Deathspank

The Long


Pros
- Funny, silly game from Ron Gilbert, one of the writers from The Secret of Monkey Island
- "Diablo Lite" with hacking, slashing, and plenty of looting
- Surprisingly long quest with loads of enemies, bosses, and bizarre places to visit
- Charming "pop-up book" graphics fit the silly dialogue and weapons perfectly
- Voice acting is solid throughout
- Co-op is a silly, stupid blast

Cons
- Gets very repetitive
- Hardly any depth at all to the RPG mechanics
- Limited amounts of loot make the game feel a bit stripped
- Title is freaking stupid
- If you don't think this game is funny, there isn't anything here for you

Deathspank: Grabbing his thong and saving some orphans!

The Long

Deathspank is just about as weird as its title. Set in a bizarre world of orphans, orcs, and taco wenches, Deathspank stars...Deathspank, a hero whose mother clearly hated him by giving him the worst name in the history of bad names. Deathspank is a hero, if an inept one. He's like The Tick, or Kronk, or...actually he's really like The Tick. Anyway, Deathspank's adventure to recover the ancient artifact known only as "The Artifact" is an entertaining mix of Diablo-style combat, loot gathering, leveling, and adventuring. All with a silly, stupid coat of paint and a script that constantly breaks the fourth wall as it makes fun of itself. Sounds pretty good, right? Well, it is! With a few problems.

Deathspank: Visitor of generic enchanted forests!

Deathspank touted pretty heavily the involvement of Ron Gilbert, one of the chief designers behind the amazingly funny and damn near perfect Monkey Island games. While his actual level of involvement was never really said, you can see bits of the Monkey Island games in here. Sharp writing, both clever and silly, pepper every line of dialogue. Tooltips and flavor text, either for items or simply in tutorials, are extremely entertaining and strike the right balance between being both stupid and funny. It doesn't even come close to being as smart as the Monkey Island games, but Deathspank (like its title) wears its stupidity on its sleeve and follows the formula throughout. So if you played the demo and thought it was hilarious, just know that's only the beginning: there is a lot here to love.

The story itself is just as stupid as you'd might expect, and because of that it makes it hard to judge. Deathspank is off on a quest to get "The Artifact," a magical item that does...something. Once he gets it the thing is swiftly taken away, however, and he's sent on a whole new quest: rescue orphans to help a corrupt mayor get re-elected. Wait, so that Artifact thing that was in the opening movie...that was just a joke? Was that supposed to be funny? That's one of the problems with it: I'm not sure when I'm supposed to laugh because the plot takes a totally idiotic direction or if it just was bad writing. Anyway, I found it funny that the Artifact thing was so heavily touted and then completely dropped about 1/4 of the way through. 

Deathspank: Hero or creepy creeper? You decide!

Everybody has tons of things to say, and Deathspank's flamboyant reassurances to everybody that he is a "Hero to the Downtrodden" solidify him as one of the stupidest yet oddly endearing heroes in game. My previous reference to him being like The Tick is pretty much dead on: he even talks the same way, with a low voice that rises and falls as he gets more and more excited about being a hero. Just seeing him interact with normal people (like a lady manning a taco stand) leads to hilarity, and since all his dialogue choices are completely and utterly absurd (which fits) you get plenty of humor that way as well.

However, plenty of people find this type of humor grating or just straight up not funny. Again, play the demo (or watch some trailers). If you laughed, then you should probably get it. If not...well, the writing and humor help pull the somewhat lackluster gameplay (more on that in a second), so if you don't like the comedy there isn't much here. 

Deathspank: Bringing families together!

So what about the game itself, you ask? It's a relatively simple Diablo style hack in slash stripped down to the very basics. At the core of this is the fact that every face button is mapped to a weapon. That's right, Deathspank quad-wields. Take that, Master Chief! The reason you have so much crap is that while you are doing the aforementioned hacking and/or slashing, if you alternate between different weapons you can get combos (while using the same weapon over and over breaks it) which in turn gives you more JUSTICE, or magic. JUSTICE allows special weapons to do one powerful attack (stunning, area damage, etc) but the problem is that you can't save your JUSTICE. If you are mid-chain and the JUSTICE meter fills and you accidentally use a weapon with a JUSTICE ability, say goodbye to all your JUSTICE.

I like saying JUSTICE in all caps, can you tell? Anyway, moving on...

Deathspank: JUSTICE

As expected, you acquire a variety of gear and new weapons to constantly be switching out. Deathspank has two neat features that I appreciated: you have an option to have all gear auto-equip if it is better than what you are currently wearing, and you have an item called the "Grinder" that you can turn any unwanted stuff straight into cash right from the inventory. While I just said I like the features, the auto-equip kind of makes an already simple game simpler, since you don't need to manage your inventory much beyond simply swapping out for new weapons. 

The game also has to methods of healing: eating food and straight use potions. Food heals you slowly over time, and while you are doing it you can't get hit or use weapons or the timer will break and you'll only get a small amount of healing. While this is ok, I got so tired of hearing the same damned chewing animation coming from Deathspank I wanted to rip my ears out. And since you can only hold a very limited number of potions (vs food, where you can carry a ton) expect to hear the chewing sound a lot. 

Deathspank: Looter of graveyards!

It's unbelievably simple, and while they tried to get you to switch buttons it still falls into routine several hours in. Deathspank is about a 8-10 hour game (give or take) and once you hit max level there really isn't much to play for. You get tons of money and nothing to spend it on, so maxing out (which you will do a decent distance before the end if you do side-quests) makes an already somewhat tedious game extremely boring. 

Luckily the same "hack, slash, eat, repeat" formula can be broken up by playing co-op. Your friend takes on Sparkles the wizard, who shares levels with you and is essentially immortal. Sparkles has the best move in the game: a free heal for Deathspank, which helps cut back on the "eating" parts. He can also attack offensively, though he doesn't get any gear or levels. It's a fun diversion if you have somebody who wants to help but isn't invested, though it wouldn't have hurt to have fleshed it out a bit more. 

Deathspank: Even the menu music is silly!

The game is a downloadable only title, but still manages to look great thanks to a dedicated sense of style. The world has a "rotating just over the horizon" look similar to games like Animal Crossing, with intentionally flat background objects that look like things from a pop-out coloring book. It's a good look for the game and matches the style very well, though the actual character and enemy sprites do have a rather low polygon count (though they still do well fitting the goofy style).

