Heavy Rain

The Short


Pros
- Offers a unique and new attempt to evolve the adventure game genre
- Claims to be a game focusing on its story, which in theory I'm all for
- Quick time event based scenes, while sounding bad on paper, actually work pretty well
- Decisions/mistakes you make a permanent, and shape the story accordingly
- Several of the setpieces are thrilling and look great

Cons
- Story is unbelievably awful, filled with plot holes, bad writing, inconsistent characters, and just shoddy work overall
- Blatantly misogynistic
- Final "twist" makes no sense, betrays the player, and is poorly foreshadowed and executed
- The motion captured actors are stiff and unnatural, and hit the uncanny valley head on in levels of horrifying
- Voice acting is atrocious across both main and side characters
- Characters walk like tanks, ramming into poles and looking like idiots because you can't control them properly
- Creator David Cage is probably the single most pretentious douchebag in the industry
- Somehow convinced people this was moving interactive storytelling ahead, which makes me think this medium will never actually get any better

Get ready for some "interactive drama."

The Long

I can get behind what Heavy Rain says it wants to do. Quantic Dream has always been one to try new things, first with Fahrenheit (Indigo Prophecy) and now Heavy Rain. It was one of the first games shown for the PS3, back when they made full CG trailers and said they were actually in-engine. Touted as "interactive storytelling," Heavy Rain promised a deep and complex crime drama that would tug at our heartstrings and prove, once and for all, that games can have good stories, dammit! This was further brought to the point when its pretentious creator, David Cage, went on and on about how it was the best and most important game ever made before the game even came out. Man, I can't wait! This is gonna change the whole world! I'll finally get an engaging, well-written story out of a video game (never mind the fact I got that from Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time several years before)! It's like...everything I ever hoped for!

Then it came out. And I played it. 

Pictured: Interactive drama, or just David Cage getting off on his own characters. 

Heavy Rain is one of the worst written stories I've encountered across any medium, not just video games. It's poorly paced, filled with enough plot holes to make it swiss cheese, has unrealistic and inconsistent characters, introduces questions and doesn't answer them, is packed with more red herrings than a breeding pool filled with the things, and has probably the worst written twist ever. Seriously, it makes M. Night Shyamalan look like a literary genius. I couldn't believe my eyes (or my ears...those voice actors, urgh) as I barreled through this trainwreck, shaking my head and actually getting upset. "This is what people think will push the industry forward?" I raged at my television, disgusted and horrified. "This is what people are giving perfect scores to, saying it's the best story in video games? Are you kidding me?"

Needless to say, I was not pleased.

But since deconstructing this horrendous mess of a story will both be long, arduous, and filled with spoilers, let me focus first on the gameplay. Because in that regard, there's actually a lot here that is clever and original. 

Hold R1, L1, R2, L2, and mash X to not die. It's harder than it looks!

The game is sort of a simplified adventure game that focuses heavily on onscreen button prompts. Like the quick time events in Ninja Blade, except somehow there are more of them. When looking at previews of this game, I was convinced this was going to be the worst aspect of the game, so imagine my surprise when they actually worked (most of the time). Holding lots of buttons down while having to mash another to get through a tight situation is stressful, and combined with crazy stuff going down on screen (and the controller vibrating to attempt to thwart you) is legitimately difficult. There are also several scenes where I had to do things I didn't want to because plot demanded it, and the horrifying and morbid actions that I was forcing on screen made it hard to go through with it. Yes, the whole game is essentially walking places and doing a bunch of quick time events (items rarely play into this "adventure game," it's mostly just knowing what to say to particular people), but it works well to combine a "game" aspect when the highlight is clearly the story.

I'd love to see this system implemented well in another, better told story. Telltale tried it with Jurassic Park and pretty much failed hard, but I could see this working great for other movie or TV licences where the source material is very story-centric. Or if somebody would just actually write a good story in the games industry (not holding my breath here), they could use this system to help actually push the medium forward. There's a thought! 

So it's a good idea. Too bad the story it relies so heavily upon is complete and utter garbage. 

Pictured: Interactive Orange-Juice Drinking Drama

NOTE: MASSIVE SPOILERS INCOMING, BUT THE GAME IS SO AWFUL YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T CARE.

