rather hearty amount of dissonance in your future. 

But at least it looks good. I guess. 

God of War Collection

The Short

Pros
- Two excellent action games together at last in HD and at a cheap price
- Both games look absolutely fantastic in HD and wide-screened
- Added trophy support for each game
- All the bonus content (interviews, etc.) is still here
- Started the "HD Re-Release" trend, for better or for worse

Cons
- In-game pre-rendered video as well as the bonus content is still SD
- No attempt to fix the polygonal sprites from the original God of War make a few look a little silly
- If you were already playing this with component cables on your PS2 + HDTV, it isn't that much better
- Might be some secret ploy to mooch money off you after taking backwards compatibility out of the PS3. Or maybe not. I dunno.

Pick your poison. 

The Long

It's pretty much common knowledge that I really enjoy the God of War games. Released at the end of the PS2's lifespan, they were a culmination of all the great advancements in action games we'd seen over that console's generation. Unfortunately, shortly after releasing the PS3, Sony axed all PS2 backwards compatibility from the system, which meant you couldn't play these game anymore on the most modern system.

Well, don't fret your little head, because Sony's got you covered. Released as a budget title, God of War Collection is the first two numbered games in the series re-released on one Blu-Ray disc for your playing pleasure. You already know I like these games, and if you want a more detailed lowdown on them read my other review (for God of War and God of War II, respectively). So how well do these games hold up after doing a generation switch? And is the "upgrade" worth picking up if you still own the original games?

These games looked great before. Now they look extra-great. 

The first thing you'll probably want to know is the biggest thing: how do the HD visuals look? And, not surprisingly, they look quite fantastic. Both God of War and God of War II had the benefit of being released near the end of the console's life, and as such already looked pretty incredible on their original system. Textures were detailed, models had high poly counts (especially in II), and thus the transition is very smooth. God of War sees a marked improvement, though bumping some of the less-good models up to HD reveals their flaws more, which is unfortunate. God of War II, however, was so damn good looking to begin with this HD upgrade just launches it into "absurd" territory. These up-rezed PS2 games look just as good as launch titles for this generation of games, no lie, and considering they still play so smooth and with such incredible setpieces, the improved graphics just serve as a means to further bedazzle.

The one major downside is the pre-rendered CGI movies. These were premade, and thus couldn't be given the HD treatment. As such they look...well, pretty awful, especially the God of War ones. There's a distinct visual clash of quality between the movies and the in-game stuff, and what was once a smooth transition is now a bit jarring (much like the Silent Hill HD Collection). This is also prevalent in the bonus video footage (all of which is here, which is awesome): it's all in SD quality. Not the worst thing in the world, but noticeable. 

Aim for the head!

All the gameplay is kept intact, down to the last detail. These are still high-octane action games with over-the-top brutality and violence. As stated, the improved graphics only make the more epic moments all the more...epic (I hate using that word), and increase the whole grandiose feel of the experience. The combat still holds up to this day and, while the hades spires still totally suck, at least you can better see what you are doing during the not as well designed portions of the games. 

There are a few other nice bonuses here, aside from the convenience of getting it on one disc for a cheap price. Trophies are included, a separate set for both games which, if you are the kind of person who likes achieving stuff, is a welcome addition. Both games are also launched individually, which is a bit of a pain but still works well enough I suppose. God of War is still limited to four saves, however, despite the PS3's change in its save system, which is a bit lame. 

These things still suck. 

What's great about video games is, unlike a lot of mediums, you could argue they never really get out of style. They just sort of age gracefully, which is why people are still buying old retro games and re-buying said games from Nintendo to this day. The God of War Collection is a mix of two of the finest action games crafted, compounded for you in a discounted package with ramped-up graphics as a bonus. If you have any interest in action games and own a PS3, this should pretty much be a no-brainer. Considering you can grab it from anywhere between $10-$20 (which is $5-$10 a game, which is an absolute steal), even if you just want to give it a run and see if you like it that's still in your price range. 