There isn't much music, unfortunately, but what there is is also silly and fits. The battle song gets a bit repetitive, but it was all catchy and never got bad enough to get on my nerves.

Deathspank: Doer of stuff!

So, is Deathspank worth the $10 or $15 it goes for on various downloadable services? If you enjoy Diablo style games and find the humor funny, I'd say jump on it. It's a fun 8-10 hours despite repetition (but hey, since when are Diablo style game not repetitive?) and the humor can really help you gloss over its less desirable parts. If dumb, silly humor with a dash of wit is your thing, grab your thong and get deathspankin'!

Four out of five stars. 

Deathspank: The hero this world deserves, at least until somebody better comes around. 

Age of Empires Online

The Short


Pros
- Age of Empires is finally back, with all the fundamentals you know and love
- Improved UI controls help you better manage the large number of resources and technologies
- The biggest change, the fusion between RTS and MMO elements, is actually extremely well done
- Earn experience through missions and battles to unlock more techs
- Every unit can be equipped with gear, and the loot is plentiful and has cool features
- Just one Premium Civilization can net you hundreds of hours of play
- Hundreds of unique and fun missions, with side missions and repeatable missions making for tons of content
- Unlike original Age of Empires, the four current races (Celts, Greeks, Persians, and Egyptians) are all extremely unique and have specific units and techs the others don't
- Goofy, cartoony art style is charming while still reminding one enough of the original games
- Finally on Steam, which means $120 worth of content was on sale for $13

Cons
- Unit pathfinding and response is awful, and is easily the worst part of the game
- Repeatable missions are fun but are always exactly the same as the last half-dozen times you played it
- No difficulty level or difficulty indication on missions
- No easy way to transfer gear between your purchased civilizations
- While it's technically "Free to play," the free elements are little more than a glorified demo
- Despite having a good deal of variety between missions, a lot can be beaten with repeat tactics
- Only four civilizations currently playable

While some things are different, others stay the same. 

The Long

Age of Empires 2 was my first real strategy game, that and Command and Conquer Red Alert, so you can imagine I have a hefty amount of nostalgia for this series. After burning through countless hours on both Age of Empires, Age of Empires 2, and the expansions, I was bummed when Age of Mythology and Age of Empires 3 weren't everything I hoped they would be. They were hardly bad games, just underwhelming ones, like they were in the shadow of the incredible Age of Empires 2 and couldn't get out of it.

And then the series disappeared. Ensemble, the original makers of these games, made Halo Wars and then was dissolved. I'm pretty sure everybody figured this series was dead, especially since the last game was set in colonial times. Where do you go from there? World War I? Actually that would be cool, I take it back.

When Age of Empires Online was announced as a free-to-play, MMO style "reboot" of the original game, I'll admit I jumped onboard the "fan backlash" wagon. Why was the new art style more like a cartoon than the original realistic games? Why was there only two civilizations from the start, when the point of Age of Empires was to have a billion (almost identical) civilizations to play through? Why was 90% of the game barred with the "free-to-play" model, and instead of microtransactions it cost a whopping $120 for a season pass? The game just seemed to be making every mistake in the book, and despite playing the demo and begrudgingly enjoying it, there was no way I could justify the $20 purchase for one premium civ. I mean, that's the cost of full games! 

The cartoony style grows on you, and is actually pretty good looking for a free-to-play game

Then the game popped up on Steam a few weeks ago, with a massive sale: every available thing in the game (currently) including four premium civs and two expansion packs for $13. How could I pass on that? Remembering I liked the demo, $13 was well within my "worth the risk" quota. So I bought it.

And have since sunk around 100 hours into the game in about three weeks. It has become my perfect drug.

So rather than blab about myself for paragraphs here, let's get on with the review. Why, despite all odds, has Age of Empires Online hooked me more than any other game I've played in months? What are the fundamental changes here, and what do they do that's unique? Read on and I'll tell you. 

At it's core, this game is very much an Age of Empires game

First off, let me say this: if you enjoyed the old Age of Empires games you'll feel right at home here. The game still has a hefty focus on multiple resource management (food, wood, gold, and stone) as well as building massive armies and then "aging up" to a new tier of abilities, technologies, and units. You still need tons of wood since it's the most important resource, still can focus either cavalry, infantry, or naval warfare, and still need like fifty villagers in order to pay for all this. This is Age of Empires. 

The changes, however, become very apparent from the second you start playing. 

This game apes a lot of RPG elements from MMOs, which a lot of people complained about when it was first announced. However, after sinking over 100 hours in across three civs (Egyptians, Spartans, and Celts, with Egyptians being my main) I can tell you this: the MMO elements are implemented perfectly. But here's the real important thing: you'll spend 90% of this game playing by yourself. Sure, almost every mission has a co-op option, but unless your friends are online (or you have a thing for PvP), 90% of this content is essentially single player. And, as single player Age of Empires experiences go, this is the best out of the entire series. Hands down. Yes, I just said that. 

Let me explain myself before you lynch me. 

So here's how the game works. First off, you have a main city that serves as a quest hub for your game, though you travel to many other cities around Africa, Europe, and Asia to get more quests, help the natives, etc. Your main city is basically a monument to your accomplishments. You can buy multiple buildings (I have a huge pyramid I earned on a particularly difficult set of missions), set up shops to gather lingering resources, and basically assemble things you want. Having a main city to care for is cool, even though it really is just there for looks and applying the upgrades you get.

The RPG elements come in full force as you realize how the mission structures work. Like most MMOs, around the city people will have giant exclamation points over their head and will then offer you quests. Most of these are a variation on building up a base and an army and crushing the enemies, but there is actually a crazy variety, like the people at Robot and Gas Powered Games weren't afraid to make it a little weird. There's tower defenses, camel races, and my favorite: one where you have infinite resources but extremely limited time to build a massive army and sweep your enemies. While the main "plot" quests tend to follow the same pattern, there are so many challenges, special missions, universal missions (such as "kill 100 fishing boats" that carries over between other missions) and repeatable missions that the content is just staggering. There's always something both new and old to do here, with repeatable missions able to be played again every 12 hours for more rewards. 