So the story of Heavy Rain is one of mystery. The Origami killer (or "Ora-gaa-me" or "O-ree-gar-me," depending on which horrible voice actor is trying to pronounce it) is out killin' kids, usually drowning them somehow and leaving a little Origami Crane on their bodies. The horror! 

You play four different characters, each with a part and perspective in this INTERACTIVE DRAMA. You have Ethan Mars, the "protagonist" I guess whose kid is taken and he has to get him back. You have Madison Paige, the only female and a reporter covering the story or...something. I never really figured out why she got so involved. Norman Jayden, a cop with magic future sunglasses that is trying to find the killer, and lastly Scott Shelby, a big fat PI hired but somebody we don't ever know or see to try and find out about this killer. So you have a diverse cast of characters, all of which are shallow, unbelievable, badly voiced and inconstant. But hey, let's run down 'em really quick. There are so many plot holes I can't possibly hope to cover all of them here, but I'll just hit my "favorites."

Pictured: Interactive beard growing interrogation drama

So Ethan is the father of Jason, whom Ethan can't keep an eye on at all even though his kid is right next to him 90% of the time. Jason runs off because he's a complete idiot (keep in mind this is the second time. You think he'd have bought a leash) and runs out in front of a car and dies, even though in the scene we clearly see Ethan grabbing Jason and turning him away from the car, while Ethan somehow comes out unscathed. Ok?

Since every woman in this game is either a whore or a total bitch, Ethan's wife divorces him for being the Worst Father Ever 2010 and he has to live in a crappy shack with his less-loved son, Shawn. That is, until Shawn is kidnapped because Ethan looks away from his child again on a playground long enough for the Oh-rah-gaaa-mee killer to grab him. Maybe Ethan is actually mentally handicapped? For being so bent out of shape because he let Jason die, he sure didn't seem to learn anything.

Anyway, Ethan starts randomly waking up from random blackouts with an origami crane in his hand, DUN DUN DUN! Except, wait, this is never explained. At all. David Cage even admitted it's never explained, saying something idiotic like "that's how Hitchcock did it." No, that isn't how he did it you pretentious prick, you are just an awful writer. 

So Ethan gets contacted by the killer saying he has to do all these dangerous, life-threatening things to prove he loves his son. Which honestly makes sense: Ethan is the Worst Father Ever 2010, so I'm all for this killer making him actually try to not suck. This involves making him do stuff that would fit better in a Saw movie, like crawling through broken glass and an electric power plant, or cutting a finger off with a hacksaw (which is disgusting). Added bonus that he has to shoot a drug dealer who lives in a normal house and apparently has gone clean, and the police never bother trying to hunt him down for this crime and Ethan has no emotional response (other than having sex with Madison two seconds after, but we'll get to that later).

Ethan is bland, flat, has tons of plot holes in his story, is a horrible father, is an idiot, and is pretty much an unlikable protagonist. The only character sympathy we get is because we want his creepy uncanny-valley son to survive, but as it stands I hate Ethan and his arc is both tasteless and stupid. Next. 

Pictured: Interactive drama via cop abuse. 

Let's do Jayden, the FBI or cop or whatever he is next. Jayden is a moron. He's addicting to some sort of drug, and despite having magic, unrealistic cop glasses that do nothing but make the boring "CSI" elements of the game more user friendly, he's also a total moron. There's a lot I could go off of here (like the fact he seems to kill everybody he runs into), but let's do what I think is the worst scene in the game, the one pictured above.

So you have a douchebag partner who would have been kicked out and arrested after two seconds in the real force (this game makes all cops look like pigs and idiots. Way to be realistic and also totally not offensive, Heavy Rain!), and you suspect this one guy might be the Origami Killer. So you go to his apartment and he isn't home. Now, legally you can't go inside, though you could wait. Nope, you kick down the door, without a warrant or anything and proceed to ransack his entire apartment. Don't worry, it gets better.