But what if you own a PS2 still and the original discs? Is it worth an upgrade? Well, I will admit that when comparing the HD re-release with my progressive scan component cabled PS2, the improvement was less dramatic. However, if you do own a PS3, I'd say it's still worth getting. The improved graphics are nice, but having them both on one disc is just convenient, not to mention all the bonus footage in one place and the added trophy support. It isn't necessary, but then again neither are video games in general, technically. So I'd still recommend it (heck, I own both games in PS2 form, and I still bought it).

Seeing as I gave both the games in this collection four out of five stars, it seems appropriate that this compilation receives the same scores. No HD remake can fix the downward disaster that was God of War II's story, but luckily another company did. But that'll wait for another God of War Collection review.

You still kill the Hyrda in the first five minutes of the game. Spoiler?

God of War II

The Short

Pros
- Improves on the original God of War formula in nearly every way
- Better combos, more enemies, and tons of bosses
- Easily the best looking game on the PS2 with some incredible texture and scale work
- Lengthy quest with a host of replay options
- A whole second disc of extras
- Setpieces are even more incredible and jaw-dropping than the first game
- An excellent Swan Song for the system

Cons
- Story and character are considerably worse than they were in the first game
- While everything is marginally improved, there are no new tricks in the combat
- Extra weapons are extra useless
- Magic is also pretty much recycled exactly from the first game
- Very dependent on its quick-time events to finish bosses, stages, and to get through the most awesome setpieces
- Still is over the top with it's gore, violence, and nudity

That's using your head.

The Long

God of War was a game that sort of came out of nowhere and blew people away. Little did the creators know, but their game was going to spawn a whole slew of similar games over the next few years. I like to think God of War and Resident Evil 4 played the two biggest roles in shaping this generation of games (that and Call of Duty 4): one introduced quick time events and the linear (but accessible  action game, the other popularized third person shooting (and CoD the military shooter). 

Be that as it may, before the imitators came swarming in on the next-gen systems, we got God of War II on the PS2. Essentially the final real game on the system (though sports and music games would continue to persist for a while after), God of War II had a lot to live up to. Considering how incredible and mind blowing the first game had been, does its sequel stack up?

In most ways yes, In some others, not so. 

That's using your...arms...

Kratos is angry. After being made the titular God of War at the end of the first game, everybody in Olympus is quickly realizing he was a much bigger jerk than Ares ever was. Athena tries to warn him that if he keeps acting like a spoiled jerk eventually the gods will retaliate, but he ignores them and continues. Of course, they act, and Zeus kills Kratos and absorbs his god-powers, sending him to the underworld (again). About to die, Gaia, the titan of the earth, reveals herself to be the narrator from the first game and asks Kratos for help to overthrow the gods. Reviving him, he runs off to the Island of Fate to talk to the Sisters of Fate to change his fate (I'm seriously getting some "Island of Time" vibes from Prince of Persia: Warrior Within here). He changes his fate, rallies the titans, and the game leaves off on an horrid cliffhanger. 

Without going into too much detail (though I am considering doing a video series on this at some point), God of War II was what ruined Kratos' character. In the original God of War he was three dimensional. He had flaws. He made mistakes that he regret. He once had people he cared about who were taken from him unfairly by the gods. His brutality was horrific but it also made sense, the stage set for his bloodlust and greed (should he continue to do it) to be his undoing. Greek tragedy, as it were. 

In this game, however, the Kratos they so carefully developed in the first game has been removed for a bloodthirsty maniac. He doesn't garner any sort of sympathy from the player in any respect, acting at first like a spoiled child and then like a deranged psychopath. While you could argue that these games are just power fantasies and not meant to have any depth, I would argue that the first game presented this series as something different (as did the PSP sequels, but more on that later). Regardless, the story to God of War II is weak, full of plot holes, and despite it's epicness in scale falls completely apart if you take a closer look. 

Orlando Bloom, eat your heart out. 