Though it still boils down to massive armies clashing at some point along the way. 

As you complete missions you gain XP, both from killing units in-mission to the actual quest completion. As you earn enough XP your civilization levels up, and when that happens you earn points to buy technologies. Unlike previous Age of Empires games, where all techs are unlocked from the start for each mission, you have to buy them with your level up points. Which sounds like a pain (and it kind of is at first, when you have no options) but it forces you to decide what route you want to go in your game since you can't have everything right off the bat. For example, as the Spartans I decided to tech heavy gold economy and focus on foot-soldiers, earning upgrades that made them build faster and cheaper. While as the Egyptians I went straight cavalry and heavy economy, completely ignoring the religion, foot-soldier, and trading trees. The game also rewards you by sticking to one group with "ultimate" passive techs you learn when you reach Age 4 (at around level 15). These are always-on and very powerful (such as all military units passively healing 2 hp/sec, or increasing village run speed permanently by 35%) and serve as good goals to reach. This addicting draw to gain just one more level and get that technology is one part of many that makes this game addicting.

Levels also come relatively quickly, though they do slow down at around level 20. It'll probably take you 50 hours to get to level 20, across dozens of missions, but since there is relatively little downtime (unlike most MMO based games) the leveling still feels very quick. About 3-5 missions and you'll rank up (the number required increasing with levels), and since XP increases with your rank it never feels like a grind. It's an excellent balance that doesn't frustrate or overly reward you, which means it is perfect. 

The massive city of "SPACE EGYPT" needs no introduction!

This is compiled with the drive for loot, of which there is a-plenty. Age of Empires Online's system focuses mostly on random loot chests. Every mission has several "guardians" you can kill in the world that will net chests and most mission rewards include one. These are random when you open them and have a chance to give you good gear, resources, blueprints, or just about anything. So how does loot work in an RTS game? Easy: you equip your units.

No, seriously. Every single unit (and building!) in Age of Empires Online has a list of equips. Most have four slots (weapon, armor, helmet, misc.) while some have less. Abilities range from decreasing price, increasing damage, adding a critical hit chance, decreasing build time on all techs and units built, increasing gather rate (for villagers) and more. Like any good MMO loot is color coordinated, increasing the drive to get the good stuff. Lots of missions have specific rewards you can get, letting you pick a powerful piece of gear that best fits your current playstyle. Let me tell you: trying to max out your units with the best gear is addicting as hell. And since you are constantly being rewarded, you want to push "one more mission" just to see if you can get some awesome stuff. It's...bad. For my productivity.

This is on top of even more robust systems. You can craft your own items and weapons if you have resources, which can be earned on missions or harvested if you buy the right buildings for your capitol. You get advisers who provide a unique bonus, one per age, ranging from decreasing costs to increased unit build time. There are hundreds of advisers you can buy or find in random loot boxes that dramatically change gameplay. There's also one-time use items that can summon armies, give you a temp boost, and more. The abilities mix very well with the RTS systems already in play, and since the core element is so solid all these extras feel...really good. And quite cool.

You can rearrange buildings in your city, if you want it to look awesome. 

So let's address the two big complaints people had: the lack of available civilizations and the pricing model. First, with regard to civilizations, I'm just going to say I don't care that there is only four, and here is why. In the original Age of Empires games, yes: there were like twenty civilizations available to pick. But aside from locking you out of specific techs and one unique unit apiece, they weren't very different. All their units were essentially the same and none were really unique. In Age of Empires Online, every civ is dramatically different, like Starcraft II and its races. Greeks/Spartans are a rush race, with lots of powerful cheap units but no serious punch once you hit the later ages. Egyptians have a very slow start without even a dedicated archery building, but their priestesses boost economy and let you tier up quickly to their ultimate unit: kick butt elephants. Celts have almost no horses but focus on strong, massive amounts of infantry and siege, and Persians...I haven't played enough to say, but I'm certain they are unique too. Since you only take control of one civilization to build your city anyway, and since each one is unique, actually having more than one (which I do since I bought the pack) actually feels redundant. I like Egyptians best, so I'm glad I'll play them. I always just played the same two races in Age of Empires 2 anyway (Goths or English) so there isn't really any real loss here. Trust me: once you get deep enough, the unlocks make it so the races stay fresh even if there are only four.

The second is the pricing model, which I admit was total garbage when the game was first released. They tout it as "free-to-play," but playing on a non "premium" civ ("premium" being a bought one) locks you out of most gear, all advisers, and tons of missions. Yeah, you can still play, but after you hit around level five the game sucks. So if you want to spend serious time, be prepared to invest.

Luckily, however, this game avoids microtransactions (I hate those) and just has large packs you can buy. A premium civ started at $20 (which, looking back, isn't bad) but is now around $10 on Steam and cheaper if on sale. You have to have a premium civ to play PvP, so keep that in mind. There are also challenge packs and what not you can purchase, which are fun but not really worth the $10 unless you are really out of stuff to do, and if you are then you've spent like 200 hours in this game so I guess you love it enough to make it worth it. 

As it stands, the $13 I paid feels like a deal too good to be true. Between four civs we are looking at anywhere between 500 to 1000 hours of time if I really want it (I probably won't; that's a lot of Age of Empires) and most of that time is quality. It's crazy how well this game fits together when it shouldn't, but considering I just paid less than most full games (and less than if they'd released a disc-based numbered Age of Empires sequel, which probably would have been $60) I feel like I got a pretty killer deal here.

The Celts look the coolest, but the Egyptians get War Elephants...aka the biggest hax ever. 

So what is bad about this game? I've been singing its praises because I've spent so much time with it the past few weeks (and show no sign of stopping), but there's gotta be some problems here, right? Well...yeah. There's a actually quite a few.

The biggest is bad pathfinding. For those who don't know the term, it's when you order units to go to an area they follow an AI directed route. If they have good pathfinding, the units will move intelligently. If not, they move like idiots. While not as bad as some RTS games I've played, the units in Age of Empires Online  are pretty dang stupid. It's a core thing that should have been addressed early on (especially since all the previous games had this problem; you think they'd fix it for a modern reboot) and gets annoying.

