Protect Me Knight (まもって騎士)

The Short
Pros
- Fast, fun four player defense game
- Four unique classes with differing abilities
- 8-Bit throwback style
- Sticks to the retro theme with awful Engrish translations
- Multiple levels of difficulty, including a survival mode
- More goblins than you can shake a stick at
- Only $3 on Xbox Live Indie Games

Cons
- Not a whole lot of depth
- For the best experience you need four players
- Harder difficulties are super tough

The Pig-ship cometh

The Long


Protect Me Knight is a game dedicated to being retro. From the opening screen where you literally press A to "blow on a cartridge" until the game boots up, it just oozes charm. It is clearly billing itself as some "forgotten NES gem," even though I'm pretty sure the NES would crumble under the amount of stuff that happens on screen at the same time in Protect Me Knight.

The premise of the game is simple, like most other "defense" style games: you have a princess in the center of the map you are trying to defend. Waves of monsters keep showing up, getting progressively harder, until you win a level. After you win you can spend your "hearts" (rewarded by the princess for killing stuff) in four trees of upgrades. Next level, rinse and repeat, until you kill the final boss and the game ends.

There are a few other additions that have shown up in more modern defense games that appear here. You can spend your hearts in-battle to build or upgrade barricades, essential in some levels where the monsters will just walk in and start bashing your princess over the head. You can move the princess (slowly) out of danger if necessary (or on accident if you aren't paying attention). You can upgrade your barricades into catapults and launch enemy crushing, friendly-fire causing rocks. And you can spend your extra hearts for a burst of AOE smash damage that murders all enemies around you.

Title screen. I couldn't think of anything witty to say about it.

The idea is simple, but surprisingly fun. You have four classes: a warrior tank, a DPS ninja, a carry Amazon, and a mage....mage. Each of them have four unique areas to dump their points in which, especially in the case of the mage, can completely change how you play the character. They also have a basic attack and a special attack (the mage's being magic) and each has unique combos for both. While playing as a different melee character isn't a completely new experience, playing as a mage is totally different. Trying to beat the game with a party of four fire-spewing mages is a new level of total insanity.

And four players is where the game shines. The difficulty ramps up the more players there are, making some of the later levels literally teeming with hordes of enemies. Death's only punishment is a few seconds of respawn (and a hit to your hearts),when the only real way to lose is if your princess takes too many hits. There are also a few bosses that can insta-kill her, meaning someone has to be on "princess duty" to make sure she doesn't get caught in the line of fire.

The total 8-bit chaos is a complete blast to play, even if the co-op is only local (it's an Xbox indie game; I don't know if those are online compatible aside from leaderboards). The harder difficulties only further force you to work together, the aptly named "Hell" difficulty near-impossible.

They even made a "crappy US version box art" for it. Awesome. 

On normal, you can plow through the game is maybe an hour and a half with four people. On the harder difficulties it'll take longer, and you'll want to replay it to experiment with different character combinations. Four mages? What about four glass-cannon ninjas? Or four tanks (boring!)? Or one of each? What about on hard? Since nothing carries over between sessions you start out fresh every time, meaning you can build your character different based on your preferences.

The game is $3 on the Xbox Indie channel, which is certainly worth it. All Xbox Indie games have six minute demos, so you can grab a friend (or three) and see if it is your cup of tea. For me, this game is a hilarious four-player romp, and well worth the price. As a fan of couch co-op games, it was an easy sell. 

If I were to give it a star rating, it would be five out of five. 

It is also worth noting it might not be under the title "Protect Me Knight." It's on the top rated, though, under "まもって騎士."