So this guy really likes Jesus, which is fine, whatever, but that makes Jayden and his partner decide he's a loony freak and must be the killer despite having no evidence that this guy isn't anything other than a religious nut. Anyway, the best part is he comes back when you are in there and is like "What the hell, guys?" He is completely non-confrontational with regard to being violent (he just sort of freaks out because, I dunno, the cops busted into his house without a warrent?), which makes it all the more shocking when Jayden and his partner pull a gun on him. Keep in mind they just dug through his house and found no evidence that he is the Origami Killer, after breaking in without a warrant and not even probable cause. 

Then they shoot him. Dead. In his own house that they broke into. And there are no problems with this. Nobody gets in trouble. You continue with the case, business as usual.

I'd focus more on other things, but this scene was so completely stupid and absurd (not to mention painted cops in an horrible, unfair light) I can't remember anything else about his arc. I think this isn't the only time this happens, either (he kills a lot of people for stupid reasons), but this one particularly stood out as bad writing. 

Oh, his voice actor is awful too, so tally this one up.

Pictured: Interactive drama of the only main female character fighting rapists in her underwear in her first scene of the game

Then we have Madison. Madison, on dear. This might go long. 

Madison is the only girl in the game, and remember how Heavy Rain really pushed itself as "adult storytelling?" Well, they weren't lying: the first scene with our only female character has her stripping completely naked for a full-frontal nudity shower scene. This is after having a shower scene with Ethan where we saw little more than his butt, but for Madison the camera pans around her bare boobs and has her "shake down" with the towel in the most voyeuristic thing I've ever seen. "Adult drama," huh? But we still can't get over the "woman as objects" thing?

Well, since he likes to hang out in her apartment in just a tank-top and panties, of course rapists show up, and she fights them. So let's recap. The only girl character has been naked, poses over the window in her underwear, and now is about to get raped. Real positive statements, here. "Adult." 

She wins, obviously, and then shouts "That's what I call kicking butt! You go, girl!" to prove David Cage was not using this as some sort of low-rent porno for himself and clearly Madison is a liberated woman. By shouting awful, horrid dialogue. Great. 

Madison does next to nothing for the rest of the game, except always running into Ethan randomly after he gets messed up by doing his little Saw traps. Oh, and she has sex with him after he kills a man after only knowing him for maybe ten minutes of screentime. Yeah, progressive views of women, here. And yes, you see her boobs again, and get to virtually unhook her bra! I can see all the nerds getting hot and heavy over this, spouting out "Game of the Year!" while they huff their asthma medication.

That was an unfair portrayal of nerds, I apologize. But I think I got my point across. 

Madison also finds out the identity of the killer before anybody else (though it doesn't tell you, the player, until later) and as her eyes open wide in shock we realize she actually has never met this person, even though we (the player) has, which is just straight up bad writing. And this isn't the first time she's reacted as how Heavy Rain imagines the player would, when she's never met the person mentioned. Way to not understand how viewpoint, the most fundamental aspect of writing multiple characters, works. 

Oh, she also "Sexies herself up" when trying to get into a druglord's room by unzipping to expose her cleavage, tearing her skirt, and putting on makeup. There's a great preview of a french designer (I think David Cage) playing this section, and you can hear his mouthbreathing as he "unzips her" and is drooling over it. It's horrifying, though it perfectly expresses how much care was put into creating this balanced, realistic portrayal of a modern woman. 

I'd also like to point out that there are only three prominent women in this game: a whore that Shelby works with, Ethan's cold bitch wife, and Madison who stripping or sexing is her answer to every situation (with help from the sweaty-palmed player, of course). "Adult" drama my ass, this was written by a horny 13-year-old. 

Added bonus she really doesn't add much to the narrative. I killed her in a burning house and the ending didn't change much. She serves literally no point except maybe as an info dump from time to time. Oh, and stripping for a kinky druglord. And sexing Ethan. And taking showers. Gah, I'm starting to get angry now, time to move on. 

Pictured: Interactive fatass. 

WARNING: I WASN'T KIDDING ABOUT SPOILERS. I RUIN THE END OF HEAVY RAIN IN THIS SECTION.

So then we have Shelby, the PI. Now would be a good time for me to remind you we are in the character's heads when we are controlling them, hearing their thoughts and seeing them float around their heads when you make decisions. That's actually kind of clever, to be honest. Then they ruin it with Shelby.