What is even more broken, however, is Attack-Move. Again, for the uninitiated this is essentially the most important order in any RTS. You order units to move to a location, but to attack any enemies they find along the way rather than run blindly to the goal. The problem here is it only seems to work about 75% of the time, if that, and weirdly enough if they are in the middle of attacking and then you order them to attack move again they'll stop attacking and often retarget. What? 

Unit attack priority is also a huge mess, meaning you are gonna micro a lot. In a good RTS, the priority goes something like this (in terms of who your units attack when left alone): enemy units attacking you, enemy buildings attacking you, enemy units just sitting there, enemy buildings just sitting there. Makes sense, right? You'd think you'd want to attack who was hitting you. But it Age of Empires Online, when it isn't being completely random it's something like this: enemy units attacking you, any enemy units, any enemy building, maybe a building attacking you. I swear they hit towers last, which is completely stupid (especially on siege equipment). I mean, sure, it isn't hard to micro these guys to doing what I want, but I shouldn't have to. How do you mess that up? 

Skirmish is fun, even if you have to buy it separately. 

Another problem is the repeatable missions. Now, I'm glad you can repeat missions, because if not eventually you'd run out (though I haven't yet so...there's a lot). But the problem is they never change. Which means I've done the same "burn down the boats" mission who knows how many times, every experience being almost exactly the same. At least some at least sort of randomize the map, but there are quite a few that don't even do that! So it's literally the same damn thing a hundred times over. I guess you don't have to do them (I have like 10 missions currently I can cycle through on repeat) but...seriously, would it be that hard to make every map randomized? Even the challenge missions do it.

Lastly, repetition does tend to set in. Since most missions are the "build a base, destroy enemies" variety, the first 10-15 minutes of each mission can be the same as all the others. You build villagers, scout, find where your resources are, tech up and build a small army for defense, and then after a while maybe somebody will attack you. Since most maps start you around a similar resource pool (berry bushes and gold next to the Town Center, stone a little ways of, a large clump of trees with an expansion gold pool near it) those first couple of minutes quickly become simple repetition, over and over. And while this isn't bad (every other RTS in the history of the world does this) it starts to show the grind during long play sessions. 

You explore and do quests all over the world, which is kind of cool. 

The graphics and sound are excellent. I know a lot of people hated the "cartoony" new look, which was clearly to broaden the game's appeal, but I think it fits the new direction the game has gone. Though I will admit the way the extremely thin Egyptian Priestesses wobble their hips/butts around when meandering around the map looks a bit...totally stupid, when in the heat of battle you probably won't care, and generally everything is non-offensive. I like how sometimes they turn into little graves with flowers (instead of falling into corpses like the older games), and the graphics are simple enough but employ enough of a unique style that you can run them on any machine, and they'll still look good maxed out. Valve, look into this, because DOTA 2 looks really boring in comparison.

Sound design is good, with every civ talking in their native tongue, and cute music clips playing victoriously after each mission (and each fits the style of the civ in question). I just wish they had more background mission music, as I'm so tired of hearing the same basic Egyptian melody. I guess you could just plug music in or something, but it's kind of annoying still.

It doesn't sport the highest polygon count, but the style really shines through. 

As it stands, for the extremely low asking price for a single civ, Age of Empires Online is really worth looking into if you have any love of either the series, MMOs, or just RTS games in general. It tries something new with it's blend of RTS and RPG MMO elements, and generally everything pulls through flawlessly. Though I'd personally check out the demo and playing a few missions with all civilizations, and then just pick one to buy. Seriously, now I feel obligated to get all these stupid civilizations to max level, and that's gonna take me the rest of my life. Not to mention they'll probably release more in the meantime, which'll just add to my addiction. 

While it had glaring faults on release, there is no denying Microsoft took this series in the right direction by both putting it on Steam and letting them drop the price. Aside from a few control issues and frustrations (and if the server disconnects you mid mission you have to start over from scratch...bullcrap) Age of Empires Online is extremely solid, and proves to be a superb follow-up to a series that was beginning to stale a bit. As much as I opposed the idea at first, I can't help but think this was probably the best they could have done with this franchise. Highly recommended.

Four out of five stars. 

Ah, how times have changed. 

DOTA 2 Beta

Note: This is a preview/review of a game currently in Beta. Currently it has around half the heroes from the original DotA game, but is fully playable with all items and multiple game modes. Just keep in mind this "preview review" was done before the final release date and before any pricing models were announced.


The Short


Pros
- Same addicting, perfectly balanced game of skill that was DotA
- All the heroes brought over have completely retained their original spells, stats, and skills
- Has a persistant leveling system for your Gamertag (which is not yet implemented) as well as detailed replay saves and stat tracking
- Matchmaking is fast, easy, and allows you to choose between regions and game modes
- Ability to reconnect to a game if you disconnect is a godsend
- Tracking people who intentionally disconnect is also helpful
- Shops have improved menus, do better letting you buy items on the field, and offer recommended purchases for new players
- Lots of little UI choices have vastly streamlined the game. It feels like it was made by fans of the original DotA
- New character models are unique from the Warcraft III models while still looking enough like the originals that the heroes are recognizable
- Has new keybindings for spells, but you can also turn on legacy keybindings, which is a great touch
- Playing with friends and parties is easy, painless, and quick
- Has many modes where you can play against bots as well as learn more about the heroes

Cons
- Some heroes are not distinct enough to tell apart on quick glance (ex: Razor and Lich)
- Learning curve is still out of this world for newcomers, and the fact that most people in the beta are DotA vets means you'll probably die a lot and get cussed out if you are still learning
- Graphics look decent on the Source engine, but it lacks the artistic punch of competitors like League of Legends
- Has some game-loading bugs as well as some bizzare matchmaking bugs, but it is a beta
- Needs the full roster of heroes to be truly balanced; currently it seems like they are picking them at random
- Seriously, where is Chaos Knight? That's like my favorite hero!
- At its core, this is still exactly DotA but with matchmaking and slightly better UI, for better or for worse
- Why does Lion look like a mentally deranged clown?

From a Warcraft III map to a retail product. 

The Long

Aside from the previous disclaimer that this is a "review" of a game still in beta, I'd also like to point out that the main focus of this piece is to point out the major changes between DOTA 2 and the original DotA Allstars, as well as comparisons between it and Heroes of Newearth and League of Legends. As such, this might just be for those who are fans of this style of game already, but I'll try to keep it interesting even if you know nothing about MOBA style of games or the intricacies of the genre. 