Luckily, despite its rather massive failings in the story department, God of War II exceeds expectations when it comes to gameplay and visual spectacle. In nearly every regard aside from story, God of War II is a perfect sequel. It's bigger, badder, and more badass. And interwoven amongst this fantastic gameplay is an adventure set to a scale previously unheard of. It's really something to behold.

You'll be traversing the cave of titans, falling off the very earth itself to converse with Atlas, summoning and riding a phoenix, and battling bosses hundreds of times your size. The first scene of the game is you fighting the Colossus of Rhodes. Yeah, the huge statue, while you are a tiny little guy. That's the tutorial level. God of War II holds back no punches when it comes to presenting itself as the most over-the-top, epic adventure to date.

Walk it off, Kratos. 

Gameplay is almost identical to the original God of War. All the same combos are there (with a few minor exceptions), though they still dont' know what to do with the L1+Square button combo (something not fixed until God of War III), so if you played the first game you'll be able to jump right in. The changes they did make were all for the better, editing reaction times and basically smoothing the combo system out to resemble a flowing stream. As always, you can always block or roll out of any combo at any time (with a few exceptions being obviously telegraphed as you do them so you'll learn), meaning your skill is based heavily on your reaction times. There's also still a hefty helping of quick time events to pull of to murder monsters, though the best of these give you multiple button choices for how you want to brutally off the baddies. 

The only real complaint is that it's a bit too samey. The magic spells are almost cookie-cutter identical from the first game. Zeus' lightning is replaced with a bow, Poseidon's lightning with lightning balls, and even another medusa is decapitated and its head used to stone enemies. The only real new addition is the variety of subweapons (a hammer and a spear) that replace your chain-blades should you so desire. These weapons are neat in theory and do have a lot of combos, but none are as well refined as your blades, so you'll never, ever use them. 

Some like it hot. 

It's hard to describe, but this game just feels good to play. The original God of War already did this exceptionally well, but God of War II's refinements make this one of the smoothest action games I've ever played. It isn't complex by any means, and if anything the game's pretty easy (even on the harder difficulties), but the effects are just flashy enough, the moves just quick enough, and everything flows together so flawlessly it's a difficult game to put down. Again, hard to describe without playing it, but God of War II's combat is immensely response and, thus, satisfying.

This is placed in setpieces that dazzle and amaze. Enemies are just as huge as they were in the first game, only there's more of them now. You'll be ripping the heads off cerberuses, slicing the limbs off undead, ripping out cyclops eyeballs, and more. There's loads more bosses, too. While there were only really two to speak of in the first game, in God of War II you can't cross the street without some figure from Greek mythology showing up and wanting you dead. The game is perfectly paced because of this, with the platforming almost completely gone (thank goodness), the puzzles more streamlined, leaving just tons of enemies to kill and bosses to fight. And, again, since it's set against some amazing locations, you'll always want to see what's around the next corner and what upgrade you can get next from your red XP orbs. 

That minotaur is...well, he's dead. 

Perhaps the only real flaw with the awesome action sequences (which include some fun chain-swinging that puts Castlevania to shame) is the fact that most are very dependent on the quick-time events. Though I will admit the God of War series does them right: they always seem to pop up at the right time and give just the right window to get them off. That being said, they are a bit frequent. Almost every boss requires you to punch in some buttons for an over-the-top execution, and while many of the bosses are a blast with multiple stages, the whole "look to see if it's a circle or a square" bit gets old. 

But still, I can't praise the action in God of War II enough. If you can look past the fact that Kratos is the biggest, most immature jerk in the history of the world, there's plenty of brutal fun to be had here over the lengthy adventure. Plus, when you beat it you can go back and continue with your buffed-up Kratos, which is always a plus. A New Game Plus if you know what I'm sayin!

I'll take that. 

