Ninja Blade

The Short


Pros
- Lots of completely absurd, insane action
- Three weapon types (slow and heavy, medium, fast and quick)
- You ride a motorcycle up the side of a building only to throw it down into a falling diesel truck into the mouth of a giant mutant worm for a massive explosion. While 500 feet in the air.
- Controls a decent hybrid of God of War and Ninja Gaiden II

Cons
- 90% of this game is quick time events. Not even exaggerating.
- Enemies quickly get bland and repetitive
- Platforming leads to tons of cheap deaths
- Can't save in-mission; while it'll checkpoint if you quit you have to start all the way over
- Ninjas on turrets? Why are there turret sequences in a NINJA game?
- Again, cheap deaths. All over the place.
- Load times are pretty bad
- Monotonous bosses that take way longer than they should
- Game looks boring and ugly (see box cover)
- Story and voice acting are a joke

Meet Ryu. Because every ninja has to be named Ryu. 

The Long


Ninja Blade is a game that I both want to love and completely cannot recommend to anyone. Developed by From Software (who also made the great Demon Souls and 3D Dot Game Heroes), it is clear that the developers were sitting around one day playing Ninja Gaiden II, and thought "You know what is awesome? NINJAS. NINJAS CAN DO ANYTHING!" Then then made a game where you play as a ninja who, literally, does everything. Yes. You'd think that would make a longer game, but we are getting off track here.

Ninja Blade follows the exact same plot of 90% of any modern action game ever: a virus is turning people into monsters, meaning you have lots of people-turned-monsters to slice up. But instead of every other game where they bring in the special ops, these guys bring in the NINJA. Yeah, like Ryu is actually part of a special forces squad. They even have a helicopter (that gets blow up. Didn't see that coming.) and everything, which means it's official. Anyway, the virus also somehow makes massive monsters (that makes sense) which you have to kill. Most of them are regular animals mutated into freaks (Parasite Eve style, only without any sense of art direction), which means the game usually goes like this:

Fight hordes of fodder --> Fight miniboss for a long, repetitive battle --> Fight hordes of fodder --> Fight miniboss for a long, repetitive battle --> Fight hordes of fodder --> Do some awful platforming (this is where you'll finally die) --> Fight miniboss for long, repetitive battle --> Fight real boss for long and repetitive battle --> Watch cutscene.

Whoops, I just described 90% of games. Again. 

The difference between Ninja Blade and other, similar, games is the fact that Ninja Blade has so many quick time events it is insane. For those wonder, quick time events are when a cutscene is playing, a random button press will appear on the screen. You then press the button for the privilege of continuing to see the cutscene. It was introduced in Resident Evil 4 (which is the start of a lot of things) in order to make its cutscenes more "interactive." We seem to still think they are awesome so we put them in from time to time, but Ninja Blade just goes completely nuts on it. Every boss has usually 5-15 of these stupid things per section of the boss fight, meaning it's just quick time hell.

So anyway...let's talk about the good things first, shall we?

Motion blur makes things more EXTREME.

My opinion of the game can actually be summed up pretty easily: it's inoffensive. That's about all there is. It doesn't do anything exceptionally awful (though it does plenty things moderately awful) and it doesn't do anything exceptionally good (though it does have a few decent points, the goofy-ass cutscenes being numero uno). It just...is, and doesn't stand out in any regard. The graphics aren't beautiful but aren't horrible either; they are completely passable. The special effects don't have too much flash or pizzazz but they don't look stupid either. The combat is easy and has a wide assortment of weapons to choose from but doesn't really leave an impression. Ninja Blade is one of the most bland games ever. Which is weird, considering the fact that the cutscenes are total bananas. 

I was going to describe just how the cutscenes were "total bananas" but I don't really feel like it. So I'll just show you a movie instead. 

This is actually pretty tame compared to some stuff

Riding missiles, running up walls, stopping impossible amounts of arrows...it's wild. The cutscenes are extremely entertaining because they are just so dumb, which would be great except they usually are plastered with quick time events that make it so you can't really watch them, because you are waiting for a prompt. Lame.

While the combat is bland, the bosses are just tedious. They show up constantly (see my little chain above for how Ninja Blade's levels work), take a ton of hits, and last forever. They aren't particularly difficult, their life bars are just way longer than they should be (or they have too many "go invincible and force the player to just stand around" moves). They're visually huge and finishing them off is usually a rewarding, absurd cutscene, but as a whole it just drags.

See what I mean? It doesn't look bad, it just looks...boring. 

Some stupid design choices also plague the overall game. The game checkpoints mid-chapter for deaths, but if you quit out (like...if you have to go somewhere) it doesn't actually save; you have to start the whole thing over again. There is no New Game + option, where you could run through with your upgraded stuff, which is a big bummer. And the quick time events...urgh. Seriously, you probably are wondering why I'm harping on this, but their frequency is just unbelievable. Really. The game is also super glitchy and technical problems (like getting stuck in geometry) abound.

Also, they have a ninja ride in a car and man a turret. NINJAS DON'T MAN TURRETS. WHAT THE HECK, FROM SOFTWARE?

Just a normal day in the life of a ninja. 

As a whole, I feel kind of bad bagging on Ninja Blade, because it doesn't do anything so deeply offensive as to fuel unbridled rage. But there just isn't much here that is interesting or unique. The fact that it only has a short, unimpressive single player experience doesn't help with my opinion, and as a whole I can't really enthusiastically recommend it or not recommend it. It just...exists.

If you really want an action game that's like Ninja Gaiden 2 but a lot easier, picking up Ninja Blade for $5 isn't bad. If you have someone that can watch you play you can both get some good laughs out of the stupid cutscenes, which adds a bit to the fun. But I would really only recommend getting it when you have exhausted all other options (hint: Bayonetta is a pretty dang good [and overlooked] game). 

For a star rating, I'd give it two out of five, tucking it safely away with the likes of Dead or Alive: Retribution and Viking: Battle for Asgard.

...with quick time events.