I covered the general gist of DotA in my Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne review, but here's a brief recap. There are three lanes leading between two bases, with towers interspersed along the way. Every few seconds a squad of basic unites, called "creeps," spawn in each base and go barreling towards the other base with only killin' on the mind. This spawn continues forever, with the goal to break through the towers defending the lanes, push to the enemy base, and destroy their "Ancient." 

You (and nine others, in teams of 5 v 5) each get one unique hero, focusing either on Int (magic), Strength (HP), or Agility (Attack Speed). You level up and gain experience by fighting and killing creeps, earning XP if an enemy creep just dies in the vicinity, while getting money by providing the final hit. You buy items, level up and learn new moves, and hunt other heroes (and get hunted) in an attempt to have the baddest hero of them all. Heroes range from supporters, stunners, gankers, tanks, and more. It's a wide variety and, with the original DotA Allstars having over 90 heroes, ensures no two games are alike.

Huntin' in the south woods. 

Blizzard never really fully recognized the popularity of DotA Allstars, despite the fans clamoring for a tournament scene. Seeing that there was an opportunity to jump on, Valve hired the current DotA designer (as there have been tons over the years; the mantle passes often) to help re-create DotA as its own dedicated game. With other games like Heroes of Newearth and League of Legends already getting mad popularity, it seemed like a great idea to take the already established original and throw its hat in the ring.

So, to someone who has been playing DotA since its inception as an Aeon style of game, and who spent probably more time during his college career playing DotA Allstars with friends rather than actually studying, how does it hold up? Very well, with a few small issues.

Battles in DOTA 2 get really crazy, really quickly

Its worth saying that at its core this game is literally exactly the same as DotA Allstars. Everything from attack speed, projectile speed, spells, heroes, items...everything is the same. It fits the whole "if it ain't broke..." mentality, and to be honest I'm fine with that. Best Valve start with a base that is already solid and then work on patch and balance issues from there (though DotA Allstars has been updated several times since DOTA 2 was put into beta, with rather significant changes that Valve has yet to implement).

So the differences. First off is the matchmaking system, which is massively improved. You can pick your gametype (currently limited to all pick or single draft, but I'm certain the rest of the modes will be implemented shortly), region, and easily form up with parties. Matchmaking is relatively quick, with the longest being from 5-7 minutes when we were in a party of four (it's hard to find four open slots on a single team). Loading times are relatively fast, though it does have some weird bugs that can boot you from the game during the loading screen (I'll assume this is a beta issue). 

A big boon is the fact that if you disconnect you have five minutes, penalty free to rejoin the game. This means if your internet hiccups or you accidentally hit the close button (or Windows Update decides now would be a great time to do those software updates, vs any other time in the history of the world) you still can reload and rejoin the game without ruining it. This is a much needed feature, especially since if you are already in a game you can't join another one if you "rage quit," cutting back on people who started losing and then abandoned the game (a big problem in original DotA Allstars). 

Everything you loved from DotA Allstars is here, but focused on creating an excellent experience

In-game, many UI improvements have tweaked the original Warcraft III UI to better fit DOTA 2. My favorites include having metered life bars over people's heads so you can quickly gauge which heroes have the most maximum health and which don't (making for good gank focuses); the bigger ability buttons in the center of the screen; a constant ticker on top that shows K/D ratio, your own K/D ratio, and creep kills/denies; easy menu access to overall scores and hero levels; a regen meter that shows exactly how much health and mana you regen a second; and hotkeys for building fortifications, the shop, the courier, and an your scrolls of town portal.

The shop is also much improved, though I still have a few issues with it. The biggest perk is that clicking on any item or recipe will both show what it is made of (in the case of recipes) and everything it can be made into (in the case of items or recipes). If you then click on any of these items you can get them in more detail, or just straight up buy them from the shop (buying full bracers without having to buy parts is a huge boon, let me tell you). The shop is also sortable with names or just icons (protip: go for just icons, it puts everything on just one page) and you can search quickly by name if you can't find what you are looking for. The shop is also accessible and shoppable at any time by simply clicking at your gold button, which is way easier than having to go back to the base and finding a specific shop every time you want to buy something. 

Couriers have also been improved. They are always for the whole team rather than having to share control, and actually respawn on death. They have hotkeys (similar to DotA Allstars) where they'll pick up your items or deliver them automatically, making buying stuff while on the field completely painless. Overall, the in-game controls are vastly improved, and if you are already decent at DotA these improvements will go a long way to making your experience funner. 

Antimage is still a totally broken carry, though. 

Let's talk about some graphical changes now. Obviously, the biggest change is the new look of the heroes, and of the several dozen they've ported over they've done a good job making it so they look like the originals while not completely ripping off Warcraft III. There are a few that are still questionable (the Morphling and Enchantress look exactly like their Warcraft III counterparts) and only a couple have had any really dramatic changes (new Sand King looks less like a king of the scorpions like he did before and more like a flimsy little bug), but they all fit the new theme Valve was going for and mesh together. Considering they were all totally random units from Warcraft III turned into heroes for this game, it's commendable that Valve managed to infuse their own style into it while still keeping their look consistant and looking familiar enough to the original sprites that hardcore fans will be able to recognize heroes on sight.

In-game notifications and status effects are also similar, with the changes close enough to easily recognize. Stuns still look the same, and Silence's new indicator is very obvious and not overwhelming. My favorite is anything that does damage over time: you see the actual numbers from just poison attacks (or spells like the Witch Doctor's Maladect) rather than just guessing at the damage it was doing before. My only one I don't like is if you have a shield it says "-10" with an armor sign every time you are hit. Since you aren't saying the total damage, the "-10" is kind of redundant and just serves to confuse and provide sensory overload. All healing also says the numbers, etc. which is a huge improvement over the original. Yes, it's little things like this I'm excited about. Shut up. 