God of War II is a graphical marvel. It's hard to believe that the PS2 is considered the weakest system in terms of graphical prowess from it's generation; this is easily one of the best looking SD games I've ever played. Textures are gorgeous, with effects just exploding off the screen. Everything from dust poofs to rain falling to fire all looks downright incredible. You can't spot the polygons in Kratos' arms anymore; in fact you can hardly spot the polygons in anything. And I don't want to know what wizardry they used to make these absolutely massive setpieces with fantastic art design and detail; it's unbelievable. If you have a PS2 with component out cables, this game looks on par with games from the following gen, no joke. 

Sound and music are also outstanding, with the voice work being excellent around the board (despite the lines they have to say being pretty bad). Music continues the epic tradition from the first game, with the themes being memorable and the instruments swelling at just the right times. It's a feast int he presentation department, we'll just leave it at that. 

It always goes bad if you aren't Kratos. 

God of War II is a weird game for me. Part of me loves it for it's fantastic action, incredible locations, gorgeous graphics and killer music. It also has perfect pacing, tons of secrets, and a whole bonus disc of interviews, design documents, and more. But the other half of me (maybe the writer side) is a bit...distressed. God of War was a self-contained story, and a pretty good one at that. Expanding on that was going to take a great deal of care and thought, none of which went into this game. Kratos as a character is still somewhat sympathetic in this game, but it was stretching it pretty thin. As such it made it hard for me to justify his brutality, as he was becoming less of a three-dimensional character and more of a generic awful person. I couldn't relate with him, at all, and it made it hard to enjoy the game. 

Still, despite the squandered potential, God of War II is still absolutely worth playing for the action alone. It doesn't tie itself in well with its story at all, but the refined action (probably the best in the series save Ghost of Sparta) means you should still absolutely give it a shot.

For all it's flaws, you can't fault the game for doing well in so many areas. Four out of five stars. 

Yo, Atlas. What's up. Besides the earth, I mean. 

Top Ten Castlevania Songs

For my (late) halloween episode, I bring you my Top Ten Castlevania songs!

More reviews shortly.

God of War

The Short

Pros
- Bloody, fast-paced third person action game
- Absolutely gorgeous PS2 graphics, if a little dated
- Incredible setpieces and locations
- Cut through a slew of mythological Greek creatures
- Fantastic soundtrack
- Kratos' story of revenge is both horrific and heartwrenching
- Never a dull moment; the game keeps spurning you to keep playing

Cons
- Smaller enemies and Kratos have a bit of a low polygon count
- Balance with XP seems a bit off (especially with the Medusa head power)
- Hades is one of the worst levels in any game, ever
- Violence, sex, and nudity can be a bit much and feel tactless
- Not a whole lot of depth to the combat or systems involved
- A distinct lack of boss fights (only two in the entire game)
- This birthed the quick-time event craze that is ruining game design

Meet Kratos. He's not a nice person.

The Long

I have a long-running affinity for Greek mythology. As a child I poured through book after book of these myths, reading The Iliad and The Odyssey long before I probably should have been able to. I always felt it was a fantastic setting to mine for movies or video games: you have the pettyness of the gods, the variety of monsters and myths, and a fantastic roster of heroes and villains.

Then God of War happened, and man did it floor me. 

God of War is an action adventure game set in the world of Greek myths. The gods are very much real, minotaurs, cyclopses, and all sorts of other nasties are out there to mess stuff up, and heroes are made and broken on a regular basis. And in this setting we toss a new myth, one of bloody violence and revenge. 

I'll not pretend this game isn't well known: after it's release it became a staple in Sony's coveted first-party franchises, earning loads of awards and spawning a whole host of sequels. So, years later, how well does this game hold up when compared to other third-person action games, including it's own sequels? Read on.

This game is rated "M," by the way. In case you missed that. 

