I MAED A GAM3 W1TH Z0MBIES 1N IT!!!1

The Short


Pros
- Has zombies in it
- They come shambling out from the sides
- You'd better shoot them or you're gonna die
- It costs a dollar (and I hope you pay)
- 15 minute dual-stick shooter that reminds me of Smash TV
- Scales for up to four players
- Subtly lampoons other dual stick shooters (Asteroids, Geometry Wars, etc.)
- That song. 

Cons
- Ends.
- Leaderboards only save locally
- Joke gets old...ok, I'm kidding, it doesn't.
- Is only 15 minutes long
- Kind of ugly
- Laser gun is total garbage

As you can see, there are zombies in this game. 

The Long

It's hard to review I MAED A GAM3 W1TH Z0MBIES 1N IT!!!1 because it's kind of like explaining a joke to somebody who has never heard it. This game popped up on the indie store as the demented brainchild of James Silva, the same dude who made the excellent Dishwasher games. I got the trial simply because the title was so absurdly stupid (man I hate "Arfenspeak" or whatever the actual internet term for it is), determined to run through the six-minute demo allowed and then delete it.

I bought it after about two minutes. 

Seriously, how the crap do I explain why this game is so appealing?

It's really hard for me to not say anything without spoiling the experience. Let me just cover the basics: this is a dual-stick shooter. Of which there are about eighty quad-zillion on the Xbox Indie Games network (right next to awful text adventures with pictures of slutty anime girls). Powerups randomly spawn that give you some firepower to take out the zombies (and other enemies. Bonus!), and it ramps up the difficulty to near insane-levels by the end, especially with four players. The game scales the difficulty, you see, but none of my friends can seem to make it to the last several minutes of the game, so I get to do it by myself. Thanks, guys.

As far as dual-stick shooters go, it's hard but fair, with controls being tight (though your guy moves a little slow) and the perfect balance between annoying and fun (hey, like the Dishwasher games! Fancy that!). So as a game, it's totally competent, even if it's only 15 minutes long and then it everybody dies and the game ends. 

There's also a zombie rave going on in the background. 

So I've been putting it off but the real reason you'll buy this game is the song. Which I'm going to try to not spoil, but if you are afraid that I'll ruin a $1 indie game, just skip to the next picture.

The song is stupid. So very, very stupid. James is singing to you about the game. About how it has zombies, how you should buy it, and how the zombies will kill you if you don't shoot them. As the game progresses and the zombies (gasp!) go away, the music changes to fit what you are shooting. On an Asteroids-esque stage it's sort of a beepy, space song. On the shape-based stage, it sounds like something from Geometry Wars. It's surprisingly clever for what has to be a throwaway joke, but you'll be too busy trying to not die to really notice.

I make a big deal about incorporating story into gameplay elements in subtle ways, like Braid's ending or Nier's plot twist. To my incredible surprise, Z0MBIES actually does this, the song and story it relates flowing perfectly with the gameplay experience until it, the game, and the story are one complete whole. But if Nier just sort of tapped you on the shoulder and gave you a wink, Z0MBIES is blunt force trauma to the back of the skull. Again, it's the integration of all these things (the visuals, the rave, the song, and the weird gameplay) that make the joke work. So explaining it sucks. Just buy it, it's a dollar. 

I'm running out of screenshots, so I'd better end this. 

The point is, Z0MBIES is a dumb stupid, but I swear there's something deeper here. Like...it all just works together so well that it couldn't have been coincidence. Why else would this blow every other Xbox Indie Game out of the water in terms of sales and reviews? As one always fighting for our games to be tighter knit and better put together, it kind of hurts to admit how well this game does it. I mean, it's just a stupid dual stick shooter. But once I started hearing the song...I had to have it. And I had to show it to people. Who then bought it and showed it to other people. I don't know why.

This might be the best game ever made, or maybe it's the worst game ever made. I really have no idea. But I guess it's funny (and reviewing it made me listen to the song again on YouTube, and now I'll probably go home and play it again even though I have better games like Space Marine to kill my time) and I guess I bought it...and all my friends did too...so...um...I don't know.

Just...buy it. What kind of star rating will make you buy a game? Five out of five? Four out of five? What is "video games?" Oh man, I'm losing it. Just go get it. Or don't. But you should. Urrrrggghhhh....

I...what...who...sigh.