Spells actually probably have a more dramatic shift than heroes, if I think about it. The spells in DotA Allstars were limited to whatever tools were available in Warcraft III, making some spells look really strange. The new ones strike a unique look and aesthetic, using the freedom of being able to do, well, anything with the new engine and they all look pretty good. My only complaint is that several are underwhelming. Enigma's Black Hole and Dark Pulse look frail in comparison to the originals, and there are a handful of other spells (Sand King's impale) also just look less powerful than their originals. While there's certainly still a lot of flash, it feels like some of the hits aren't as hard, which is too bad. It also could be difficult for old players to adapt to the totally new spells, which is a problem since knowing what is being cast at you is a crucial part of DotA. But after enough time you'll figure it out, so it might be a moot point. 

The new Nightstalker is way cooler than the old one, and even transforms at night. 

Graphics are a really mixed bag. All the heroes have a good design, spells are decent and everything generally just works. It's on the source engine, so it can pretty much be run on any crappy computer, and mine can crank it out at full power without so much as a hiccup. So on that front, it's great.

The issue is they all look sort of bland. Even on max resolution with highest graphics, everything was a bit blurry, like the polygon count just wasn't reaching it. The art design of the heroes is nice, but the design of the map is incredibly boring. Warcraft III was very bright and colorful, this one looks like the whole thing is covered in blurry fog. Grass is generally uniform and boring, as is dirt and other terrain. Water is the best looking of the bunch, even it doesn't really do anything exciting. If you are going to totally remake DOTA from scratch, make it look good. And while having a pretty backdrop isn't really necessary, considering how absolutely beautiful the indie-developed League of Legends (DOTA 2's direct competitor) looks, you'd think they'd put more effort or at least another map or something. 

League of Legends is a gorgeous game. DOTA 2? Not as much. 

Other minor complaints crop up. While the shop items can be changed so they are easier to navigate (and all the improvements are very welcome), the icons for the items have mostly been dramatically changed, making it really hard for a vet to know exactly where the item they want is. Nothing is more frustrating than knowing you want a Helm of the Dominator and not knowing which freaking category it's filed under. Yeah, you can just search for it (or click any part of the recipe and find it), but they could have at least tried to make it look more like the originals. The heroes are pretty much blatant ripoffs; why not do the same with the items?

Speaking of the heroes, this goes back to a graphics problem: some heroes look too similar. My biggest issue is between Razor and Lich, who in DotA Allstars had very different looking sprites, but in DOTA 2 where everything is under that stupid muted color pallet for some reason, it can be hard to tell them apart. The same goes for a couple other heroes, and while I understand it can be hard to make 90 guys look completely unique, DotA Allstars did it, no problem, with more limitations on the sprites they could use.

The effects can also completely overwhelm. Freezing something gives it a cold sheen, but the Venomancer's ultimate (Poison Nova) has a very similar effect as well, so it can be hard to tell them apart. You can have so many status effects and numbers all over your heroes and popping up that large ganks can be impossible to navigate. This isn't really a fair complaint I guess, since DotA and every MOBA game I've ever played had a similar problem when the chaos gets high, but this one seems weirdly worse than DotA Allstars in terms of sensory overload. 

Seriously, look how similar these sprites are. On a tiny field, they are hard to tell apart. 

Another complaint that probably isn't relevant is the lack of heroes. Yeah, it's still in beta, I get it. But there really seems to not be as many as there should be at this stage in the game. Also their choice of heroes they port over is really bizarre. We got stupid Ancient Apparation and not Phantom Lancer? And it took forever for Riki and Bounty Hunter to show up? Stop playing the game, Valve, and get on porting the rest of the heroes over! The game needs it!

They really look like their Warcraft III counterparts. Which is a good thing. 

My final stupid complaint is the voices. They obviously re-recorded all the voices since the originals were Warcraft III sprites, but the new ones are just...awful. First off, they seem afraid to give anything just a feral growl or otherworldly howl. That made a lot of the crazier heroes seem much more boring by saying stupid things in low voices rather than just killing (Atropos being the biggest offender. He really shouldn't have talked.). Then you have the issue that everything they say is awful. Yeah, Warcraft III wasn't exactly well written (and if you clicked the hero enough you got crazy puns), but everything these people say is a pun. After hearing the Venomancer say "By vim and venom" every time I had him move I wanted to punch the screen, and that's just the start of it. Clockwork's constant gear, clock, or robot puns are grating, and generally everybody has some horrible, horrible pun they spew out based on their character.

Look, Valve. In Warcraft III they said something stupid maybe 10% of the time, and rarely during simple actions like moving, attacking, or casting spells. Your heros say stupid stuff constantly. I know it's too late to re-record or whatever, but from now on...could you please please please cut back on the puns? We aren't kids; this is really stupid and lame at this point, trust me.

They are also way chattier in this version, which when paired with the bad script only exacerbates the frustration. They say something when they die, they say something when they revive, they say something when they kill a hero (sometimes a unique voice track based on which hero they killed, which is a nice touch), they say something when they buy an item, they say something when they kill a creep, they say something when they cast a spell, they say something when a spell is cast on them...the list goes on. It gets really grating really fast, to say the least. Probably the biggest annoyance out of all the new changes. 

Easy accessible stats are appreciated. 

As it stands, DOTA 2 is a worthy follow-up to the already excellent DotA Allstars from Warcraft III. It's certainly come a long way, and after playing a few rounds on DOTA 2 it's hard to go back to DotA Allstars. That being said, I still feels like it has a ways to go before it'll match the already massive hero roster and popularity of League of Legends. But hey, DOTA 2 has denying and League of Legends doesn't, and everybody knows denying is pro-strat, so suck it League of Legends. 

That was a joke, by the way.

Despite its uninspired art style and annoying hero voices, the core game of DOTA 2 is just as incredible and addicting as it always has been. It's still very noob unfriendly, meaning you should expect a few hours of bad games before you finally find a hero you are good at and start really enjoying the game. But for the core fans, this could be the best MOBA yet. And considering no pricing has yet betten announced (I think all the heroes will be free, which would put it a step above League of Legends in that way at least) I can't really give it a total analysis. 

Still, if you liked DotA at all, you should get into DOTA 2. There's a reason it's the most popular MOBA, even after other standalone products have come into fruition. Because it's the best. It's deep, quick, addicting, and has loads of options. So if you can get a beta key, get in on that. 

Let's make this great, Valve. And actually release it sometime within the next year, please. Like 90% of the work was already done for you.

I feel stupid giving it a star rating, but why not...Five out of Five Stars.