Kratos is not a happy man. Slave to the gods of Olympus for an unknown reason, the game starts with him throwing himself off a cliff to commit suicide. Flash back three weeks, where he has been tasked by Athena to do one final favor. That favor? Kill a god. Ares, in particular, the titular god of war, who is ransacking Athens and it's pissing Athena and the other gods offs. Sworn to not intervene (something that is quickly forgotten in the sequels, but we'll address that when we come to it), they require a mortal to stop Ares' reign of terror. And thus Kratos, the Ghost of Sparta, is tasked to find Pandora's Box, the only weapon that can kill a god, and use it to defeat Ares.

Let's get one thing straight: Kratos is an awful person. People use the word "antihero," but usually that implies some subtlety. There is very little to like about Kratos as a person, at least on first glance. He is brutal, cruel, and only thinks about himself. When he kills enemies, its in the most painful, bloody way possible. He roars and yells and revels in the slaughter. He's a grade-a douchebag.

Pictured: Grade-a douchebag

And, weirdly enough, I kind of grew to be sympathetic for the guy. Firstly because he's competent (and has two swords chained to his wrists that he uses to slice-n-dice anything that gets in his way), and second because you realize throughout the story the awful mistake he's made. I felt that all his brutality was trying to cover up the one big mistake he made, the one that will be spoiled in later reviews because it becomes pretty much his only character backstory. 

Regardless, I liked the Kratos of God of War. I felt bad for him, both because of what he did and because he was trapped in a cycle of violence I felt he couldn't break free from. One thing I will point out is that this game ends very neatly, with everything tying up. They then completely ruin that because they made a God of War 2, so looking back this ending is really...it doesn't make sense. I guess they figured they weren't going to make sequels.

That doesn't stop this game from being any less epic, though. 

Kratos' quest to recover Pandora's Box and use it to kill Ares is one wrapped in the trappings of a third-person action game. The game gives you the false illusion of exploration when really it is a very linear experience: the game funnels you through the right places in Pandora's Castle until you reach the end, with very little room for deviation. However, it does it so well you are tricked in thinking that you are actually exploring of your own free will, so I'll say it works.

I'll say this: the pacing is God of War is probably one of the biggest things that makes it so appealing. With the exception of two stages (the Desert of Lost Souls [which is thankfully short] and Hades [which is not]), the game keeps sending you forward, tossing new things at you frequently. Just when you get tired of combat, the game throws a new enemy or weapon at you. Just when you get tired of that, you have a puzzle room. Just when you are bored with puzzles, a new batch of enemies shows up to test your mettle. All this wrapped in some gorgeous setpieces, incredible graphics, and dripping with a Greek Mythos flare. It's a very complete package.

This is a very good looking PS2 game. 

Of course, the main part of an "action-adventure" game is the "action" part, and here God of War delivers in spades. Kratos is armed with two blades which, as previously mentioned, are seared to his arms with chains. This means he has a very long range as he can toss the swords and swing them about, and this makes you feel very empowered when fighting hordes of enemies. Combos are quick, easy to learn, and snappy, but probably the best feature is the ability to break them. During any combo you can roll or block out of it at a moment's notice, meaning if you are quick you can land hits fast will still dodging. Removing any delay from that was a brilliant move, because I never felt frustrated with the controls. When I got hit, it was my own fault (most of the time), and I'd own up to it.

The simplicity of the combat is also a bit of its downfall: God of War never even gets close to the technical level of difficulty as such contemporaries as Devil May Cry 3. It's meant to be played fast and loose, which makes for a very accessible and rewarding game, but also one that isn't particularly challenging. Even on the hardest difficulty the game feels more cheap than skill-based, with the mechanics breaking down a bit as the difficulty ramps up. It's ideally played on Normal or Hard, with the ultimate difficulty left forgotten. 

I should also point out that this is the game that (between it and Resident Evil 4) introduced the concept of "quick-time events" to the gaming industry. I've already gone off about them in my Ninja Blade review, but let's just say that, while they are overused now, at the time they were a unique idea. Using a combo of button presses to do awesome finishers isn't a bad idea, and it adds flare to some boss fights as well as a risk/reward for doing finishers. I've actually never minded it in this series (perhaps because it started it), but it must be noted that this game was the start of that awful trend. 