So Shelby is trying to find the killer, hired by an unknown source. He's softspoken, kind, and generally a good guy. You know he's good because when he breaks into a person's house (which he does), rather than shoot them for no reason he takes care of their baby for them! That's not creepy at all! Yes, this actually happens in the game, and I'm not exaggerating; if anything I'm understating it!

But then you have the worst twist in any story ever: Shelby is the killer. 

Yes. The guy who has been searching for the killer, whose thoughts you've been hearing, and who has risked death multiple times in an attempt to find information about the killer, is actually the killer. Because you didn't see that coming! Holy cow, Heavy Rain, you blew my mind! I haven't read a book in my life and don't understand how foreshadowing is supposed to work, so I love your twist. Best game ever! Interactive drama! Adult story! Madison's boobs! Game of the Year!

I shouldn't have to point out this massive viewpoint error, but I will because apparently no professional game reviewers (including the ones I respect, like Brad from GiantBomb) know anything about how this works. When you are in a character's viewpoint, you are in their head, and they have to talk and think like the character would. If they think in contrivances that aren't realistic, that's bad veiwpoint. If they say or think something they wouldn't for the sake of the story, that's breaking viewpoint. And if they go for hours as a serial killer, spending time around people who are also looking for the serial killer, and never once think "gee, I wonder how my traps for Ethan are going?" your viewpoint is wrong. 

As a bonus, Shelby actually thinks the words "The killer must have..." when he is the killer. This is in his head, not spoken aloud. Why is he thinking of himself in the third person? Because Heavy Rain makes Twilight look like a literary masterpiece is why. I isn't a Red Herring if it's just wrong. This is not how writing works, David Cage. You freaking suck at writing.

I actually thought Shelby was ok (minus his random housebreaking and the fact he seems immune to death even though I tried everything to kill him) until that twist, probably the only character that was at least a little realistic. But yeah, this "twist" makes no sense. How did he set up all those traps when he was clearly "searching for the killer?" He's a big guy; how did he fit in the tight spaces to put glass where Ethan crawls? How did he pull any of this off? Not to mention there's a part where a guy is shot off camera by "the killer" but you are in Shelby's viewpoint; the camera just pans away for a second and you lose control. Then Shelby is like, totally shocked and doesn't know who killed this guy, when Shelby killed him and you are in his head right then and were in it before urrrrrr this story is an abomination. 

Pictured: Uncanny Valley Drama

I don't want to talk about this game anymore so I'll be brief. The graphics do look decent, but the animations are really stiff and janky (unlike games like Uncharted, which look good) and the uncanny valley creepyness factor is so incredibly high here it's almost unplayable. Getting close in freaks me out because people don't move the way people should, especially their mouths. It's all sorts of horrifying, and goes to show that just because you can do something graphically doesn't mean you should. 

Voice acting is horrible throughout, and when paired with this awful script and story just turns this into a mess. I'd be more lenient (since it is a video game, and they usually don't' have great stories), but this game's whole push was its pretentious story garbage. Which it fails utterly on. Completely fails.

Pictured: You know what? I'm done. I hate this game. 

I like the gameplay concepts here, and again I'm all for video games trying new things with their stories. But when people lift up Heavy Rain next to other mediums and are like "Look! We have great writing as well! We aren't just blood and boobs and violence!" I cringe and hang my head. Heavy Rain is a step back for us, if anything, a convoluted, poorly written mess of a game that shouldn't be held up proudly for anything it does. If anything, it shows how gullible video gamers are, as we'll buy into anything if we market it heavily enough and keep telling people it's supposed to be something great. Trust me: if this hadn't been pushed as the big PS3 exclusive and the "new step forward in interactive storytelling," we'd have given it bad scores and forgotten it existed. As it stands, people bought the hype, and now we have this to look forward to as the "gold standard."

Don't encourage this sort of behavior. Maybe someday someone will make a good game with the ideas presented here, but I doubt it. David Cage gets to keep making his pretentious garbage, games keep having awful stories, and we once again squander the resources our unique medium gives us.

Sigh.

One out of five stars. 

Soulless-eyes Ethan does not approve of this review.