Oh, how far we've come. 

Week in Review for 4/8/2012 - Valve Time

It was a Valve-tacular week, though I did miss a few ones (the Dota 2 Beta preview/review is halfway done but won't get finished tonight). It's been another busy week for me, so I didn't churn out the usual high number, but hey...I still covered the most important ones.

Next week isn't planned to have a theme. I'm already going to be super busy, but I have a few lined up that I really want to review (Age of Empires Online in particular) so expect that to pop up. I'm also hoping to review more retro games, so here's hoping that pulls through too.

Here's this week's batch!

Portal - 5 / 5 Stars
Portal 2 - 5 / 5 Stars
Left 4 Dead - 4 / 5 Stars
Left 4 Dead 2 - 4 / 5 Stars
Half-Life 2 - 3 / 5 Stars
Half-Life 2 Episode 1 - 3 / 5 Stars
Half-Life 2 Episode 2 - 4 / 5 Stars

See you next week!

Half-Life 2 Episode 2

The Short


Pros
- Easily the best story currently presented in the Half-Life 2 universe
- Tighter shooting, better enemies, and a much improved sense of pace throughout
- Setpieces are epic, battles are insane, and the scope has been substantially increased
- Ending is genuinely heartbreaking and excellently paced and written
- Provides insight into the characters previously untapped or even considered
- Best looking rendition of the Half-Life 2 engine

Cons
- Still has a vehicle section
- Final battle can feel a bit unfair until you get a hang of it
- Gordon Freemon still doesn't talk, which dampens the emotion somewhat
- Shooty bits are still technically exactly the same as Half-Life 2
- The massive cliffhanger ending is still unresolved

This is Half-Life at its best. 

The Long

After Half-Life 2 and it's subsequent episode, I was anxious to see where Episode 2 would take us but not exactly frothing at the mouth for it. The ending of Episode 1 was a cliffhanger, but I had never really felt extremely invested into the story presented, if only because I had felt like I'd just been scratching the surface. The voiceovers and characters were great to pass the time, but for a while it really felt like the Uncharted games: great popcorn, fun to listen to while you are playing it, but with no real depth to speak of.

Luckily, Episode 2 showed up for Half-Life 2, and proved that Valve actually has stuff planned for this world. Not just planned, but willing to finally let us dip our toes into the true depth of this world, and start to understand on a deeper level the characters we've been spending time with and the story we've been skimming the surface of.

What is the connection with the Half-Life universe and Aperture Science from Portal? 

As stated, the story picks up right after Episode 1. You are again alone with Alyx trying to get somewhere, but this time it's all new territory, and a lot of it is spent between small towns rather than in a big city or an alien skyscraper. It's an excellent change of pace, and one that is riddled with twists, tricks, and bits of story.

Episode 2 works better than its predecessors because it actually has a story that is paced well and has depth to it. Half-Life 2 felt like a giant introduction to the world, padded on every side by shooting and physics puzzles and awful vehicles. Episode 1 fixed this a bit by teaming you up with Alyx, but for all her charm she never really conveyed anything significant or really evolved as a character. In Episode 2, however, I felt like I knew the characters better and learned more about them than the previous two games combined. There is just so much here, with plot twists actually happening in the middle and leading to further exposition, massive changes to the universe and (FINALLY) the possibility for a resolution to the ongoing conflict. That was another big problem with the previous two games: you were thrown into a world overcome by aliens, but nobody really had any long-term plans to free humanity. It was annoying; I felt like the mute little errand boy doing minute and inconsequential gestures that were great short-term, but in the end the Combine were still there and still ruled 99% of humanity. At last, in Episode 2, we get the feeling the end is in sight.

Time for a rave. 

I also have to mention the ending, which many people have said is one of their most emotional moments in gaming. I will say that, after all that has happend in the previous games, what goes down at the end of Episode 2 certainly had more impact than, say, Aeris' death in the middle of Final Fantasy VII. My main issue with this ending, however, is the fact that it is still unresolved. Valve hasn't even given us a hint of when Episode 3 (or just straight up Half-Life 3) will be coming out, the whole thing becoming a sort of joke where Valve will openly troll its fans at this point (like putting a game listing for Episode 3 on Steam on April Fools Day). Which is actually kind of a huge douchebag move, because the reason people want it so bad is because Episode 2 finally got us connected and emotionally attached with the character, ended with an insane twist, promised us an upcoming resolution at last, and then...nothing. This is really just being downright cruel now, Valve. Especially considering how many games have come out since this one with still no hint as to the future of the Half-Life series.

Though I have to admit, I probably have a deeper emotional attachment to this shotgun than any character in particular.  This shotgun...is my friend. 

So aside from the excellent pacing, a deeper commitment to story, and whole new setpieces...what else is here? Well, Episode 2's shooting is still the same, though for some reason it feels oddly better. Not a lot, just a little. Aiming seems tighter, guns feel like they pack more punch, and the enemies (with improved AI, thank goodness) react more realistically to getting the crap blown out of them. While it isn't going to totally reconvert you to the shooting if you are sick and tired of it, the improvements are appreciated.

What isn't appreciated, however, is the return of vehicles. 

Dammit, Valve. Everything was going so well. 

Ok, I will admit the car in Episode 2 is waaaaaay better than any vehicle in Half-Life 2. I'll give it that much. It drives smoother, doesn't control like absolute garbage mixed with crazy physics everywhere, and can get some serious speed. However, it still feels really cumbersome and drags the otherwise well-knit game down. While in the car your radar can go off to find ammo caches, which basically means one is close and you can waste a ton of time digging for it if you really want more pistol rounds or something (protip: probably not worth it). Getting stuck on stuff is still a pain, and it also has a good dose of "Oh no, this thing is blocking the road! Now we have to get out and shoot stuff before we can drive some more!"

The pain is slightly fixed by hanging out with Alyx the whole time, but seriously...vehicles suck. The fact that the final confrontation completely relies on vehicles to operate was just...a mistake. It takes a really epic battle and gives it a flat tire. I get you are trying to do something unique here (and the spectacle on display is excellent) but just...this series doesn't need vehicles. Ever again. Just...cut them out, everything will be fine. I promise. 

This guy is also pretty funny. 