You've got red on you. 

When you are murdering an extremely wide variety of enemies (and some of these enemies are huge, let me tell you!), you are participating in some basic puzzle solving, exploration, and platforming. Puzzles are hardly brainteasers, with most being just as linear to the solution as the game is in general, but they still feel rewarding and do well to not outstay their welcome. The same can't be said for the platforming however, especially during a rather radical shift at the end of the game. The platforming is reasonably fine up until the final stage, Hades, where it shifts from a combat-heavy puzzler to a game where you jump on spinning, bladed logs over instant-death pits. Then you have to climb a super tall bladed tower with poor climbing controls and one hit knocking you all the way back down.

This Hades sequence is one of the worst things I've ever played, and it isn't any less frustrating today. After enjoying the platforming, puzzle solving, and exploration, they try to use systems clearly not intended for precision to do some very difficult jumps. It's punishing, aggravating, and left quite a sour taste in my mouth. The same goes for the final boss, who is a literal war of attrition and doesn't use any of the combos or abilities you learned throughout the game. Bad form here, guys. Oh, and the desert where you wander about trying to find a specific enemy you can only find based on sound, so I really hope you have a stereo TV. The first time I played this game I didn't, so you can imagine how well that went. 

I guess it's hell for a reason. 

There's one thing I'd also like to point out before I talk about the visuals and sound: God of War revels in its M rating, probably more so than any other game I can think of. As stated, Kratos is absolutely brutal. He doesn't just behead stuff, he kicks Medusas to the ground and (as you twist on the analog stick), twists their heads from their shoulders. He rips people in half, tearing off arms and limbs in brutal finishers. He murders innocents for health or to just solve puzzles, all while everything spouts tons of blood everywhere. It's...gratuitous, to say the very least. Honestly, it doesn't bother me that much (even if that makes me sound like a psychopath), but it needs to be mentioned.

The same goes for the gratuitous nudity. I don't mind monster topelessness (it's Medusas and Sirens, I kind of expected it), but I swear every female character in this game needs to buy a shirt (or get one that isn't see-through). This game also was the start of the infamous "sex minigame," a comical and (frankly) stupid series of button presses that is all off camera and mostly just serves to earn you free xp. That, unfortunately, became a series staple, and the nudity only became more prevalent in later games. It's very clear who the audience for this game is, so if you are one easily offended you should look away. 

Let's just say there's no black bars in the actual game. 

Graphically, God of War looks absolutely fantastic, even today. Replaying it I am still amazed at the amount of detail put into every texture, environment, and effects. The lighting is also exceptional, but the highlight has to be the effects and animations. Each brutal dismemberment animates fantastically, and monsters move with tons of tiny little details. It really shines.

That being said, the smaller sprite models do look a little dated, especially when compared with the rest of the series. Kratos' arms are a little polygonal, as are the smaller enemies. Big enemies, however, look downright fantastic, filling the screen with one or two at a time, lumbering about and just looking straight up great. Again, even today this game looks next-gen. 

Sound is also incredible, with fantastic voice work from the entire cast and a decent script to back it up. The music, however, is really something else. Booming orchestral numbers are memorable, powerful, and downright epic. It's one of the few games that isn't made by Square-Enix that I got the soundtrack to, and it's tunes are catchy and pound themselves into your brain.

Quite booming.

So what made God of War such a rousing success? I'd say because it did a lot of the little things right. The game is a graphical wonder, made better by sticking to a theme and embracing its on version of greek myths and monsters. The soundtrack and voice acting are of exceptional quality, really driving home a "Hollywood" experience. The combat is visceral and extremely satisfying while still being accessible enough for anybody to jump in and feel like a badass. While it still has some very glaring flaws (mostly in the level design side), the game's parts are just so well polished the sum is really something you can't ignore. It was released the same year as Resident Evil 4, another game that I felt did all the little things right, and both it and that game were fantastic end-games for their console's lifespans. 

It might not be the deepest game in terms of combat or story, and it might be gratuitous and pandering in the violence and sex department, and Kratos might be the worst human being alive, but there's no denying that God of War is an incredibly satisfying and addicting experience. For all it's flaws (most of which were refined in the sequels), it is still a must play game to this day. 

Just remember, it was Euripides who said, "Whom the gods would destroy, they must first make mad." I'd say Kratos has that, and in spades. 

Four out of five stars. 

This is the first boss. You fight him about two minutes into the game. 

Super Mario Land

The Short

Pros
- Mario in portable form in his weirdest adventure to date
- Jump across Egypt, fly through the skies, dive in the ocean, and...go to Easter Island?
- Music is absurdly catchy
- Good balance and has an unlockable hard mode upon beating it
- Graphics are minimalist but do well working with the original Game Boy's contrast scheme
- Checkpoints are liberal and levels are long

Cons
- First run is too easy. I finished with 20+ lives
- Momentum and physics are completely different from other Mario games (read: nonexistent)
- Short; only 12 levels total
- Nothing in this game ever made it into future Mario games

Let's get to Mario's Land. That isn't Mushroom Kingdom. 

The Long

Call me strange, but I have a bizarre affinity for game sequels that completely branch off from the originals. Super Mario 2, Zelda 2, Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest, and arguably spinoff games like Kirby's Epic Yarn and Pokemon Snap are some of my favorite experiences. One could argue that franchies (especially Nintendo franchises) tend to get caught in their own cycle of familiarity, which is why we end up with six "New" Super Mario Bros games every year when really there's nothing "new" about them. 

But back before Mario competed in the olympics, golfed, and went into space and battled with weird gravity, Nintendo threw him out on their insanely popular handheld: the original Game Boy. Spurned forward with the release of Tetris, Nintendo knew it was time to move their most popular franchise on over. The result? Super Mario Land, which is arguably the weirdest Mario game to date, and that's counting Mario 2. 

Easter Island heads? Cannons from pipes? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

It's worth pointing out that this is the first Mario game not made by Shigeru Miyamoto. Even Doki Doki Panic, which Mario 2 was based off of, was originally created with Miyamoto at the helm. Instead Gunpei Yokoi was the head of this one, the father of the Game Boy. Yokoi's pedigree is no less great: he helped Miyamoto on almost all big Nintendo franchise, and was at the head of Metroid, Kid Icarus, Tetris Attack, and Fire Emblem. However, it's pretty clear that his vision for Mario was a bit different that Miyamoto's based on how different (and awesome) Super Mario Land is.

Super Mario Land, despite all I've said about it, still plays on it's most basic level like a Mario game. You'll be running, jumping, and stomping on enemies. You'll be hitting blocks with your head to get coins and powerups, slide down pipes for secrets, and jump over bosses at the end of stages. However, from the second you pick up Super Mario Land you know this game is going to be different, and not just graphically.

It sure looks like Mario to me...

The physics and momentum in this game are...weird. It feels more akin to Kid Icarus than Mario. A big thing about Mario games is the momentum: get going and it takes a second to stop, fall and you hav ea few seconds before gravity really kicks in. Super Mario Land isn't like that at all. You don't really gain speed when you hit the run button, you just barrel forward. You also can stop on a dime pretty easily. Fall off something and Mario plummets like a rock, and his mid-air control (which is usually just a tad floaty in the other games) is very responsive, perhaps overly so. Now, I'm not saying these controls are bad, far from it. But I am saying they feel quite different. A bit more...jerky, might be the term.

Aside from the weird controls, the game itself is strange, and I love it for it. Set in not the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario is off across such landscapes as Easter Island, an ancient Egyptian Tomb, underwater in a sub shooting Gradius style, and soaring through the air in a plane. I think this is the only Mario game to date where he gets in vehicles (aside from Mario Kart, of course), and the mix-up is actually greatly appreciated. Side-scrolling shooters in my Mario game? Sure, why not? It's awesome and they control great, so we'll take it!