Graphically this game is the best looking out of the three. Facial animations are excellent (as usual), lighting is superb, and the new areas you visit look great. It has a rustic, foresty look about it that is new to the series and fits, with a lot of natural beauty intermixed with crazy new aliens and nasty violence (and an awful car, sigh). I personally found this the most visually appealing chunk of the Half-Life 2 story, so props for that.

Sound design is also excellent throughout, especially during the particularly emotional scenes. Voice actors really bring it home, though again...Gordon still is mute. Which makes it weird when people ask him a question, pause, and then respond as if he answered. Just have him answer. Seriously. 

I think I need a bigger gun...

Episode 2 is an excellent piece of entertainment. Aside from a few flaws (and the fact that, at its core, this is still Half-Life 2) it takes the already good game Valve made in 2005 and jacks it up to what could very well be near its full potential. If this is the progression the series is going, than Episode 3 or Half-Life 3 is going to be astounding. Just with no cars. And have Gordon talk. Then it'll really work out great for ya there.

Niggling flaws aside, you should really give this game a go. It's a pity you have to slog through Half-Life 2 and Episode 1 to fully get the impact of the story, but it all is worth it in the end.

Four out of five stars.

See you, space gnome. 

Half-Life 2 Episode 1

The Short


Pros
- Takes the excellent Half-Life 2 experience and condenses it into 2-3 well-paced hours
- Has a high amount of story given the length, and all of it is good and interesting
- Lets you play with the super-charged Gravity Gun from the end of Half-Life 2. This is awesome.
- Alyx is an excellent companion and her script shines
- Lots of small, subtle changes polish the experience

Cons
- For all my whining about a shorter Half-Life 2, this one still feels a bit short
- At it's core, this is the exact same experience you got in Half-Life 2, just shorter
- Infinitely spawning enemies are never a good idea, ever, no matter what the game
- Ends on a rather large cliffhanger. Thank goodness Episode 2 is out

Tell me about it. 

The Long

After Half-Life 2 took Valve like a billion years to make (relatively speaking), they decided it would be best to keep their fans happy if instead of just releasing a Half-Life 3 they instead broke it up into smaller chunks so they could release them on a more regular basis. This is ironic, now, considering fans have been clamoring for Episode 3 for nearly six years now and the game still isn't out. Way to stick to the plan. Valve. 

Anyway, Half-Life 2 Episode 1 (heretoafter referred to as just Episode 1) was the first of these mini-stories, small chunks of Half-Life 2 condensed to give you the full Half-Life 2 experience in just a couple of hours. If you remember my review of Half-Life 2, one of my biggest issues with the game was that it felt extremely padded, so Episode 1 should be exactly what I'm looking for, right?

Well...yeah, actually. I really like it a lot. 

This should all look pretty familiar by this point. 

Episode 1 takes place literally seconds after Half-Life 2 ends. The Citadel is going haywire, you managed to repel the alien invaders (for now) and Alyx is...hanging out with you, I guess. Anyway, Gordon and Alyx get the heck outta Dodge only to find out that if they let the Citadel blow up ALL the way, it'll like...nuke everybody. But if they get it so it only blows up SOME of the way, then they'll be good. So it's back into the Citadel to prevent nuclear meltdown, and once you have that fixed it's time to get out of the City and meet with other resistance members...or something.

There is a lot more story here, and that is a good thing. Since you spend nearly 90% of the game with Alyx, she'll talk a-plenty and keep the story moving. Writing is solid, as would be expected from a Valve game, and having a companion with you keeps the long drags through samey corridors from getting dull.

It still irritates me, though, that Gordon doesn't talk. Because then the whole "bonding" experience with Alyx seems like she's talking to a brick wall. I get you are supposed to be emoting in Gordon Freeman's place, but seriously...he is a character in this story, has a history, and should be given a voice. It makes the otherwise excellent script come off as really weird, and it hurts the narrative for it. 

Ceiling Cat? Is that yo- OH HELL NO. 

The rest of the game feels like a "Best Of" mix tap from Half-Life 2. I get to do all my favorite parts from that game, without all the garbage. Right off the bat you are given the super-charged Gravity Gun from the end of Half-Life 2 (essentially "God Mode," but much more entertaining) and get to mess the crap up out of some Combine. After that you lose it (obviously) and its right back to shooting Antlions, Headcrab Zombies, new Headcrab Combine, and original flavor Combine. There are no vehicle segments minus one part where you get tossed while inside a...nah, I won't spoil it. But hey, no driving plus better Gravity Gun plus hanging out with Alyx and the rest of the Half-Life 2 peeps equals happy Nathan.

If only that thing that controlled antlions hadn't conveniently disappeared between games. 

If there is any real fault I can level against Episode 1 it is this: it doesn't do anything new. There are a few minor tweaks to the engine and one or two new enemies, but at its core Episode 1 is really just more Half-Life 2. Coming out several years after made this ok, and condensing the experience down made it a quick, fresh reminder of how much I enjoyed certain parts of Half-Life 2, but playing it now, where you can play Half-Life and both its episodes back to back, it feels like filler between the real adventure in Episode 2. It certainly isn't bad, it's just uninspired. Pretty much exactly like a "Best Of" Album release: if you haven't heard the songs in a while its a great way to reminisce, but if you just listened to all their CDs in a row it really feels redundant. 

It's the same engine as Half-Life 2 (and every other Valve game ever made since) and as such it looks fantastic. The lack of new enemies or locations is a bummer, but Half-Life 2 was still a fun looking game, and on high end PCs you can make it look especially magical. Voice acting is great for Alyx and co., and the sound effects are top notch as always. 

It's like she knows me. Screw you, poison headcrab. 

As it stands, if you liked Half-Life 2 you'll love Episode 1. If you though Half-Life 2 was dull and long, it might bet worth giving Episode 1 a try anyway. The streamlined approach helps it more than hurts it, and even though it feels a bit short on story it's still a solid 2-3 hour experience.

Since you can get it for super cheap now (or just pick up The Orange Box which has all the Valve greats in one convenient location) you might as well if you plan on playing through all the games. It's a decent transition to the (superior) Episode 2, and feels a bit better than Half-Life 2 to boot. 

Still, it doesn't do enough to differentiate itself, so it still get the same score as its predecessor. 

Three out of Five Stars. 

SMASH KICK!