What's the story, fishbone?

That, honestly, is my real opinion of this game: it's cooky, totally different, and I love it for it. A lot of people actually hate this game because it is so different from every other Mario game. Weirdly enough, these are also the people who, in the same breath, tend to complain about the Mario games stagnating. Um...

Anyway, even the power-ups and enemies aren't the same. Power-ups are similar: mushrooms (that look more like cupcakes) and fire-flowers, but they don't give you fireballs. Instead you get...Super Balls, which will bounce and fly up into the air before disappearing  O...k? Gravity, anybody? But they collect coins too, which is pretty neat. 

Enemies are also completely different. The Goomba-like guy is the only one who's familiar. The Koopas have replaced their shells with volatile C4; jump on them and a few seconds they'll detonate for a damaging explosion. There's also floaty Easter Island head, running Easter Island heads (these guys are terrifying), giant bugs, deadly fish, a cloud that's straight out of a Kirby game, and an alien. Yes, the final boss is an alien in a spaceship. Because why not?

There's a hefty amount of secrets in this game. By "hefty" I mean "actually not a whole lot."

As stated, while the controls are different they are certainly serviceable once you get used to them, and you'll need to. Super Mario Land can get pretty tricky, especially later cave levels with those dang spiders that show up all over the place and jump. Despite that, you'll probably never actually die or get frustrated, as the game liberally checkpoints and also throws tons of extra lives at you. With a little skill you can pick up 1-3 at the end of every stage, not counting those acquired by coins or finding them throughout the levels. So the actual jumping and dodging can get tricky, but it never gets frustrating because you have a lot of lives to burn through. Hey, I'll totally take that.

What is unfortunate is the length. Much like Kirby's Adventure, Super Mario Land's greatest weakness is that it's far too short. There's only four worlds with three levels each and, despite the levels being a bit longer than most Mario levels, the game can be beaten in around half and hour to forty-five minutes. After beating it you unlock a "Hard" run, which is basically the same game but with five times as many exploding Koopas, so that's a treat for those who want it. 

To be honest, while I'm sad the game is short, it's about a perfect length for a portable game. As a kid this game worked great on car trips, because you could beat the whole thing once or twice for what was usually the length of a usual ride. Plus, if you get there and you have to switch the game off, it's a short enough game that replaying levels isn't painful. Maybe this is a weak argument defending what is clearly a too-short game, but I think it works for the platform it's on.

What's inside pipe number 3? ...probably another killer plant. 

Graphically, Super Mario Land is a bit...weak. While I like the weird art style, nothing particularly stands out. A rather big oversight is that Mario looks exactly the same whether he's just big or has picked up Super Ball (an issue fixed in Mario Land 2 by adding a graphical change), which is probably because of the Game Boy's color limitations.

Speaking of which, the minimalistic graphics actually work quite well to accompany the original Game Boy's awful contrast. Since backgrounds are pretty much solid white with some very light colored detail, it's very easy to see objects in the foreground. I booted it up on my brick Game Boy and it is still totally visible, much more so than almost any other games. Like the Pokemon games, the lack of detail actually worked in the system's favor. 

Yeah, this game has ninjas in it. Sure. 

Super Mario Land is one of my favorite Game Boy games, even though I'll admit I like it's sequel (Six Golden Coins) a fair bit better. It's a fun game to boot up for quick runs, and the catchy music and quick gameplay make it easy to pick up, play, and then quit without feeling obligated. The sequels cut back on the oddness, which is both good and bad, but the original still holds a special place in my gaming nostalgia. Nintendo will probably never take as much of a risk with its main man ever again, and as such I'm grateful that Super Mario Land exists as a reminder that we didn't always recycle the same Mario formula over and over again.

That and picking up coins that spell "Mario" in a sub is just too fantastic to downplay. If only it were longer...and had actual momentum. Four out of five stars. 

Now listen to some good Game Boy tunes.